Wings of a Dove (33 page)

    His frown tightening, Delaney pulled open the bedroom door and strode into the hallway and down the narrow staircase. He did not bother to respond to Mrs. Porter's inquisitive glance as he walked past the breakfast table where her other boarders were noisily consuming their morning meal. He wasn't hungry.

    Out on the street at last, he paused to scan the passersby as the morning sun touched his shoulders. The town was just coming to life in the light of early morning. On the farm, Allie would already have been up for hours, working in the kitchen. He could almost see the slender curve of her neck as she turned toward him, could almost smell the fresh scent of her skin as she brushed past. The memory of the dilated pupils of her eyes as he had leaned over her on Tillman Hill, the sweet taste of her breath when her lips had been only inches from his, had plagued him more than he cared to remember during the long hours of the night past. Confused emotions warred within him. The only thing    of which he was certain was that his sense of loss was profound, and that he despised the weakness within him that allowed those feelings.

    Unable to banish the image of Allie's pale face from his mind despite his fervent attempts, Delaney was suddenly furious. Mrs. Case's words had rung over and again in his mind through the restless night. When he had finally forced himself to face them, he had recognized the truth in some of the things she said. Allie was no longer the child who had sought him out for the consolation of the medal he wore around his neck. She was a grown, very capable woman. She was well loved in the Case household, and she didn't need him to protect her anymore.

    So why couldn't he let go?

    The deadening ache inside him that accompanied thoughts of Allie expanded and Delaney speeded up his pace. Damn Allie for worming herself inside him, for tying him up in knots when he should feel free to leave and pursue his dream! He had never wanted to take responsibility for her. She had forced it upon him with her trust. If it had not been for her, he would have walked away from the Case farm a long time ago without a backward glance. He would be in Chicago now, instead of in Cass County, tormenting himself.

    The
News
office came into view, and Delaney forced aside Allie's persistent image. She had brought on herself whatever misery she now felt at his leaving, and he knew the same was true for himself. He had made a mistake by getting so deeply involved years ago. He had known it then, and he knew it now. It was time he corrected his mistake.

    Pushing open the office door with a determined thrust a few minutes later, Delaney was relieved to see Max already at work. A few long strides brought him up in front of the editor's desk.

    "I'm leaving, Max."

    Silent for a moment as he raised his head and stared at Delaney's tight expression, Max nodded. "I can't say I'm surprised. I know you've been thinkin' about leavin' for a while, and I don't need to ask what brought on this sudden decision. The story's all over town about Tillman Hill and you draggin' yourself back into town late last night and takin' a room at Mrs. Porter's. Got thrown off the Case farm, huh?"

    Delaney made no reply and Max shook his head.

    "Still a man of few words. Well, I think there are a few things we should discuss before you leave."

    Delaney's reply was touched with impatience. "What's on your mind, Max?"

    "I could tell you were gettin' restless these past months, and I knew why. You've learned just about all you can on this paper. You know that and I know that, and it got me to thinkin'. If you're not above acceptin' my opinion, I want to tell you that you turned into a damned good newspaperman. You're sharp, you're quick, you know a real story when you see one, and you write like a pro. You've lived up to your pa's blood every step of the way."

    Pausing, Max frowned, his gaze becoming more intent as he drew himself to his feet and walked around the desk to stand directly in front of Delaney.

    "But I'm not into throwing bouquets, so along with the good you have to hear the bad. You haven't changed at all in another area. You're still a cold bastard. Nothin' touches you, and because of it, most people would like to see things go wrong for you. About the only ones who don't seem to resent you are the young ladies who prance past the window in a steady line when you're workin' at your desk."

    At Delaney's raised brow, Max shook his head. "Don't give me that look. You saw them as well as I did, and it's to your credit that you ignored them. They would've been trouble for a fella like you. You played it smart stickin' with Lil."

    "Come to the point, Max."

    "The fact is, I think of you as my protégé?, boy. I'm proud of the work I've done in makin' you the newspaperman you are, and I don't care who knows it. Another fact is, I've still got some influence with the people in Chicago I mentioned a long time back. One of them is an editor on the
Chicago Tribune
. If you agree, I'll write to him and find out what he can do to help you get started. It shouldn't take more than a few weeks, and while we're waitin' for a reply, I can look around for somebody to replace you here."

