Xtreme Manly Man Force of Intense Badassery: Book One: The Fountain of Testoserone (26 page)

“You are in the infirmary of
Smashland’s magic keep, Bashgaurde,” she answers simply, tucking
away her disbelief that this man is awake, let alone
alive.

“Oh, good! How long was I
out?”

“... about fifteen minutes.”

“Ahh, so it wasn’t a dream!”

“What wasn’t a dream?”

“Uh, sorry, I was just talking to
myself. Thanks for your help eh... who are you?” SISY asks, with a
grin seeming more radiant and joyous than his usual. The nurse
calmly places her hands on her lap.

“My name is Len Gainsbrow. I’m the
medic, doctor, and nurse of the keep,” she says with a polite
demeanor.

“Okay, thanks for your help, Len! I’m
known as Super Insane Swordsman that Yells a lot! But you can just
call me Swordsman if you like. You see, I fight with a giant
sword!” He introduces with a child-like positivity. She hums
softly, gathering that this man could be either a tad under
developed in the mind, or just way too friendly.

“Yes, I saw you fighting the commander.
I was quite interested in how someone could use something so large.
Then again, the dragoons of Smashland can do their own share of
impossible things, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised,” she
says.

“Indeed. I’ve practiced with it since I
was eight years old.”

“Eight? You began using weapons at
eight years old?”

“Yes, why?”

“I suppose you come from the Crimson
Kingdom? Or at least their country?”

“Yes, I am! I’m actually the son of one
of the Sanguine house nobles,” he reveals. Len raises her thin,
well-trimmed brow. In a few years this man in front of her will
probably be a duke in his country.

“I see. I can’t say I come from such a
line of prestige as you, but I’m happy enough with my life,” she
says with a smile, finding him very easy to talk to.

“Well, we just need to play the cards
we’ve been given, right?”

“Right. Now I suppose after I finish up
your other injuries you can get going if you feel okay,” she
educates as she turns back to pick up her instruments.

“I feel fine, friend, thank you
though!” He says as he beings lifting himself off the bed. His
exertion re-opens a wound, eagerly spewing forth blood all of the
clean sheets. Len’s eyes widen on the sight, and her breath picks
up in heaviness.

“I m-must insist, Swordsman. I would
rather you didn’t bleed all over the keep,” she says with a tone
sounding far more stressed than before. She really dislikes it when
patients are troublesome. SISY stares at her with a look of
confusion for a moment, looks down to his waist wound, which is
pouring out blood, and then back up to her.

“Uh, okay,” he says, promptly leaning
back and resting his head on the pillow provided. Len smiles, nods,
and gets to work.

At first, she’s slow with her suturing,
but then realizing that her patient has the pain-threshold of a
boulder, she finishes up in record time. In all it took her
eighty-two needle insertions to close all the wounds, and he didn’t
flinch a single time. She then wraps him up with bandages, and
cleans up.

“Looks like you’re done. Do you really
feel okay?”

“Yeah, thanks!” he says as he quickly
leaps up to his feet. She again looks him over; he shows no sign of
wear, acting as though he had never even been scratched. She’s
heard and read about a religion popular in the Crimson Kingdom,
Reeism, whose followers could withstand hysterical amounts of
physical damage with little-to-no drawback. She wonders if this man
isn’t a holder of the same faith.

“Take care of yourself now,” she says
as she stands up with him and points to a clothing rack.

“Your belongings are over there. Try
not to get wounded on your crotch so much. It’s weird,” she adds,
as she lightly motions to the numerous bandages wrapped around his
more embarrassing places. SISY scratches his chin as he flushes a
healthy red.

“Oh, sorry! I’ll try to keep it higher
next time!” he says with a tad of embarrassment as he grabs his
loincloth and pants. She crosses her arms, nods, and waits next to
the entry way as he gets himself decent. A couple of seconds later
he approaches the entry way, and readily presents his
hand.

“Thanks again! Sorry for all the
trouble!” he says as she takes his hand and shakes it.

