Whispers of Love (23 page)

‘I knew from the moment I first met Violet that she was the woman I wanted to marry!' he'd told Christabel.

‘And you've never regretted it?' Christabel probed.

‘Never for one moment,' he said decisively.

Other people might think Violet was withdrawn and even lacking in personality because she was so shy, but to Lewis she was pale, mysterious and wonderfully serene. She was the perfect loving wife, as well as being a tremendous friend, and an excellent mother.

In short, their marriage was everything he'd ever hoped it would be. The realisation that she'd been so desperately unhappy and had
ended up taking her own life was appalling; it both puzzled and disturbed him.

He couldn't understand why she'd not said something to him since they had always been able to talk openly to each other about anything.

It was this reticence over what had been upsetting her that concerned him deeply and led him to think that it must have been something extremely personal. And since whatever it was obviously had only been troubling her quite recently, he suspected that it might have something to do with Christabel's arrival.

Had she overheard the conversation between him and Christabel after Christabel had been about to take Kay to Wilcock Court and misunderstood it? Or was it because Christabel made such a tremendous fuss of Kay?

He knew she'd upset the child's routine, and that she had, in so many subtle ways, undermined both his and Violet's authority.

They'd both agreed it was annoying, but surely that wasn't sufficient reason for Violet to take her own life? In the evenings, though, she'd been quieter than usual, he reflected. He'd attributed that to the fact that she was happy and contented.

Looking back, he realised that there must have been far more to it than that. Several times he'd caught her studying him, an anxious look on her face. Had there been something of tremendous importance she wanted to say, but didn't know how to start?

He wondered if Kay had any idea about what had been worrying her mother. Or if there had been anything unusual happening recently that he knew nothing about. The trouble was she was so distraught over her mother's death he didn't dare increase her anguish by questioning her.

It was difficult enough for an eleven-year-old to understand about such things as suicide and he didn't want to say anything that might make her feel guilty in any way, or possibly think that in some way it was her fault.

Life was going to be difficult enough for both of them now and the last thing he wanted was to lose Kay's trust. He'd have his work cut out bringing her up single-handed through her formative years when a mother was so important, especially to a girl. He'd do it, though! He'd do it for Violet's sake, he vowed.

 

The funeral was a morbid affair. Kay wept copiously throughout the simple ceremony. Lewis felt such an agonising sense of emptiness that he was too overwhelmed with sadness to find the words to console her. Shaking with grief, he could do no more than hug her close to him.

He took the rest of the week off from work so that he could be with Kay and he tried his best to comfort her, and help her to come to terms with what remained of their life.

Without Violet's presence the house seemed
to be an empty shell, he thought, as he threw away a vase of dead flowers. It lacked the warmth and atmosphere of a home. It seemed ridiculous, but even the shine had gone off the furniture; everything was lifeless and disorganised.

For Kay's sake he struggled to maintain their usual routine. Breakfast, lunch, high tea and a bedtime drink punctuated their day. He did his best in the kitchen, but nothing tempted Kay to eat. She picked at her food, and said she wasn't hungry, but he suspected it was because the meals he prepared nowhere near equalled the ones Violet had served them.

He made a half-hearted attempt at cleaning the house, more to keep himself occupied than anything else. He couldn't stand the silence; it grated on his nerves.

He tried his best to tolerate it and encouraged Kay to play some music on her gramophone, hoping that listening to that might help to distract her mind from the loss of her mother.

The following week he sent Kay back to school. He'd phoned first, and had had a talk with the Headmistress, who'd agreed to keep a special eye on her and to let him know immediately if there were any problems.

He also decided to return to work himself, but knew that first he'd have to find a housekeeper and he wasn't sure how Kay would take to having a stranger there in their home.

She'd simply have to adjust, he told himself
wearily, because he couldn't manage to run the house
and
go to work.

Kay certainly appeared to be a lot better now that she was back at school, and mixing with her friends again. Night times were the worst. Frequently he heard her sobbing in her sleep or calling out for her mother and he found it heartbreaking.

The very next day, as he was boiling eggs for himself and Kay for their tea, Christabel turned up unexpectedly.

Lewis looked bewildered. ‘Christabel! What are you doing back here? Didn't you get your job in London after all?'

‘Aunt Chrissy!' Kay threw herself into Christabel's arms, hugging her and kissing her. ‘You've come back! I thought I was never going to see you again either. Promise you won't go away again, please?' she begged.

‘I hope I won't have to do so, darling,' Christabel told her, hugging her close, ‘but it all depends on whether your daddy wants me to stay and look after you both.'

‘Aunt Chrissy can stay, Daddy, can't she? Say you want her to; that we both want her to stay?' Kay begged, her voice shrill with anxiety.

‘Well . . .' Lewis hesitated, looking from one to the other. ‘Are you quite sure you know what you'll be taking on if you decide to stay and run our home?'

‘I've thought it through. I know what I'm doing,' she told him confidently.

‘You'll be giving up so much, Christabel. It will be like being married, but with all the chores and worries and none of the pleasure,' he pointed out grimly.

‘As I said, I have thought it through and I'm fully aware of what I'm doing,' she repeated. ‘I have the choice of staying here or going to London and taking this job. If I do that then I'll probably end up living in a block of over-priced flats. The alternative, if you'll agree to it, is making my home here with you in Wallasey, and looking after you and Kay.'

‘If you take this job, it's not very glamorous and there's no chance of promotion, you know,' he told her dryly. ‘It will be a daily round of cleaning, cooking and looking after Kay and me. After the high life you've grown accustomed to in the past you might find it pretty dull.'

