Who Moved My Blackberry? (25 page)

To:
Jake Lukes

Hi Jake—really good to catch up with you last night. A man-2-man chat like that was really useful for both of us. As I said, do hope you and Max will come out at Christmas—there's lots of young female talent—I think you'll like the look of my boss's daughters!!

Dad

PS That was a joke, btw, I don't want you to get any ideas!!

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Pinky Darling

Bad news … those idiots in Atlanta have said no to your transfer for now, but I'm still working on them! What I suggest is that I go over without you initially, and that you can always come out later and join me when I've sorted something. I know it's a blow, but I think we should look at it positively. We both need some space.

Don't wait for me this evening … I'm going to be a tiny bit late …

Would you mind taking all my suits to the cleaners and make sure they're ready by Friday, as it now looks like I'm going to be off on Saturday night, a couple of days earlier than we thought?

Love you

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Keri Tartt

Pinky, please don't be like that. Of course I still love you. You'll always be my dinky winky kinky pinky! I know the corporal has been a bit tired recently. It's so stressful trying to get this package right. I only have one shot at it. I'll take you out to dinner tomorrow night. Porky promise. xx

Love you Perky xxx

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Yes to drink, though it'll have to be a swift one as Keri is now getting funny about me staying late. Had a massive row with her last night about the US—she seems to think she can come as my partner, and live the life of Riley without lifting a finger. All v awkward, esp as I think Jens will eventually back down and come …

Only good news is that I'm getting all my options repriced and the way the share price is tanking, it means a nominal additional £358,796.32, which can't be bad. Also planning to get an Aston Martin DB9 … eat yr heart out.

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Thelma Dowd

Hi Thelma

Can you e-mail a list of all the things you do for me to my new PA—she's called Sherry Zook(!). Ta muchly. Can't believe Rog is being so tight about the party—I don't see why I should pay for a big bash out of my own pocket … I'll buy the team a round at the local after work tomorrow. M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Sherry Zook

Hi Sherry

This is Martin Lukes in London. I'm delighted that you're going to be working with me as my assistant—I am sure we're going to be an unbeatable team! I'll be flying in on Sunday night at 22.45 EST. Can you arrange a car to pick me up from the airport, and reserve a suite at the W? I have asked my PA Thelma Dowd to e-mail you a list of tasks—which hopefully will make your learning curve less steep!

All the bestest

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
All Marketing

Team!

A reminder: everyone's invited for drinx tonight at the Dog and Duck to celebrate my departure Stateside! Let's make it a night to remember!

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
All Marketing

Team!

Thanks for the great send off last night. I've certainly got a thick head this morning!

I just wanted to say that you have been a terrific load of people to work with these last few years, and together we've been producing some of the best marketing projects the company has ever seen and we've had a load of fun on the journey! I'll miss you, but obviously we'll keep in touch, and I'll take a keen interest in your work from afar.

All my very bestest

Martin Lukes

PS Many thanks for the book of golfing jokes. I'll never be at a loss for a way to begin a speech!

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Christo Weinberg

Hi Christo

I just wanted to put on the record how very much I think you've grown into your role in the last ten months, since being my mentee. You've shown that with the right leadership you have genuine creovative™ promise.

Although obviously I won't be able to mentor you from Atlanta, I'll always be happy to help on an informal basis!

Cheers, Martin

PS It was good to meet your friend Sven, last night. Hope I didn't say anything out of line. He obviously doesn't realize what a joker I am …

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Katherine Lukes

Hi Katherine

Really sorry but I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel on you again tomorrow. My news—I'm moving to Atlanta to be the Numero Duo in the whole company, globally!!!

I don't know if mum mentioned to you that there are also some issues in my marriage, though I hope not too serious.

As for your news—wow! I think bringing up sproglets is one of the most important things one can do in this life. A warning though. Bringing up children, even in “conventional” families, can be quite a struggle, so I think you should think carefully before embarking! Let's keep in e-mail touch. It's always good to hear what you're up to (or not up to!!) and we can see each other on one of my visits back to these shores.

Best

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Phyllis Lukes

Dearest Mum

Thank you for saying that! You'll find this hard to believe, but no one else has had the decency to say that they'll miss me. In fact everyone seems to be against me at the moment. Jens is, obviously. And she's being very unfair with the boys and trying to talk them round to her point of view.

Most of my colleagues are so jealous of my new job they are being really weird—even my mates can't be happy for me.

And things with Keri are pretty difficult. I'm sorry you and she didn't hit it off a bit better, I think she was a bit nervous meeting you. That was why she was doing that silly laugh all the time. She isn't like that normally. She's actually a very sweet person, but I've decided that for now it's best if I go to Atlanta on my tod.

Your loving son

Martie

PS I was meant to be seeing Katherine tomorrow, but have had to cancel, and have even had a huffy message from her—so she's cross with me, too! Btw what do you think about her news on the adoption front? I'm pretty skeptical, though obviously I tried to put it very positively to her, as you know how touchy she can be. But the bottom line is that it's not really fair on the kid to be raised by two lezzies. Try explaining that in the playground!

