Winning Him Without Words: 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage (19 page)

Just this morning, as I drove my daughter to school, I reached over to the passenger seat where she sat, laid my hand on her knee and quickly prayed a spontaneous prayer over her day. These automobile prayers go something like this:

Lord, today let my girl have a great day. Give her something to laugh about, let her be a good friend, help her to remember her lessons and do well on the science test. Mostly, walk with her every minute of the day and protect her. Help her to remember that You are with her and when she feels scared or anxious, remind her to say a quick prayer to ask for Your help. In Jesus’ name, amen
.

This morning after I said, “Amen,” she echoed, “Amen.” She looked at me, I looked at her, and we smiled. All is right with the
world. She gets it. Her faith is simple and it is solid, despite her daddy’s skepticism.

These are the teachable moments of life. They often arrive at unexpected times and frequently they are never convenient. We have only a few minutes when our child is open to receive truths about living for God. So
grab
them. Take advantage of every teachable moment the Lord brings. Modeling prayer for my daughter while driving in the car may seem a bit zany. Nevertheless, it is one of those teachable moments that arrive with power.

I also find that the 10 minutes it takes to drive from the school after picking up my daughter in the afternoon is priceless time. I usually hear about what happened at school, her frustrations with teachers, or the pain of a friendship that ended. I listen and when she is finished getting it all out, I pray a silent and quick prayer, “Help me, Jesus, to say the right thing here.” Then I relate a biblical truth and casually help her regain perspective. Mostly, I try to shed a sliver of hope onto her troubles. I don’t spout off, “Well, the Bible says . . .” No, I share how her pain is understandable and how Jesus might look at the situation. What would He say about a friend who betrayed Him?

Decide today to be ready to stop what you are doing when these moments arrive and give your kids the truth. Our kids really want to know the hard truth. They honestly desire to understand more about their faith. They want to know if Jesus can really make a difference in their crazy and mixed-message world. They want to make our faith their faith, but they have questions and need to know the why of it all. I frequently ask the Lord to make me keenly aware and ready for when these moments arrive.

These often quirky and unexpected encounters with our kids pass in an instant but are profound moments that stick. My daughter will always have our prayer-bus conversations
stored in her heart. They will guide her through her entire adult life. It’s an amazing privilege to share Jesus this way with your child.

It is true that in some spiritually mismatched homes, the very sight of a Bible in plain view is an invitation for a giant fight. I realize many of us face monumental struggles over our faith within our home. Maintaining peace with our spouse while also teaching our children about God can make us feel as if we are performing in a high-wire act. Every believer I know who is a parent desires to read Bible stories to their small children as they tuck them in at night. However, some of us might be in a place where our husband is adamantly against Bible reading. Take this pain to the Lord and ask Him to prepare a time in the future where you will be free to share from the Bible. Never give up hope. Our Lord
does
hear our heart prayers.

If reading the Bible is not a giant point of contention in your home, take time to tuck the kids in with a short story about Noah, David or Moses. A children’s picture Bible works especially well with small children. Say a prayer together or listen to them pray before you turn out the light. Share with them the truths about Jesus and the gospel. Explain to them how life is better when we live according to God’s plan. Make sharing God a comfortable and easy experience for your small ones. Make it fun.

On average (and this is a rough estimate), children spend 1 percent of their time at church, 16 percent at school, and 83 percent at home. We parents have such a great advantage, because we have them the most. This is true even in a home in which the
parents are divided over faith. Don’t waste your great fortune. Kids learn more from their parents than anyone else. They imitate and practice what we do, not what we say.

Our ability to influence our kids toward Christ will become more difficult as our kids get older and they grow into skeptical teenagers. At this point, they will no longer see Mom and Dad as the only source of advice when dealing with their problems. This is when the world begins to seep into their thinking.

I think back to that hot summer day when my little girl was approaching kindergarten. The fear I experienced that morning was somehow wrapped up in the future of my daughter’s teenaged years. I knew then that she would one day wrestle with the reality of her father’s unbelief. She would ask why. It was inevitable. I realized that at some point in the future, she would choose for herself to spend eternity in heaven or in hell. Would she embrace my faith and make it her own or would she reject it? Would she listen to Mom or to Dad? It’s difficult for a child to process this dilemma. Kids are confused and conflicted when their parents aren’t in agreement about faith.

Although the choice of whether to believe or not faces every teenager, whether the teen was raised in a two-parent believing home or a spiritually mismatched home, we still can coach our teens along the path of faith just as we helped them when they were small. The challenges, however, can be overwhelming and will often keep us on our knees.

The day will likely arrive when our teenager will no longer want to attend church. The argument often goes something like this: “Dad stays home from church, so why do I have to go? I want to stay home with Dad and watch football.” Ouch!

It is nearly impossible to force a 16-year-old to attend church when Dad is home on the couch. However, until this day arrives, we must consistently encourage our kids to attend church, youth group, summer church camp or whatever program that
promotes faith. Don’t be overbearing, as I have seen this tactic backfire even within the home of two believing parents. Encourage, support, be understanding, fill yourself up with forgiveness when they disappoint you, pray down heaven upon them daily, and love them like Jesus.

I often scratch my head when I talk with women who live in spiritually mismatched marriages about the subject of attending church with their kids. I can’t tell you how many complain that it’s just too big of a hassle to get the kids up, get them fed, dress them and get them to church all by themselves. They lament how unfair it is and how Dad should help. I puzzle over their attitude that they would let an opportunity to bring God’s Word into their children’s life slip away because it’s inconvenient.

