Wilson Mooney Eighteen at Last (26 page)

“
You’re not an
afterthought. Listen, everything happened so fast…” Max tried to
explain.

“
Save your shitty excuses.
It doesn’t take that long to dial me on your phone,” Calvin
spat.

“
Actually, Calvin, he
asked
me
to call
you. I just kept crying every time I tried.” Camille strained to
fix the broken moment between Max and Calvin.

“
That’s bullshit. You all
got a chance to say goodbye and I got nothing. Just like
always.”

“
Nobody got a chance to
say goodbye. Come on, Cal, there’s no need for—” I heard Max trying
to reason with Calvin.

“
No need for what, Max? No
need to listen to me? Or how everyone thinks I’m just the fucking
joke in this family?” Calvin’s voice wavered before the slight
moment of silence was broken by Calvin continuing, “Fuck it, your
number just came up—Mom, did Max tell you about his new
girlfriend?”

“
Cal, I know you’re pissed
off at me, but don’t say something you’re going to regret. So why
don’t you just stop right there,” Max warned.

“
Why don’t we just come
out with it, Max?” Calvin yelled.

“
Come out with what? What
is he talking about, Maxi?” I heard Nancy ask.

“
Nothin’, Mom,” Max
spat.

“
What is Cal talking
about?” Camille asked.

“
Oh it’s even better than
I thought. You have the wool pulled over everyone’s eyes; you’ve
lied to the whole family,” Cal said.

“
Lied about what?” Nancy
and Camille asked in unison.

“
Nothing, Cal, don’t fuck
this up for me,” Max growled.

“
Maxi!” Nancy
scolded.

“
His new girlfriend is a
student,” Cal said.

“
I know, Wilson’s still in
college,” Nancy answered.

“
Don’t do this, Cal,” Max
groused.

“
No, Mom. Wilson isn’t in
college—she’s a senior in
high
school
.”

“
What?” Nancy said,
confused by Calvin’s statement.

“
She’s a student in Max’s
government class,” Calvin delivered the final blow.

My stomach bounced in my
gut and my heart did a kamikaze down into the swirling
acids.
What did Calvin just do? Our
lie—she knows I lied to her. Oh my God, she will hate me
forever.

“
Maxi?” Nancy
questioned.

“
What the hell, Max?”
Camille piped up.

“
Hurts, doesn’t it? Not
the golden boy everyone thinks you are,” Calvin steamed.

“
That’s enough, Calvin.
Maxi, is this true?” Nancy whispered.

“
Ma, it’s not like that,
I…” Max began to explain.

“
Max—yes or no. Is what
Calvin’s saying true?” Nancy pushed.

“
Go on, tell her. Live
under the microscope like I have my entire life,” Calvin
spewed.

“
Cal, I said that was
enough. Now you and Camille need to give us a moment—alone,” Nancy
said.

“
I can’t believe this.
Wilson’s one of your students? What were you thinking?” Camille
snapped.

My heart thrashed harshly
in my chest. I felt all of my blood rush down to my feet as my head
swam with a cloudiness that bordered on losing consciousness. As
hard as I tried, I couldn’t slow my breathing. I clung to the
banister, hoping I wouldn’t lose my balance and fall down the eight
or so steps left below me. I heard Calvin grumble as he ambled
toward the kitchen.
Why did Calvin feel he
needed to do that?

“
Max, you still haven’t
answered me—
is
Wilson one of your students?” Nancy’s voice rang across the
great room.

“
Yes,” Max
answered.

A silence crowded the room for a never
ending moment.

“
What the hell possessed
you? Do you not understand the responsibility of your position?”
Nancy barked.

“
Yeah, Ma I…” Max
started.

“
Did you even consider the
fact that nobody is going to let you explain yourself? They will
look at you as this twenty-two year old
man
who took advantage of an
innocent, seventeen year old girl,” Nancy fired at Max

“
She’s
eighteen.”

