Where Loyalty Lies (36 page)

“Yes...” Saul paused, obviously thrown.

Keeping my new chilled attitude, I continued, “But you see that’s the problem. That book has helped me understand my past, present and told me what to expect in the future. However good your intentions, it was not your right to keep that from me.”

I saw Dale’s chin lift a little in pride as I used the same words he’d spoken earlier.

“That’s right too, yes?” I asked Saul.

He nodded.

“So you see, it’s not me that needs to have anything explained. In fact I think you need to understand something.” I kept my voice controlled but I took a step forward and didn’t let my eyes leave Saul’s. “Not a day has gone by that I haven’t wondered why my parents didn’t want me, or why Mary and I were almost killed. But now I know why – and I can’t even tell you how that feels –  to not only know that, for the last three months, the answers to those questions have been right under my nose but also that the three people I thought really understood me, actually didn’t at all.” I paused trying to work out a way to explain how I was feeling. “It hurts, really hurts, and right now I just can’t look at you without it making me feel ten times worse, so I’m asking you nicely to leave and not come back.”

Saul was silent.

I continued, “If I ever get my head round it and can stand to look at you again, then I’ll come and find you. Please pass that message onto Henry and Holt.”

Saul and I stared at each other. His betrayal seemed to hurt me so much more than Holt’s and Henry’s. Telling him to get out my life felt like the hardest thing I’d ever done.

It felt like we were standing there for an eternity and, when he turned to go, my mixed emotions played with me. Part of me wanted to grab him and beg him to say something that would make it all better, so I could forgive him. In the end, I just stood and gave a sigh of relief as the door clicked quietly shut behind him.

A hand on my shoulder made me jump and I turned to see Dale.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yes. Thanks for that. After everything you’ve done for me, I don’t even know how to tell you how grateful I am.” I gave him a hug, squeezing him tight, in the hope that it would convey some of my gratitude.

“That’s what friends are for,” Dale said. He dropped onto the sofa as I curled up in the armchair. “What are you going to do now?” he asked.

I considered my options. “I have no idea. I just don’t know how to feel about this. I keep thinking about all those people who died for no reason whatsoever, I keep trying to justify it. I mean, it’s happened in the human world too, just look at the holocaust, millions of innocent people died then. But what’s so bad here is that so many vampires still agree with that stupid law. The Sénat changed it but half-breeds are still being murdered and nobody seems to care.”

“It’s because vampires live for so long,” Dale said. “Humans are born, grow up and die all within a hundred years. So when a new generation is born, they’re more accepting of how the world is now. I mean, I don’t have any problems with people who are of a different race or sexuality to me, and sex before marriage and babies being born to unwed parents are everyday events to us, but a couple of hundred years ago they’d have been big issues. So, for vampires who can be hundreds of years old, I guess they’re still in that mind-set. I’ll admit that a lot of vamps do have modern attitudes towards most stuff but I guess when you have been alive for as long as they have, they just see the world differently to us.”

I nodded. Dale’s words were true but they bothered me. He’d classed me as human and, as much as I could see where he was coming from, I actually had no idea if I was or even how long I’d live. That was one of the main reasons that I was so tolerant of my medical exams, because I was hoping they would be able to determine whether I would live a normal human life, a life that could stretch on forever like a vampire or something in between the two. I didn’t voice my concern to Dale as it just seemed like adding another problem into and already confusing situation.

“Do you think I should stay here and continue with the tests?” I asked Dale. I was pretty sure I already knew what his answer would be, but he surprised me.

“Yes,” he answered. Seeing my expression, he explained. “Well you’ve already done three months, so you just have to make it through one more. At the end of it, you might get answers that’ll help you.”

“I don’t know what I want the answers to be anymore,” I confessed. “I used to want them to believe I was a vampire so I could try to fit in here, but there are so many things about them that seem wrong. I don’t think I want to belong to them anymore.”

“That makes sense,” Dale agreed. He gave me a considered look. “Do you remember what I said to you that day in the library?”

I thought back. “That I won’t ever be human or vampire?” I asked.

Dale nodded. “Yep, and I said that, maybe, you were destined to do great things.”

I made a face but, before I could think of a sarcastic comment, Dale spoke again.

“No, really, think about it. The relationship between vamps and humans is crap mostly because vamps see humans as sources of food, sex and work. Vamps are so full of it; they’d never listen to a human who said vamps should try to have a bit more respect. You’d think the newer vamps would have a better relationship with humans but, once they’re turned, they have to spend a year in an estate in America and in that time it’s like they’re brainwashed and most of them come out with complete disrespect for humans, despite the fact that they were human just twelve months ago.” Dale paused, seeming to realise he’d veered off the topic. “So that means,” he continued, “you’re the only person in a position to change that. If The Sénat do actually decide you’re a vamp, then you’ll be able to live here amongst them but, at the same time, keep your own views. You could set an example and change the system from the inside.”

Dale’s face lit up and I couldn’t help but smile at his excitement. I had to admit, his idea sounded good. What better way to change the way a society works than by being part of it? The thought that I could do something was soothing. But my moment of belief shattered and I came back to earth with a bump.

“It’s a great idea, there’s just the small problem that, even if it’s decided that I am a vampire, the majority of vampires here still wouldn’t want anything to do with me. You’re forgetting that I’m only a half-breed to them; they’re not going to listen to anything I have to say.”

Dale gave a casual shrug. “So, you win them round. They don’t think anything of half-breeds now because they don’t know any, you just need to charm them and play their games and get them all to love you and then you can put forward your ideas. I know it’s a long shot but you have to try.”

