William Shakespeare's The Phantom Menace (9 page)

I find the creature Jar Jar rather odd.

Beep, squeak! [
Aside:
] Yet who is odder, Threepio?

Hear, Anakin: how canst be sure 'twill run?

Have faith, good friend: the pod shall serve us well.

The time hath come to test thy surety.

Behold, a power source that thou mayst use.

Forsooth, I shall—in every good thing!

The Gungan now is caught in th'afterburner.

I shall release him now, the silly fool.

[Padmé moves to free Jar Jar as Anakin starts the podracer
.

Indeed, the beast is odd beyond degree.

Now, rise, you swift podracer, rise and fly!

It comes to life beneath its master's touch—

The fleet machine doth work, it shall succeed,

And with it ev'ry hope that's in our hearts.

[Exeunt Padmé, Jar Jar, Shmi, R2-D2, and C-3PO in mirth
.

An excellent a'testing of the pod,

Young Anakin. Yet now I see thou hast

Been hurt—a scratch from thy wild metal beast.

I bid thee, sit thou here and I'll mend it.

Behold the stars above, so numerous!

So brightly do they shine upon the world

That I can almost see my future by them.

Do all have planetary systems, sir?

Belike near all the stars have planets, too.

Has e'er there been a voyager who hath

Made journey unto each and ev'ry one?

Nay, nay.

—In that I shall be primary,

Should Fate weave me a way from this bleak place.

[Qui-Gon takes a small sample of Anakin's blood as he finishes the bandage
.

See? Thou art whole again. Now, off to bed.

What are your good intentions for my blood?

Naught but to see thou hast infections none.

And now, I prithee, take thy needed rest:

Tomorrow is a vital day for thee.

[
Into communicator
:] I bid thee, Obi-Wan, art thou about?

Enter
O
BI
-W
AN
K
ENOBI
,
on balcony
.

Aye, Master. How may I fulfill your needs?

Make thou what keen analysis thou canst

Of this blood sample I send thee e'en now.

It shall completed be upon the instant.

The count of midi-chlorians I need.

What strange monstrosity is this I see?

What cunning twist of nature's pure design?

I ne'er encounter'd such as this before—

A count of midi-chlorians so vast,

Surpassing twenty thousand—O, 'tis dire!

'Tis past all reckoning, past thought or sense,

What creature can it be that Fate hath wrought

To be so strong and powerful as this?

Is it the boy? What wonder to bethink—

His count is higher e'en than Yoda's is.

No Jedi hath a count so high as that.

O, Master, tell me then: what doth it mean?

I do not know. So many things today

Have been beyond my understanding that

I know not what the sum of them shall be.

[Exeunt Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan from balcony
.

Enter
D
ARTH
M
AUL
.

Here on the planet Tatooine I've come

To seek the Jedi and the errant queen.

The glory of her capture and their deaths

Is expectation sweet unto my soul.

[Darth Maul sends out probes to search for the Jedi
.

Go forth, discerning probes, and seek them out—

Of my sure victory I have no doubt.

[Exit
.

I would your spaceship see the moment this

Fast race hath been competed. Understand?

Pray, patience, bluish friend. Thy winnings shall

Be thine before the double sun hath set,

And we shall be far gone from this grim place.

Unless your ship doth then belong to me.

I warn you, ply no trickstery on me.

Thou thinkest Anakin shall not prevail?

WATTO Mistake me not: the boy is talented

And in him I've a wealth of conference.

The boy, indeed, is credit to your race.

[
aside:
] 'Tis e'er a double-sided compliment.

WATTO And yet, methinks, Sebulba shall be first.

O wherefore dost thou think it shall be so?

'Tis but the odds: Sebulba ever wins.

In expedition of his victory

I've wager'd all my riches. He'll not fail.

Thy wager shall be mine, if thou dost wish

To wager more with assets than with words.

Eh?

—I shall wager my new racing pod

Against the boy and his kind mother, too.

If thou dost win, thou hast the podracer,

If I do win, their lives are in my hand.

WATTO Ha ha, you jest! No pod hath equal worth

As two hardworking, loyal human slaves.

Thou hast it right. Thus wager but the boy.

We shall let that old weaver, Fate, decide.

A chance cube doth reside within my pouch.

If blue appears, your sky is clear: the boy.

But if red shows, the other goes: his mother.

[Watto throws the chance cube
.
Qui-Gon uses the Force to make it land on blue
.

You have prevail'd in this, outlander, aye,

But shall not win the race. Thus, little doth

This wager make a whit of diffidence.

Enter
A
NAKIN
S
KYWALKER
, P
ADMÉ
, S
HMI
S
KYWALKER
, R2-D2, C-3PO,
and
K
ITSTER
.