‘True, but at least I'll be able to organise my day as I like. If the sun's shining I can take a walk in the park without having to ask for permission to do so.'

Lewis still looked dubious. ‘You are sure it's not simply a passing whim?' he persisted. ‘Kay's had enough upheavals in her life, I don't want you suddenly deciding to walk out on us and upsetting her all over again.'

‘No! I've never been more serious about anything in my life,' Christabel assured him. ‘I'll remain as long as you need me, Lewis.
I give you my word that I will stay until Kay is grown up and ready to leave home, if that's what you want; or at least until she is old enough to look after herself.'

There were some difficult times in the first few months after Violet died. Kay was very depressed and clingy. She rejected her food and seemed to be unable to stop crying because she was convinced that it was all her fault. Often she was too upset to sleep on her own and on several occasions refused to go to school.

Christabel was extremely patient and understanding, even taking Kay into her own bed at night whenever she was very distressed. Gradually, she helped her to accept what had happened by constantly reassuring her that it wasn't in any way her fault. She promised her that she would stay and look after her until she was grown up,

Kay accepted her as a friend as well as a surrogate mother. Even so, Lewis played a very important part in her life. He had come to mean so much more than the average father did.

No one, not even Lewis, seemed prepared to voice an opinion as to why Violet had taken her own life. Christabel kept recalling the conversation Violet had overheard between her and Lewis about Maggie Nelson and although
she said nothing whenever she thought about it, she felt a frisson of guilt.

She suspected that what Violet had heard, together with her frequent comments about Kay looking more like Lewis than herself had upset Violet. Even so, Christabel couldn't really understand why she had taken it so much to heart as Lewis always appeared to be such a devoted husband.

Once or twice, in a roundabout way, she tried to talk to Lewis about it and to sound out his views, but Lewis refused to discuss the matter.

Whenever she raised the subject he became so tight-lipped and angry that she suspected there was something she didn't know about their background. Since it was obvious he had no intention of telling her she finally dismissed it as something that would have to remain a mystery and tried to close her mind to the idea that Violet's suicide was in any way her fault.

She had always got on well with Lewis when they'd been growing up, and she still enjoyed his company so when he asked if she was sure she wanted to stay and look after them, she assured him she was.

‘It will mean putting my life on hold for a time because I don't think I could cope with a job as well,' she pointed out.

‘I wouldn't expect you to do so; we'll have a proper agreement so you can regard this as work,' he told her and she agreed and accepted it as a way of earning her living.

Lewis left Christabel very much to her own devices when it came to running his home. In return, she cared for him and Kay as efficiently as any wife. Their home was warm, clean, well decorated, and an open house to Kay's friends.

In addition to paying all household expenses, Lewis made Christabel a regular allowance and invariably took the bus and the ferry boat to work so that she could have use of the car during the day. He was always willing to stay home and look after Kay in the evening if she wanted to go out on her own.

She liked sharing meal times and their concerns over Kay, planning outings, reading the same newspaper, and discussing what was going on in the outside world. Jointly they budgeted for family expenses and they often had friendly arguments over what they should do at the weekends or where they should go on holiday, all of which meant that their lives were not all that different from those in any average home.

In many ways it was an ideal arrangement for them all. Occasionally, Christabel wondered what would happen if Lewis ever met anyone he wanted to marry. He kept very fit and although he was now almost forty he looked younger and was still quite a catch. She knew she couldn't share a home with another woman, and she certainly didn't relish the thought of having to move out and be on her own again.

Whenever these thoughts came into her mind
she would study her brother, and hope that he was far too comfortable to make any changes. He enjoyed plain food and simple meals which suited her style of cooking. He liked his home to be run in an orderly way so she made sure that it was. She organised his wardrobe, and took his suits to be dry cleaned regularly. He never had to ask for a clean shirt or look for socks or underwear because they were always ready and waiting. And so, too, were freshly laundered towels, as well as the brands of toothpaste and toiletries he preferred.

She looked after Kay with the same efficiency. Kay adored pretty clothes and loved shopping so Christabel taught her how to choose discerningly so that she got value for money. No matter how much she longed to have a particular dress or pair of shoes, Christabel always persuaded her to look at others first to make sure they were really what she wanted. Liverpool had a wonderful selection of shops so there was plenty of scope for comparison of both quality and price.

Kay reminded her so much of what she'd been like at the same age that sometimes Christabel felt she was reliving her own youthful days. And because Kay's features were almost identical to her own, Christabel found it easy to advise Kay on what suited her best.

As the years passed and Kay was no longer a leggy schoolgirl, Christabel often found herself thinking about her own child. She would
be the same age as Kay and also on the verge of womanhood, and Christabel wondered if she was as well cared for and as happy as Kay was.

Everything was going so smoothly that Christabel felt a sense of irritation when, a couple of weeks before Christmas 1929, they returned from one of their shopping sprees in high spirits about the presents they'd bought for Lewis to find that while they'd been out he'd received a telegram from Lilian saying they were in London and that they wanted to come to stay over Christmas.

‘What are you going to tell her?'

‘I don't know,' he frowned, ‘I can't tell her anything at the moment because I don't know where she is. There's no address on the telegram. It rather looks as if they simply intend turning up on the doorstep. If that happens, then I suppose we will have to make them welcome.'

‘Does she give any idea of how long they will be staying?' Christabel asked, holding out her hand for the telegram so that she could read it for herself.

‘Did you say they're coming to stay with us for Christmas?' Kay asked excitedly.

Lewis shrugged hopelessly. ‘It rather looks as though they are,' he commented dryly.

‘Typical of Lilian to take it for granted that we will be pleased to see them and willing to put them up,' Christabel said crossly.