    Delaney remained silent, staring into Max's face.

    "Hell, don't look right through me with them eyes! There's nothin' to see but what I already told you. Now, if you're too big to accept my help…"

    Undecided, Delaney maintained his silence. Now that he had been forced to sever his tie with the Case family, he was anxious to get away from this town and everybody in it. But he'd be damned if he'd let anybody force him to leave even one minute before he was ready.

    "No, I'm not too big to accept your help, Max."

    "Good."

    "But I'll be leaving at the end of the month, whether you get a response to your letter or not."

    Max paused. "I guess that's fair enough." He paused again. "There's just one more thing I've got to say, and it's this: You have a great gift. I don't think I ever saw a natural talent like yours before, but you're your own worst enemy, boy, and there's nobody who's going to defeat you but yourself."

    Delaney could feel the heat of anger again rising. "My shortcomings are my own business."

    "That's for sure, boy."

    "And in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a boy anymore, Max."

    Max gave a short laugh. "I noticed."

    Delaney turned to his desk. Seating himself, he picked up the nearest page of copy and started to read.

Chapter Ten

    Allie Stirred The pot bubbling on the stove in front of her with unseeing eyes. A week had passed since Delaney had turned so coldly away from her and walked down the stairs and out of her life, and the ache inside her had grown to encompass her body as well as her mind. Mother Case's soft explanation had been little consolation. Allie had been unable to believe Delaney could leave without talking to her. But he had.

    It was strange. She had known Delaney would leave someday, and she thought she had prepared herself for that eventuality. She was now a grown woman who had accepted the major burden of work in the house. She was no longer the little girl who had turned to Delaney because she was lost in so many ways.

    Allie took a shaky breath. She had seldom mentioned the Lady to Delaney in recent years, but she had always thought that as long as she remained close to the Lady, she would be close to Mama and to Delaney as well. The presence of the medal glinting around Delaney's neck and the knowledge that it was hers to share whenever she needed it had confirmed the bond of love between Delaney and her. In all these years she had never doubted that love.

    She doubted it now.

    A fierce pain stabbing her anew, Allie blinked back the tears that stung her eyes. She wanted to feel Delaney's arms around her again. She wanted to hear his deep voice in her ear, telling her he was not leaving, that he never would. She wanted to feel his hand caress her cheek, to see his clear eyes look into hers with that strange intensity she had seen there of late. She wanted to experience the stirrings within her that intensity evoked, the unexplained force that drew Delaney closer to her than he had ever been.

    But Delaney had walked away.

    Allie brushed a persistent wisp of pale hair from her forehead. It had been a difficult week. Papa Case and James had been concerned about Mother Case's illness and the necessity of keeping a strict eye on Sarah until her resentment over Delaney's departure had cooled. Mother Case's gradual recovery and Papa Case's decision to allow Bobbie Clark to visit Sarah so she might be diverted from her willfulness had relieved some of the tension in the last few days, but the emptiness inside Allie had not abated. It occurred to her that within this household, which she had considered her home only a short time before, she now felt more alone, more abandoned, than ever.

    "Allie, are you still angry at me?"

    James's voice penetrated the silence of the kitchen, and Allie glanced over her shoulder and then back to the bubbling stew. Her light brows furrowed in a frown.

    "James, I don't feel like talking now."

    He took a step closer. She could feel his warmth radiating through the thin material of her dress as his hands closed on her shoulders.

    "You haven't felt like talking to me since the day Marsh walked out of this house. It's been a week, Allie. When are you going to try to understand?"

    The mention of Delaney's name returned a familiar thickness to Allie's throat as she turned to meet James fully. Momentary regret touched her mind at the lines of strain obvious on his fair face, the unnatural pallor beneath his sun-reddened skin as she responded.

    "I don't want to talk about Delaney."

    "Neither do I, but I think we have to. Allie, you can't ignore me for the rest of your life."

    "I haven't been ignoring you. I've been busy with Mother Case."

    "She's almost better now."

    "She still needs me."

    "So do I, Allie."

    Allie remained silent at James's low-voiced declaration. She saw his mouth twitch in controlled anger.

    "Does that surprise you? It shouldn't, but then, you never did spare much time to think about me when Delaney was around."

    "I told you I don't want to talk about Delaney. You've finally won. He's gone and he isn't coming back."

