Wilson Mooney Eighteen at Last (24 page)

“
Did you get ahold of
Calvin?” Max asked his sister.

“
Yeah, I did. Max, he’s
devastated that you didn’t call him sooner,” Camille warned
him.

“
Well, considering the
circumstances—is he flying in today?” Max was terse.

I knew how Calvin felt. Hell, I knew
it so well; I could’ve traded places with him and he wouldn’t have
known the difference. I knew the loneliness and abandonment that
flooded every crevice in his soul. I was familiar with the gaping
holes crawling with poisonous guilt, and the sucker punch that took
his breath away.

“
He’s trying to get here
as fast as he can. He said he will call when he has a flight.”
Camille held back her tears.

“
What about Dan?” Max
asked. He was so focused on plans and plotting, I think it helped
him avoid the crippling pain of losing his father. He rubbed his
hand across his mom’s back, who was unable to take part in the
conversation. Nancy just stood there, unmoved and completely
lost.

“
He’s on his way.” Camille
avoided looking at anyone.

“
I’ll call Rabbi Shaw. You
gonna be okay?” Max asked his mom.

Nancy nodded
yes
. The strength she
once had, the iron core assurance she exuded, was nothing more than
a broken memory.

“
Camille…” Max summoned
her as he pointed to his mother. Camille swarmed Nancy into an
embrace and pulled her to the couch. Max grabbed my hands and
pulled me close to him. His mouth against my ear, he spoke softly,
“Come with me; I’m gonna need you.” I followed him.

Max sailed through the kitchen like he
was on autopilot, determined to land a damaged plane and desperate
to save all the ill-fated passengers. There was no asking him how
he was or what he needed me to do. So I stood there, ready to pick
him up off the floor when the engines gave out and the plane became
wreckage against a white, snow-capped mountain. It was the only
thing I could do.

Max handled himself with
strength and resolve on the phone with the Rabbi for over an hour.
Of course it was only one side of the conversation I heard, but
from what I could gather, it was very important to the family that
they bury Frank as soon as possible. Max mentioned someone called
a
shomer
being
with his father’s body, and they wanted to make sure no autopsy was
performed. Words I’d never heard him speak, and would be totally
foolish to try and pronounce, were sprinkled and splashed
throughout the conversation. The Hebrew rolled off Max’s tongue as
easy as water flowing down a wide, deep river.

“
Toda, Rabbi Shaw, and
shalom,” Max murmured at the end.

He hung up the phone and stared at me
from across the kitchen. Pale as a ghost, his expression worn, his
emotions translucent—the plane was about to hit the mountain. Even
the massive butcher block and black granite island couldn’t keep me
from rushing to him.

His breathing was shallow; it came and
went so fast. His body was capable only of folding as he tried to
catch himself and stop from losing it. I reached him in time to be
something warm to cling to. I was nothing more than a rock to grasp
in his family’s quarry of broken dreams, and that’s exactly what he
needed me to be.

I heard the front door slam shut, then
Nancy gasping and Camille whimpering Dan’s name before she
stuttered her words and crumbled into a sob.

I pressed against Max as
our bodies swayed toward the opposite door. Maybe somewhere deep
within I knew he needed a moment to collect himself before he saw
Dan. Or maybe it was my need to protect him that drove me to push
him into the morgue-chilled garage.
Either
way, I finally understood how Joanie was able to be strong for me
when my grandparents died. Something just clicks inside of you and
you forget your pain to help heal someone else's.

“
Take a minute, Max.
Organize your thoughts before you have to go in there and talk your
family,” I whispered against him. My hands clung to the sides of
his face as he bent his head low. His fists hung on my hips as we
leaned against his car. He nodded silently.

With his worn eyes casing my face, I
saw his realization that he needed to be strong for the family he
had left. In less than twenty-four hours, he’d became the rock of
his family; the pilot light everyone looked at to fuel their
flames.

“
I didn’t want to break
Calvin’s heart. I messed up, Wilson. I should have called him the
minute…” His breathing began to speed.

“
Max, look at me.” I
pulled at his chin, making him raise his head. I didn’t want him to
lose it before he had to talk to his family. “You did the best you
knew how in the situation you were dealt. Your brother will
understand.”

“
He never got his chance
to make peace.”

Max crumbled then. His weight was
forceful as his body trembled and pressed against mine, waiting for
me to save him. I stood there getting drenched in his tears. God, I
wished I could have absorbed all of his pain as his body melted
into me. My words couldn’t change the demons that swelled when he
thought about Calvin and his father’s death. So I held him as tight
as I could, past the point where my arms weakened and began to
quake. Max pushed me hard against the car, his face buried in the
crevice of my neck. I could barely understand the words he muttered
against my skin. He was chanting—a constant hum that seemed to
comfort him, even as his world crashed down. His tear-soaked lips
pressed against my skin as his hands clamped forcefully across my
back.

“
Max, sweetheart, that
hurts,” I whimpered as I dropped my shoulder and dragged my hands
up under his to break his hold. I needed to pull him back from that
dark, swampy moment because he was starting to scare me.

“
I’m sorry,” Max said as
he lifted his weight from my body and turned to leave.

“
Wait,” I yelled before I
grabbed his arm. “I know how much you’re hurting, and it sucks.
There is
nothing
anyone can do to make it go away. But you still have a family
out there and they need you.
They need
you, Max
, whether you like it or not.” I
pushed my hand against his chest.

His head dropped and his hair
avalanched forward, creating a midnight-black curtain to block his
face. I knew he didn’t want to be the one to bear the burden of
healing his family.

