White Oblivion (8 page)

15

When I got into the car I immediately asked Doran, “What the hell was that?”

“Yeah I was wondering the same thing, but then I got to thinking.  She’s right,” Doran replied. 

“Hunh?  Now I definitely wasn’t expecting that response, but I
do
see what you’re saying.  Hmph….  So you believe that we are the natural predators of the world too?” I asked.

“Yeah.  I do and hearing what Connie just said confirmed it.  What she said awakened something in me.  Like a lightbulb just came on and shed light on everything.  I think it was the last thing she said when she said to look to our own ancient mythology for the answers.  Think about it.  She’s right, our mythology tells it all.  I’ve studied Kemetic mythology in depth and I
do
notice that all of the Neteru that are represented by animals are represented by
predatory
animals.  Take for instance, Heru who is represented as a hawk and Anubis who is represented as a jackal.  Then there’s Tehuti who is represented as an ibis and Sekhmet who is represented as a lion.  As you know there are many others, but one thing that you have to admit is that they are all represented as predatory animals,” Doran continued explaining.

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean we’re predators.  That
could
just mean that they represented the need for each of us to overcome that part of ourselves, at least that’s how I see it,” I rebutted.    

“I agree with that also, but in a different way.  I see it as our need to not allow our animal self to control our higher self.  Yet still I see it as a sign that we must still maintain our status as predators rather than prey.  We have to balance both lower and higher selves in the same way that the predator does.  It’s a unique balance which separates the predators of nature from the prey.  There is something very different about predatory animals that gives them an advantage and allows them to control the kingdom and that is that they are not weakened by emotions.  They kill only for their survival and for their need to feed, not for sport like their human parasitic counterparts.  Their moves are focused and strategic and have a divine purpose which operates within the universal laws,” Doran further explained.

As he spoke I looked at him in awe.  I smiled up at him and thought to myself, “He is so damn sexy when he starts talking like this!”  I loved having those intellectual conversations with Doran.  It was what turned me on to him in the first place from the moment I met him.  He made me so proud to call him my man.

“Then the other side of it is that for so long the black man has been told to tone down.  Everything has been done to carry out that end.  Yet, the very thing that is the source of our power as black men is what we’ve been told and conditioned to turn down.  We are fearless, we are strong, we stand firm on our principals, we lead, we live according to our own truth.  Meanwhile, from boys we are chastised for being this way.  All the while these are the traits of a predator not prey.  In fact, all things to the contrary are traits of prey.  Prey live in a perpetual state of fear, are preyed upon because of their weakness, follow so they don’t stand for anything and live according to the truth that they are fed,” Doran continued. 

“Then, “he went on, “If you’re not a good boy who passively eats what he’s being fed you’re deemed another no-good black man, a punk or a trifling ass nigga.  So the result is the black man of today who follows the rules because he is afraid of losing his job, getting arrested or killed by the cops.  It’s the black man of today who follows the rules because he wants to keep his family together.  He follows these rules that are introduced to him as early as his toddler years that continue on into adulthood when he get’s a job and these rules even make their way into his home life.  Yet, these rules that he is being force-fed completely go against who he is as his own creator.  Meanwhile, our women and our children, all programmed and whatnot, are worshipping the others who wouldn’t dare follow these dumbass rules they’re force-feeding us.  And they look up to and honor these chumps as society’s heroes, who have virtually duped us into trading places with them telling us to turn down so they could turn up!” Doran continued.

Coming out of the trance that he had me in I said, “Hmmm….. wow!  I think you’re on to something when you put it like that.  I’m starting to see it now.  This is some serious stuff!” I gleamed as my own lightbulb came on.

We rode the remainder of the way home in silence as I pondered all that both Connie and Doran had said.  If what they were saying was true than we had all been duped.  Most of the world was made up of prey and just as Connie pointed out we had all been programmed to believe that that was the way to be.  We weren’t encouraged to grow up and become predators.  In fact, we were told that predators were the bad guys.  Even more noteworthy, predators of the world had basically been wiped out, literally!  There were only two types of species remaining and they were parasite and prey and the parasites were running the world while the rest of us were herded around as prey. 

