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Authors: Stephanie Perry Moore

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BOOK: Work What You Got
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Livid, I called an emergency meeting at our room on campus and all of them heifers showed up instantly. “I just don't understand. Where were y'all? You say you care about our name. You say you want to make a difference. But yet, anytime I need y'all to be there ain't none of y'all around. But let me call an emergency meeting and everybody's here. Y'all love the drama. All you guys seem to care about is partying and getting all up in folks' faces and goin' off on them. What about showing up to give back?”
“Wait a minute,” Bea said. “When I got up in Creed and Bridget's face, I was trying to have your back.”
“Well, if you recall, Bea, on the line I had yours, okay?”
“Hey, hold up now, Hayden, that's the whole problem. You've been reading up on the rituals on how to be leader, but you haven't been practicing what you preach. You sign us up for stuff but you don't even talk to us about it. I had class, so I couldn't go. How could you not ask us?” Dena said.
Sharon said, “I was committed to a study group.”
“So see, it wasn't like we didn't want to be there, but we had other things that we were committed to. You can't give us a few hours notice and expect us to just be there at your beck and call. You're our chapter president, not our dictator. And as you can see, you don't have as much power as you think.”
I couldn't even stay in the room with them. I picked up my purse and slammed the door. This was crazy.
 
I hated that I had to park so far across campus. I couldn't find a close parking spot before the meeting, and now it was starting to drizzle, so I started to run.
Once I got my jog on, I actually felt free. The tears mixed with the rain liberated me. I was having my own personal pity party and nobody could tell. No one was around me, so they couldn't see the inner turmoil that I was going through.
But then across campus by the entrance of the psychology building, I saw a familiar face having way too much fun. My professor of psychology was hugging and kissing a lady. As I got closer, I was surprised to see it was my uncle's wife! It made absolutely no sense to me why she would be kissing a man that wasn't my uncle.
Already upset and full of emotion, I had to make sure she didn't lay her lips on him for one more second. But before I got too close, I thought about it all. I mean, Dr. Griffin was my professor, and I hadn't done so well in his psych class. Maybe if he saw me, he'd be forced to change my C into an A.
What was I thinking? This wasn't about me. This was about my uncle. This was his wife.
“Hey Auntie, what's going on?” I said, catching her completely off guard. She immediately pulled away from my professor.
“Hey Doc,” I said to him.
“Hey, you're one of my students, right?” He managed to muster.
Setting the record straight, I pointed a reprimanding finger at them and said, “Yeah, there's not that many students in the class. You know she's married to my uncle, the president of this school, right? What's going on here?”
“Hayden, this isn't the time,” my trifling aunt said.
“Oh no, it's not what it looked like,” he added quickly.
“What are you saying? It's exactly what it looked like,” she said.
I couldn't believe that the two of them went from kissing each other to arguing about their
relationship
right in front of me. Thankfully this was just the medicine I needed to get over all the drama I was dealing with.
“Don't look at me that way, Anna. I'm not trying to lose my job over this. You're not gonna tell your uncle, right?” he asked me.
“She's not gonna say anything. She doesn't know what she saw.”
“You can't tell me what I'm gonna say,” I snapped.
“Just leave, Drew. I've got this,” she said to my professor. Now I knew his first name.
“Seriously, I've got a wife and three kids at home. I need my job,” he pleaded.
I said, “So you're not just gonna destroy my uncle with this little thing the two of you got going on here. You don't care about destroying the lives of your wife and children?”
“Stay out of this, Hayden. Nobody cares about the soap opera you're making out of this,” she said.
“Oh no, Doc here definitely cares. He teaches it. It's not what people do, but it's about the reasons behind their choices that make the world go round. Isn't what you're doing going to have consequences that can never be fixed?” I asked him.
“Anna, just talk to her. I got to get home. I knew this was a bad idea,” he said, putting his briefcase over his head to cover himself from the rain as he ran to his car.