“
Come on, Max—did the
reputation of our family even cross your mind?” Nancy laid it on
thick.

I felt the dirty, filthy guilt of our
being together as it crescendoed across every cell in my body.
Suddenly, what we’d shared—what Max and I had—was nothing more than
an inconvenient lapse in his judgment.

“
No, I guess not. I didn’t
think who I fell in love with was anyone else’s
business.”

“
Well, Max, it is. And
contrary to my feelings about her, you know you can’t continue the
relationship. Not right now,” Nancy said.

“
It’s a bit more
complicated than that,” Max said.

“
Now listen, you have a
responsibility to your career, to your family, and to that young
girl. You lied to
me
—and you lied to your
father
.”

I couldn’t take it anymore; it was
horrifying that I added so much to Nancy’s already broken heart. I
never meant for a lie to create so much damage. I felt the pain
surge through my chest; my heart shattered into splinters saved for
the worst heartbreak ever. My ears filled with the force of trying
to hold back the tears that crowded my eyes. The fight for what I
knew was something more than a crush—was over. My legs ached as I
climbed the stairs to Max’s room. My body tensed and my trachea
burned from the pressure of trying to hold back from sobbing. My
mind replayed over and over again the words Nancy had said to Max.
My lungs clung to the stale air that refused to leave as I
attempted to exhale; no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t breathe
deeply enough.

I pushed Max’s bedroom door open, and
all at once, every attempt to keep from breaking into a million
pieces failed. I shut the door and sobbed against it—the only thing
that separated me from my whole life. I wanted to scream. I wanted
to kick the shit out of the circumstances that plucked the best
moments of my life away from me. There was nothing justifiable
about the universe letting me taste the sweetness of perfection
before it viciously ripped it from my soul. I didn’t want to lose
Max. I wanted to fight; to prove to Nancy that we belonged
together. I wanted to tell her how different I really was, how
right it felt to be with Max; but I couldn’t. How could I plead my
case to a woman who’d just lost the love of her life and father of
her children? There was nothing rational about us at that
moment—I’d become the distraction Max shouldn’t have, and what I
needed to do was disappear.

Slipping my phone from my
pocket, I scrolled through the stack of alphabetized names until I
found the number of the only person I knew who’d come get me. I
pressed on the name and held the phone to my damp cheek. I wished
for more time before he answered too quickly.
Wish in one hand and spit in the other…

“
Hey, stranger!
Merry
day after
Christmas, and, well, happy belated birthday too,” Nick
sang.

“
Nick—can—you—come—get
me…?” I managed between spastic gasps for air.

“
Are you okay, Wilson?
Where are you?”

I took a huge breath and forced it
out, trying to stop the uncontrollable rhythm to which my body was
falling victim.

“
Ma—x’s hou—se,” my words
were interrupted by hiccups.

“
Did he hurt you? He
better not have laid a hand on you,” Nick’s words tumbled from his
mouth.

“
No, ca—n you co—me get
m—e?” I managed to ask again.

“
I’m on my way. I’ll be
there as soon as I can.” His voice was hurried.

“
Thanks.”

I hung up and took a cleansing breath.
I was scared and relieved all at the same time. Scared to see
Nancy’s disappointment burn across her expression, and scared to
tell Max that I was leaving; but relieved that Nick was coming to
get me.

I snatched my suitcase from Max’s
closet and scooped my clothes out of his dresser drawer. The time
and energy I’d spent folding and putting them away left nothing but
a bad taste in my mouth as I stuffed them into my suitcase. Funny
how fast my actions changed when there was an escape
route.

I grabbed my makeup bag from his
bathroom and tucked it into the top corner of my suitcase, then
pulled on the handle and looked around one more time before I left
behind some of the best memories of my life. I was reaching for the
door when it flung open revealing Max, frozen by the vision of me
leaving.

“
Wilson, what are you
doing?” he questioned me, his emerald eyes constricted tightly as
his lips fell to a downtrodden scowl.