Delving even deeper I took a closer look and started to see that it was probably the parasites who had manipulated us into becoming prey.  They camouflaged themselves as one among us and we fell for it hook, line and sinker.  Ultimately, what we did was allow them to manipulate us into trading places.  We were led to believe that to be the predator was to be the villain, the bad guy so to speak.  Yet there was actually nothing
bad
about the predators of nature.  They maintained balance in the world.  They keep the prey moving forward and gave them guidance.  Like Doran said they exemplified what it meant to not be controlled by your emotions.  Prey only know fear as it is the primary motivation for their actions and that is what we had become as a collective. 

Still going deeper into my thoughts I began to clearly see what Doran was seeing.  I began to see how programmed we had all been.  I began to see why our descent took place.  We allowed outsiders to take control of our evolutionary path.  I likened it to a mother leopard allowing a doe to teach her cub how to live as a predator in the wild.  If something like that was actually to happen in nature an entire generation of leopards would become extinct.  Yet, that’s what happened to us.  Somewhere along the way we began to die out so what was happening to us currently was a wake-up call.  We had to again remember our predatory instincts and rise once again. 

We had to debunk the myth that was fed to us in cartoons like
Tom & Jerry
, where Tom was the ‘bad guy’ and Jerry was the poor victim that needed saving.  We had to debunk all the lies that we had been told since birth about who we were.  It was programming at its best.  The parasite had outwitted us, the predators, and it was time for us to turn the tides and once again restore balance.  We had to once again see the good in Tom’s role as the predatory cat whose work was to maintain balance and make sure that the world wasn’t overrun by parasitic rodents. 

The more I pondered it the more I realized that the difference between human versus animal prey was that among animals there were clearly proscribed roles where predators were born and died predators and such was the same case among the prey.  Whereas, among humans one could be born prey but could become a parasite as was currently the case. 

We had allowed those who were meant to be prey to become a controlling class of parasites and it was not a role natural to them.  Thus, they had taken that as an opportunity to go mishandle and made a devastating mess of things.  They could no more lead as parasites anymore than a doe could in the wild.  To do so would be unnatural and for that reason I began to see the urgency in the need for us to reclaim our position as predators.  I saw how failing to do so had caused us to descend.  We were living in an unnatural state.

As we pulled up to the house I began to feel lighter as the answers began to flood my mind.   I began to see the world and my situation through a whole new lens.  I no longer had to be ashamed of my new body.  In fact, I began to see it as just the advantage that I needed to reclaim my status as predator and I was more ready than ever for the hunt.

16

I woke up the next morning feeling like a new woman.  All night I had been brewing over all of the previous days’ events. 

“Well, you sure are beaming this morning,” Doran observed.

“Yes I know.  I guess you could say that I’m ready for the hunt.  I’ve come to see my new body as an advantage.  This skinsuit is the perfect camouflage!” I gleamed.

“Wow you seem to have had quite the epiphany last night!  And you know what?  You’re absolutely right!” Doran replied.

“I know I am and now I’m ready to flip this thing back around.  I can’t really explain it either but I have what feels like a strong urge to hunt.  I can taste it!” I added.

“Really, that’s interesting that you say that because so do I!  I’ve felt the urge ever since yesterday.  It seemed like when that light bulb came on so did my predatory instincts.  I’m feeling that same thirst,” Doran confided.

“Really!  Wow now I wasn’t expecting you to say that!  This is amazing.  There is something different in the air today that’s for sure.  So do you think the others are feeling this too?” I asked.

“I do.  What happened yesterday impacted us all.  There’s a reason we were all there.  I believe that we are all experiencing the same thirst for the hunt, as you’ve described it.  Don’t worry we’ll all meet again,” Doran answered.

“I think you’re right.  I did feel a sense of connectedness with all of them.  It was uncanny.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like it.  However, for as anxious as I am to hunt, I’m still pondering the how.  I’m still not sure of the strategy.  What about you?” I inquired.

