You Should Smile (11 page)

“Aaaahhhh…….SHAAAAAY.....”

It was the best sound in the world – hungry, possessive, and animalistic.

I swallowed as the first burst of saltiness hit the back of my throat.  I glanced up to see him losing control.  His head was thrown back, eyes shut tight, as he gripped the side of the couch with one hand and a cushion in the other.  He rolled his hips wildly into my mouth.  A series of guttural sounds accompanied more saltiness as I took all of him in…..every last beautiful drop.

When he finally stilled, I looked up again.  His eyes were still shut.  I reached up to touch his face and he opened one eye and grabbed my wrist as it neared his cheek.  He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it tenderly.  “Your mouth…..is lethal….”  Then, his sexy grin slowly spread across his face.  “Huh.  You were right….”

I looked up at him.  “About what?”

He teased his creases at me.  “What you just did to me
would
make a porn star blush.”

I felt my own blush spreading as I shook my head, laughing.  “That was so embarrassing.  I almost killed him for that.”

“Yeah.  I was pissed he put you in that situation, too…..Though, I’m not gonna lie.  I liked hearing it….I couldn’t get that comment out of my head for weeks.”  That grin.  My grin.  Our grin. 

I leaned up to kiss him.  “Happy Birthday, Pickup Grinner….”

“Thanks.  That was the best birthday gift I’ve ever gotten….” 

Then it was my turn to smirk.  “You screamed my name.  I told you that you’d remember it…”

He laughed out loud.  “Indeed,
Ms. Elliott
.”  His eyes gleamed, teasingly.  “And you can tell your dad you earned an A in my course.  I’d suggest you take me for more classes, as well.”  Creases.

I felt the laughter deep within my soul.  “Don’t worry,
Dr. Reeding. 
I’ll take every single class you teach - and I plan on
always
making straight A’s.”

When you’re watching a movie and everything is going great, you know in the back of your mind that something bad is bound to happen.  You keep waiting for it, watching for it, but in a really good movie, it’ll sneak up on you when you least expect it.  Life was like that, too. 

Throughout that fall semester, Thad and I’d given up fighting whatever it was we were feeling, but we were still sneaking around and telling no one.  By day, we were professor and student in the hallway and offices, doing our best to avoid any signs of impropriety, but sneaking glances and hidden touches whenever we could.  By night, we were Skyping or texting or calling or, if we were feeling particularly brave, going over to one another’s place.  We still didn’t have sex.  We’d never even spent the entire night together.  We’d done just about everything but have sex, but we fought that temptation every moment we were together.  For some reason, I guess we thought if we could stop that, then it would look better if someone found out. 

I know what you’re thinking.  Why would it matter?  We’d already crossed the line. 

Well, to us at the time, it seemed to make some sort of sense, even though looking back, I realize it was a dumb argument.  To be honest, the thought of having sex with him also scared the crap out of me.  I’d fallen for him hard.  I thought of it as the edge of a cliff – a place where you jumped off without knowing where you’d land.  I could crash into the serene safety of the water, or lay broken on the rocks below.  In my mind, I knew that the edge of the cliff loomed and one of us was going to decide to take that plunge eventually.  We couldn’t fight it forever, but I wasn’t sure I’d survive the aftermath.

***************

One late October night, he’d dropped me off at my apartment and we’d gone through our usual routine.  When we’d pulled into my parking lot, I’d looked around to make sure no one was around before leaning over the seat to kiss him good night.  And just as I had the past few nights he’d dropped me off, I teased, “You wanna come up for some coffee?”  We’d laughed about how in the movies, that was code for ‘sex’ because no one drinks coffee that late at night.  He knew I was teasing him – and I sure as shit wasn’t planning on him ever saying yes when I asked.

He smiled at my usual question and kissed me, but said, “I’m walking you to the door this time.”

When we reached my door, he grabbed my hand and said, “I want to tell you something, Shay.”

He looked so serious.  Oh no.  What was it this time?  Gina was a serial killer?  He was a secret Yankees fan?  (No, dear god, no.  Not the Yankees…..)  My crazy thoughts had no end.