O, fie! [
To Anakin:
] Bonapa keesa pateeso.

Buki chanaga o wanna meetee

Chopodd, eh? Ha ha!

[Exit Watto
.

—“Your friend here should cease

His betting lest anon I own him, too.”

What meaning's in these enigmatic words?

I shall tell thee another time. [
To Shmi:
] Good morn!

Beep, meep, beep, squeak, beep, whistle, whistle, hoo!

Space travel soundeth perilous, indeed.

Meep, meep, beep, nee, ahh, squeak.

—I tell thee true,

They never shall convince me to embark

Upon a starship, nay! Were droids suppos'd

To fly, the maker surely would have giv'n

Us wings to do so. Nay, no flier I!

O Anakin, 'tis wondrous thou shalt race.

I've ev'ry confidence in thy success

And certain am thou shalt do it this time.

I pray, what feat shall Anakin perform?

To finish th'race.

[
to Anakin:
] —Thou ne'er hast won a race?

'Tis possible I ne'er have done so. Nay.

Yet finish'd e'en the course?

—Good Kitster hath

Foreseen aright, my lady: this shall be

The day I see the end of the podrace.

Aye, so fear I.

—Thou wilt have swift success.

Now go ye and prepare, the race begins!

[Exeunt Anakin, Padmé, Jar Jar, Shmi, R2-D2, C-3PO, and Kitster
.

O Force, in battle steel this soldier's heart.

Give unto Anakin the strength he doth

Require to make a goodly run today.

Our hopes all rest upon this worthy lad,

Who in a time but short hath made his mark

Upon our story—yea, upon our souls.

Whate'er befalls, our fate is now with his

One and the same, fast tether'd life to life.

Thus rise, O Force, and be his constant stay:

When he doth ride, make his reflexes swift,

When he meets obstacles, guide then his hand,

When he doth need quick thinking, be his mind,

When he is challeng'd, swell his bravery,

And in the end, grant him—and us—success.

If the Republic would have justice done,

This boy shall be the linchpin of that cause:

If he doth win today, we fix the ship,

The ship then being fix'd, we fly from here,

We fly and make our way to Coruscant,

In Coruscant we tell the crimes of trade,

The crimes then told, the Federation falls,

The Federation down, 'tis justice done.

It doth begin today with this contest:

This crucial podrace shall prove bust or best.

[Exit
.

How all occasions do inform toward me

To spur my action here! The Jedi comes—

Of all the junk shops in all towns in all

Of Tatooine, he walketh into mine.

Yea, enters he unto my simple life

Upon the instant my machine's complete.

My podracer is ready for the nonce

As though 'twere Fortune's hand that crafted it.

Now lies their fate—and mayhap mine as well—

Upon the skill with which I race today.

Be with me, brave gone souls of slaves who pass'd

Before me, those who work'd and sweated for

Another's gain. Ancestors mine, be here—

O, make me quick in my maneuvering,

And strong in my resolve and my control,

And brave to face those who would do me wrong.

I ride with what I am and as I may—

I ride, and in the end it must suffice.

Enter
S
EBULBA
and other
PODRACERS
below, preparing to race and waving to the crowd, with
Q
UI
-G
ON
J
INN
, S
HMI
S
KYWALKER
, J
AR
J
AR
B
INKS
, R2-D2, C-3PO,
and
K
ITSTER
coming to help
A
NAKIN
.
Enter
F
ODE AND
B
EED
,
a two-headed creature, commentating aside
.

Toong mee cha kulkah du Boonta magi!

Tah oos azalus ooval podraces!

Indeed, the sun doth shine and all is calm

For this year's Boonta Classic. Crowds arrive

From all the far-flung territories of

The Outer Rim. Behold, contestants 'gin

To make their preparation on the grid

Where our great race commenceth. See them now,

Familiar in our mouths as household words—

Ben Quadinaros, podracer of Tund,

Gasgano, he who hath from Troiken come,

The two-time champion, e'en he: Boles Roor,

The reigning winner, swift Sebulba of

The city Pixelito, and the one

Consider'd favorite to win today.

Shall favor smile upon the favorite?

Next, in the front, by pole position near,

It is Mawhonic, he of third-eye sight.

And greetings, too, to Clegg Holdfast and his

Sharp Voltec KT9 Wasp podracer.

Returning to th'arena is Dud Bolt,

With the Vulptereen three-two-seven, it

Of marvelous construction and design.

Behold one who hath fervent hopes today:

Ody Mandrell, with droid pit team that hath

Establish'd standards new for skill and speed.

And last, one lately come into the fray,

Young Anakin Skywalker, local lad.

The standards in procession are display'd

As all anticipate the starting sign.

[A procession is held, with C-3PO carrying a canopy
.