Wishes and Tears (10 page)

She wrote to Freda, asking her if she would like to be her bridesmaid. Getting married was going to give her a purpose and something exciting to look forward to, even if it was a year away. She only hoped her father would give his consent.

 

The following Saturday evening Janet was sitting in the garden with her mother. She was nervous; she knew Mark was asking her father.

The Reverend walked across the grass with Mark close behind. ‘Did you know anything about this?' His strident voice caused his wife to break off from her knitting.

‘About what, dear?' Looking up, she shielded her eyes from the sun.

‘These two. Wanting to get married.'

Irene Slater's face went pale. ‘No—no, I didn't.'

Janet smiled at Mark, but his face gave nothing away.

‘You are both very young,' said Mrs Slater.

‘I do have a good job,' said Mark hurriedly.

‘That's as may be, but what are your prospects?'

‘I hope to have my own business one day, sir.'

‘Do you now? Doing what?'

‘Second-hand cars.' He looked from one to the other.

‘I see.'

‘Does your mother know about this, Mark?' asked Mrs Slater.

Mark shook his head. ‘I thought I'd ask you and your husband first, just in case you said ...' His voice trailed off.

Janet felt so sorry for him. He look humiliated, but, trapped in the garden with the Slaters, he'd have to see it through to the end. What if her father refused? Her hope of getting away could be dashed and she would have to wait till she was twenty-one. Three more years.

‘So, if I do give my consent, where are you thinking of living?'

‘At the moment I share a flat with my boss, Danny, but he's moving and I'm taking over the tenancy.'

‘I see,' repeated the Reverend. ‘And where is this flat?'

‘London, sir.'

Janet smiled at Mark.

‘And when were you thinking of getting married? Providing, of course, I give my permission.'

‘Next year. When Danny moves out I'll have to get the flat decorated and furnished.' He looked at Janet and grinned.

‘Next year. Well, at least you sound as if you'll be taking your responsibilities seriously. I will have to give this some serious thought. A lot can happen in a year. And as your mother said, you, Janet, are very young.'

Janet felt deflated. Was he doing this deliberately? ‘I'll be nineteen next year.'

‘I still think it's very young to take on such responsibilities.'

‘I'm sure Mark is very level-headed,' said Mrs Slater hurriedly.

‘We shall see.' Her husband moved away.

‘Tea, Mark?' asked Mrs Slater.

‘No, thank you. Janet, can we go for a walk?'

‘I'll get my bag.' Janet was pleased to get away from any more questions.

When they shut the gate Mark let out a loud sigh. ‘D'you know, I think that was the longest half-hour of my life?'

Janet held on to his arm and laughed. ‘You should have seen your face.'

‘Why? What was wrong with it?'

‘Nothing, but you looked ever so worried.'

‘I was, and we didn't get an answer, did we?'

‘No, I dare say I'll get a grilling when I get back.'

‘What d'you think our chances are?'

‘I don't know.' Janet was worried in case her father brought up the past. Would he?

‘What if he says no?'

‘I don't think he will. He's just making sure you squirm a bit.'

‘I certainly did that. If he says yes perhaps we could get you a ring next Saturday.'

‘I'd like that.'

‘Will I have to wait till we're married for ... you know?'

‘Most definitely yes.'

‘Thought you might say that.'

‘Do you mind?'

‘No, not really. It's nice to think that I'll be the first.'

Janet couldn't meet his eyes as she didn't have an answer to that. But she knew she had to tell him about Paula soon.

Mark kissed Janet gently. ‘I'll see you later.'

She watched him drive away then slowly made her way back into the house.

‘Janet? In here.' Her father was calling from his study. ‘Sit down.'

She did as she was told.

‘This business with Mark Scott has come as rather a shock to both your mother and myself.' He looked at her quizzically. ‘You're not in any kind of trouble again, are you?'

Janet felt her face flush with anger as well as embarrassment. ‘No, Father. I made one mistake and I won't be repeating it.'