“I’ve been thinking about that all night and I actually
do
have a strategy,” Doran confidently replied.

He was always such a great thinker so I was anxious to listen as I sat on the edge of our bed putting on my socks anticipating the disclosure of his plans.  

“You do!?!  Ok, well spill it babe!” I commanded.

“Ok Mrs. Pushy!  If you insist, I’ll share,” Doran said with a smirk.  “What I’ve come up with is that we’ve got to get back to the basics.  We’ve got to get back intuned with our natural selves.”

“And what would our
natural selves
be?” I asked.

“Well naturally we are highly intuitive beings.  In our natural state we have done things for which there has to this day been no scientific explanation nor any modern day technology that can replicate it.  For instance, we built structures such as the pyramids, invented things that even today’s most advanced technology can’t replicate.  That’s because naturally we’re beyond this world and we have to regain our connection with that part of ourselves,” Doran explained.

“Hmmm…. I see and how are we supposed to do that?  Especially given how far disconnected we are from that,” I challenged. 

“Well, it’s about becoming the predator.  We have to be strategic, focus and plan to get back in that state.  We have to pursue the desire to do so like it is our prey.  We have to become the ultimate predator in this hunt within the jungles of our minds.  We have to avoid being so easily distracted and be in an almost blind pursuit of achieving this objective,” Doran answered.

In that moment all I could do was gaze at him in awe.  Frozen and speechless I thought, “Damn I love this man!”

“Baby, baby, baby!  You are pure genius in physical form.  I love your mind!”  I shrieked, jumping up to hug him tightly.

“I love you too baby,” Doran said squeezing me back. 

“Ok, so now what specifically are you going to do to as the predator to tap into this natural intuitiveness?  I’m so curious now!” I asked.

“Well that I’m going to have to intuit, no pun intended,” Doran said with a light chuckle.

“Ok I see.  You’re right.  That
is
the point right.  Besides that it’ll probably vary from person to person.  Hmmmm…. well I guess it’s hunting time.  I need to locate my intuition,” I said half jokingly.

“That’s good, but the hunt is about going within
you
to locate it.  It’s not outside of yourself.  And you have to be focused.  No more distractions, specifically about your skinsuit.  I believe that even that happened to distract you.  It’s also meant to give you an added challenge because it’s forcing you to choose to be the predator versus the parasite,” Doran advised.

“Now what do you mean by that,” I queried.

“I mean that when this first happened you wanted to run and hide.  You didn’t want to go anywhere, but the natural response of a predator isn’t to run.  A predator stands it’s ground and confronts the challenge.  It’s about honor for the predator.  So I mean that you first have to deal with that part of things.  Once you do that going within will be all the more easy,” Doran offered.

“I see.  You’re absolutely right babe.  I can’t even deny that,” I said looking a little less confident. 

Doran was right and I knew it.  I had some preparing to do before the hunt and I had to do it on my own.  I was the one in the new skinsuit and I had to face it and look it in the eye without fear.  It was time for me to choose to be the predator and stop being the parasitic rodent trying to hide my dirt in the darkness. 

Doran went to go workout so decided to do some yoga since Ina was still at a friend’s.  I got up, got dressed in my yellow, wide-legged, stretch yoga pants and a white v-neck tank and headed to our meditation room.  On the way, I grabbed the vertical floor mirror from our master bathroom.  I was finally ready to confront her.

17

When I got to the meditation room I positioned the mirror on the floor against the wall facing towards where I had planned to position my yoga mat.  Then I rolled out my mat, lit a few white candles and a few sticks of frankincense.  I decided that it was better to work in silence so I didn’t put on my usual meditation/yoga music mix.  I needed to focus and didn’t want even the slightest distraction. 

I sat on the mat then took a few deep, long inhalations and in what seemed like less than 60 seconds I was experiencing what could best be described as an out-of-body experience.  At first it just seemed like I was just looking at myself from the outside where everything about me still felt normal.  Then, just moments later I had a feeling of weightlessness.  I felt like I was soaring above myself and looking down.

