Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela (16 page)

doesn‘t excuse it.‖

He put a hand on the arm of each girl‘s chair as he added firmly.

―And no one ever has the right to do anythin‘ like that to you. In fact…

well, I‘d kill any guy who tried—with my own bare hands.‖ It occurred

to Logan that Trudy would probably object to that statement, since she

would never condone any threat of violence, but it was God‘s own truth

and it felt right to him to say it.

―Now you go ahead and ask me what you want.‖ Neither girl

spoke up but simply glanced timidly at her sister. ―Come on, Krista, I

know there‘s things you been wantin‘ to ask. It‘s all right.‖

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93

On another day, Logan could have laughed at the sight of Krista

staring at the carpet in unintentional mimicry of her father. Finally she

looked up at him, asking, ―You said you didn‘t mean to hurt—to do

that… so what happened?‖

―I guess… I had a whole lotta things buildin‘ up that I wasn‘t

dealin‘ with like I should‘ve. And it all came bustin‘ out at the wrong

time… and at the wrong person.‖

―You didn‘t wanta move from Elco, did you?‖ Meghan asked,

joining the conversation.

―No, I didn‘t; that was part of it.‖

Krista cocked her head at her dad, inquiring in a soft voice, ―What

was the rest?‖

―Oh….‖ Since he couldn‘t deal with it right then—if ever—

Logan ignored the picture of Nick Zales that flashed through his mind.

―Money, work, and stuff like that.‖

Leaning forward with genuine concern, Krista asked, ―Is it gettin‘

better? Is that what Dr. Gerard is helpin‘ you with?‖

―Yeah, she is. And I‘m tryin‘a take things head on now, instead‘a

lettin‘ ‘em eat at me like I used to.‖

―That‘s good, Dad,‖ Meghan said.

Breathing a slight sigh of relief, Logan answered, ―Sure is.‖

―So….‖ Krista was obviously screwing up her courage, and

Logan nodded encouragingly. She glanced at Meghan, leaving Logan

to surmise that this question was for both of them. ―You‘ll never do

anything like that again?‖

The realization that this fear had been haunting his daughters was

a sorrow Logan suddenly felt he might carry to his grave. Nothing but

unqualified honesty would do here. ―I wish I could say no right out,

honey—I really do.‖ Knowing some demons dogged him still, Logan

offered, ―I can tell you this. I‘m gonna do whatever it takes to make

sure I won‘t. And I won‘t be movin‘ back home until I do.‖

Both girls sat in silent contemplation while Logan looked for

some sign that his answer had been sufficient reassurance. Instead

Krista asked, ―Does Mom know all of this?‖

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Logan let it go, slowly grasping that while a family could be

shattered in an instant, healing couldn‘t be accomplished in one short

session of truth-telling. ―She knows some… and she‘ll know more

when she starts seein‘ Dr. Gerard with me.‖

In a suddenly bright, high-pitched tone, Meghan said, ―When will

that be?‖

―Real soon.‖

―Are we—‖ Krista stopped short and swallowed down the rest of

her question.

Logan was determined that no member of the Crane family was

going to have to leave things unsaid anymore, so he prodded, ―Go

‘head. What were you gonna say?‖

―Are we allowed to tell Mom what we talked about here?‖

The most comfortable answer for him would have been ―no,‖ but

Logan felt that wouldn‘t be fair to his daughters, so he answered, ―If

you feel you need to do that, then… then it‘s okay by me. I want you to

do whatever is gonna make all of this easier for you. Understand?‖

―Yes,‖ Krista and Meghan chorused.

―Anything else?‖

There were quite few more questions; some about how his

therapy was helping him but mainly centered on the new visitation

rules and when their dad would be ready to move back home. He

answered each one as best he could, and over twenty minutes later,

Logan ushered his girls out into the waiting room, where Trudy was

making notes in report folders.