“Well, you sort of are my boss now,”
she says with a relaxed, almost sarcastic expression. His face
lights up.

“Wait, what?”

“It’s Smashland law that if someone can
kill a ranking officer in combat they are instantly enrolled in the
same position. So for all intents and purposes, you and your two
other friends are now commanders of Smashland’s army. So you see,
the keep’s practically yours now, along with the loyalty of its
staff and military forces,” she says with a very subtle hint of
disgust, as she thinks it is a pretty stupid way to run a
government’s military. SISY stares at her with a dumb expression
for a moment.

“So, I can command you to do anything I
want, just like the old commander did to the others?” he says,
trying to get a grip of the situation. Len returns his gaze with a
look of uncertainty.

“... Yes?” she says with a weary tone.
SISY gains an enormous grin, causing a chill to run down her
spine.

“So that means I can get as hurt as I
want and you would fix me up?!” he asks with a child-like gaze of
excitement. She exhales in relief, rolling her eyes just a tad in
the realization that this guy is much, much nicer than the previous
commander.

“Yes. Yes it does,” she admits with a
courteous smile.

“Alright! See ya’, friend!” he exclaims
as he shakes her hand vigorously. He releases his death-grip around
her little hand, takes up his sword that weighs twice as much as
she does, and dashes out the door. Len raises an brow in interest,
watching him run off, and then make a quick U-turn back to
her.

“Hey,” he starts.

“Yes?”

“Do you know where my friends are? The
huge dark dude, the skinny cloaked guy, and those other two? You
know, the tall one and the little one?”

“Last I heard they, with the exception
of the short one over here, were preparing to eat in the dining
hall. Take the first right there and just follow the hall to the
room that you see all the people rushing in and out of. That’s the
kitchen, and connected to that is the dining hall,” she explains
with a kind nod as she gestures over to Mr. Honkers, all alone now.
He grins, nods himself, and gives her a great big,
way-too-friendly-for-her-tastes, hug.

“Thanks so much!” he exclaims right
before dashing off to find the others. Len watches solemnly as he
rushes off, and scoffs with a smirk.

“This’ll be fun,” she says to herself
with a humorous tone before she turns around back into the
infirmary.

SISY navigates through the hallways,
following Len’s directions precisely until he finds the kitchen. He
passes through up to the door, and is then hailed by a
butler.

“Ahh, hello, sir! Congratulations on
your, erm, promotion!” the shabby man says as he bows aside and
opens the door to the dining hall.

“Um, thanks!” SISY exclaims with a bow
of his own as he passes through.

Inside the dining hall are UDGD, DTO,
and IMRM, each one sitting at the most honored places of the table.
IMRM nods in recognition, and DTO gapes in awe. The butler gestures
to another chair near the end.

“Your chair, sir,” the servant points
out. SISY bows again, quite appreciating the special treatment, and
takes a seat at the prescribed chair.

“Hey, friends!” SISY greets. DTO looks
on as if he’s looking at a ghost.

“You’re alright?”

“Yeah, why?”

“No it’s just... you know. Most people
can’t lose that much blood and then be back on their feet so soon,”
DTO says, half-expecting SISY to disagree. SISY grins and lightly
taps the long table.

“Hehe, nope. I think I’m getting pretty
good at it,” he says with an air of pride.

“What, bleeding?”

“Yeah. My father was one of the best,
but at this rate I’ll become even greater,” he says with a wide
smile that DTO finds altogether inappropriate.

“Cool,” DTO says softly, meaning
something more along the lines of “creepy”. UDGD looks on with the
same sort of distaste that he’s had in his eyes for the past
several years.

“So what, that shit you pull during
fights is on purpose?” UDGD asks, actually quite
curious.

“You mean the wounds? No. It’s just how
people like me fight. I know you guys are from a different culture
and such, so I’m sure it’s different, but Reeist scripture teaches
that dodging attacks is cowardice, and only a true warrior could
willingly take everything dealt to him,” SISY explains calmly,
understanding that most people would be against the idea of taking
blows. DTO’s jaw drops again, and UDGD furrows his brow.