I looked down below and and saw that it was more than just a feeling and I actually
was
floating!  For a second I thought that I must have been tripping.  I thought that I must have gone into a deep meditation and was just having a
serious
visualization.  However, I knew that wasn’t true because it was all way too real to be a visualization.  I was really floating! 

Then, just that fast I was consumed with a feeling of invincibility.  I could fly!!!  I could go anywhere I wanted to go.  I could do anything that I wanted to do.  I was free!

In my angst and at the moment of my thoughts of freedom I instantly began to take flight.  I soared high above myself, my physical self, that is.  I looked down upon my physical body with a bit of pity.  I thought how sad it was to be trapped in that body, unable to experience the feeling of bliss that I was currently experiencing.  Then I thought of how sad it was for everyone else who was trapped in those bodies. 

Just then I wondered if this meant that I was dead.  What I was experiencing seemed to be what many described in near death experiences.  However, when I looked down at myself I saw that I wasn’t dead, but was sitting there meditating in a deeply relaxed state.  It was a weird sensation because I could actually still feel myself in my body.  I could feel myself breathing.  I could feel my heart beating.  I still experienced all of the physical sensations of being in my body, but it just seemed that I did so as an observer.

I was stumped.  Was this another stage of the change that my body was going through?  Was I transforming yet again?  I couldn’t imagine what more could happen.  I was already in a completely different body and now staring down at it.  If I was transforming again I much prefered this transformation.  I felt a weightlessness that I’d never before experienced.  It was as if I hadn’t a care in the world. 

I began to embrace this feeling and the more I did the more free I felt.  In that moment I let go of all emotion.  Then the more I let go, the lighter I became.  Soon I felt as light as a feather.  I was no longer carrying the weight of all of my troubles and it felt so liberating. 

I decided to venture out beyond my house to fully embrace my new found freedom.  I flew everywhere.  I still felt like myself, but lighter.  It was like yet another version of myself had emerged.  Then it seemed the more I let go of the cares of the world the lighter I became.  It was a weightlessness that was before then unimaginable. 

There were some moments that I wanted to visit all the places in the world that I wanted to see, but never got the chance to.  However, just as fast as the thought came it escaped me because I became less and less concerned with the physical world.  The desire to let go became more and more intoxicating and I was drunk with it. 

So I let go until there was nothing more to hold on to.  It was the most liberated I’d ever felt.  Yet, the strange thing was I didn’t feel anymore.  It seemed that feeling had become an emotion that I then viewed as undesirable.  Feelings seemed to be the thing that had all the time before kept me bound and separated from the heaven that I was then feeling inside.  I couldn’t imagine going back to that state.  The mere thought of doing so was like being a prisoner. 

Then I had an epiphany.  This all began to feel so familiar.  I wondered if I had been here before.  It felt like home, almost as if I had come full circle.  I began to crave more knowledge.  I needed to know more about this aspect of myself.  Who was I really?  I needed the truth.

Then just as quickly as I asked the question I landed right back into my body.  Again we were one.  I was bound and weighted down and the bliss of what I had just moments prior been experiencing had come to a much dreaded end.

Yet, something had changed.  I felt lighter still, even in my physical body.  I still felt what I could only describe as a nothingness for the world.  What was before such a big deal for me suddenly didn’t seem all that serious.  It was as if I knew that I had a bigger purpose and those petty issues were simply background noises that I began to discard.

It seemed that I had been in the meditation room for an eternity so I decided to get up and go see what Doran was up to.  We never disturbed one another during meditation in the room,  but I knew that I had been in there for far too long and probably had him worried so I wanted to go check in with him.

It seemed that I was right and that I
had
been in the meditation room forever because when I came out it was dark outside.  I couldn’t believe just how long I had been in there!  I wondered why hadn’t Doran come to get me?  Did he pick Ina up?  What the hell was going on?