Wrong Girl (16 page)

Chapter Nine

Samantha

I
had a wonderful weekend with my sister. We visited York on Saturday and had a
fabulous time. The sun shone, the temperature was warm and my mood was lifted.
I know this seems impossible but it’s the truth. I feel better somehow, now
that I’ve arranged the night I’m going to spend with Zack on Friday. It’s
almost a release to know that it’s actually going to happen, we’re going to be
together and there’s no turning back. I won’t go against the choice I’ve come
to make and neither will he.

I
forgot how incredible it was to spend some one on one time with my sister and I
vow to make more of an effort with her from now on. I want to enjoy every
single second I have with her before she throws herself right into the
preparations for the wedding in the August.

I
spent Saturday night with Rachel but today I’m back home. Knowing my mum was
due home was reason enough for me to get the hell out of there before she got
back.

“Thanks
for a wonderful weekend. I had the best time.” Rachel said to me, giving me a
tight hug before I left.

“You’re
welcome. We’re definitely doing it again sometime.” I assured her, trying to
ignore the devastating guilt which was already threatening to tear me apart.

“I
can’t even remember the last time I had so much fun.”

“That
can’t be right.”

I
spoke with certainty. My sister has a thousand friends, each and every one of
them far more exciting than I am.

“Seriously.
I’ve missed you.” She confessed, the honesty in her eyes convinced me she was
telling me the truth.

“I’ll
see you again soon. You can call me anytime.”

I
gave her another hug before I turned to walk down the driveway.

“Are
you free on Friday?” She blurted out after me, an expectant look on her face.

“This
Friday?” I asked nervously, praying to God my deception would not show.

“Yep.
Zack’s going away for the night. He’s catching up with some old work buddies of
his who are coming up for the weekend. I’m going to be on my own if you fancy
doing something just let me know.”

“I’m
actually busy on Friday. Jason and I are going away for the night. We haven’t
spent much time together lately so we thought we’d get a cheap hotel and enjoy
the weekend together.” I lie, averting my gaze from the trusting one that
belongs to my sister.

“That’s
so sweet. Although… it sounds like a romantic mini break or something. You sure
there’s nothing you want to tell me about the two of you?” She raised her
eyebrows at me, clearly hoping there was something going on between us.

“There’s
nothing going on. We’re just friends.” I promise her.

“If
you say so.”

I
spend the rest of the evening with Jason. He apologised for being bad tempered
on Friday and I forgive him straight away. There’s no point in holding grudges
and to be honest, I have far too much on my mind right now to even think about
the little spat Jason and I had.

“Are
you sure you’re ok, you’ve been really quiet since you got back from Rachel’s.”
Jason asks, turning the volume down on the TV.

“I’m
fine. I didn’t get much sleep over the weekend, I’m probably still a bit
tired.” I explain, shrugging it off as though it’s no big deal.

Jason
knows me so well, it’s getting more and more difficult to conceal my secret
from him. I know he wouldn’t approve and he’s always been so overprotective of
me. Sometimes he’s more like a big brother than he is a best friend.

“Are
you sure? It’s as though something’s been bothering you for a few weeks now.” His
concern is touching and a part of me really does want to confess everything.
The burden on my shoulders is growing heavier each day, the guilt is already
eating me alive and I know it will only be worse after Zack and I spend the
night together on Friday.

“I
suppose I’m just a bit anxious at the moment. I’ll be ok.” I force a smile,
hoping he’ll be like my sister and accept my answer.

“Your
therapy starts soon, right?”

“I’m
on the waiting list.”

“Well,
at least that’s something.”

“Yep.”

“You
know… I really am sorry for the way I spoke to you on Friday. I don’t know what
I was thinking. I guess I just missed my best friend and handled it very
badly.”

He’s
so apologetic and sincere, I really don’t deserve someone as special as Jason
to be my friend. He’s extremely loyal and refuses to let his pride interfere
with him saying sorry.

“It’s
fine. Don’t worry about it.” I take hold of his hand and squeeze it, wanting to
reassure him.

“Listen,
let me make it up to you. We can go out on Friday night, maybe to the cinema or
we could go out for a meal? Just the two of us.” He grins at me expectantly,
clearly excited about the prospect of us going out together.

Shit.
I’ve already told Rachel that I’m going away with Jason for the weekend, now
I’m going to have to deceive my best friend as well.

“I’ve
got plans on Friday. Rachel’s fiancé is meeting up with some old friends of his
so she asked me to do something with her that night.” I lie, despising my
newfound level of deception and betrayal.

“OK,
what about the three of us? We could still go out together.” He suggests,
making it difficult for me to think of another excuse.

“I’m
afraid its girls only. Sorry.”

I
pick up our empty coffee cups from the table, hurrying into the kitchen to
rinse them out. I need to get away from Jason for a second, I feel like he can
see the deceit written all over my face and I can’t bear it. He would be
appalled if he found out the truth, there’s no way he would understand why I
have to go through with this, why I feel compelled to be with Zack and
experience one night with him.

“Need
any help?” Jason asks, wandering into the kitchen and leaning against the
countertop.

“I’m
pretty tired. I think I’m just going to go straight to bed if you don’t mind
leaving early?”

“Sure
but you’re not at work tomorrow and you want to go to sleep so early?” He
frowns, glancing at me in concern.

I
only work part time at the nursery. I have Monday and Wednesday off and work
the three remaining days. I forgot all about this and chastise myself for my
negligence. There’s no reason why I should want to go to bed so early and I
know Jason will be able to see through my lie.