“
I think…it’s for the
best…that I leave…” I said, attempting to force out the words
without crying. I could feel the pressure building high in my chest
and my eyes welling with tears.

“
Wait—hold on, I don’t
want you to leave. Stay here,” Max pleaded as he reached for my
suitcase. I could see he was broken; stretched and pulled in
different directions between his family and me.

“
Max, I heard—everything.
It was never my intention to fall in love with you and your family
through a lie. I can’t do it.” The bubble exploded in the back of
my throat and the rush of keeping my cool dissolved.

“
Calvin
shouldn’t—”

“
It isn’t—‘bout Calvin,” I
interrupted.

“
My mom doesn’t—,” Max
started.

“
It isn’t about her
either,” I spat.

“
Then what is it about?
Why are you leaving me?” Max demanded.

“
I just have to go. It’ll
be better for
you
this way.”

“
I don’t want it better
for me. I don’t want you to go,” Max pressed with his words. His
eyes became moist, blazing with agony. His shoulders rose as he
pushed his empty hands out to stop me. “Please, don’t
go…”

I couldn’t let him touch me. If I felt
his warmth, I would dissolve in his embrace.

I pushed my hands out to stop his
touch. “I have to go—for me. Please understand. Take care of your
family, Max. I love you,” I whispered as I looked down at the floor
and walked past him.

He reached for me and pulled at my
sweater. As he caught me by my bicep I felt his heat scorch my
skin. I froze, unable to continue down the hall; he wasn’t letting
go. He pulled me back and turned me around. I spun to him, my hands
balanced on his chest. I didn’t look up at him.

“
Wilson, don’t do this,”
he whispered. I took a deep breath and lifted myself onto my
tiptoes. My head rose and I met his salty, lost lips. I pressed
against his mouth, my tears flooding down my cheeks meeting our
goodbye kiss. He pushed for more, but I pulled away; a cold, damp
chill poured into the space between us.

“
Goodbye, Max,” I choked
as I turned and walked away from him.

I felt Max’s eyes burning across my
back. I knew he was watching me leave. I didn’t want to glance
back, but I did. He looked shattered. I caused a huge wreck—one big
enough to alter our worlds forever.

I struggled with my
suitcase as I worked to get it down the stairs. It carried the
weight of every moment I wished I could pack away and toss into a
blazing fire until it burnt to grey ashes. Calvin rushed around the
corner and bolted up the stairs toward me, skipping every other
stair. His expression was plastered with apologies. His eyes loomed
dark from all the losses he’d experienced, not only in death but in
life. Our eyes caught, and for a glimpse, I saw how much he
regretted what he’d done. I muscled and maneuvered my suitcase past
him before he could try and restore what was already damaged. I
retrieved my boots from the rattan basket and pulled my jacket from
the closet before I opened the front door and turned to look.
Calvin was holding Max back, telling him to let me go. My eyes met
Max’s, and through my tears, I watched him resign himself to the
fact that I was really leaving. His body surrendered and he
relinquished the struggle with Calvin, dropping his gaze to the
floor. My chest ached, my arms weakened, and my legs dragged, heavy
to leave.
He stopped fighting for
me.
I pulled the massive wooden door shut,
and with the sound of the latch closing, I was thrust back to the
day when I was an abandoned little girl on my grandparents’ porch.
Only this time, I was the one walking away.

I expected to meet Nick out by the
gate, but instead he was waiting for me at the bottom of the porch.
The Aspen chill rubbed across my exposed skin, crisping my nose and
lips, burning deep in my windpipe as it flooded my lungs. Nick
reached up and grabbed my suitcase before snatching my carry-on
from my shoulder. I couldn’t tell if the ledges of my eyelids stung
from the cold or from my overwhelming anguish. I didn’t want to
fall apart in front of him, so I pulled on my jacket and made sure
to look down at the earthen granite porch as I left Max and his
family.