    "Is that what really bothers you, Allie that Marsh is gone? Or does it hurt to face the fact that, for all his professed concern for you, Marsh turned his back on you without a word and walked away?"

    "Don't you say anything against Delaney!"

    "Why? Because he's your friend? That's what you've told yourself all these years. And all these years I told you he was just using you, that he didn't care about anybody but himself."

    A hot flush flooding her face, Allie made an attempt to shake herself free of James's grip. Her temper flared when he held her fast. "Let me go, James. You don't understand. You'll never understand how it is between Delaney and me."

    "I understand how he would have liked it to be!"

    Allie clapped her hands over her ears in an effort to block out James's words. "I won't listen to you! Delaney is a part of me. He and I are the same inside. He feels what I feel, and he never would have left without talking to me if you hadn't made Mother Case so sick with all your talk that he was afraid of hurting her. It's your fault he's gone, James, and I'll never forgive you for it!"

    His fair skin paling noticeably, James shook his head. "Don't say that, Allie. I did what I had to do. You don't understand what was really happening on that hill."

    "You're the one who doesn't understand."

    "I understand enough, Allie." Making an obvious effort to control his emotions, James drew Allie's hands away from her ears. "Marsh was bound to leave someday. You know that. You also know that if you were really important to him, no one would    have stood in the way of his talking to you before he left this house."

    "He was afraid for Mother Case. She told me she asked him to leave without talking to me so there wouldn't be any more trouble."

    "He's still in town, Allie. Why hasn't he tried to see you?"

    Allie's heart leaped. "He hasn't left town yet?"

    James's angular face tightened. "He's still working at the newspaper. Max Marshall told Elmer that Marsh is leaving at the end of the month something about him waiting for a letter from Chicago."

    "No matter where he is, I know he misses me, James. Just as I miss him. He's sick inside, just as I am because he's gone."

    "Delaney Marsh doesn't care enough about anybody to miss them!"

    "He cares about me!"

    "Is that why you're so worried about him, Allie? Because you think he cares about you? What about me? I care about you."

    "It isn't the same."

    "That's right, it
isn't
the same. I can't relegate you to the back of my mind, as Marsh does, and give you second place in my life. You come first with me, Allie. You have for more years than I want to admit."

    James slipped his arms around her and pulled her closer. A change came over his expression as he raised his hand to cup her cheek, holding her immobile with the intensity of his gaze.

    "It was hard waiting for you to grow up, Allie, but I did. And I swore to myself that I'd never let Marsh take advantage of your trust in him."

    Allie shook her head. "James, you're my brother."

    "I'm not your brother, Allie. After the first few years you spent here, I stopped fooling myself that I wanted to be your brother."

    "Is that why you did it, James? You knew how close Delaney and I are and how much Delaney dislikes you. Is that why you said what you did about Delaney and me? So Papa Case would run him off?"

    "No, Allie."

    "Delaney never said anything bad about you to me, James.

    He told me he wanted me to have you for a friend. And even if he had spoken against you, I would've made up my own mind.''

    "Allie, the way I feel about you has nothing to do with what I saw on that hill."

    "But you didn't see anything!"

    "Allie…" James closed his eyes briefly in obvious frustration. "Allie, we have to put this thing to rest once and for all between us." Holding her gaze intently with his, he continued softly, "I did what I had to do, but if it hurt you, I'm sorry. I'm asking you to forgive me."

    Unable to remain unaffected by James's pain, Allie shook her head. "It isn't as easy as that, James."

    "It is. All you have to do is forgive me."

    "How can I when you're responsible for Delaney's leaving without speaking to me?"

    "Marsh is still in town, Allie. If he wants to talk to you, he will. You and I both know that. The rest is up to him. In the meantime, I'm asking you to believe I did what I felt was right."

    His hard expression suddenly crumbling, James slid his arms around her and drew her into a gentle embrace. His voice cracked as he whispered against the moist skin of her temple, "Allie, I don't want you to be angry with me."

    "James…"

    "I need to know you forgive me."

    "Oh, James…" Touched by the pain in James's voice, Allie drew back and raised a hand to his cheek. "So much has happened in the past week. You were wrong about what you thought you saw on Tillman Hill, but maybe I was wrong in some ways, too. There's been too much anger in this house, and I regret the way I contributed to it. If you need to hear the words, I'll say them. I forgive you, James."

