Wrong Girl (17 page)

It’s
gone seven and I’m restless. I feel like the walls are closing in on me and
need to get out of the apartment before I go insane. This is when I hate not
being able to drive, owning my own car would be amazing. I could just grab my
keys and go, clear my head and stabilise my mixed up thoughts.

Wait.
Why
can’t
I do that right now? I can still get out of here and clear my
head, why should being without a car prevent me from doing that? I’m quick to
make my decision once I’ve reached it, grabbing my keys and heading out the
door.

The
only place I can think of to go is the lake. The place Zack took me two weeks
ago, where we sat and talked about the overwhelming and growing attraction
between us. That was only thirteen days ago and yet it feels like a lifetime. I
reach for my phone and call a taxi, knowing that’s the only place that will bring
me any peace of mind right now. I hope to gain a sense of clarity as soon as I
get there and know it’s where I have to go the night before I meet Zack.

My
taxi doesn’t take long to arrive and I hop in the back, plugging my earphones
in so I don’t have to make any small talk with the driver. I ask him to take me
part of the way, letting him know he can pull over when we reach a small pub
near the lake, wanting to walk the rest of the way by myself. It’s a fairly
pleasant evening so I really don’t mind.

The
lake looks exactly the same but I can now observe more of the surrounding
scenery than I could the night Zack brought me out here. It’s much earlier in
the evening than it was the night we came but the peace and tranquillity I
absorbed from that night is exactly the same. I take a seat on the bench,
exhaling loudly. This is the first time I’ve been alone all week without being
observed and I plan on taking full advantage of the situation.

Selecting
the first song that springs to mind, I breathe in deeply, trying to regain some
control over my anxiety. This is the time of day when it’s at its worst and it
becomes increasingly difficult for me to remember my rational way of thinking
and calming strategies. I can relate to every single word being sung by Shania
Twain as I listen to one of my favourite songs ‘It Only Hurts When I’m
Breathing.’

The
tears I’ve struggled all week to contain finally begin to fall, relentless and
ongoing with no sign of stopping. I can’t help but think what on earth has
happened to me? What have I become and where do I go from here? My life is an
absolute mess, I have no idea where I’m headed or which direction I should
choose. I can’t help comparing myself to my beautiful, accomplished and
talented sister. She’s always been light-years ahead of me in every single
sense and I know that will never change. She’s successful, sophisticated and
ambitious as well as being everything I’m not. She even has the perfect fiancé,
the man I plan on sleeping with tomorrow night. I know one night is all I will
ever get with Zack. He belongs to someone else and that’s just the way it is.

My
phone startles me, vibrating in my pocket and pulling me out of my reverie. I
reach for it and pull out my earphones, wiping away my tears as I glance down
at the screen.

Zack.

Fuck.
Has he changed his mind? Is he sending me a message to let me know he can’t go
through with it? I can’t think of any other reason why he would contact me the
night before we’re due to meet. I take a deep breath and open my message, preparing
myself for the worst.

Zack: I know you
probably don’t want to hear from me right now but I have to know that you’re
ok. I’ve been wanting to get in contact with you all week to see how you are
but knew you wouldn’t appreciate me bombarding you with messages every single
day. So… how are you? You feeling ok?

How do I even
begin to respond to something like that? Am I ok? No. How am I feeling? Awful.
I consider ignoring his message but know I’ll have to respond sooner rather
than later.

I’m feeling…
confused, scared, alone and terrified. Guess where I am right now?

Zack: Where are
you?

The lake.

Zack: Are you
serious? What made you go there? You’re by yourself?

I don’t know what
possessed me to come here and yes… I’m alone.

My
phone starts to ring within seconds, Zack’s name flashing up across the screen.
My hands are shaking as I bring the phone towards my ear, moistening my lips
before I answer.

“Hello?”

“Why
are you there by yourself? You know how isolated it is. It’s in the middle of
nowhere and it’s really not safe for you to be there on your own, especially at
this time.”

“I
can’t explain it but I just felt the need to come here. I’ll be leaving soon.”
I tell him, raking my fingers through my hair.

“Will
you text me and let me know as soon as you get back home? I want to know you’ve
made it back alright.”

“You
sound like you actually care.” I say drily.

“I
do.”

There’s
a prolonged silence and neither one of us are about to break it. I can’t stop
thinking about what he just confessed to me. Did he just say that he cares
about me? Did I imagine him saying that to me? Was it just wishful thinking?

“Zack…”
I whisper softly, anxious to put an end to my wayward thinking.

“You
know I do, Sam. That’s what makes this so difficult.”

