You Got Me (16 page)

“What will it take?” he was practically begging as his eyes bore into me. “I will do
anything
.”

I felt confident that I could walk now, so I pushed myself off his bed. “If you want my forgiveness, you have to gain my trust back.”

“I promise you, I will.”

I stumbled past him, and out the door. I was vaguely aware that he was following me as I walked downstairs to my room, but I didn't care. I opened my door, and collapsed onto my bed. I saw him peek his head in, and then leave. Soon after, I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, the room was spinning. I gently pushed myself up. On my desk, there was a plate of food, a glass of water, and a note. I attempted to stand up. My head began to pound, and I tried to remember just how much I drank last night. The whole night was kind of a blur, but I didn't forget the conversation with Aiden. On top of the note was 2 Aspirin.

Roxy,

Take these pills, eat all the food, and drink all the water. Trust me, it will make you feel better, because I know you're going to be in pain when you wake up.

I'm sorry. I know I said it already, but I regret what I said to you. I didn't mean the words. I was upset about my mom, and you didn't deserve it. I will hate myself forever for hurting you, and I promise I will spend forever making it up to you.

You can tell me to go. You can push me all you want. But I'm not going anywhere. That's a promise.

I love you.

-Aiden

I hated that his note made me smile.

Damn him, he's going to play dirty.

AIDEN

On Thursday afternoon, I saw Roxy getting coffee. She looked very hung over. When she saw me, she discreetly flipped me off, but she smiled. It was at that moment that I
knew
, no matter how pissed she was at me, she wanted me to try.

She walked out, and I chased after her.

“Roxy!” I yelled.

She rolled her eyes as I ran up beside her. “What do you want, Aiden?”

I smiled, because she said my name. It sounded so good coming from her lips. She stopped walking, and was now looking up at me annoyed. She tapped her foot, waiting for my response.

“
Let's hang out tonight.”

“
I can't.” She started to walk off, but I gently grabbed her arm to stop her.

“
Why not?”

She didn't look me in the eye when she responded. “Because it's
Thursday
, and I'm crazy. Remember?” She turned and walked off again. This time I let her go. She had an appointment with her therapist, and she was embarrassed to remind me.

So we are back to this?

I got a call later that night from an unknown number. Normally, I wouldn't answer if I didn't know who it was, but I did this time.

“
Hello?” I answered.

“
Aiden?” I heard a familiar voice, but I wasn't sure who it was.

“
Yes?”

“
Hey. This is Emily Gibson, Roxy's mom,” she started. “I'm calling because I haven't been able to get a hold of Roxy since Monday night. Is she ok?”

I sighed into the phone. “I don't know. I screwed up real bad.”

“Oh no...” I heard the panic in her voice. “What happened?”

“
I said something I shouldn't have.” I was ashamed to admit it, especially to her mom.

“
What did you say?”

My voice was tight when I responded. “I don't want you.”

She was silent for a minute. “Her mom used to tell her that.”

I felt like I got punched in the gut. “I didn't know. And I didn't mean it. I was scared, and I wasn't thinking.” I proceeded to tell her the call I got from Grace, and about my mom being in the hospital. Then I continued to talk. I told her about my dad, and how he was an deadbeat, alcoholic. I told her about him dying. I told her how I promised myself I would make everything better. How I came to college for my family. How I didn't want to fall in love. “But then, I met Roxy. She changed it all. And I felt like, when I got that call, I had let my family down. But I know that I didn't. Nothing has changed, I've just added her into the mix. She isn't holding me back. I'm such a fucking screw up.”

Emily didn't comment on the fact that I had just dropped the f-bomb. “You love her.” It wasn't a question.

“
More than anything,” I answered her non-question.

“
Then you need to fix this.” She paused before adding, “She's different. You've helped her so much, and I'm worried that all the progress she's made was set back.”

“
I know.” I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping the pain in my chest would subside.

“
She loves you.”

“
I know,” I repeated back to her.

“
Keep in touch.”

With that, we ended the call, and I fell to my knees. My chest was hurting, and I bawled like a girl. I hated myself for what I did to her.

ROXY

I faked everything at my appointment with Dr. Lewis. If she could tell, she didn't say. I smiled at all the appropriate times, I told her I was fine, when really, I was not fine. I was definitely not fine.

When I got back to my dorm room, Rachel wasn't there. I sighed in relief. I needed some time alone, but didn't want to go to the roof in case Aiden was up there. I pulled out my guitar, and I began playing it right there in my room.

Will I ever be ok?

Will I ever be fine?

This pain that I feel,

will it subside?

I'm screaming, and crying

I feel like I'm dying

I'm damaged, I'm bruised

I'm lost, and confused

Your words, they cut deeper than a knife

I feel them slowly taking my life

You promised me everything

But now I know, it was just pretend

Your laugh, your smile

It was all just a game, and I lost

I stopped playing when I started crying. I tried to tell myself that Aiden wasn't worth my tears, but that was a lie. He was worth every tear that I shed.

