Willow Grove Abbey (15 page)

I
began practicing the intricacies of managing a massive country house. There was such a large staff at
Winnsborough Hall,
that it took me quite a good bit of time to learn everyone’s’ names and duties. I had a social secretary who saw to the writing and acceptance of invitations, as well as entering into an engagement book every appointment made for Owen and me, whether it was an afternoon tea, lunch, dinner, dress fitting or doctor’s appointment. She also audited all bills and drew the checks for them. Her name was Audrey Evans, and she was highly capable. Of course, we had a housekeeper, whose name was Mrs. Whittaker. She had been with the Winnsboroughs since Owen was a child, and was of immeasurable help to me. In no time at all, we found that we worked very well together. She had charge of the appearance of the house and of its contents; the manners and looks of the housemaids and parlor maids, as well as their work in cleaning walls, floors, ornaments, pictures, furniture, books and taking care of the linen. Besides Mrs
.
Whittaker, the most important member of the staff was our Butler, Morris. He had charge of the pantry and dining room, engaged all footman and was in charge of their work and appearance. Then there was Mary, who was in charge of the kitchen, and the undercook. In spite of all of this assistance, I still found that I had plenty to keep me occupied and I also found that I greatly enjoyed the freedom and independence that came with being married, even though my husband was not who I’d dreamed he might have been.

In late
March I traveled to London, under the pretense of a shopping trip. However, the true reason was to visit an obstetrician. I didn’t elaborate to the London doctor upon the length of my marriage. I merely recounted the fact that I’d not had my monthly menses since mid-October. Upon examination, he verified what I already knew. He pronounced the due date as 2, August. He stated that I was young and healthy, and that he expected an easy pregnancy and routine birth. Once that ordeal was behind me, I eagerly looked forward to enjoying a few days shopping in Knightsbridge, visiting with friends, and dining with Drew and Annie. It was the first time I’d stayed in the flat on Sumner Street. The neighborhood was excellent and the building very fashionable. Thus, I wasn’t in the least frightened of being on my own in London, even though it was a new experience. I had such a good time on that short visit. I learned what it was like to enter a fashionable shop, and make my selection without ever having to worry about the manner of payment. All that was required was my giving the name ‘Lady Winnsborough’, and any purchases were immediately sent to
Winnsborough Hall
, and placed on account. I’d been used to similar service before, as Lady Sophia Somerville, but I was literally fawned over as
Lady Winnsborough
. I had never been impressed with that sort of treatment, but had to admit it was rather fun. Annie and Drew hosted a lovely small dinner party in my honor during my visit, where I was able to catch-up with a few old friends, and we also attended a new play that had recently opened, ‘
Blackbirds’,
at the Adelphi Theater.

After a week
away, I was rather glad to return to
Winnsborough Hall
, ready to talk with my husband about my pregnancy. We had been married two months at that point, and I knew that it was time to inform Owen that he was to be a father. It was undoubtedly going to be the biggest shock of his life, which was not surprising considering the circumstances. Upon my return home, Owen and I
sat in front of the fireplace in the drawing room at
Winnsborough Hall.
I began a conversation about my visit to London. I’d been there the entire week. We chatted about inconsequential matters, and I
told him of various things I’d done during my trip. Then we discussed the upcoming coronation of Edward the Eighth, scheduled for 12 May, 1937.There was no question that the coming year would be one of grand festivities before the Coronation. We would be on the guest lists for many glittering events. When Owen finally paused in his discussion of the much-anticipated splendor surrounding the crowning of a new King, I seized the opportunity.

“Owen, dear
, there’s something I need to speak with you about, and it’s extremely important,” I began.

“What is it,
Sophia?” he asked, looking at me as though he had only just realized that I was in the room. There seemed no point in mincing words. I had carried the secret for such a long time, and was delighted that the moment had finally arrived to unburden myself.

“I’
m going to have a baby,” I beamed.

Owen turned
white and his voice shook. “What…? You are what…? What did you say, Sophia?”

“I said I’
m...well, I mean,
we
are going to have a baby. You’re going to be a father.” I could not tell if he was pleased, angry, or perhaps a bit of both. He just sat there, looking like a bloodhound. “Owen. Say something,” I implored. He continued to sit in silence, and then shook his head as if to clear it. “Owen. Please. Say something. Anything.”

“I’
m not certain what to say. Are you certain? I mean...Have you seen a physician?”

“Well, yes, as a
matter of fact, I have. I visited a very fine obstetrician while in London this past week. He confirmed it. There is absolutely no doubt, Owen.”

“When
... How... I suppose on our wedding night?”

“I su
ppose,” I echoed.
As though there could have been any other time.

“Well
... This is incredible. Just incredible. I daresay I’m bowled over.” He stood and put another log on the dying fire.

“Are you pleased?
” I asked.

“Yes
... Yes. It’s just so unexpected.”

“Well, I
assumed you wanted children eventually. I know this wasn’t planned, and that you said that we should wait until I was older, but truly Owen I’m very pleased.”

“Yes, well
... Quite. That is the important thing, I should imagine. You will be the person to go through the having of the baby. Naturally, I’m pleased at the thought of producing an heir.”

“Or an heiress.”

“Yes, I suppose that could be too,” he responded, not altogether enthusiastically. “When will this child be born?” He enquired.

“T
he doctor thought somewhere around the middle of October,” I lied. I’d counted carefully and knew when the birth date would have been if I had not already been pregnant four and a half months. I was planning the visit to Paris to see Edwina in mid-July, when Owen and everyone else would think I was pregnant six months. Edwina and I had every detail organized to perfection. “I shall go on my holiday to Paris in July, and be home in plenty of time to have the baby here at
Winnsborough Hall.”

“Will it be safe to travel, do you think?”