She rose gracefully to her feet, asking, ―Ready to go home?‖

When both girls nodded, Trudy fished her keys out of her bag and

looked at Logan to add, ―We‘ll debrief next week, Logan, but I‘ll have

the affidavit in the mediator‘s office first thing Monday morning,

okay?‖

―Sure. Thanks.‖ Logan watched them leave, enjoying the relief

and happiness washing through him but plagued by the feeling that he

had just fixed a flat but hadn‘t started work on the engine.

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95

ON THE other side of town, Nick was trying to keep his mind from

straying to Logan and the monumental talk he was having with his

daughters. His distraction techniques worked about as well as his

attempts earlier in the week to avoid brooding about Logan—which

was to say, not at all. Every time Logan intruded on his thoughts, Nick

doggedly told himself that he was glad the totality of their relationship

was destined to be nothing more than one heady, ill-conceived kiss.
I’m

glad, damn it, glad! The last thing I need is some stupid fascination

with an abusive male.

When his self-lectures proved fruitless, though, Nick got even

sterner.
Goddamnit, Zales, you’re nothing but a fucking statistic. Do

you need to go back and read some of your old textbooks? Do you even

listen to yourself when you’re counseling Cheryl?
And that was another

thing, Nick‘s conscience insisted: he should be grateful his afternoon

session was with Cheryl—a sobering reminder of the possible fate he‘d

just narrowly escaped.

When Trudy had popped her head into his office to tell him she

would be spending the afternoon at her downtown office, Nick had

tamped down his curiosity about her meeting with the Crane family. He

carefully displayed only the most cursory interest and had offered

nothing beyond, ―Okay, have a good weekend.‖

Nick spent the next forty minutes writing up notes on Marta

Cabrera‘s orientation sessions, stubbornly persistent in his task though

he was managing to eke out only one word every three minutes. When

Cheryl‘s soft knock on the door interrupted his sluggish progress, he

was finally actually truly glad about something that day. ―Hey, Cheryl,

come on in. How are you?‖

―Good.‖ She flopped into one of the guest chairs, adding, ―Tired,

but good.‖

―Long day in the child care center?‖

―Oh, yeah. Eight hours in that place can sometimes feel more like

sixteen.‖

―I can always get you another assignment if it‘s getting to be too

much.‖

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―No, I really like it. It‘s just towards the end of the day I look

forward to just havin‘ two to deal with.‖

―I‘ll bet.‖

―Before I forget,‖ she said, digging in her pocket, ―here‘s the keys

to the shop.‖

She set the key ring on his desk, and Nick was compelled to ask,

―How‘d it go yesterday? What did you learn?‖

―Tune-ups.‖

―Great, that‘s something you‘ll be doing a lot when you get a

car.‖ Stifling the urge to ask more questions about the module—all

centered on the instructor—Nick flipped open Cheryl‘s file and clicked

his pen into the ready position. ―Speaking of which, we need to start

working on your transition plan.‖

―Transition? To what?‖

―To getting you out of here.‖

Cheryl slid her palms against her denim-clad thighs, asking, ―Is

there a limit? I mean—do I have to be outta here by a certain date?‖

―No, there‘s no concrete deadline,‖ Nick assured her, refraining

from explaining about all the paperwork he‘d need to file if her stay

extended past four months. ―But I‘m sure you want to be settled

somewhere more permanent.‖ When Cheryl simply nodded, Nick

asked, ―Any idea where? You said you don‘t want to go back to

Wheeling….‖

―Oh, no—I‘m sure I‘m the talk of the town there. ‘Sides, that‘s

where… where Roger‘s still living.‖

―You‘ve got a restraining order in place, and he seems ready to

comply.‖

―I know, but I just don‘t wanta have to worry ‘bout running into

him
every day
—at the grocery store or the Big Lots or the movies—‖

―I understand. Are you interested in staying in Pittsburgh?‖

―Not really. My Great Aunt Catherine said I could come stay with

her; she lives in Steubenville. Not far enough, but at least it ain‘t

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97

Wheeling. And she never did care for my dad… or Roger. Said if he

ever bothers me again she‘d take a butcher knife to
him
.‖

―I think I like your Aunt Catherine,‖ Nick laughed as he made a

note in Cheryl‘s file. ―We‘ll consider Steubenville to be the goal, then.