Long shot seemed like a very optimistic way of putting it but he was right, I had to try. I could be the only vampire with the desire to change things and the only human with the ability to do it. Holt had already said that, if I wanted The Sénat to accept me, I had to make it known exactly what I was capable of. Suddenly it was more important than ever that I be allowed to live at Rillith as a vampire.

The politics and game-playing that seemed to take up so much of the vampires’ way of life had never appealed to me, mostly because I didn’t have the patience for it, but now I’d grin and bear it. I’d charm and schmooze my way up the social ladder and, when I got to the top, I’d do my damn best to change things for the better. The thought was both daunting and satisfying. I’d never had a plan for my life before; now I’d set myself the biggest challenge ever. It felt good to finally have a purpose.

My resolve must have shown on my face because Dale gave me a nod of approval.

“Well, I’m on gate duty this afternoon so I’d better be off and leave you to your scheming.”

He stood and I gave him an even bigger hug than before.

“Thank you Dale, I owe you so much.”

“Nonsense,” he said. “I’m always here for you.” He gave me a wink and left.

I soon discovered that the first part of my plan was going to be simple.

The fact that, by now, I couldn’t set foot outside my rooms without being hit on meant I didn’t even have to try. I just had to smile and pretend to be interested in the conversation. I knew the reason I had so many men interested in me was because they wanted to get me into bed and get one over on Saul, but they weren’t stupid enough to think I’d jump into bed straight away. In the meantime, though, while they waited and hoped, they enjoyed flaunting me around Rillith.  Now everyone could see where my interests lied.

The hardest part for me was playing my role perfectly. I had to make sure I wasn’t seen as a fragile, ignorant human. It was a fine line to walk, making sure I was confident, not arrogant, but the bottom line was that I had to learn to get their respect. I made sure to make my opinions known but only on small things that wouldn’t get anybody’s backs up; it was a subtle way of letting them know that I wouldn’t be told what to think.

The hours I spent in their company were usually tedious and, not knowing what their special abilities were, meant I had to keep focused. It would do me a fat lot of good if I spent an entire conversation with someone, mentally thinking what an idiot they were, only to find out they could read my mind or sense my emotions.

I kept Dale updated. I think, if it weren’t for him, I’d have gone crazy. It seemed like all my time was split between having my tests in the day and socialising in the evening so, when I did find time to spend with Dale, it was always a welcome break.

Of course, Holt, Henry and Saul had also noticed my strange behaviour. Saul, in particular, looked confused and angry. But, as I’d requested, they tried to keep their distance. I’d occasionally find a letter from them, or I’d get a text on my mobile, but I made a point of never reading them. I kept telling myself that it was just because they had lied to me and I wasn’t ready to forgive them but the truth was that once I spoke to them I would have to ask if they had ever been one of the enforcers who had killed a half-breed and that was something I would never be able to forgive.

It was easy to see that Holt was concerned about the time I was spending with the tenants of Rillith. I suspected he thought I was trying to make new friends and that I’d soon find myself trapped in the web of games that vampires like to play.

As time went on, Saul became less easy to avoid. Frustration was tearing him apart. He regularly ambushed me when I was on my way back from my tests. I’d taken to wearing my iPod every time I left my room so that, if he showed up, I could just whack up the volume and ignore him.

Also, on days like today when I was in a public place, Saul would just happen to show up and find something to occupy himself that was close enough for him to spy on me.

I was sitting in the room where Henry had brought me to play pool, except today it was Saul and Thomas who were playing pool while I sat at the other end of the room with of my new acquaintances, Ian and Richard. Not one person in the room thought it was a coincidence that Saul had shown up here less than half an hour after me. In fact Ian seemed to revel in the fact that I wanted nothing to do with Saul.

I felt like a traitor, ignoring the people who’d been so good to me but it was just the way it had to be.

I drew my wandering attention away from Saul and back to Richard who was still rambling on about how he’d once been the most entrusted aide to King Henry the Eighth. The trick to these stories was never to react too much. Even if they were incredible or showed amazing insights into the past, I never allowed myself to show more than a faint interest. Richard misread the reason for my aloofness. He leant in and rested his hand on the small of my back.

“If you like, we could go and find somewhere else to continue our conversation.” His eyes flicked briefly to Saul.

Before I could answer, Saul was standing next to me. He gave Richard a look that would have made me flinch if I’d been on the receiving end of it. To his credit Richard didn’t bat an eyelid and his hand stayed resting on my back.

“Can I have a word?” Saul asked. His eyes were still on Richard but I knew the question was directed at me.

“Actually, I’m busy right now,” I said.

The muscle in Saul’s jaw tensed. He focused all his attention on me, as if that would change my mind. “It won’t take a minute.”

Irritation crept into me. Did he really think I didn’t know Richard’s intentions? I was sick of being babied and fussed over; I was a big girl and could look after myself.

“No,” I said. Then I looked at Richard. “I think that might be a good idea, Richard.”

I stood and Richard and Ian stood with me. Saul looked like he was going to hit something and, judging by the loud crack I heard as we left, I was guessing his pool cue was in splinters.

It didn’t take us long to find somewhere else to sit. Rillith was crammed full of little rooms that served no other purpose than to accommodate these social chats.

“You did the right thing there,” Ian said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Keeping your distance from Saul. It’s easy to get sucked into his charm but, in truth, he’s one of the most dangerous people I know.”

I almost frowned at Ian’s words but remembered to keep my interest casual. “What makes you say that?” I asked.

Richard laughed. “You don’t become top enforcer by your wits and charisma; you get there by being brutal and merciless. I wouldn’t have believed half the stories about him if I hadn’t seen some of them with my own eyes.”