“Oh, dear, yes. This is 1936, after all! Women don’t go into seclusion because they are
expecting a child.”

“Well, I’ll leave all of that to yo
u and your physician” he replied. “Feeling all right, are you?” He was finally starting to make comments that were more appropriate.

“I feel splendid.
Very well.”

“I’
m glad... I should feel beastly if I caused you to be ill.”

“Don’t be a
goose
. I am extremely happy to be having this baby. I want you to be happy too.” I could not help but think of the reaction that I would have received if I’d been telling the same news to Spence. I knew that there would have been kisses, hugs and exclamations of joy. “It will be such fun to re-decorate the nursery. I don’t imagine there has been a baby here at
Winnsborough Hall
in a long while,” I smiled.

“No, not since I was born. It will need refurbishing.
I’ll leave that up to you. Audrey will have my permission to draw whatever amount of funds are necessary to do it up properly.”

“
Thank you, Owen. That’s very generous. I hope your parents will be pleased. Do you think so, Owen?”

“Oh, naturally. That is the entire
purpose for marriage, of course. Especially in noble families. Parents always worry themselves sick over whether there will be an heir. I’m certain mine have. Yours too, undoubtedly.”

“Well, if your parents have been worrying, then they can relax,” I s
miled. It wasn’t easy to smile, since I was simmering inside.
That was certainly not the entire reason for marriage, as far as I was concerned.
I’d thought Owen loved me, but now I began to think that an enormous mistake had been made. Perhaps his entire reason for marrying me had been to produce an heir. However, that made little sense to me either, since it was impossible to produce an heir, if one didn’t plan on having sexual relations.

“Owen, I wish you would show a bit
more joy at my news. This should be a splendidly happy moment.”

“I’
m sure I shall once I adjust to this news,” he stated, in a rather mundane manner. “I’m just imagining how having a child will change our lifestyle. Of course, we shall have a nanny. I am not a great believer in parents being overly involved in their children’s lives.”

Conversely,
I believed very strongly that parents should be
exceedingly
involved in a child’s life. Nevertheless, I didn’t argue with Owen. It was clear that fatherhood was not a role he relished with enthusiasm. I would deal with his preferences when the baby actually arrived. There was silence between us, and after a few moments he said, “Shall we go in to dinner?” as though nothing whatever had changed.

***

He maintained the same rather disinterested air throughout the summer, which was a bit puzzling to me. If anything, he seemed rather embarrassed by my condition. He would never put his hand on my abdomen to feel the baby kick or listen for the heartbeat. It hurt my feelings a bit when he stayed away from
Winnsborough Hall
practically all of the time, preferring to spend time in London. At times I even wondered if he had a mistress, since he certainly had no interest in me. While I had no interest in him physically, I knew that our relationship was simply not normal. Since it was my intention to spend the rest of my life with him, I sometimes became very anxious at the thought that we were destined to live more as brother and sister than husband and wife. I was only nineteen, and it perplexed me that he didn’t seem to find me at all desirable. Eventually, I hoped to have other children as the years progressed, but saw scant chance of that happening. I might have attributed his behavior to my being pregnant, had there been any sign of sexual attraction
before
the announcement of my condition, but there had not been. I just did not know what to make of it, nor how to deal with it.

In
May, we traveled to Scotland for Blake’s marriage to Lady Susan Feemster, a Scottish girl he had met while on a business trip for
Somerville Ltd
. I suspected that they’d engaged in an extra-marital affair, but whatever the case, Blake was divorced from Elizabeth in short order. I felt dreadfully sorry to lose her as a sister-in-law. It goes without saying that my parents were delighted with Blake’s choice for a second wife. The wedding reminded me of what I expect my own might have been, had I married the man I truly loved. Susan was resplendent in a white organza gown, and Blake seemed very happy. I was truly delighted for him, though I can’t say that I was overly fond of Susan. She had a rather supercilious attitude, and gave off the impression that truthfulness was not her strong suit. I’d not spent a good deal of time around her, but she was quite ‘full of herself’, and prattled on about her supposed impressive heritage. I had already caught her in several lies about her lineage, as well as her education. Blake’s two children by Elizabeth, Blake Jr., and Pippin, weren’t present for the ceremony, which seemed somewhat odd to me. Later I learned that they had never even been told that the marriage was taking place. However, I
had
seen a change in my brother, and prayed it was lasting. Susan
was
attractive, in a tarty sort of way. She had enormous breasts, and was very blonde... what we called in those days, ‘bottle blonde.’ Blake made quite rude jests about her firm, rounded ‘bum’, and I wondered if that wasn’t the primary attraction for him. No matter. Mummy was at her best, since all of us children were properly married to suitable mates. I even speculated upon the possibility that the
rages
of my childhood might be past. If only memories could be erased so easily.

Blake and
Susan left on a wedding trip to Italy, and Owen and I returned to
Winnsborough Hall,
and the odd life that had become routine. Of course, I didn’t speak of, nor give any indication to my family that our marriage was anything other than normal and happy. Everyone had been exceptionally pleased at the surprise announcement of my pregnancy. The last thing I wanted was any hint that we were living an exceedingly strange life. I was certain that my mother would blame me for the loveless union. We continued in such a manner, and I could not say that I was terribly unhappy. I enjoyed having a home and discovered quite a knack for roses as well as other garden flowers. I spent whole days working with the soil, feeling the warm sunshine on my skin, which never burned because of my olive coloring. It was delightful to be able to plan dinner menus each day with Mrs. Whittaker and it was pleasant to dress for dinner each evening in an enchanting gown, selected from the vast collection in my wardrobe. Owen and I often entertained other couples from the surrounding area. He was very generous with me. I had no complaints, but for the lack of a physical relationship... And, the lack of love, which obviously, nothing could be done about.