“I’ve
had a hectic weekend with Rachel. I just want an early night.”

“Ok,
I’ll go.”

He
gives me a hug, leaving me alone in the kitchen whilst he lets himself out of
my apartment. I breathe a sigh of relief as soon as I hear him leave, cradling
my head in my hands as exhaustion really does start to take over. The sound of
my phone buzzing distracts me from my contemplation, forcing me to go in search
of it. I half expect it to be Jason sending me a goodnight text or something.

It
isn’t.

It’s
not Jason.

It’s
Zack.

A
million different thoughts race through my mind when I see his name on my
phone’s screen. Has he changed his mind? Does he want to forget about the whole
thing? Has he confessed everything to Rachel? Has she found out? The suspense
is killing me and I can’t take it anymore, I have to know. Opening the message,
my eyes widen with surprise as I read it.

Zack: I just
thought I’d check in with you to make sure you’re ok. I’m glad to hear you had
a great weekend with Rachel, she said you two had a fun together. I also
thought I should let you know that I’ve told her I’m meeting up with some
friends of mine on Friday and I don’t want you to think I’ve changed my mind
about our arrangement. I haven’t.

Rachel already
told me about your plans on Friday night. I had to lie to her as well, I used Jason
as an excuse. It felt horrible to deceive her like that.

I hit send and
wait for this reply. It comes within seconds.

Zack: I know, I’ve
felt guilty about it all day but we don’t have a choice, we both know we need
to do this.

Don’t worry, I
realise we can’t back out now.

Zack: Good. I
thought you were going to tell me you had changed your mine. I’ve booked the
hotel for Friday. I’ll meet you there at eight.

He tells me the
name of the hotel which leaves me speechless. It’s the grandest place I know and
I can scarcely believe it’s the venue he’s chosen for us to stay.

Are you serious?

The hotel he’s
booked is beautiful. It’s a historical and ostentatious hotel, somewhere I’ve
always wanted dreamt about staying. I’ve frequently browsed through the photos
online, fantasising about which room I would choose and who I would go with.

Zack: Yes.

Zack: Is there a
problem?

It’s just… a
little extravagant. I was expecting something different.

Zack: I’ve stayed
there before, it’s really nice. I’m sure you will like it. Although, I can
cancel the reservation if you want me to and book somewhere else?

No. No, it’s fine.

Now that I know
it’s the place he chose for us, I can’t imagine staying anywhere else.

Zack: Good. I
can’t wait.

I’m nervous.

I regret my reply
as soon as I send it. What possessed me to admit that to him? Now he’s probably
going to change his mind and cancel the whole thing.

Zack: There’s no
need to be.

Ok, that doesn’t
help.

Zack: Listen, I’m
not going to deny how much I want you but I’m not going to force you into
anything. We don’t necessarily have to be confined to the hotel room all night. 
We can go for a drive, talk, grab some food or take a walk. I realise we need
to discuss things. You’re going to be my sister-in-law and we’re always going
to be a part of each other’s lives.

I
stare at his message for several minutes, contemplating everything he just
said. He’s right. Zack is always going to be there, he’s going to be my
sister’s husband and there’s nothing I can do about it. One day they will go on
to have children, I’ll be their auntie and still have to live with the fact
that I slept with their father before he married their mum. It’s beyond
disgusting and if I thought for one moment that there was another way out of
this, I would take it.

The
rest of the week is uneventful. I try to throw myself into my work, ignoring
the anxiety which threatens to take hold of me every single day. I was
suffering before I even made this arrangement with Zack, I must have been out
of my mind to think that I could cope with this. I’m so tempted to make an
appointment with my doctor, I’m desperate to find someone I can talk to,
someone who won’t judge me and who can provide me with some helpful advice. Of
course I know I can’t just blurt all of this out to a professional and expect
him to tell me everything will be alright. I need to learn how to deal with
things by myself, how to cope with difficult situations and my tumultuous
emotions without asking for help.

On
Thursday I can hardly concentrate, my mind is elsewhere and I know Audrey can
tell that something is wrong. She keeps on giving me these looks throughout the
day and I know she’s trying to figure out what could be troubling me. If only
she knew…

By
the time I get back home I’m a nervous wreck. In less than twenty-four hours
I’ll actually be meeting Zack at the hotel and I still can’t bring myself to
actually believe it’s going to happen. I’ve continued to dream about him every
single night this week, he invades my mind, disturbs my sleep and penetrates my
subconscious. I haven’t seen him since Friday but I still feel like he’s
everywhere I go, his presence surrounds me to the point that I can’t
concentrate or focus on anything else besides Zack.

I
purposefully switch my phone off for the rest of the night, terrified that Rachel
will text me and it will bring on another anxiety attack. I’ve been through
hell this week and I know it’s all down to the agonising decision I came to
make last week about Zack. I haven’t seen my sister since we spent the weekend
together and I hope my absence over the past few days have not aroused her
suspicions.

Jason
and I have only hung out once since Sunday. I’m sure he knows something’s
troubling me and I keep on catching him giving me these worried little glances
when he thinks I’m not looking. I wish I could confide in him but Jason’s
always been a little overprotective of me and I don’t want him to come to the
wrong conclusion about Zack. I’m certain Jason would think he’s taking
advantage of me when that’s not what it is at all.

I
want Zack just as much as he wants me. I know we need to experience one night
together if we have any hope of getting past this. Never in my life have I felt
so drawn to another human being, it’s as though he’s awakened something inside
of me which was sleeping and docile until now. It’s like I’m finally awake,
alive, alert and captivated, captivated by him.