And how are the sessions with Irene? I know she thinks you could find

work in a daycare center; is that plan still a go?‖

Nick watched Cheryl chew the inside of her cheek for a minute

before she answered, ―I guess….‖

―It doesn‘t have to be a lifelong career, just something to tide you

over. Is there something else that would you
like
to do? Something we

could start working towards?‖

―I don‘t know….‖

Nick decided to pull out an old ploy that often served to uncover

buried dreams. ―What did you want to be back when you were in high

school?‖

―Oh… I mainly just wanted to get married.‖

―Really?‖ He showed more surprise than he really felt with that

question, knowing all too well that children from abusive homes often

dreamt only of escape. Digging a little deeper, he asked, ―You never

wanted to be a fashion model or travel the world or sing in a band—‖

―Nothin‘ like that,‖ Cheryl cut in. ―I did want to—see, before I

started goin‘ out with Roger, I was datin‘ this guy Leroy, and he was

gonna be a teacher. And back then I thought I did, too. We used to joke

about how he wanted to teach high school and I wanted to teach first

grade or maybe even kindergarten, so I‘d start ‘em out right and he‘d

get all the benefit.‖

―A teacher, huh? That‘s a great career, one I considered myself at

one time. And you are good with children; that‘s something you could

definitely still pursue. What do you think?‖ When Cheryl simply

squirmed in response, Nick asked, ―What happened there? How did

you go from wanting to teach to just wanting to get married?‖

Cheryl‘s frown deepened, and her brow furrowed. ―I guess it was

‘cause… ‘cause of Roger. He sure didn‘t like the idea of me goin‘ off

to college.‖

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―I‘ll bet. What happened to Leroy?‖

―I don‘t know. I lost track of him when we broke up.‖

―And what caused that?‖

―I‘m an idiot, that‘s what caused that. I broke up with a nice guy

who treated me better‘an I—who treated me real good, so I could go

out with a ‗cool guy‘ who played football and treated me like dirt. Even

back then.‖

Seeing the tears well up in Cheryl‘s eyes, Nick nudged his handy

box of tissues towards her, saying, ―You‘re not an idiot. It‘s just…. It

happens to a lot of women who grow up with abusive dads.‖

Cheryl wiped her eyes in a futile effort to stem the tide as she

wailed, ―I know you said that… but
why
?‖

Good question
. ―The conventional wisdom is that we—that the

child is trying to repeat the dysfunctional relationship, but looking for a

better outcome. Trying to fix the original relationship with this new

person, in other words.‖

A derisive snort erupted from Cheryl. ―Yeah, right,
great idea
.‖

Figuring they‘d both had enough of that topic, Nick steered the

conversation back to Cheryl‘s plans. ―You don‘t
have
to let the past

dictate the future. You could still be a teacher, you know. If you do go

live with your aunt, Steuby U. is right there. It‘s a great school, turns

out a lot of teachers.‖

―I know… but… I‘m too old for—‖

―Cheryl, you‘re twenty-five. That‘s hardly too old.‖

After a second of consideration, Cheryl shook her head

dismissively. ―It‘s not just my age, you know. How ‘bout money?

Where‘m I gonna get tuition money?‖

―There are grants we can look into, and maybe scholarships, too.‖

―Scholarships? You gotta be a genius to get one of them.‖

―Not hardly—that‘s how I went to college. Believe me, I was no

genius.‖

Cheryl cocked her head curiously, asking, ―Was it a sports

scholarship?‖

Where the Allegheny Meets the Monongahela