ANGELO
Even just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you
He had of me a chain. At five o’clock
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thank you too.
Enter Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus from the Courtesan’s house (the Porcupine)
OFFICER
That labour may you save. See where he comes.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS (to
Dromio)
While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou
And buy a rope’s end. That will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But soft, I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone.
Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I buy a thousand pound a year, I buy a rope. Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS (to
Angelo)
A man is well holp up that trusts to you!
I promised your presence and the chain,
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Belike you thought our love would last too long
If it were chained together, and therefore came not.
ANGELO
Saving your merry humour, here’s the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion,
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman.
I pray you see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I am not furnished with the present money.
Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signor, take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELO
Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
No, bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
ANGELO
Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELO
Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain.
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Good Lord! You use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porcupine.
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But like a shrew you first begin to brawl.
SECOND MERCHANT (
to Angelo)
The hour steals on. I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELO (
to Antipholus)
You hear how he importunes me. The chain!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.
ANGELO
Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
Either send the chain, or send me by some token.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Fie, now you run this humour out of breath.
Come, where’s the chain? I pray you let me see it.
SECOND MERCHANT
My business cannot brook this dalliance.
Good sir, say whe’er you’ll answer me or no;
If not, I’ll leave him to the officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I answer you? What should I answer you?
ANGELO
The money that you owe me for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I owe you none till I receive the chain.
ANGELO
You know I gave it you half an hour since.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
You gave me none. You wrong me much to say so.
ANGELO
You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.
Consider how it stands upon my credit.
SECOND MERCHANT
Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
OFFICER (
to Angelo)
I do, and charge you in the Duke’s name to obey me.
ANGELO (to
Antipholus)
This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Consent to pay thee that I never had?
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar’st.
ANGELO
Here is thy fee: arrest him, officer.
I would not spare my brother in this case
If he should scorn me so apparently.
OFFICER (to
Antipholus)
I do arrest you, sir. You hear the suit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
(
To
Angelo)
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELO
Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse, from the bay
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Master, there’s a barque of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then she bears away. Our freightage, sir,
I have conveyed aboard, and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land. They stay for naught at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
How now? A madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope,
And told thee to what purpose and what end.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
You sent me for a ropës end as soon.
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a barque.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
I will debate this matter at more leisure,
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight.
Give her this key, and tell her in the desk
That’s covered o’er with Turkish tapestry
There is a purse of ducats. Let her send it.
Tell her I am arrested in the street,
And that shall bail me. Hie thee, slave. Be gone !—
On, officer, to prison, till it come.
Exeunt all but Dromio of Syracuse
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
To Adriana. That is where we dined,
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband.
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will;
For servants must their masters’ minds fulfil. Exit
4.2
Enter ⌈from the Phoenix⌉ Adriana and Luciana
ADRIANA
Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest, yea or no?
Looked he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What observation mad’st thou in this case
Of his heart’s meteors tilting in his face?
LUCIANA
First he denied you had in him no right.
ADRIANA
He meant he did me none, the more my spite.
LUCIANA
Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
ADRIANA
And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
LUCIANA
Then pleaded I for you.
ADRIANA
And what said he?
LUCIANA
That love I begged for you, he begged of me.
ADRIANA
With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
LUCIANA
With words that in an honest suit might move.
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
ADRIANA
Didst speak him fair?
LUCIANA Have patience, I beseech.
ADRIANA
I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still.
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-faced, worse-bodied, shapeless everywhere,
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
LUCIANA
Who would be jealous, then, of such a one?
No evil lost is wailed when it is gone.
ADRIANA
Ah, but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse.
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away.
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse running
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Here, go—the desk, the purse! Sweet now, make haste!
LUCIANA
How? Hast thou lost thy breath?
DROMIO or SYRACUSE By running fast.
ADRIANA
Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,
One whose hard heart is buttoned up with steel;
A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;
A wolf, nay worse, a fellow all in buff;
A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow launds;
A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dryfoot well;
One that before the Judgement carries poor souls to hell.
ADRIANA Why, man, what is the matter?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I do not know the matter, he is ’rested on the case.
ADRIANA
What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I know not at whose suit he is arrested well,
But is in a suit of buff which ’rested him, that can I tell.
Will you send him, mistress, redemption—the money in his desk?
ADRIANA
Go fetch it, sister.
Exit Luciana ⌈into the Phoenix⌉
That he unknown to me should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a bond?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Not on a bond but on a stronger thing:
A chain, a chain—do you not hear it ring?
ADRIANA
What, the chain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, no, the bell. ‘Tis time that I were gone:
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.
ADRIANA
The hours come back! That did I never hear.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
O yes, if any hour meet a sergeant, a turns back for very fear.
ADRIANA
As if time were in debt. How fondly dost thou reason!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he’s worth to season.
Nay, he’s a thief too. Have you not heard men say
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
If a be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
Enter Luciana ⌈from the Phoenix⌉ with the money
ADRIANA
Go, Dromio, there’s the money. Bear it straight,
And bring thy master home immediately.
⌈Exit Dromiol⌉
Come, sister, I am pressed down with conceit:
Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
Exeunt ⌈into the Phoenix⌉
4.3
Enter Antipholus of Syracuse, wearing the chain
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend,
And everyone doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me, some invite me,
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses.
Some offer me commodities to buy.
Even now a tailor called me in his shop,
And showed me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles,
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.