    The moistness in James's eyes brought a similar moistness to her own, blurring her vision as James lowered his head to brush her mouth with his. The unfamiliar intimacy snapped Allie's head up.

    "I waited a long time for you to grow up, Allie."

    The intensity of James's gaze said far more than his words in the few moments before he turned and walked out of the kitchen.

    James's steps sounded on the staircase before Allie became fully aware of the implications of his sober statement. Life had    taken a step forward that could not be retraced, and she knew with an inborn certainty that things would never be the same between James and her.

    Allie turned back to the stove and the boiling pot. That last thought faded from her mind, and a faint smile touched her lips.

    Delaney hadn't left town not yet. She would see him again. She knew in her heart she would.

    James climbed the staircase to his room, breathing deeply in an attempt to rein in his emotions. Allie had forgiven him, and although he felt she should have thanked him instead, he knew she would never see it that way. Innocent, trusting, loving Allie was all of those things, and he would make sure all her love was his alone.

    A sense of unrest drew James's light brows into a frown. Only one person stood between Allie and him: Delaney Marsh. And despite his firm declarations of a few minutes before, he was uncertain what Marsh's next move would be.

    James squared his shoulders with an unconscious sense of purpose. There was only one thing of which he was truly sure: If Marsh tried to touch Allie again, he would regret it.

    A few doors down, Sarah waited for the sound of James's door closing behind him. A broad smile covered her lips. Her world had all but come to an end when Delaney had ridden away from the farm forever. Now things were beginning to look better!

    Leaning back against the door to her room, Sarah raised her brilliant green eyes to the ceiling. In her mind she reviewed the tender scene she had overheard between her brother and Allie, her pleasure growing. Oh, she would not have interrupted James's moment of restrained passion for the world!

    She hadn't needed to eavesdrop to find out that Delaney was still in town. Bobbie had told her that. Inadvertently, her devoted suitor had also kept her informed on Delaney's activities and his expected departure. Sarah's smile broadened. She had Bobbie so securely wrapped around her finger that he would do just about anything to please her.

    The brilliance of her smile fading, Sarah acknowledged a distasteful thought: If Delaney had never come into her life, she     might have ended up on the Clark farm, cooking Bobbie's food, bearing his children, and growing old and bored under his devoted eye. That would not happen now.

    Turning to the mirror, Sarah stared at the image reflected therein, her sense of purpose growing. No, her beauty was never intended to be wasted on someone as ordinary as Bobbie Clark. She had known from the first that Delaney was meant for her. She had known it because Delaney and she were so much alike. Delaney cared little for anything except the direction in which life was taking him. He was determined not to waste his life on a small farm, never seeing any more of the world than the far horizon. He was going to go to Chicago and be successful, and she had known from the first that, no matter the direction he chose to take, Delaney's path would be hers as well.

    Sarah could not withhold a satisfied smile as her mind treated her to images of the splendid couple they would make when they took Chicago by storm.

    Oh, yes, she had James to thank for removing a serious impediment to the life Delaney and she would spend together. And she was determined that Delaney and she
would
have a life together. Pa and James watched her too closely now, but she would find a way to get to Delaney before he left. Away from the farm and the possibility of Pa's discovering them, Delaney would be unable to resist all she offered him, and she would make certain that once he'd had her he would never want to let her go.

    A low laugh escaped her throat as Sarah indulged herself in the erotic pictures that flooded her mind. She would find a way to go to Delaney. It was only a matter of time.

Chapter Eleven

    Allie Nervously Smoothed her upswept hair. She cast a last glance toward the mirror in her room. Her lips tightening, she realized she had made a mistake the moment her gaze touched the image of the beautiful woman who stood a short distance behind her.

    Sarah's low laughter rent the silence that had reigned between them as they dressed.

    "I must admit, there are times when even I feel sorry for you, Allie dear." Sarah raised a graceful hand to pat a shining dark curl into place. She turned so Allie might view the perfect cameo of her face in the glass. "Why do you even try? You're no match for me. All your fussing this last hour hasn't accomplished much, has it? You're still pale and plain. But you mustn't worry, dear. James has a weakness for you. For some strange reason, he doesn't seem to see any other woman when you're around. But then, it isn't James you're interested in, is it?"