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Jenny Withers

Jens—Arrived safely last night. Have attached all my contact numbers in case you felt an urge to speak to your husband.

M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Graham—Just spent the day at the Malone mansion. Totally amazing—really vast, luxurious and even quite tasteful. I didn't realize how cultured Barry is. He's passionate about art, and has got a Picasso drawing and two Matisses! He gave me a tour of all his pictures, and told me how much everything cost. I kept a running total, and I think I got up to $96m!

Randee was really friendly—all over me, in fact. She's in amazing shape given that she must be in her late 40s. Don't think she has any idea her husband is humping a tasty young journalist …

Must go to bed now to be fresh for the filming tomorrow. Barry gets into the office before dawn, and I think I should try to get in first. M

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Hi Barry, I just wanted to thank you and Randee for a really wonderful day. It was great for me to feel so welcomed into your family, and to get to know your beautiful daughters. I felt particularly privileged to see your sensational art collection. Like you, I've always been a huge fan of the “art world.” My favorite artist is probably Jack Vettriano—have you thought of buying any of his? I'm told they're a great investment at the moment.

Have arranged for the camera crew to meet us at the golf club at 8:30am for a run-through. See you in the office before that. I normally get in at about 5:30am.

Martin

From:
Barry Malone

To:
All Staff

Howdy!

I would like to welcome to Atlanta Martin Lukes, who today commences his new job heading up my 35-strong personal office.

His first task here will be spearheading the rollout of our PPP program, and masterminding our annual conference in Paradise Island, Bahamas, next month, the very first under the new a-b glöbâl brand.

I love you all

Barry

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
All Staff

Hi!

First up I would like to say a humungous thank-you to Barry for making me feel so welcome here. The task is a big one, but people who know me well are kind enough to say that I have always embraced a challenge! Being a-b glöbâl's first chief of staff is a huge privilege. This is only Day One for myself, but already, thanks to the sheer drive of our CEO, I feel as if I've been here forever. I mean that in a good way, obviously!

All my very bestest

Martin Lukes

Chief of Staff, Office of the Chairman

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Sherry Zook

Hi Sherry

Great to meet with you just now. If you'll forgive a personal remark, that green sweater really goes with your eyes!

I'm confident that we can sort out any issues around the nature of your role. You may be used to a different way of working, but if you are prepared to fasten your seat belt, working for me is going to be really stimulating and a load of fun!

Question. Do you have issues around getting coffee for your boss? I realize that this is something many PAs are concerned about, and if you do, no problem. However if you are comfortable with this, mine's a tall latte with soya—I'm on a dairy free diet at the moment, and am finding it very beneficial.

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Sherry Zook

Seems we're both on a steep learning curve! With all due respect, I just meant to be pleasant. Can you help me on another small matter? I wanted to find out how to get Georgia customized license plates for my car, which I shall be importing from the UK. I would like the plates to say CREOV8.

Best, Martin

PS So where is the nearest Starbucks?

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Sales@AstonMartin

Re my order.

Dear Sir

Thank you for your e-mail confirming the order of my Aston Martin DB9. I am ordering customized license plates for my car but would also like the customized plaques on the sills to read: Driving Performance with Martin Lukes. As discussed, I have sent you a swatch taken from the inside of my favorite Paul Smith leather jacket. I would like the seat uphostery to be matched exactly.

I note that the delivery is September next year, which I assume is an error. I require the car asap. I understand that these highly individualized cars are not built overnight, but I would like to remind you that we live in a Just in Time marketplace. In my business if we do not deliver extraordinary service with extraordinary speed, we'd go out of business.

Martin Lukes

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
All Staff

Hi everyone

This morning at 10am EST we will be broadcasting a live webcast with our chairman and CEO, Barry S. Malone, who will be taking us through the background to our Q3 figures. It is essential that every co-colleague takes the time to watch it. Not only is it humungous fun, it contains some very powerful and uniquely motivational messages for the future of the company.

Bestest
Martin Lukes

Chief of Staff, Office of the Chairman

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Barry Malone

Hi Barry—that went brilliantly! You delivered the lines perfectly! Total triumph!

Martin

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

Graham—Did you see it? What did you think?? That bit where Barry deliberately topped the ball on the fairway while talking about the one-time costs of Project ABC was really inspired. I wrote the entire script myself—Barry might be a business genius but he's not much of a wordsmith. Shares seem to be down quite a lot. Which shows the market doesn't understand these results. Good for my options though …

Mart

PS How's Keri behaving? I think she's sulking at me again, but I don't have the mental capacity to deal with it right now.

From:
Martin Lukes

To:
Graham Wallace

This was in the Financial Times this morning. Journalists are such bloody idiots. They know bugger all about the real world.