‘Very good. He's a nice lad and comes from a well-respected family.' He gave her a rare smile. ‘I think we can say you have my permission.'

‘Thank you.' She left the room. It was so formal.

Her mother was waiting outside. ‘Janet, come with me.'

She followed her mother into the drawing room and sat in an armchair opposite her.

‘We have to have a little talk.'

Janet wanted to laugh. Surely she wasn't going to tell her about the birds and bees?

‘Are you going to tell Mark about your—shall we call it your discrepancy?'

Janet didn't know how to answer. She was angry. ‘How can you call my beautiful baby a discrepancy?'

‘Please, Janet.'

‘She's my baby and you're not going to change that.' Her voice was rising.

‘It is all in the past and she has new parents so let that be the end of it.' Mrs Slater waved her hands. ‘I don't want to hear any more of this. I'm only trying to help and all you can do is shout at me. You can be very hurtful at times.'

Janet looked down at the floor. ‘I'm sorry.'

‘Well, are you going to tell Mark?'

Janet fiddled with her fingernails. ‘I don't know,' was the only answer she could give.

‘It's up to you, of course, but most men don't like the idea of ...' she cleared her throat, ‘... not being the first. You do understand what I am saying, don't you?'

Janet nodded. ‘I expect I will tell him.'

‘Then don't leave it too long in case he changes his mind afterwards.'

Janet sat open-mouthed. ‘Why should he? What was in the past is over.'

‘As I said before, give him time. Besides, we don't want to go to the trouble of announcing this engagement only to find it's been called off in a week or so. After all, there will be a lot of preparation and expense involved - that's without people asking what the reason was. So think it over very carefully, my dear.'

Janet couldn't believe what her mother was saying. So once again it was all down to other people and what they thought.

Her mother stood up and made her way to the door. She turned. She looked embarrassed. ‘You do understand that he will probably realize he's not the first on your wedding night, don't you?' She quickly left the room, leaving Janet alone with her thoughts.

Should she tell Mark? Would he still want to marry her? Would he help her to find Paula? It was up to her now.

 

That evening when Mark called for her she quickly told him her father had given his permission for them to get married. They drove round the corner out of sight of the vicarage and Mark kissed her.

‘I'm so glad he didn't give you a hard time about it. I'll tell Mum and Dad tonight, then next Saturday I'll meet you somewhere and you can pick out a ring, make it all official.'

Janet snuggled against him. ‘I'm so happy.'

At the regular Saturday dance, Mark was in a very loving mood and used every opportunity to hold Janet and kiss her. She did worry that she might not be able to hold him at bay for much longer and she didn't want to make another mistake to spoil everything, and she still had to tell him about Paula.

‘I'm so pleased your dad said yes. Cheer up. You don't have to look so miserable about it. Not changed your mind, have you?'

She smiled. ‘No, course not.'

‘That's good. I can go up to twelve pounds for a ring, but if there's one you really fancy I might be able to push it up a bit more. I can always borrow a few quid off Danny if need be.'

‘You mustn't do that. I'll have a look in Horsham during my lunchtime next week.'

He kissed her again. ‘I do love you, Janet.'

She felt mean. She wanted to tell him so much. She was unsure of her feelings. What was love? When she first saw Sam she'd thought that was love. She didn't hear cymbals crash when Mark walked into the room, but did that only happen in books and films? She didn't feel her heart leap when she looked at him, not like when she had gazed down on Paula, but she had read somewhere that mother love was different. She missed him when he was away and if he did find someone else or if anything ever happened to him she would be devastated. Was that love? He was so nice - would she ever get another chance of happiness if she lost him? And what about Paula? When should she tell him about her?

‘Are you feeling all right? You look ever so peaky.'

She smiled and touched his hand. ‘I'm fine. Come on, they're playing a waltz.'