    Allie was determined not to be drawn into a game she could not win.

    "You look lovely, Sarah." It was a truth that cut deeply as Allie studied the brilliant green dress Sarah wore. It complemented her coloring exquisitely and revealed her womanly figure to perfection, and she was certain Sarah would draw even more than her usual share of gasps when she entered the Farmers' Meeting Hall for the Harvest Dance later that evening.

    Allie did her best to restrain a grimace. Sarah had spent the greater part of the past week working on that dress while Allie shouldered her chores. It was her own intercession that had interfered with Mother Case's reprimand, but Mother Case's health was still fragile despite the tremendous gains she had made in the past few weeks. It had seemed kinder to allow Sarah to go her own way than to put Mother Case through the stress of pressing her to do her share of the work.

    But that was then and now was now. Standing beside Sarah's glorious reflection in a redone version of her old blue batiste dress, Allie found her generosity of little consolation. She looked terrible. The strain of the past weeks had made itself only too apparent in the thinning of her normally slight frame, causing her dress to sag unbecomingly. The newly redone neckline, which she had cut lower and trimmed with white lace to imitate the more mature styles of Sarah's dresses, had not turned out as she had planned. It served only to reveal the pathetic lack of curves in that particular area of her anatomy. To make matters worse, the fitful nights, during which Delaney's image had haunted her, had left their mark on her countenance. There were shadows under her great dark eyes, and the contours of her cheek were sharper. Sarah was right. She was pale, colorless, and thin. Plain.

    The thought entered Allie's mind that if she and Delaney were indeed two parts of a whole, as she believed, they were the reverse sides of that whole. For Delaney possessed a physical beauty she would never have. He was a pleasure to her eyes as he was balm to her heart. She missed him and ached at being separated from him.

    Delaney had made no attempt to contact her in the few weeks since he had left the farm. She had accompanied the family into town on two occasions during that time, but James had remained close at her side, and she had not had as much as a glimpse of Delaney. If she had not been kept up to date on Delaney's activities by Sarah's malicious tongue, she would have thought he had left town.

    But Sarah had seen Delaney. She had made it her business to see him, if only for a few minutes, and she had treated Allie to a detailed description of the exchange between them, assuming that Allie was foolish enough to believe all she said.

    Allie was not that foolish. She chose to believe that Delaney had good reason for keeping his distance from her. She also clung to the hope that she would see him tonight at the Harvest Dance.

    With a low sigh, Allie acknowledged that her preoccupation with Delaney had grown until thoughts of him had taken precedence over all other aspects of her life. She had given little thought to the growing warmth of James's regard. For the most part she had been successful in avoiding his tender touch and the gentle brush of his lips, and she had deafened her ears to the promise in his voice when he spoke of the future. It was Delaney's image that was present in her mind, waking or sleeping. It was Delaney's touch for which she yearned, the sound of his voice she desired to hear. It was Delaney she wanted close to her. It was Delaney, the other part of herself, the intimate core of her, whom she missed to the point of pain.

    She would see him tonight. She knew she would. He would come to the Harvest Dance, even though he had never attended the yearly function in the past. He would seek her out, and he would explain to her why he had neglected her these past weeks.

    And he would say good-bye. The end of the month, when Delaney was expected to leave, was only a few days away.

    Unable to bear that last thought, Allie turned toward the door, unaware that Sarah followed her with her gaze.

    "Daydreaming again, Allie? It's no use, you know. You hope to see Delaney tonight, but James will keep you under his watchful eye the entire evening so you'll have no opportunity to slip away. I, on the other hand, am very good at slipping away. And I intend to make good use of my skill. You see, I'm not weak like you, Allie. I go after what I want. I want Delaney, and I'm going to get him." Turning so Allie might get a full view of her magnificence, Sarah raised one perfect brow. "Do you have any doubt I'll succeed?"

    Turning without response, Allie pulled open the door and stepped into the hall. Sarah's low laughter accompanied the sound of the door clicking closed behind her.

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    "James dear, don't upset yourself."

    "This is a mistake, Mama, and you know it. We shouldn't be going to this dance."

    Casting a quick glance toward the hallway beyond her bedroom door, Margaret Case lowered her voice so the animated exchange between her son and her would not be heard.