“I
still think we’ve lost our minds, what the hell are we doing?” I ask, feeling
my eyes brim with more unshed tears.

“You
know we don’t have a choice. We can’t carry on like this. I know I don’t have
the strength to stay away from you for another second longer. Do you know how
tempted I am to come and meet you right now?”

“You
can’t. I’m about to leave and I thought you’d be spending the night with
Rachel.” I murmur quietly.

Even
the thought of them together causes me pain. I don’t know how I think I’m going
to cope after tomorrow, I’ll be forced to witness their happiness for the rest
of my life and I don’t know how I’m going to bear it.

“She
wanted me to but I couldn’t face it, I just knew I’d feel too guilty.” He
explains, lowering his voice.

“You
really think you’re going to feel any better after tomorrow night?” I challenge
him.

“Yes.
No. I don’t know. I hope so but I have no fucking idea.” He groans in
frustration.

I
can’t help imagining him drag his own fingers through his hair, tugging on it in
exasperation.

“Me
neither. That’s what makes me so scared.” I admit, chewing on my nails with
anxiety.

“Please
don’t change your mind on me, Sam.”

“I’m
not going to. I’ll be there, tomorrow night at eight.”

“I’ll
see you then.” His tone is serious, determined and resolute.

No
matter what happens… he expects to see me. I have half a feeling he will turn
up at my door if I don’t show up tomorrow night.

I
hang up the phone, clutching it against my chest. I sit there for a few more
minutes before I phone another taxi, making my way back to the small pub I was
first dropped off at. It’s difficult for me to leave the peace and tranquillity
of the lake, to know that I’ll be returning to an empty apartment, a place I’ll
have to spend the rest of the night alone, alone with my thoughts and fears.

I
toss and turn in bed, unable to sleep and unable to think of anything but Zack
and the hotel. I packed my overnight bag as soon as I got back home so have
nothing to do now apart from sleep. I finally admit defeat and make my way into
the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water, it’s only when I’m in there that I
realise there’s an awful howling noise outside. I peek out the kitchen window
and gasp when I see the destructive thunderstorm that’s going on outside. I’ve
never witnessed anything like this before, the trees are violently swaying, the
roof tiles are rattling and the gale force wind is screeching.

A
spring storm is the last thing I was expecting and I can’t help thinking it’s a
sign of what’s to come. Destruction, disaster and demolition right before my
very eyes. A warning that the calm before the storm will not last forever. We
must all face the consequences, the rain and the thunder… eventually.

Chapter Ten

The
next day at work is excruciating. I seriously consider going home early seeing
as my ability to concentrate is so poor. It’s not fair on Audrey and it’s
certainly not fair on the children. However, I eventually manage to pull myself
together and get a grip, enabling myself to focus on my work and carry on with
the rest of the day.

As
soon as the day is finished, I hastily clear up the rest of the classroom, grab
my things and get out of there. I need to go home and get my head sorted before
I leave to meet with Zack later on this evening.

I
only managed to get about four hours sleep last night, battling my insomnia
until three in the morning when my body finally gave into exhaustion. It was
torture waking up when my alarm clock went off this morning and I seriously
contemplated phoning in sick. Of course I knew that would make things worse,
I’d have been stuck at home all day, tormenting myself with thoughts about
tonight and what I have planned.

The
worst part of my day came when I received a text from Rachel. She told me to
enjoy my weekend and the hotel with Jason. My heart almost stopped when I read
that text, remembering what I told her about being unavailable on Friday. I
used Jason as an excuse and know how despicable that makes me. I can’t help
wondering if Zack received a similar text. He did tell Rachel he was spending
the night with some friends and I really hope my sister won’t put two and two
together.

Who
am I kidding? Rachel would never suspect either one of us of doing something
like this. She loves us both and the idea of her fiancé or her sister sneaking
around behind her back would break her heart. She’s a trusting person and
deserves so much better than me for a sister. What we have planned to do is
loathsome and beneath anyone’s contempt, especially Rachel’s.

I
have several hours to wait until I can leave my apartment. My overnight bag is
already prepared and waiting for me by the door. All I really have to do is
take a bath before I leave. I run it nice and deep, adding lots of bubbles. I
take care to shave every part of my body, moisturising my skin with the new
body lotion I purchased. I straighten my hair but decide to leave it down. I
don’t like wearing it up because it makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. I
suppose I use my hair as a shield, it protects me from prying eyes and critical
observations.

My
outfit has already been chosen, a white slim line dress that reaches my knees.
The silky soft material glides across my skin, graceful and elegant. It’s the
first time I’ve put it on and I have to admit, it is beautiful. I can only
imagine what Rachel would look like in a dress like this. A dress this gorgeous
deserves to be worn by someone who deserves it and I certainly don’t.