“
What if I can’t?” his
words tumbled from his pouty frown. I felt a cold, harsh pain creep
into my body; the same feeling that I stuffed and hid deep within
me when I lost my grandmother.

Before I could think, I was telling my
story.

“
When my grandma died, I
found my grandfather slumped in his closet, drenched from sobbing.
He was cursing God for taking his love from him; his reason for
living. I stood over him, not knowing how to help. But I knew at
that moment I couldn’t let him go through her death alone.
Something inside me clicked and I wouldn’t allow myself to cry for
her, not until he was done.”

Max pushed his hand to the tears that
trailed my cheeks. I continued.

“
I didn’t allow the
thought of never seeing her again enter my mind. Not until I knew
my grandfather was going to be okay. I knew I’d have a chance to
cry later. The day he sent me back to school, I broke down on
Joanie’s bed—for two days Joanie took care of me. Max, I’m here for
you. Your family is here for you, but you gotta be here for them
too. You can do this.”

I pushed his slinky black hair back
from his swollen, lost green eyes. His nose flared and his lips
drooped before he pulled them into a stoic line. I leaned in,
parted my lips, and kissed him. He slipped his arms around me and
pulled my body tight against his.

“
I love you,” his words
tickled across my lips.

“
I love you too,” I
whispered.

I was exactly where I wanted to be. I
loved him so much, more than any moment or event could ever render.
He was my air, my water, my blood pumping through my veins. I gave
him every hidden spoke in my wheel. Every little thing that meant
anything to me was nothing compared to him. To see him in so much
pain cracked my soul.

Max caught my hair in his hands and
pushed it off my face before he stared into my eyes. “I wish I was
there for you when your grandfather died. I’m sorry you were all
alone,” Max murmured before he kissed my cheek.

“
I had Joanie; she really
had to hold me together. I only hope that I am half the friend to
her that she is to me.”

“
You are. Joanie is lucky
to have you.”

“
And I am lucky to have
her. She’s the only family I have left.”

Max knew she wasn’t
related to me by blood or marriage, but Joanie and I didn’t need
that; we were
found
family. A family we made by conscious choice.

“
Well, do you think you
could find some room for someone else in your tight-knit family?”
Max gave me a timid smile.

“
Depends,” I said before I
smiled back at him.
OMG. If he knew Joanie
and I had my big Goldstein wedding day planned out, colors and all,
he’d probably be scared shitless.

“
Really? On what?” Max
asked.

“
On how that person treats
his family.”

“
Sooo, that’s my cue to go
and take care of my family, then.” Max pulled away from me. He slid
his fingers down my arm, tickling my wrist before holding my hand;
even squeezing it a couple of times before pulling me out of the
garage.

“
Only if you feel ready,”
I added.

“
I’m ready to help my
family.”

He took a deep breath as we made our
way through the kitchen and into the great room.

Nancy was sitting on the couch; Dan
stood in front of Camille, who was comforting her mom. I heard Max
take a deep breath and watched his shoulders bounce as he worked
out how to approach them.

“
Dan, really glad you made
it,” Max offered as he stood awkwardly next to him and shook his
hand.

“
How are you? I don’t know
how—I’m just shocked. So sorry I wasn’t here,” Dan choked. Camille
stood up and wrapped her arms around Dan’s waist.

“
We are so glad you’re
here now. Camille really needs you,” Max said as his hand reached
back to find me. When I stretched and caught his grip, he pulled me
against his back. My arms slid around his stomach as I hugged him
from behind, then he swung his arm around me and brought me
forward.

“
You remember Wilson?” Max
asked.

“
Of course, nice to see
you again. Though I wish it was under different circumstances,” Dan
said as he leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.

“
Me too. Sorry for your
loss,” I whispered against his ear before he pulled
away.

Max tightened his grip across my bicep
and rested his lips against the side of my head. Maybe it was his
way of salvaging the strength he needed to proceed.

“
I spoke to the Rabbi. He
asked if the
shomar
that he sent for Dad showed up. I thanked him for doing that.
He said he would order the casket and arrange a cleansing if we
wanted him to. He’s available tonight and tomorrow morning, first
thing. I told him we had to wait for Calvin to get here, hopefully
sometime tomorrow,” Max rambled.

The family clung to his every word as
they tumbled from his mouth.

“
Was he concerned with Dad
not being buried within twenty-four hours?” Camille
asked.

“
No, he actually wanted to
know if we wanted to cleanse Dad and shroud him before Calvin got
here.”

“
Max, I don’t think I can
do that—Mom?” Camille whined. Nancy shook her head as Camille began
to sob again. Dan pulled her into his chest.

“
I asked the Rabbi if he
had another person in place, just in case we couldn’t handle seeing
Dad…
you know
. He
said he and the
shomar
would take care of it.” Max began to stand strong; his body
language showed me his growing confidence.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket
but I didn’t answer it. Max continued to tell his family details of
what should be happening and when things needed to be handled. My
phone vibrated again. This time I checked it and saw three texts
from Joanie.

WHATS GOIN ON?

HAVNT HEARD FROM
U.

CALL ME ASAP.

As I scrolled through them, I wished
relief would have draped my body, like a reprieve from a nightmare
when you wake up. I wanted Joanie’s texts to give me a moment to
breathe deeply again, but they didn’t. I waited for the right pause
in the conversation to tell Max I was going to his room for a
second to call her back. He narrowed his eyes and gave me a
confident nod. I snuck out of the room and made my way upstairs. He
continued engaging his family without missing a beat.