Writing Movies For Fun And Profit! (19 page)

This is Joseph Campbell’s “call to adventure.” Something happens to invite your hero into the adventure of his (or her) lifetime. Luke Skywalker sees Princess Leia’s hologram cry for help. Bruce is trapped in the Nakatomi Tower when Hans Gruber takes over.
BUT WAIT! Your hero doesn’t dive in yet
.
Luke’s gotta stay on the farm. Bruce Willis calls the cops and lies low.

On page 10, Neo meets Trinity. She tells him she knows what the Matrix is. Neo—
does nothing
. He goes to work the next day and acts like it didn’t happen.

Page 25: Your hero is launched into the story.

Here
is where your hero dives in. Between pages 10 and 25, the plot has thickened, and now our hero has no choice but to get involved. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru are dead. Rick’s ex shows up at his gin joint and needs the letters of transit. A mugger kills Spider-Man’s uncle, and Spidey’s the only one who can catch him.

Neo has seen unexplainable shit for the last 15 pages: they erased his mouth and put an android shrimp in his belly button, for God’s sake.
On page 25, he takes the red pill
.

Around pages 45–50: Things get worse.

For 20 pages, Neo gets hit with bad news: The world was destroyed, and he’s never really eaten noodles. And worst of all: HE is the Messiah that’s supposed to save the world—talk about pressure. On page 45 he makes the GREAT LEAP off the building to prove he’s The One … and he falls on his face.

Around pages 65–70: Something even worse happens.

On page 65, the Oracle tells Neo
he’s NOT The One
and Cypher turns traitor and tries to kill them all. Tough day.

Around pages 70–80:

Things get as bad as they can possibly get.

We got the Death Star plans too late, it was all for naught! Vader’s gonna blow up the rebel base at Yavin 4! Claude Rains outsmarted Rick—now the Nazis’ll get the letters of transit! Spider-Man’s lost his powers, and Dr. Octopus is gonna blow up Kirsten Dunst! Hope is lost!

The agents have Morpheus. Neo has to choose, his life for Morpheus’s—even though he knows it’s impossible because he’s not The One.

So. You’ve spent the last 80 pages setting up how impossible it is to beat Hans Gruber/destroy the Death Star/fight the agents. Now …

You use pages 80–90 to show the audience that WINNING IS GONNA BE EVEN HARDER THAN WE THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE.

Neo fights Smith—and he’s no match for him.

The Death Star is approaching! It’s gonna take a one-in-a-million shot to destroy it, and Han Solo just split with his reward money.

Around pages 90–100ish:

The Climax! Your hero wins! Hooray!

Rick shoots the Nazi, and Claude Rains turns nice! Hooray! Han Solo comes back, and Luke shoots the Death Star. Hooray!

Neo kicks Agent Smith’s ass, dies, and comes back to life. Hooray!

Final pages: Your hero walks off into the sunset/James Bond screws Dr. Goodhead on a raft.

The world has been changed for the better by your hero. The bad guy’s dead (unless you need Darth Vader for the sequel). It’s a new beginning. Rick walks off with Claude Rains; it’s “the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Everybody gets medals. Ewoks dance around.

And Neo flies off into the sunset—he is The One.

The most important thing about this structure is that you ALWAYS USE IT.

Always.

Wong Kar-wai, making some wonderful “art-house” movie
.
*

In EVERY SCRIPT THAT HAS EVER SOLD, the inciting incident is on page 10 and the twists happen EXACTLY WHEN THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO. Wong Kar-wai movies are great. They don’t make those in Hollywood.

Screenwriting Tip!

Hey you Iil’ William Goldman, you!

Wanna speed up your screenwriting?

Then why not try this helpful,

professional screenwriting tip?

When naming your characters, try to make sure that NO TWO CHARACTERS’ NAMES START WITH THE SAME LETTER OF THE ALPHABET.

For example: Do not have characters in your script named: GRETA, GAY BIRTHDAY CLOWN #1, GREG BEHRENDT, GANDHI, and GHOST OF GIUSEPPE.

“Why?” You may ask. “Who cares?! I’m not cutting Gay Birthday Clown #1—he sets up all the other Gay Birthday Clowns!”