I
spend the final half an hour at home applying my makeup. Lip gloss, foundation,
a hint of mascara and some bronzing pearls. I stare at my reflection in the
full-length mirror, smoothing my hands across the front of my outfit. My
breathing is erratic, my whole body trembling with fear and anticipation. I manage
to send Jason a quick text once I’m dressed, he still thinks I’m spending the
night with Rachel and as much as I don’t like deceiving him, I know I have to
keep up with the pretence. He texts me back similar to Rachel, telling me to
have a great time. He assures me we’ll hang out together when I get back and I
agree. All that’s left to be done now is call a taxi.

I
phone one up and take a seat on the sofa, wringing my hands together as I wait.
My mobile lights up, alerting me to a new message. It’s from Zack, letting me
know he’s at the hotel and asking me to send him a text as soon as I get there.
I’m suddenly hit by a tremendous wave of anxiety, it reaches inside my chest
and refuses to let go. The thought that he’s actually there… waiting for me.
It’s unbelievable, astonishing and something I can hardly comprehend. It’s
difficult to believe that someone like Zack, someone so magnificent,
accomplished, striking and strong could want someone like me. Someone who is
dull, fearful, timid and weak. I’m a complete contrast to my sister. She’s
vivacious, sexy and stunning, everything a man could possibly want. Which
leaves one remaining question… why me?

The
journey to the hotel seems to go on forever. I’m in no mood for making small
talk with the taxi driver and make sure I plug in my iPod to avoid the
possibility of meaningless conversation. I can’t stop shivering, I can barely
sit still and the butterflies in my stomach refuse to settle down, fluttering
their tiny wings until the only sensation that’s left is terror. I must ask
myself what I’m doing a thousand times, questioning my sanity and my morals
over and over again. Before I know it we’ve pulled up outside. I completely
missed the long driveway, consumed by own thoughts and fears. The floodlights
aimed at the hotel make a breath-taking view, it stands so tall and majestic,
monumental and stunning. I really can’t believe he chose this place, it’s
beyond anything I could ever have imagined. The historical architecture, the
picturesque scenery of the green surroundings make it even more impressive and
imposing.

I
pay the driver, handing him the money before I reach for my phone, sending Zack
a text to let him know that I’m here. I make my way through the grand archway
into reception, scanning the faces of the few guests by the reception desk. I
remove my jacket and hang it over my arm. I want to look as though I’m a
visitor who belongs rather than a visitor who doesn’t. I’m so awkward and uncomfortable
on the inside, I want my appearance to reflect the complete opposite.  

I
nervously glance around, seeking an intense gaze and a smouldering pair of
brown eyes. I actually sense his presence before I spot him. An undeniable,
indescribable awareness creeps over me, alerting me to the fact that he’s
standing right behind me, watching my every move. I whirl around and come face
to face with those astonishing eyes of his. The magnetic force of them is
overwhelming, pulling me in without my consent, drawing me towards a man I can
never have, a man I will never be able to call my own.

“You
came.” He says directly.

“I
told you I would.” I reply softly.

“I’m
glad. You look… beautiful.” He says huskily, taking one step closer towards me.

“Thank
you.” I murmur, struggling to resist the unyielding temptation before me.

Everything
about Zack is tempting, especially when he’s dressed like he is now. He’s
wearing a black suit with a white shirt and light blue tie. The colour is a
remarkable contrast to his dark eyes, making them even more piercing and
hypnotic. I can scarcely bring myself to look away.

“I’ve
already checked in, let’s take your bag up to the room.”

He
picks up my overnight bag, offering his hand out for me to take. I grab hold of
it without thinking, needing the stability and comfort that his touch will
provide me. The two of us make our way past the desk and up a large flight of
stairs, crossing down an empty hallway until we reach room number 16. Zack
swipes his passkey in the door and opens it for me, allowing me to walk past
him into the spacious room.

There’s
a four poster bed in the centre of the room and a flat screen TV on the wall
opposite. The carpet beneath our feet is plush and rich in texture and the bay
window in front of us looks out onto an incredible view.

“Take
a look in there.” Zack points towards the door on my right, advising me to take
a look inside.

I
step around him and do as he asks, peeking inside what I presume will be the
bathroom. I gasp when I see the splendour before me, it has a large hot tub, a
walk in shower and a huge mirror. The décor is black and white, a gorgeous
choice which makes the space even more palatial and exquisite.

“Wow.”
I inhale sharply, astonished by the resplendence of the place.