“That’s nuts, kid. How do you even
survive a single fight if you play by that rule?” UDGD asks,
crossing his arms skeptically. SISY chuckles.

“Well, the solution is quite simple.
You just need to kill your opponent faster than they can land their
first strike, or if they do, let them land it on a place that isn’t
a vital artery,” SISY explains as he points to his neck; there are
no wounds. UDGD is quiet a moment, and slowly, so slowly, a smile
curves up his face. This is the first time they’ve seen him crack
anything slightly resembling a smile.

“You have problems,” he says clearly as
he shakes his head in dismay. SISY frowns.

“Hey, friend. I’m tolerant of your ways
of manliness, right? I don’t put you down for wearing armor, so why
would you belittle me for following my faith?” SISY asks, finding
his logic perfectly reasonable. UDGD scoffs with a wide grin. DTO’s
never seen him like this.

“Co’mon, seriously? I know you care a
lot about this, what’sit, Rism?”

“Reeism.”

“Yeah, Reeism. What is that,
anyway?”

“The one true faith of the one true
warrior!” SISY exclaims, getting fired up. UDGD laughs.

“What?” UDGD asks with an expression
that a teacher would give to a foolish student. IMRM speaks
up.

“Perhaps I could be of assistance.
‘Reeism’ is a religion popular in many dimensions about the
Omniverse holding about eight hundred and forty five billion
followers, making it the third most widely-held religion known to
exist.” UDGD bursts into laughter the moment he heard IMRM recite
the enormous number.

“Eight hundred and forty five billion?!
Total bullshit! They’re can’t be that many.”

“Those were the results of the last
O.E.L. census.”

“Peh, alright.”

“Numbers aside, it is a faith based
around a woman from dimension #39’013 who was named Ree. According
to the scriptures of Reeism, called the ‘Crimson Scriptures’, she
was the result of the sexual assault of Death by Life. Death became
pregn-”

“Holy shit. What? I don’t even wanna’
hear about it. Swordsman.”

“Yeah?”

“Why would you believe something so
stupid?”

“Because I’ve seen it work,” SISY says
calmly. UDGD raises his brow, and calms down a bit.

“How?”

“It is said that those that follow her
ways will become like her. I can bleed more now than ever before,
and I barely feel pain.”

“Yeah, but that’s just your brain
training itself to... look, just forget it,” UDGD says, feeling
he’s bitten off a bit more than he could chew to try and make SISY
realize how stupid his ideology is. DTO and IMRM are quiet as SISY
scratches his thick head of hair.

“I... It’s all that I know, Graveman. I
really... I know it sounds weird, but I just know that it’s true.
We all have things to believe in, right? How about you?” SISY asks
humbly. DTO is in awe at how serious the two are being right now,
usually SISY and UDGD act as shallow as Mr. Honker’s personality.
UDGD rubs his chin.

“Sorry, Swordsman, but I stopped
believing in gods long ago,” he admits with a hint of pain to his
voice. SISY sighs lightly.

“Then what is there to believe in,
friend? What hope do we have? What meaning do we have?” SISY asks,
with a weary, tired tone.

There is a moment of silence of
everyone waiting for UDGD’s response. He takes a deep
breath.

“None; not after my wife died. All of
the gods died when she did. All we have is ourselves and what was
left behind,” UDGD says with a scorn as deep as hell. DTO’s eyes
widen, and SISY frowns with genuine sorrow.

“I’m... I’m sorry, friend.”

“Don’t be. My only hope now is this. If
I can get to the fountain, I’ll get what I need, and then I’ll be
powerful enough to be recognized by my country as a national
treasure. Then I won’t ha-... fuck. Look, c’n we please just talk
about somethin’ else?” UDGD says, leaning over the table and
rubbing his face with his hands. The group is silent. DTO is truly
touched, but only with pity; it seems that he would be doing UDGD a
favor by putting him down.