Well, while those are all terrific names—and Greg Behrendt is a great guy who will be terrific in the movie—when you’re writing in FINAL DRAFT, there’s an option called SmartType, which will add the name of the character in the CHARACTER SLUG LINE, just by your typing the first letter of the character’s name.

By not having two character’s names that start with the same letter,
you could save up to five minutes an hour by NOT HAVING TO PICK which of the “G”-named characters you mean each time you type
.

It seems like a small thing, but trust us. When you’re writing A LOT, especially in production rewrites, this little trick can save you a lot of time and wasted energy.

Now then, spend that five minutes you saved this hour by quietly reflecting on where it all went wrong, or just masturbate!

You may never be any good at writing. You may already be great at writing.
But no one can teach you to write
.

This chapter is just PRACTICAL TIPS. Tips for creating good characters for your studio script.

Tip 1: The only way your movie is going to get made at a studio is if a MOVIE STAR wants to play your hero. Keep that in mind as you write your hero.

That means your hero needs to be likable, cool (and, by the end of the movie, EVEN COOLER), and attractive. YES, ATTRACTIVE.
Name one NON-ANIMATED studio movie with an ugly hero. Why? Because no movie star is going to pick up a script and read a character described as “a fat, ugly, unlikable loser” and jump at the chance to play that role. Actors are vain. EVEN FAT, UGLY, UNLIKABLE ACTORS.

Sure, sometimes an ACTRESS will play her one “ugly” role, to try to win an Oscar—but
if you’re trying to win Oscars YOU BOUGHT THE WRONG BOOK, BUSTER
. We wrote that movie where the monkey slaps Ben Stiller.

And when we say make your hero
likable,
we don’t just mean make ’im “guy with a nice smile who you see in the elevator” likable. You’ve seen movies, right? Make him HAN SOLO likable. INDIANA JONES likable.
Make him so goddamn likable that every single kid who sees your movie is gonna wish he was Your Hero for the rest of his life
.

Don’t pussy around
. Your Hero needs to be a
HERO.

There’s no simpler way to put it. Your hero needs to be a hero from from page 1. They were BORN a hero, they just haven’t gotten a chance to be a hero yet—not until the adventure YOU’RE sending them out on (think Luke Skywalker, Strider). They just needed to be thrust into a situation (that you’re gonna make up) that ONLY THEY CAN SOLVE. Only he can defeat Alan Rickman’s evil scheme. Only he can blow up the Death Star. Only she can save Newt and kill the mamma alien.

Or maybe he got a chance to be a hero once, but he blew it. Maybe he used to be a gunslinger—but he “doesn’t do that any more.” BUT HE’S STILL A HERO on the inside. (Shane, Rick from
Casablanca.
) You get the point. Make your hero a silver-screen, movie-star-sized hero.
*

TIP 2: Remember: YOU ARE NOT WRITING A NOVEL.

You have only about 100 pages to say EVERY SINGLE THING there is to say about your characters. Be succinct. You don’t win points for being vague and cryptic and arty. And your MAIN character better be crystal clear in the first 10 pages. (See
Chapter 23
, “If Your Screenplay Doesn’t Have This Structure …”)

TIP 3: Write your dialogue with specific actors in mind.

For several reasons:

It will help you write dialogue. It doesn’t matter if the movie star whose voice you’re writing in will never be in your movie. But if you write your main character as, let’s say BEN STILLER, he has a very specific cadence:

Your dialogue suddenly has a model. You go beyond knowing WHAT your character needs to say to HOW your character will say it. You’ll know if it reads right or wrong.

If you write the skeevy guy who’s tagging along with your hero as, let’s say, ZACH GALIFIANAKIS.

Then you’ll know what
his
dialogue should sound like. What it should read like. His dialogue will be very specific, AND it will read VERY DIFFERENTLY from that of your hero, Ben Stiller.

Your goal is to make the people reading your script
picture the MOVIE in their heads
. Leave as little to the imagination as possible. If they’re already picturing BEN STILLER and ZACH GALIFIANAKIS before they even GET to the dialogue, how much does that help them
picture your movie in their heads? ANSWER:
a lot
. Again, you’re not writing a novel.

Which brings us to the MAGIC word in studio movie character development:

Think.

As in: Think Ben Stiller. Think Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Think Reese Witherspoon. That magic word will make your movie easier to write, easier to read, and EASIER TO SELL.

See the difference in the script samples below.