“I
was hoping you would like it.” He says quietly, coming up behind me.

“Like
it? I love it.” I admit softly, unable to tear my eyes away from the exquisite
splendour before me.

It’s
true. The thought he’s put behind all of this is enough to take my breath away.
It’s beyond anything I could have imagined and I know this night will be one
I’m going to cherish and remember for the rest of my life.

“I’m
glad.” He pauses for a second, it’s as though he’s considering what he should
say next. “You know… I meant what I said downstairs. You really do look
beautiful.” He turns me around to face him, fixing those mesmerising eyes of
his on me.

“So
do you.”

“I
look beautiful?” He smirks at me in amusement.

“I-I
meant handsome.” I stammer, nervously pulling away from him.

“Sam,
don’t do that. Don’t pull back from me. Not tonight.” He begs me, closing the
distance between us.

“I
don’t think I can do this.” I whisper, staring at pale reflection in the
bathroom mirror.

“I’m
not forcing going to force you into anything. If you really don’t want to do
this, we don’t have to.”

“You
mean that? It would be ok with you if I decide to leave and go home?”

“I’m
really hoping you won’t. Even if we don’t… I still want you to stay the night
with me.”

“Without
sex?” I say incredulously.

“Of
course I’m not going to deny the fact that I want us to have sex, you know how
desperately I want you. The thought of us being together has consumed me for
several weeks. However, if you feel like it’s the wrong thing to do… I’m going
to respect that. I still want you to spend the night, Sam.”

I
gaze up at him in astonishment. Is he for real? He still wants me to spend the
night?

“I’ll
stay.” I force a weak smile on my face, hoping it will be enough to convince
him.

“Come
here.

He
pulls me towards him and into an embrace. One hand cradling my head as the
other one wraps tightly around my waist, keeping me close. It’s so difficult
trying to fight it, the indescribable force I feel between us. The one that
wants me to give into temptation and bury my face against his chest, inhale
deeply and never, ever let go.

He
continues to hold me and I can’t even begin to describe what it feels like in
his arms and what it feels like to be far away from everyone and everything we
know. All of my defences comes crashing down, a lump forms at the back of my
throat, a clear sign my unshed tears are about to fall.

“How
come this feels so right?” He murmurs, placing a delicate kiss on the top of my
head.

“I
don’t know. All I do know is this is wrong.” I whimper, trying to break away
from him.

“Listen,
tonight this isn’t going to feel that way. No matter what happens, this night
is ours. It’s our one and only opportunity to be together like this, alone and
uninterrupted. I plan on savouring every single second I have with you.” He
grabs hold of my wrist and tugs me back towards him.

“C-could
we get out of here for a little while? Please.” I ask, clearing my throat as I
remove myself from his grasp.

“Sure.
Let’s go.”

I
pull on my jacket and follow Zack as we leave the hotel room. I’ve no idea
where we’re heading or where we’re going to go. I couldn’t eat a thing right
now and its dark outside, there’s nowhere else besides a restaurant that we
could go.

“Where
are we going?” I ask, struggling to keep up with Zack’s long strides.

“I
don’t know. There’s a bar downstairs if you want to sit in there or we can
leave the hotel for a bite to eat? Whatever you want.”

“I
don’t think I could eat anything.” I confess, placing a hand on my churning
stomach.

“Me
neither. We could take a walk or sit outside on the patio? They’ve got outdoor
heaters and a spectacular landscape. Another gorgeous view.”

“Sounds
good.”

We
make our way through the lobby, down a large corridor to the back of the hotel.
He opens the doors leading out onto the patio for me and even pulls out my
chair for me to sit down. There are a few others outside which is only to be
expected seeing as it’s such a warm night. We’re surrounded by couples,
drinking wine by candlelight and laughing and joking together. I suppose we
look tense and uneasy in comparison.

“Do
you want something to drink?” Zack motions to a nearby waitress, flicking
through the drinks menu on the table.

“Just
a lemonade please.” I speak to the waitress, smiling briefly.

“You
sure? You don’t want a glass of wine or champagne?” Zack offers, handing me the
wine list.

I
glance at the prices on the menu, they’re astronomical. Even if I wanted a
drink, I would never expect him to pay these prices.

“A
lemonade will be fine.”

“Ok
then, I’ll take a scotch.” He smiles at the waitress, oblivious to the way
she’s ogling him in his designer suit. “Thank you.”

“You’re
welcome, Sir. The drinks won’t be a moment.” Her eyes sparkle as she turns on
her heel, leaving us alone.

I
can feel Zack’s eyes on me, watching me closely. His intense gaze forces me to
blurt out the first thing that comes into my head.