White Oblivion (6 page)

11

The weekend had arrived and it was time for Doran and I to head to the Divine Marriage workshop.  Ina was at a friends for a sleepover playdate.  Doran had dropped her off while I got dressed and tried to get my nerves ready for the workshop.

I just didn’t know how the community would receive Doran and I as a couple with me as my white self.  It was usually frowned upon for a brothah to come to such an event with a white chick.  So I couldn’t believe that
I
was “the white chick” at the event!  I still wondered why on earth this was happening to me?  Couldn’t it have happened to someone else?

I tried to get my mind off of what I wasn’t able to control at the moment and focused instead on the workshop.  I’d been looking forward to it for weeks and I just couldn’t bring myself to miss it even in the face of such a devastating personal situation.  Something was telling me that I needed to be there no matter what and so I kept getting dressed.

I rummaged through my closet for what felt like hours trying to decide what to wear.  Given that I was in my white skin I didn’t want to go looking too ethnic because I didn’t want to look like one of those corny ass white girls trying too hard to look ‘down.’  At the same time I didn’t want to look too mainstream because I didn’t want to look like the white girl who just didn’t quite belong. 

Eventually I decided on just wearing jeans and a brown t-shirt.  I figured it was as neutral as I could go.  I put my hair up in the usual bun and wore some light brown lip gloss.  I hadn’t worn make-up of any kind in what seemed like forever since I’d been in my white body so it felt kind of good to put a little gloss on.

“Wow you almost look like your old self, only a little more pale,” Doran joked as he came into the room looking at me. 

“Come on babe.  I’m trying and this is hard for me,” I sulked.

“You look fine.  I think you’ve made a good choice taking the neutral route,” Doran replied as if instinctively knowing my outfit selection process.

“Thanks for noticing that because that’s exactly what I was doing,” I answered.

“So are you about ready?  We have to get a move on so we can get a good seat,” Doran asked hurriedly.

“Yeah… I‘m as ready as I’m gonna get.  What about you?  Are you ready to face this crowd?”  I inquired.

“I sure am.  We have a great cover story to quell the questions.  Since we’re saying you’re family no one will suspect an affair or betrayal to the sistahs so to speak,” Doran answered laughing.

“Yeah I guess you’re right.  It should be fine.  I keep forgetting about the cover story.  In that case it will be fine.  I’m ready.  Let’s go,” I said grabbing my purse and jacket.

We both headed for the workshop and though I knew that all would be well I was still nervous as hell the entire ride there.  I kept playing the whole thing out in my head of how I thought things might play out.  It would either be a disaster or perfectly fine.  I chose to go with the latter and began to calm myself down as we arrived and Doran parked the car.  I looked at the building that seemed way too close.

“Ready or not here we go baby!” Doran shouted as he turned the car off. 

“I know.  I guess I’m ready.  Let’s just do it.  The longer I sit in here the more I’ll try to talk myself out of it.  So let’s just go,” I said reaching for the door handle to open  my own door.

Doran ran around to meet me on my side and grabbed my door.  I hopped out as confidently as I could under the circumstances.  Though inside it felt like my heart was about to pound out of my chest and my stomach was on a washing machine spin cycle.  My mind was racing.  I had shortness of breath and my mouth became as dry as the Sahara desert.  I looked up at the building and there seemed to be a million steps between us.  Each step that I took toward it seemed like a step closer to my death sentence. 

I thought to myself, “This is worse than death.  What am I doing here?  Am I crazy?”  Again as if reading my thoughts Doran gave me a reassuring look as we approached the front door of the building and he walked ahead of me to open it.

He whispered in my ear, “Just breathe baby.  Just breathe.”

I nodded feeling a slight sense of relief in knowing that I was not going through this alone.  I still carried the weight of my own thoughts as I walked the walk of shame trailing behind Doran as we approached the check-in table.  For some reason I didn’t feel worthy of walking beside him.  Doran was a strong, fine as hell black man who all black women with working eyes adored.  Despite what we were going through he still handled himself with such confidence.  He was so in control and exuded such self-assurance. 

Meanwhile, I felt like the scum of the earth in my white skin.  I felt ashamed as if I had in someway wronged someone.  I felt afraid.  I felt the stares of everyone around pierce me like a sword.  Again my breathing became more shallow.  I thought that at any moment I would just faint, but I talked myself out of that because I didn’t want to bring anymore attention to myself than was already on me. 