If our spouse won’t attend church, we need to go anyway and bring the kids for as long as possible. I know going alone is difficult. I have lived it, but I need to be there, you need to be there, and our children need to be there as well. We must help our kids plug into a source of godly influence. It won’t replace the influence Dad could provide, but it can help tremendously.

So, what do we do when Dad objects to the idea of our kids attending church or, worse, outright forbids it? First, as I said earlier, don’t panic. I know I panicked that hot summer morning as I contemplated my daughter starting kindergarten. I was upset, distraught and scared. Those feelings were a waste of my time. Our first calling is to listen to the Lord through His Word. We must respect our husband’s wishes and pray every single day for his heart to change.

I have discovered that over time, and usually not more than a few years after a toddler is running around the house, Dad’s adamant position against his kids attending church will soften. We can’t let our anger and disappointment steal our love and respect for our husband from us. Continue to love him like Jesus, take advantage of every teachable moment, and never let go
of the hope to one day have your husband’s permission to take the kids to church. Look for moments when your husband is open to conversations about the kids and faith. That is the time to express your passionate desire to take the kids to church and respectfully ask for his permission to do so. One day you will be surprised when he turns and says, “Sure, go ahead.”

Several days following the Kitchen Table Debacle, as I have come to call it, over sending our daughter to a private school, I sat down at a local restaurant for breakfast with a new friend. I had met Jenny the week before at our church Bible study. She was a tad bit older than I was and a lot wiser. She and I clicked from the start. I remember pouring out my fears about my daughter’s salvation while Jenny listened. After she heard my story, she said something to me I will never forget. She gave me a Scripture verse:

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it (Prov. 22:6).

Jenny looked across the table, gently holding me in her eyes. She said, “Lynn, you do the best you can to train your daughter and then trust the Lord to keep His promise.”

I cried. Tears of relief. Tears of hope.

She went on to say, “The key to this verse is the word ‘old.’ ”

Immediately I felt a wave of peace wash over me. I knew exactly what she meant. Our kids may stray from living a life for God. They may outright rebel. They may buy into the lies of the enemy and embrace the ways of the world. They may choose to discount Jesus just like their dad has. It is a possibility, just as it is a possibility for children raised in a home with two believing parents. There are kids who choose to travel the painful path of the prodigal child.

But—and how I love it that with God in the story there is always
a “but”—if we have trained our children, taken advantage of every teachable moment, encouraged them to attend church and loved on them with the infectious love of Jesus, they will return. I am proof of this truth!

Like Abraham, who believed God for a promise that was not fulfilled in his lifetime (see Gen. 12:2-3), we can also believe. Our child may return to his or her faith as a young adult. It’s likely their faith will resurface when they begin to have their own children. It’s funny how little ones will soften a heart. They may not turn back to God until they are 80, when they are “old.” We may never witness their running home to the Father this side of heaven, but we can trust God to hear our prayers and pleadings for them. We can take God at His word. Our heart can rest in the security of His wild hope—the logic-defying, crazy, unpredictable and miraculous kind of hope we have because of the life of Jesus Christ. He loves our kids with a passion and commitment we can’t begin to understand. And that’s a promise!

Never doubt that God hears our prayers for our babies, teenagers and the ever-challenging prodigal adults. He listens when we share our concerns. Our earnest prayers move Him. He stores each shed tear in a bottle marked with our wayward child’s name:

Put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? (Ps. 56:8,
KJV
).

As a mother and the only adult believer in our home, we have the privilege and responsibility to pray for our children. If we are not praying for them, who is? We must always remember that we have the ear of the King. We have His kind favor and His invitation to approach His throne to intercede in the lives of our kids. We have the privilege to bring them by name to the mercy seat of the Lord Almighty. We have grace to draw near to
God to ask Him to protect our children from evil people and evil spirits. To grant them perception and wisdom in a world filled with mixed messages and wicked lies. To ask for guidance and wisdom as they make decisions in their day. To plead for them to become men and women of grace, full of maturity, character, humility and integrity. And, most importantly, to ask God to move heaven and earth to draw them unto Himself forever. How awesome is that?

You and I will never be a perfect parent or a perfect example of righteous living, but we can be authentic. Love Jesus with all that you are. That kind of love is more influential than private school or an unbelieving dad or everything the world will throw at them. And that’s a promise too.

Never doubt that your influence can help your children become followers of Jesus despite living in a spiritually mismatched home.

Lord, my heart is full of hope for my children’s future and eternity. I am calling upon You to intercede in my children’s lives. Please protect them from evil people and evil spirits and grant them perception and wisdom to know the truth, Your truth, in their daily living. God, create in them a passion to pursue integrity. Teach them how to forgive, to be merciful, to have charity in their hearts and to love Christ with zeal. Do whatever it takes to draw them unto You, to discover the truths of Your Word and to live lives of authentic joy. Lord, I plead with You to lead them on the path of everlasting life, showing them how to be a man or woman after Your own heart. In the life-changing and powerful name of Jesus, amen
.

Praying Scriptures is one of the most powerful ways to unleash God’s power into the life of our spouse, our family members and ourselves. The first section is a compilation of favorite Scripture prayers and testimonies from us and our blog readers. The next section is a wonderful list of Scriptures turned into prayers for the lost. The third section is for you—Scriptures of hope to pray to encourage and strengthen
you
.

For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved (Rom. 10:10)
.

I (Lynn) pray this Scripture in Romans 10:10 every day for my husband.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end (Eccles. 3:11)
.