When she and I were alone, she said, “How dare you come up to me threatening to tell your uncle. I am a grown woman!”
“Yes, and you're his wife. Does he know what you're doing?”
“We have some things that we keep from each other, it's
our
marriage. You have no business in it, no place in it. So stay out of it.”
“I'll let him tell me that,” I said to her.
“You just don't understand, Hayden. Things have been going south for us for a very long time.”
“I walked in on you practically beating him a couple of months back and I overlooked that. My mom said he's been miserable, and I just thought it was marriage pains, but this, what you just did, I can't ignore.”
“You and your mom are such busybodies. She doesn't know what she's talking about. He always compares me to your mom, his perfect little sister.”
“She's his older sister. That's just it. You never got to know our family.”
“Well regardless of what you think about me, your uncle is happy.”
“He sure didn't look happy when you were trying to strangle him in his office,” I said to her.
How dumb did she think I was? Like I wasn't going to tell him. As soon as I left her, I was going to squeal like a mouse.
“You can't tell your uncle, you just can't!” she said, grabbing my arm, trying to be sincere with me.
“Please don't tell me what I can and can't do. And let my arm go,” I said to her. “Now!”
“No Hayden, you can't. You gotta hear me out. You have everything. You're young, beautiful, intelligent, and in a good college. You just got into the sorority you wanted to join all your life. Don't take away the one thing that I need. Let me keep my marriage. Please don't say anything, Hayden. If you make me lose him, I don't know what I'll do. I might have a breakdown.”
14
GUSHING
“
P
lease, you've got to get off of me,” I said to my uncle's wife.
I couldn't think of her as my aunt. Actually, I never had. She always seemed to be so stuffy. She never gave me a hug, not that I could remember. But now she stood there clinging to my arm, begging me not to destroy her.
“Does the fact that I just poured my heart out to you mean anything? I know you're just going to go and tell him anyway. Well, thanks for nothing,” she said, stepping out into the pouring rain.
Alright Lord
,
what would You do? She's stepping outside of her marriage. How could I live with myself if I don't tell my uncle the truth? I mean blood is thicker than mud, right. I don't even know why I'm having second thoughts about this. Could I be a horrible person if I don't tell him? Show me what to do. Show me how to have the right spirit about this. Don't let me just act out in vengeance because I never really liked my aunt in the first place. And please don't let me react because I am miserable right now in my own life.
As I prayed, I found myself going toward my uncle's office. I figured if I wasn't supposed to be there something would happen to stop me. But there was no divine intervention.
“Hey Hayden, does your uncle know you're coming?” his secretary said, in the friendliest voice I had heard all day.
“No, but if he's busy, I can come back another time. I just had a moment and needed to talk to him, but it's okay, it's no big deal. You don't need to bother him.”
What am I doing?
I was now having second thoughts, but before I could go anywhere his secretary quickly picked up the phone and buzzed him.
“Okay, I'll tell her,” she said, as she hung up. “He's ready to see you. Before you go in I don't want you to get the impression that you have to call first, because you never do. Anytime you need to see him, your uncle will squeeze you in. It's just last time was awkward.”
I took a deep sigh, as I entered his office. I was torn as to whether I should tell him what I had just witnessed.
“Hey girl, give me a hug,” he said. “The wife and I were trying to get over there for Christmas, but we just didn't get a chance to come see you guys. Now it's March. I talk to your sister more than I do you. Crazy, when you and I share the same space practically. What in the world is going on with that?”
“Life, it's busy. I don't mean to take up any more of your time. I just came by to say hi. Let me go.”
“No, no girl. You never just come by to say hi. Sit. I have a refrigerator over here full of Coke. I'm sure you want a cup?”
“You still remember my favorite drink?”
“Yep, and I got a few, hoping you would come by.”
I looked all around his office and saw all of his pictures. There was a picture of me and my sister, but mostly the pictures were of him and his wife. As I sat there chugging the Coke he set on his desk for me, he went on and on about the promotion she just got. She was a drugstore manager and now she was going to be managing several stores in Little Rock. I wasn't impressed at all.