Then it seemed that instantly we were at our seats.  I was so lost in the hell of my own thoughts that I couldn’t even remember how we got there.  The venue wasn’t the fanciest.  In fact, it was kind of a hole in the wall.  It was an old house that seemed to have been transformed into a meeting hall.  The walls needed a fresh coat of paint, the floors weren’t leveled and the windows were old and drafty.  It was located in the heart of the city in N.W., D.C. not far from Howard University on Irving St.  

In somewhat of a haze I sat down quickly and lowered my head down almost curling up in the seat as if it was a safety net.  I looked around slowly taking detailed notes of my surroundings.  I took mental notes of who was sitting near me, whether or not they seemed bothered by my presence.  I looked at how visible I was to the speaker and tried to determine whether I would be a distraction.  I looked at how close to the end of the row I was in case I needed to make a quick exit.  I also looked around to see if there were any other interracial couples there.  It was then that I got the shock of my life!

12

To my surprise, as I glanced around the room I noticed that there were in fact
several
other interracial couples in attendance.  I had to close my eyes for a few seconds then re-open them again to take a second look to make sure that I wasn’t seeing things.  I thought for sure that my eyes were playing tricks on me. 

I looked to the front of us and there was a sistah that I remembered seeing at some other events sitting there with this average height, slim white dude with dark hair that sort of favored Taylor Lautner from the Twilight saga.  In fact, for a split second I thought that for a white guy he was kinda hot!

Then I looked to the left of us and saw a brothah with a white, dark-haired girl who resembled Keira Knightley.  Next, to the right of us I could have sworn the white girl that another brothah was with was Alyssa Milano!  Everywhere I looked I saw an interracial couple.  It was like some sort of epidemic.

Then just as quickly as that thought came to mind Doran turned to me and blurted out, “Wow, either white is the new black or there is some type of epidemic going on.  Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

“Yes and I was just thinking the same thing!  What the hell is going on?  This can’t be a coincidence.  I think that what happened to me has happened to a lot of other people here babe.  This is so weird.  I wonder what this means?” I replied.

Just as Doran and I were discussing the “epidemic” a couple seated in front of us turned around as if overhearing our conversation and joined in.  “It’s definitely an epidemic and weird doesn’t begin to describe it,” a medium-sized white guy sitting with a chocolate, natural-haired sistah blurted out. 

Doran and I looked at him then looked at each other both wondering whether it was okay to share with him what happened to me.  Before we could he started telling us his story. 

“A few days ago our entire life changed,” he said grabbing ahold of the sistah’s hand.  “I went to sleep as a brothah and woke up like this.  I have no explanation as to how or why it happened.  Nor do I know how to reverse it.  Since then my wife and I have been trying to find out more information.  We weren’t gonna come here tonight, but figured we should since we had tickets and since we typically don’t miss these events.  Now that we’re here I see that we’re not alone.  I wonder if they will discuss it at all in the workshop.  I know it wasn’t the planned topic, but it sure as hell needs to be addressed.  It seems to be spreading across the black community like wildfire.  Anyway enough about me, what’s you guys story?”

I looked at his wife and she looked at me intensely with inquiring eyes.  I looked at Doran as I was a bit nervous about disclosing so he answered.  Besides that I wasn’t sure if we were still going with the cover story or not. 

“Same story man.  We have no idea what’s going on.  It’s definitely not the type of thing that you go around asking about so we’ve been laying low and doing the research quietly trying to figure things out on our own.  Good to know we’re not alone at least.  From the looks of things it’ll definitely be the topic of discussion tonight,” Doran said looking around the room.

“Yeah you got that right.  I can’t wait to hear what others have to say about the situation.  I really wanna know if there is a way to reverse it.  Not that being a white guy hasn’t come with its perks cause man I been introduced to a whole new reality in this skinsuit!” the guy said jokingly.

We all laughed along.  “But seriously I need my own body back.  All the same I’m doing all I can to change our life for the better while I have this one,” he said laughing.  We all laughed together. 