Mark held her close and they gently swayed to the music. She felt the warmth of him. Yes, she
did
love him, and all she had to do now was tell him about her daughter.

 

The following Saturday they bought the ring Janet had chosen. It was within Mark's budget.

That evening they showed it to her parents, who smiled benevolently, then Janet and Mark went to his parents'.

‘I'm so thrilled,' said Mrs Scott, admiring the ring. ‘I'm so looking forward to the wedding. We must have a drink. Tom, get the sherry out.'

Tom Scott held Janet and kissed her cheek. ‘Welcome to the family, my dear.'

Janet thought what a kind, gentle man Mr Scott was.

‘You know it will be the wedding of the year here in the village. Are you going to get that clever Mrs Watson to make your dress? And what about bridesmaids?'

‘Calm down, Mum. Give us a chance. We've got a year yet.'

‘Yes, I know, but a wedding like this will take a lot of organizing.'

Janet looked at Mr Scott standing behind the black plastic-fronted cocktail bar. He took the decanter from a glass shelf behind him and poured sherry into four small liqueur glasses. He smiled at Janet and raised his eyes to the ceiling.

‘Only a small one for Janet; remember she is the Reverend's daughter.' Mrs Scott beamed at Janet.

‘I am eighteen, you know.'

‘You are both very young.'

‘Now come along, Mother, don't start.' Mr Scott raised his glass. ‘To the happy couple.'

‘Hear, hear,' said his wife.

Mark put his arm round Janet's waist and clinked her glass. ‘To us,' he said softly.

Janet wanted to cry, she was so happy.

That evening, when Mark was walking her home, she asked, ‘Now you've got the car could we go and see my friend Freda one day?'

‘Why not? Is that the one who lives in London?'

She nodded. ‘She lives at Waterloo.'

‘I know Waterloo; it's not that far from Danny's. Look, we could go tomorrow if you like.'

‘She might not be in. Her husband's got a motorbike and I think they go out a lot.'

‘Tell you what, drop her a line in the week and make some arrangements for a Saturday, then perhaps we could do a show or the pictures later that day while we're in town.'

‘That's a lovely idea.'

‘Where did you meet this Freda?'

Janet was trying to think on her feet. She wasn't ready to tell him just yet. She crossed her fingers behind her back. ‘At the office a long while ago. She moved away.'

‘That's a long way from Horsham.'

‘Yes, it is. We don't have to go if you don't want to.'

‘No, it sounds great.'

Why had she been so stupid? Why had she mentioned Freda? She knew why; she wanted someone to share her happiness with, but she had to tell him about Paula before Freda did.

 

Three weeks later Janet and Mark were sitting in Freda and Charlie's tiny flat.

‘It's really great to see you again. And you've got yourself engaged then?'

Janet proudly held out her left hand and wiggled her fingers for her friend to admire the small diamond solitaire in her ring.

‘That's nice. So when's the wedding gonner be?'

‘Next year.'

‘Not decided on a date then?'

Janet looked at Mark and smiled. ‘No, not yet.'

‘Right, come out in the kitchen, Jan,' said Freda. ‘I've done a bit of tea. It ain't much but I do love playing at being a housewife.'

Janet looked anxiously at Charlie, whom she hoped she could trust not to betray her, then followed Freda, closing the living-room door behind her.

‘Now, what's this about? Why did you want to see me? What was so urgent? You up the creek again?'

Janet leant against a green and cream kitchen cabinet.

‘No. Freda, Charlie won't say anything, will he?'

‘What about?'

‘Paula.'

Freda shook her head. ‘No, I told him to keep his mouth shut and he usually does as he's told. As I said, what's this all about? Why was you so eager to see me? It wasn't just to tell Charlie to keep mum, was it?'

Janet shook her head. ‘I'm always writing to you but I never get an answer, so I thought, now Mark's got a car it would be a good time to catch up on all our ...' Janet stopped. ‘Freda, I'm ever so worried.'