He said, “I'm just so proud of her. She is the light of my life. The last time you came in here, I know it was kind of an awkward situation.”
“That was months ago and I truly don't think your marriage is getting better,” I said from nowhere.
He leaned forward and said, “What are you talking about?”
I knew what I had to do. I had to tell him the truth. He seemed so blind to all that was going on around him. I just couldn't have him live that way anymore.
Cutting through the uneasiness, I said, “I just saw your wife with one of my professors.”
“She was on campus with a teacher?” The confused look he gave me urged me to divulge more.
However, I needed him to think this through. It just didn't make sense she was somewhere where she had no business being, with a person that she wasn't supposed to be with. I could tell by his expression he connected the dots without any help from me.
“I'm sorry, I just love you too much,” I said, seeing the despair rise over his usually strong and upbeat face.
He nodded, went over to his door and opened it. I knew he needed time alone so I just got up and kissed him on the forehead and hoped and prayed that I did the right thing. Truth was always good, wasn't it?
When I left his office, I checked my cell phone and saw that I had five missed calls from Sharon, then Dena, Sharon again, Bea and then Audria.
There was also a text from Bea: We're still in the meeting room. Come back.
“So Bea, you want me to come back?” I said aloud. “I knew it!”
I felt pretty good about myself. How did they not think they owed their leader an apology? They should have done whatever I told them to do. It was for their own good.
When I got back to the meeting room, all the smiles I thought I would see and all the apologies I thought I would hear were replaced with something I was not expecting.
“About time you came back,” Bea said, like I was her worst enemy. “We've been waiting here forever, like we ain't got other stuff to do.”
“I had to get myself together and go see my uncle, okay. Some things came up on my end too,” I replied, a little on the defensive.
“Alright, well can you have a seat, Hayden,” Sharon said. “Please don't take this the wrong way, but ...”
“I don't care how she takes it,” Bea interrupted.
“Take what? What is all of this about? Just let all of the hot feelings subside. I thought that is what y'all had done, but obviously I was wrong. Why don't we just talk tomorrow?”
Bea insisted, “Naw, we can't talk tomorrow, sister, sit down like Sharon said. We talking today.”
“Okay, then talk,” I said as I sat down.
Bea looked at Sharon. Sharon looked at Dena. Dena looked at the other girls in the room and they all looked back at Bea.
“Alright, well I'll just tell her. We think ...”
“No, I'll say it,” Sharon said. “You ain't got to be so mean, girl. She is supposed to be your girl and you just gonna blurt it out?”
“Blurt what out?” I demanded.
“We just don't think you're fit to be our president anymore. The way you see things in running this chapter isn't the way the majority of us want it,” Sharon said.
“What majority? The few of y'all against the rest of us?” I said, really hoping most of my line sisters hadn't turned on me for real.
Bea said, “No, fourteen of us against you.”
“I don't get what I've done that's so crazy for you guys to feel that y'all don't want me to be the chapter president anymore.”
I had given up so much for them. My grades were slipping. I didn't have a man anymore. I hadn't been keeping in touch with my family. I even had beef with my roommates. All because every single ounce of energy I had was poured into Beta Gamma Pi, Alpha Chapter. And now they were telling me they didn't want me to be their leader. Them chicks had to be on crack and I was the only one in my right mind.
“I know this is a shock,” Sharon said, trying to come over and console me. “I know you cared about your position.”
Moving away from her phony hug, I said, “I don't care about my position. Being president is one thing, but I care about you guys. I care about this chapter.”
“But ever since you have been president things haven't been that great,” Dena said.
Audria chimed in, “And I've just been praying.”
“Audria, you're not the only one who prays, okay.”
“I'm just saying, because I know this is going to be hard, Hayden, but sometimes you've got to just step aside. We love you as a soror, we just don't want you as a president. It's not like we're trying to kick you out of the chapter or anything.”