Just then a tall, light-skinned brothah with a goatee walked up to the microphone, “Peace everyone.  So glad to see that you all made it out once again.  As most of you know I’m brothah Kwan and this is our 3rd year doing the Divine Marriage workshop.  Glad you all could make it.  We have a lot of good information for ya’ll tonight, especially with regards to the obvious questions that ya’ll probably have about what the hell is going on,” he said looking around the room with raised eyebrows. 

“In fact, before we get started I want to go ahead and address it.  I’ve heard from a lot of you that some real strange things have been going on in the community.  I know first hand what ya’ll are talking about because the same thing happened to me, well maybe not to me, but to my wife, Alicia,” he began then took a long pause.

We all sat on the edge of our seats waiting for him to say the words.  We were all thinking it and more than that we were living this nightmare and couldn’t wait for the opportunity to openly discuss it.  So we all stared at Kwan intensely waiting for him to blurt it out.  It seemed that once he did we could all exhale. 

We had all been so nervous and uptight while struggling with trying to deal with the circumstances of our changed bodies.  It was a welcomed surprise to be in a room full of others who too were living out the same nightmare and so when Kwan brought it up we all felt a huge weight lifted.  We couldn’t wait to hear him say the words out loud.  It seemed that hearing the words publicly out loud made it easier to accept.  More than that hearing that others out there were going through it made it easier to cope.

Kwan looked around the room then continued, “A few days ago I woke up to find that my beautiful, brown-skinned wife Alicia had transformed into a white woman.  At first, I thought that it was some sick joke and that Alicia was somewhere hiding.  Then after coming to grips with the fact that the white woman
was
Alicia I faced the most difficult 3 days of my life.  It was a lot harder for Alicia than it was for me.  She has barely been able to sleep.  She won’t come out of the room and I’ve been lying to my kids about what’s going on with her.  We’ve been living a nightmare.  I’m looking around the room right now and from the looks on your faces I see that I’m not alone.  When it first happened I didn’t know what to do.  I was afraid to tell anyone because I thought for sure they’d think I was crazy.  But then my man Ron came by scared as hell saying that something happened to his queen.  I knew what he meant before he finished the sentence.  After that I heard one story after the next, each describing the same thing.”

Kwan paused and took a long look at all of us.  He then continued taking on an even more serious tone.  “Something is happening to us and it’s big.  It’s not happening to all of us, but it is happening to those certain ones of us on what I’ll say is on a certain frequency.  In other words, some of us have tuned into a certain radio station and picked up on certain radio waves if you know what I mean.  What that means is that if you’re here, you are obviously one of those few.  More than that, if you know what I’m talking about you definitely are one of the few.  I know that like me you have a lot of questions about what is going on and I don’t really have any answers.  However, what I
do
know is that this all has something to do with the Divine Marriage.  What I’ve learned is that everyone of us who came, planned on coming and thought about coming to this workshop has been affected by this…. ‘phenomenon.’  Yes everyone of us,” Kwan continued over the whispers that had begun to penetrate what was moments prior a dead silent room.

“I know that might have ya’ll buggin even more, but that’s what I’ve learned so far.  What I also know is that this workshop is a very special workshop.  We have some very powerful information to share with you all tonight as we said in all of the advertisements.  This year’s workshop isn’t going to be like the others.  This workshop is going to take us all to the next level.  Now I don’t know if that has anything to do with what’s going on or not, but I do know that it can’t just be a coincidence.  Anyway, I know that I haven’t answered any of your questions, but I hope that I have at least eased your minds a bit.  What I propose that we do to get more answers is to proceed with tonight’s workshop as planned.  I have a strong feeling that as we go through the workshop the answers will come.  In fact, I feel that something huge is going to transpire here tonight.  So I want you all to just be open to receive tonight’s share,” Kwan concluded.

We all nodded in agreement, though with the look of a million more questions floating around in our heads.  Nonetheless, we settled ourselves as we prepared to focus on the workshop and let things flow as they may.

I grabbed ahold of Doran’s hand, then unafraid of what others thought of our interracial pairing as I was comforted by his company.  He looked over at me and smiled grabbing my hand tighter. 

I didn’t know what to expect and part of me didn’t expect anything.  Though at the same time I was very certain that I was ready for everything.  It was weird, but with all that had already transpired it was the first time in days that I felt any sense of certainty about anything even as weird as this certainty was.