Wishes and Tears (11 page)

‘What about?'

‘I don't really know how to tell Mark about Paula.'

‘Just come right out with it. I did.'

‘I know, but you're different somehow.'

‘Why? What d'you mean?' Freda's eyes were blazing. ‘You're not saying that I'm some old tart so he expected that from me, are you?'

‘No, course not. I don't think that at all. It's just that I'd rather not ... well, not till after we're married. My mother said he'll know on our wedding night that he wasn't the first.'

‘Yes, I expect he will. Has he ever ... you know, with other girls?'

‘I don't think so, but I don't really know. We don't talk about things like that.'

‘Well, he was in the army, and you know what they say: they have a girl in every port.'

‘That's sailors.'

‘I reckon they're all the same.'

‘What can I do?'

‘Your best bet is to find out if he has. If so, he'll know what to expect and you've got some explaining to do. But if he ain't, then you're laughing, and if it seems a bit easier than he expected, just tell him you use these new tampons. That'll surprise him and he probably won't bother about it after that.'

‘Are they all right to use?'

‘Yer, they're great. But honestly, Jan, I still think you should tell him. Sometimes these things have a horrible way of catching up with you.'

‘I want to, but I'm afraid of losing him.'

‘He might be a bit miffed at first, but if he really loves you then he'll soon get over it.'

‘I hope so.'

‘Well, just remember what I said.'

Janet threw her arms round her friend's neck. ‘Thank you. Thank you. I only wish we lived closer, then we could see each other a lot more.'

‘When you come and live up here in the smoke perhaps we could meet up now and again.'

‘I'd like that.'

‘So, what's your new name gonner be?'

‘Scott. I'll be Mrs Scott.'

‘Hmm. From Slater to Scott - change the name but not the letter, change for worse not something better.'

‘Who told you that?'

‘Dunno. Just something I heard. Me mum was full of those sorta sayings.'

‘It's got to be a lot better living with Mark than at home.'

Freda smiled. ‘Course it has.'

‘Freda, do you think it's possible to find out who adopted Paula?'

‘I shouldn't think so. They must keep the records very secret.'

‘Yes, but they must be somewhere. She must have a birth certificate.'

‘S'pose so.'

‘So where would I start looking?'

‘Don't ask me. Now come on, take that tray of sandwiches in otherwise they'll be champing at the bit. Tell 'em they're only fish paste.'

‘You took your time,' said Charlie when they walked in.

‘Girl talk. What you two been talking about then?'

‘What we're gonner see. D'you fancy the flicks?'

‘Why not? What about you, Jan?'

‘That's fine by me.'

‘Right then, girl, make us a cuppa and we'll be off.'

‘Christ! Let me finish me sandwich first.'

Janet smiled. Married life certainly agreed with Freda. She only hoped she would be half as happy as her.

 

When they were driving home after the pictures Janet finally got up the courage to ask Mark what she and Freda had been discussing.

‘Mark, have you ever, you know - with another girl?'

She noted out of the comer of her eye that he looked at her, but she kept looking straight ahead, glad it was dark and he couldn't see her blushes.

‘That's a funny thing to suddenly come out with. What d'you want to know for?'

‘Just asked, that's all.'

‘Did Freda put you up to that?'

‘No.'

‘I'm sure Freda isn't the right sort of friend for you. I can't see your mum and dad approving of her.'

‘Mark Scott, don't be such a stuck-up snob. I like her.'

‘That Charlie said he didn't know she once worked in Horsham.'

Despite the warmth of the evening Janet went cold.

‘I don't think she tells him everything.'

‘I gathered that.'

Janet began to worry about what else they had been discussing and decide not to pursue that line of conversation again.

‘Anyway for your and Freda's information, no, I haven't. Satisfied?'

Janet grinned and held on to his arm. Thank you, Freda, she said to herself. At least he didn't know what to expect.

‘Careful. You'll have us both off the road.'

The date had been set for the wedding. It was to be Saturday, 2 June 1956. At first Janet wanted another date but finally agreed as that day fitted in with everyone else. It would be the third anniversary of the Queen's Coronation, with all the personal associations of that day, and so Janet had thought it rather inappropriate, but had been unable to use this argument against that choice of day.

She still hadn't found the courage to tell Mark about Paula; there never seemed to be the right moment and as the weeks went by it was getting more and more difficult.

By the time winter arrived Mark was very busy at the garage and had to work most Saturdays, which made it difficult for him to get away in time to spend the evening with Janet. Danny's business was growing rapidly and Mark was worried that he sometimes had to cut corners which he didn't approve of just to keep within what Danny was prepared to pay out.

On Friday evenings Janet would phone Mark, standing shivering in the village phone box to guard her privacy from her parents.

‘Are you coming home tomorrow?'

‘No, I don't think I'll be able to. I've got this rush job on. Some bloke's been giving Danny hell and I said I'd stay and get it sorted.'

Janet's mouth went down. She was glad he couldn't see her sulking. ‘If it's Danny's problem then he should see to it.'

‘It's not as easy as that. Besides, Danny isn't that good a mechanic.'

‘I get fed up without you.'

‘Do you? Do you really?'

‘You know I do.'

‘Tell you what, why don't you come up here tomorrow? We could have a bite to eat somewhere when I finish, and then perhaps go to the pictures.'

‘So why can't you come home when you finish?'

‘He wants me to do a job on Sunday and I can't let him down. He's bought the house next door and intends to make the forecourt bigger.'

Janet felt cross. ‘I want you here with me.'

‘Do you?'

‘Yes.'

‘Look, you come up here and we can have a great evening together.'

‘All right.'