He sucked in a breath.  “Look, I don’t even care what happens to me, but every day I think about what this could do to you…..” He looked to the side.  “Just so you know, though….I wish I could hold you at night and wake up next to you in the morning….”

He looked pained, but I didn’t understand the problem.  “You could spend the night without having sex, you know….” 

He gave me the smirk and said seriously, “I can’t.”

I laughed and shook my head.  “Seriously?  You lack that much control, Pickup Grinner?”

Thad leaned over and did that sexy whispering thing in my ear again.  It always made me feel like he was about to tell me something that only I alone could, and should, hear:  “Smiles, there is no way I’d be able to lie next to your body in bed and not fuck you.  All. Night. Long…..No way.”

I sighed and looked up and whispered to the air, “Whoa…...”

He grinned again, kissed my cheek, and walked off toward his truck.  Ms. L. cussed like a sailor as I thought about those words all night.

***************

The next night was our usual Moe’s trivia night.  I rode over with Grant and Ethan.  Thad was meeting us there.  I continued to successfully avoid Grant’s inquiries about my love life, though I was beginning to wonder if he suspected something.  He seemed a little too easy to appease when he asked.  I couldn’t figure out why he didn’t go for the jugular like usual. 

I sensed the moment when Thad walked into Moe’s, of course.  The entire atmosphere changed.  The air seemed to glow and the temperature went up ten degrees whenever he entered a room.   He grabbed a seat at our table, careful to say hello to everyone, while sending me a secret, creasing grin. 

During one of the trivia rounds, I excused myself to go to the restroom.  As I came out of the bathroom door, I felt someone behind me and a hand go around my mouth.  I started to kick and scream, but then I heard his voice, whispering in the dark hallway.

“Shhhh, Smiles.  It’s just me….”

I turned around to face him with a curious look.  He grinned.

“I just had to touch you.  Sorry….”  He grabbed me and pulled me in close for a passionate, yet quick, kiss. 

I smiled back at him.  “Don’t apologize for that….” 

He turned me back around and swatted my ass.  “Alright, now let’s go back in there and see how the blue collar folks like to have fun.”

I led the way down the dark hallway back to our table.  He waited behind a few moments so that it didn’t look like we came out together.

As we sat back down at the table, though, I noticed another figure emerging from the dark hallway – Dr. Hanover.  My heart froze.  Was he in the bathroom, too?  When?  Did he see anything?  Hear anything?  Where’d he come from?

Thad didn’t seem to notice so I said nothing.  I didn’t want to worry him.  I tried not to worry about it myself.  What good would it do?  I decided that I was going to have fun that night, no matter what. I did make sure to stay on this side of the bar, though – far away from the leering eyes of Dr. Hanover.  I didn’t think he’d noticed me.

***************

“I’m headed to Blitzville, Queenie!”  I shouted to Grant as we played a round of pool.  The beer was flowing.

I know.  You’re probably thinking that I drank too much, but the truth is, I was twenty-six years old and in graduate school.  Everyone drinks too much in graduate school.  It’s like a requirement or something.  Just take my word for it, okay? 

Grant laughed.  “No shit, Princess.  You’re in fine form tonight already, I can see.”

Thad was bent over the table shooting pool and I stole a glance at his beautiful blue jean-clad ass.  Grant did, too.  Our eyes met and we both smiled.  Thad missed his shot and headed over to where Grant and I were standing.  “What’s up, you two?”

Grant’s beers had kicked in, too, I guess.  “Oh nothing.  Talking about Shay heading to Blitzville and looking at your ass….”  He paused, laughing.  “In that order.”

Thad rolled his eyes at Grant.  “Sorry, you’re not my type, dude,” he kidded.  Then he looked confused.  “What’s Blitzville?”

Before I could even stop him, Grant answered.  “It’s Shay’s drunk level. Two to three drinks will send her to Snoozeville.  If she keeps going, she’s headed to Blitzville where she’s no longer responsible for her actions.”  He laughed again.  “But she’s so much more fun!”

I shrugged my shoulders, grinning. 