Inside, I was bawling, but no tears would fall. I guess the rain had washed them all away. I just didn't want them to see me crack.
“So tell us how we go about it.” Bea stood over me and asked, “Do we just raise our hands and you're not the president anymore? We didn't want to do this without you. It's not like we voted or anything yet, so tell us what we need to do.”
I had been studying protocol. I knew the procedure for handling this. But it wasn't like I was going to give them the ammunition to take me down.
“You're not the only one who can give us the information,” Bea continued when I remained silent. “We do have an advisor.”
“And all of these little meetings we had without her,” I said, so they knew I knew, “have been totally out of order anyway.”
“Then that's another reason why we need to get you out. You're the one acting all in charge, calling emergency meetings left and right and demanding that we be places. Getting us to take
our
time to spend on a girl who stole from us, I mean what kind of leader are you?”
“Alright!” Sharon said to Bea.
“I just want to make sure she gets the point. We're all completely fed up with her. We need to do something about it right now.”
“If that's the way you feel about it, Bea, then do what you got to do. There is no need for me to fight you. I can see the avalanche falling down the mountainside and I'm not trying to be rolled over. I can get out of the way.” I didn't really want to move on, but as Audria says, “Sometimes you pray about it and leave it in God's hands.” I knew I had done my best and obviously that wasn't good enough. So now He needed to decide my fate and I had to be okay with it. So I left, for good, that day.
 
For two days, I stayed in my room. I didn't go to class, I didn't take any calls. I barely put anything in my stomach. I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't feel great and before I could find a way to get along with my sorority sisters, I had to find a way to get along with myself.
“Hey lady, do you mind if I come in?” Bridget said, standing outside my door.
“No Bridg. Girl, I'm fine,” I said, in an unconvincing tone.
“Hayden, open up the door please,” she said.
I wanted to crawl under the covers and be left alone. When she knocked again, I knew she really cared, so I went over to the door and unlocked it.
“I know I look a mess. I did brush my teeth though and don't look at my room. I know you're a neat freak,” I said.
“I wasn't trying to be presumptuous,” she said, “but ...”
“What did you do? Please don't tell me you called my momma?”
“No, but I did talk to my chapter president.”
“What? You called the girl that was dating Creed? Are you kidding me?” I asked, totally ticked off.
“Well, your friend does care about you deeply,” Tammy said, as she stepped slowly into my view.
“Well, that's okay. I don't need counseling, particularly from a MEM.”
“Yeah, I know so I called my good friend,” Tammy said, and she yanked on someone behind her wearing a lavender shirt.
I looked perplexed. I didn't know what she was talking about. And in walked Penelope.
“We were roommates when we were on line,” Penelope said to me, pointing to Bridget's big sister. “But as you know I made the smarter choice, or so I thought before I got kicked out of the sorority. But some bonds go deeper than that.”
Tammy said, “Penelope has been following Alpha chapter, and cares about y'all, even as she sits on the outs. You guys talk.”
“If you want me to go, I'll leave,” Penelope said, not trying to force me into talking.
“No. Come in please,” I said, knowing maybe this was a blessing.
The MEMs left my room. I shut the door and pulled my chair from my desk for her to sit. Penelope sat down and looked firmly into my eyes.
I said, “Thanks for coming. I thought everyone had abandoned me.”
“I understand that feeling, but even when I was kicked out, you came over and said something that really stuck with me.”
“What did I say?” I asked, unsure of what that could be.
“You said you cared. And I have always cared about you. I'm sure I let you down as leader of the line, but it's hard being a leader of anything.”
“Well, I certainly know that now. I never knew there was such a thing as caring too much, and now they don't want me to lead them at all. It's clear that I don't know what I'm doing.”
“And I didn't either, but I have had a lot of time for reflection. Wondering why I couldn't stand up to Keisha and have her take a step back when she was going too far. My leadership or lack of it allowed her to take me down, you know?”
BOOK: Work What You Got
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