‘Well, now that's settled I'll see you about four. I should be finished by then.'

‘OK.'

‘Janet, I love you.'

‘Me too. See you tomorrow.' She put the phone down and opened the door. The wind was blowing and she pulled her headscarf tighter at her throat. She didn't care how cold it was: she was happy, she was going to London for the day.

‘Just make sure you don't miss the last train,' said her mother when she told her parents what she was doing. ‘And don't go back to his flat.'

Janet knew that was coming. ‘We are going out straight from his work.'

‘Is that man still living with him?'

‘I think so, but I'm not really sure.' Janet knew Danny had moved out months ago. Mark had told her he'd bought a nice house on Clapham Common, but she wasn't going to tell her mother otherwise she would stop her from going.

‘You know time is moving on and you should both be sorting out the list of people you want to come to the wedding.'

‘We'll do that when Mark comes home.'

‘You mustn't leave it too long as the invitations have to be printed.'

‘I know.' A few months ago when they had decided on the date it seemed a long way away. Since then her mother and Mrs Scott had been beaming and buzzing around like bees organizing everything. It was all being taken out of their hands. She'd had that feeling before.

 

‘This is a nice surprise,' said Danny when Janet pushed open the door of his office. ‘Mark said you might be coming.'

He jumped up and to Janet's surprise kissed her cheek. His overpowering aftershave almost took her breath away. He was wearing his expensive thick, light-coloured sheepskin jacket, even though the office was stiflingly hot from the electric fire and stuffy with cigarette smoke.

‘He should be finished soon. Fancy a cuppa?'

‘Please.' Janet was secretly admiring one of his three rings in which the diamond was very large and sparkled when it caught the light. It made the jewel in her engagement ring look very insignificant. She could guess how well his business was doing.

‘Pop into the workshop while I play mum.' He smiled and she noticed again how very good-looking he was.

Janet made her way to the corrugated, single-storey building behind the office. She pushed open the door. The radio was blaring.

‘Yoo-hoo. Mark, it's me,' she shouted above the music.

The sound of ball bearings being run along the concrete floor made her look at the back of a car that had been lifted up on blocks.

Mark was lying on a wooden platform; he pushed himself up. ‘Jan, you've arrived.' He stood up. He was wearing a navy-coloured knitted bobble hat, which he quickly pulled off, ruffling his dark hair. His overalls were dirty and greasy and he had oil smudges on his face. He moved over to the bench and turned the radio off. He went to kiss her cheek.

‘Get off.' She grinned. ‘You're ever so dirty.' Janet quickly cast her eyes round the workshop. ‘It's freezing in here. How can you work in a place like this?'

‘You get used to it.'

‘Why is he sitting in the warm office and you're out here?'

‘He's the boss.'

‘Will you be long?'

‘No, just got to test these brakes, then we can go.'

‘What shall I do?'

‘Sit in the car and press the brake pedal while I bleed the brakes.' He opened the car door.

Janet sat inside and did as Mark told her. She'd never driven but she knew which was the right pedal to press.

‘Right, that's it.' Mark took a dirty piece of rag from his pocket and wiped his hands. ‘Danny should have a cuppa ready by now.'

They went into the office.

‘All finished?' asked Danny.

‘Yes. But tell him to watch it.' Mark put the car keys on the desk. ‘It could really do with a new set of linings.'

‘I ain't splashing out for those. He wants to be bloody lucky I'm doing his brakes.'

‘Now come off it, Danny. They were dodgy when he bought it.'

‘He bought it tried and tested, and at a good price.'

‘If you say so.' Mark took a mug of tea Danny had offered.

‘So where are you two off to?'

‘Going home first for a bath, then out for a bite, then off to see a film. I'll probably take Janet home and I might be a bit late in on Monday.'

‘Don't make it too late. There's plenty of work here.'

‘I thought you were working on Sunday?' said Janet curiously. Had Mark got her here for another reason?

‘I was, but he's decided to leave it this weekend.'

‘I'm waiting to get the house next door knocked down. Then we can start straightening the place. Thought they might have been here be now.'

‘They would have if you hadn't spent so much time haggling over the price.'

Danny laughed. ‘That's business, me boy.' He turned to Janet and gave her another of his beaming smiles. ‘You'll have to get him to bring you over to my place one of these weekends. Got plenty of rooms with beds. Think about it.'

‘Won't your wife mind?'

He laughed. ‘I ain't married.' He gave her a strange look. ‘Well, not yet, anyway.'

Mark and Janet left Danny's and walked to Mark's flat. It was part of a three-storey house that had been converted into flats, and was only a few streets away from the garage. Opposite was a cemetery. The front door was open and they went into a large hall. Janet was very apprehensive as they climbed the stairs, the brown lino cracked at the edges, to Mark's flat. ‘Where's your landlord?'

‘He doesn't live here, he just rents the places out. At least we all have our own front doors.'

Janet looked around the room they had entered. It felt cold and damp. It was large and had a high fussy painted ceiling. The walls were covered with red striped wallpaper and Janet noted that in a few places it had started to lift. There was only one long thin window; the faded red velvet curtains were drooping where some of the hooks were missing. Placed in front of an electric fire, which was wedged in the grate of the ornate fireplace, were a sofa and two armchairs, their colour indistinguishable through grease and dirt.

‘I'll just put the fire on. Costs a bomb to heat this room; spend all my time feeding the meter. I'll show you where everything is in the kitchenette and you can be making a cuppa while I have a bath.'

‘Where's the bathroom?'

‘Just along the corridor. The bedroom is in there.' Mark quickly moved across the room and closed the door. ‘It's a bit untidy at the moment.'

‘Where did you sleep when Danny lived here?'