Thad didn’t try to hide his amusement.  “Note to Self:  Must See Shay at Blitzville Level – Soon.”  He pretended like he was making a notation in the air.

“Ha!  Shut it, Pickup Grinner,” I admonished, grinning widely at him.

Grant looked between us quickly, pursing his lips.   His eyebrows shot up.  I tensed up, ready for his knowing, smartass, annoying voice……but he said nothing.  Nada.  Silence.  In fact, he looked away.  I thanked whatever gods were in charge of gay drama queen mouths.  In fact, he barely said a word the rest of the night, except to Ethan.  As the night got later, however, I saw him talking to Thad and then he came over to me.

“Ethan and I are headed home, Princess.  Thad said he’d take you home.”  He gave me a knowing look.  I looked away.

He whispered, “I love you, Princess.  I want you to be happy.  Be careful.”

I just smiled at him and nodded.  That’s the thing with best friends.  Sometimes you don’t have to say a lot of words.  You just know. 

***************

As Thad began to turn the usual route to head toward my apartment, I blurted out, “I wanna go to your place.  I like it better.  You have the rich people cable channels like HBO and Skinimax.”

Thad grinned at my ‘Skinimax’ reference.  “I can take you home later, I guess.”

“Or I could spend the night…..like people do in normal relationships….” I batted my eyes at him.

Thad smirked.  “There’s nothing
normal
about our relationship, Smiles.”

I ignored him, allowing Ms. L. to take over.  “What if I spent the night keeping you busy with non-sex sexual favors?  By the time I’m done, you’d be sexually sated
and
too tired to even try anything while we’re sleeping.”

Honestly, I thought this drunken rationale was pretty close to brilliant.  Ms. L. was about to hit the reasoning jackpot.  “Plus, it’s kind of offensive that you assume just because
you
can’t keep your hands off me, then that automatically means we’ll have sex.  I have a say, too!  I can say ‘no’ to keep your chastity intact, Pickup Grinner.”

Thad looked over at me and grinned my grin.  “Waiting to pull that one out for a while, huh?”

“Actually, no, I just thought of it....but it’s good, aye?”

Thad nodded and said, “Yep.  I’m in.”

I crossed my arms and beamed, basking in the spoils of victory.

***************

I tried to be true to my word when we got inside his house, but I was feeling particularly frisky and the alcohol was kicking in full-force.  I was already at Blitzville level and Ms. L. wanted to have sex.  It was a powerful combination.  Honestly, I was tired of waiting and I refused to think about any consequences.  I made it known when I grabbed his cock through his jeans as soon as we entered the door.  “I want to have sex, Pickup Grinner.”

Smirking as he shook his head, he grabbed my hand and moved it back up between us.  I began to blush.  Did he not want to?  He noticed my embarrassment. 

“Shay, look at me.”

I was half-way pissed and half-way humiliated.  I didn’t want to look at him.  Ms. L. wasn’t even livid.  She was pouting.

He spoke again, lower this time.  “Shay Elliott……Look at me.”

I finally met his eyes, dancing with mischief.  His voice was like the smooth rhythm of a jazz bass player.  “That’s better.  Now listen to me. 
I want to fuck you so bad it hurts
.  I think about it all the time.  All. The. Time…..You understand?”

His words left me breathless – and wet.  I nodded silently.

He put his hands on both sides of my face, making me look directly into his eyes.  “I don’t want our first time to be when you’re drunk.  I want you to know exactly what you’re doing and I want you to remember it…..Okay?”

I nodded, still just a little put off.  “Yeah, yeah.  I guess…..”  Then, I pretended to pout.  “Why you gotta be all ‘respectable gentleman’ and shit?”

He grinned.  Huge grin.  Creases.  On purpose – mostly just to shut me up.  I rolled my eyes.  He won.  He always could win me over with that grin.

He gave me one of his t-shirts to wear to bed.  Curling up next to me, he held me as we both drifted off to sleep.  I was so content in that moment, just lying next to him, feeling him breathe.  We must’ve both drank more than we realized because we fell right to sleep.