SEVENTEEN

AIDEN

It had been almost one month since I hurt Roxy. While she hasn't gotten drunk anymore, I still had not made any progress. She refused to talk to me, so I continued to leave her notes. Every morning, I snuck into her room before she woke up. I left her a note, with coffee. Sometimes I even made paper roses for her. Gary always laughed, and called me a pussy, but I didn't care. I would do anything for her, and I think he knew that, so he never pushed too hard.

It was almost Christmas break, and finals were upon us. Since Roxy wouldn't talk to me, I had all the time in the world to study. And I did study, but I often thought of her. I wondered how she was doing. I saw her around campus. She smiled, but it didn't quite meet her eyes, and I knew she was hurting. She couldn't hide it from me.

She's made friends. Her roommate, Rachel, and her seem to have made some kind of a bond. They have become inseparable. I often saw them at parties together.

I hated seeing Roxy dance with other guys. But I saw the look on her face. She didn't like any of them. She was just trying to forget. She would do anything to forget. I was just thankful she didn't kiss any of them. Not that they didn't try, she always pushed them away.

My mom was better. She came home from the hospital after about a week. She was back at work, and she still worked hard, but not quite as many hours. I was  glad she learned her lesson, I was just sad she had to learn it the hard way. She always was stubborn. Though, if she wasn't stubborn, she wouldn't have been able to put up with my father.

I snuck into Roxy's room early on Monday morning. I was about to go take my first final, which I felt confident about. She was sleeping, and it was the sexiest thing in the world. I missed her so much.

I was about to set my note down when I saw an envelope. It said
Aiden.
I quickly picked up the note, and put my own down beside her daily cup of coffee. I stole one more look at Roxy before I closed her door.

When I got outside of the dorms, my hand was shaking so bad. I sat down on a bench outside, and opened the note to read it. It simply said:

Aiden,

Please, don't give up.

<3 Roxy

The words were so simple, but they warmed my heart. I couldn't help but smile at them. I read the words about 20 more times before I folded it up, and put it in my pocket. I felt like I was floating as I walked to class.

ROXY

When I got up, there was another note and coffee sitting on my desk.

“
That boy is persistent,” Rachel said. “And romantic.”

I quickly put the unopened note in my desk with the rest of them. I couldn't bring myself to read what he had to say. I hadn't read a note since the first one. I was just waiting for him to give up, and move on. He needed to.

But as much as part of me wanted him to give up, the other part of me didn't. Though, I would never in a million years admit to that.

“
He's also annoying.” I added an eye roll.

I had been pretending for a month. I smiled, but really, I was dying on the inside. I gave Aiden what was left of my heart, and he shattered it. I kept waiting for the pain in my chest to subside, but if anything, it grew worse daily.

“I have 2 finals today,” Rachel said. “What about you?”

“
Ugh...” I groaned. “I have 3. It's like they plan them to torture us. Why can't they be spread out?”

“
Well, I don't know about you, but tonight I am going to a party and getting wasted. After I take those tests, I'm going to deserve it.” She paused to put on lip gloss. Only she would put lip gloss on to go take finals. “You game?”

“
Yeah,” I smiled at her, though it was forced. I hated parties. I hated how guys were always throwing themselves at me. I thought at first it was because of the way Rachel dressed me, but even when I put my foot down and wore my own clothes, they still did. I've come to the conclusion that guys are pigs... Well, not
all
guys. Aiden's not.

I glanced at myself in the mirror before leaving to take my finals. My hair was up in a messy bun, and I was wearing sweatpants, and a hoodie. I didn't even take the time to put in my contacts, and I wore my black framed glasses.

8 hours later, I walked into a party that was way too crowded, and the music was much too loud. I pulled down my very short dress, hoping by some miracle it had grown longer between now and the last time I pulled at it. I stumbled, nearly tripping over my own feet. My shoes, or Rachel's shoes, were way too tall. I did like the height they gave me, but even in them, everybody was still taller than me.

Rachel always told me that heels made my butt look good. She also told me that it was really small, and it needed all the help it could get. I wanted to be offended, but I wasn't. I think it's the way all girls are. They say mean things to make them feel better about themselves. I just told her that not everybody can have tight, firm asses like she did. Since then, she hadn't said anything mean to me. I think she got a new respect for me.

“
Let's take a shot!” she yelled over the music.

I followed her to where the liquor was, but I had no intention of drinking. She handed me a red solo cup that looked like it has about 3 shots worth in it. I shook my head, and she pouted.

“Come on,” she pushed it into my hand. “You deserve it.”

She got the salt, and a couple of lime wedges. I immediately thought of Aiden, and wanted to start crying. I needed to feel numb. I licked my hand, and put salt on it.

“Here's to surviving the first half of our sophmore year!” She tapped my cup, and we both downed our drinks.

I smiled as her words sunk in. Just 2 more finals, and I would be
done
with my first semester of college.

It didn't take long for me to feel the alcohol. It doesn't take much tequila to get me drunk, and I was worried that I had drank too much. I quickly decided I wouldn't drink anything else for the rest of the night. No way would I let there be a repeat of the previous time I got drunk. I didn't think I could handle it if Aiden rescued me again.

I felt a hand tap my shoulder, and I turned around. I was about to tell the person to get lost, but then I saw Gary standing there. I was at a loss for words. I couldn't help but think about the last time we spoke.