Young Annabelle (12 page)

“That’s a crock of shit. You went to that
mock swim meet today.” He sounded like a lawyer catching the star
witness in a lie.

I’ve wounded him.

“Jenna’s my best friend; she’s earned that
privilege,” I explained, like the rules of my world were written
and sealed, no room for any provisions.

“Yeah, and what do I have to do to earn that
privilege? Become your boyfriend?” James shook his head and
laughed.

The sound of his wild laughter crushed my
heart. Humiliation didn’t begin to describe it. Annihilated, that’s
how I felt. I wanted to crawl underneath a rock and stay there
forever. At least the car was dark so he couldn’t see the crimson
heating my face.

Why is he laughing? Am I that bad? Is the
idea of being my boyfriend that horrible?

Whatever was left of my heart began to pound
painfully against my chest. The harsh reality was setting in. Who
was I kidding, holding on to some miracle that maybe he’d actually
like me. He probably held my hand and gave me a ride home out of
pity. I wasn’t what someone like him would go for and if he ever
did it was probably for something quick and easy.

So he thinks chunky girls put
out faster… He thought that if he charmed me a little bit I’d put
out!

I wasn’t girlfriend material. He knew what he
was worth; yes it was mostly in the looks department because his
personality was shit, but he still knew his worth.

My throat burned and eyes pricked with the
beginning stages of a melt down. A huge bubble filled with anxiety
grew in my stomach as he kept laughing. I feared it would
inevitably burst and I’d be a hysterical mess right here in his
car. I wiped water from the sides of my eyes. Once they were dry, I
turned to face him.

Well fuck you too!
I told him silently as I stared
at him in disgust.

I took a deep breath.

“Can you stop the car, please?” I asked him
calmly, pulling the best nonchalant face I could muster. He
instantly stopped laughing and turned to me.

“What? Why? We’re not at your house yet.” His
voice was now void of the incredible mirth he’d just
experienced.

Asshole!

“Please pull over,” I demanded, my voice
getting louder and noticeably more irritated.

“What did I do now?” He reluctantly pulled
the car the curb.

I needed to get out of this car – like now. I
couldn’t breathe.

I unbuckled and flung open the door.

“Thanks for the ride. Bye.”

I slammed the door shut and began down the
sidewalk. Behind me, I heard the engine turn off and his door open
and shut. I quickened my stride as James jogged up to me. I slowed
down knowing I couldn’t escape his long legs anyway. Plus, I didn’t
want to get home all sweaty and have to explain myself.

“What happened?” James asked, matching my
pace.

“Leave me alone!” I snapped back. I felt his
hand grab my elbow, halting me easily.

“Stop,” he ordered.

Damn it, he’s strong!

“What are you pissed about now?” He towered
over me. I was trapped in front of him, if he tugged a bit, I’d be
in his embrace.

“It’s so funny huh? I’m that bad? I’m a
clown, I’m so funny!” I jerked my arm, trying to break free of his
grip. “Let me go!”

“No!” He squeezed tighter, pulling me
closer.

“Leave me alone!” I spit the words like
venom, pulling my arm with all my might.

“What’s your problem?” James demanded loudly.
His hand tightened on my arm with each attempt to pull away. My
energy was dwindling and I was mentally exhausted. I stopped
jerking my arm back, deciding it was pointless because he was too
strong; there was no way I could pull my arm back without first
kneeing him in the balls.

We were alone, standing in the dark of night
in a neighborhood that didn’t see much traffic.

“Fireball?” he murmured softly.

“What?” I replied quietly, defeated.

Hesitantly, he asked, “Did I say something to
make you sad?”

I wasn’t going to mention the boyfriend
thing; there was no way.

“Yes,” I whimpered.

That’s just great, way to sound strong
there, now he’ll have no reason not to pity you!

“I’m sorry,” came his quiet reply.

Well maybe ‘I’m sorry’ just isn’t good
enough. The damage is already done!

“Whatever.”

“What can I do to make it all better?”

“There’s nothing you could–” I began but was
interrupted by him pulling me against his body. His arms encircled
my waist, holding me tight. My arms instinctively bent upwards,
hands firmly planted against his solid chest. Any resentment I had
swiftly melted away as something brand new took its place:
pleasure.

Jesus!

“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked him
softly; his face was only a few inches from mine.

“What do you think you’re doing?” James asked
back, looking down at my hands on his chest. I slowly slid my arms
up around his neck.

I can’t believe I just did that!

“That’s better.”

Our bodies were plastered against one
another; I felt a new kind of nervousness touch every single inch
of my body, it prickled electrically.

“James,” I murmured softly.

“Fireball,” he whispered back.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I repeated;
my brain felt frozen. My heart had stopped beating a mile a minute
instead issuing slow, heavy beats.

James uncurled one of his arms from my waist
and trailed it along my back to the base of my neck, holding it
firmly yet delicately. Blood rushed to the very spot he was
holding, heat filled my eyes as I stared at him.

“What are you doing?” My bewilderment was
audible in the hush.

I wasn’t sure I had the capacity to speak
anymore. That function had fled along with the bitch. Her
replacement was a delicate flower that yearned to be touched and
taken care of. I felt his hand shift on my neck, ever so slightly,
causing my head to tilt up to him. Slowly, inch by inch, his face
descended on mine, stopping just a breath away from my trembling
lips.

I wanted it. Badly. My lips parted a
fraction, letting a thread of air escape.

“Can I?” His breath was warm on my lips.

Fuck it!

“Yeah,” I whispered back. He closed the
distance until his lush lips covered mine.

My first kiss…damn!

His lips moved softly over mine. I felt his
grip on my neck squeeze as his lips pressed deeper into mine, more
urgently. I tightened my hold around his neck and was pulled even
further into his embrace. I tilted my head to the side and devoured
his lips hungrily, which were just as hungry for mine.

Love kissing! Oh my God, I’m totally making
out!

I felt his wet tongue push its way between my
lips. As he entered my mouth, I moved my tongue to join his in a
tangling dance.

French kiss! This is crazy! I’m crazy! But
damn it, I don’t want to stop, feels too good!

I felt myself running out of breath, but I
didn’t want to pull back and stop the passionate kissing. I’d
sooner faint than pull back.

Possibly the best moment of my life!

Beep! Beep!

Damn it! Mom!
I stopped moving my lips but
his still remained on top of mine. I took a long breath and slowly
leaned back. The cool wind swirled around us, eliminating the
sweaty warmth we’d been generating.

“Sorry,” I murmured breathlessly, “it’s my
mom.”

“Damn, Fireball,” he replied slowly,
breathlessly. He leaned his forehead against mine and caught his
breath.

“Yeah, I know.” I couldn’t keep the smile
from my voice or my face.

*****

“Where have you been?” Mom demanded as I
opened the front door.

“
I was with Jenna. We were hanging around
the pool after the mock meet,” I told her as I peeled off my shoes,
avoiding eye contact. I wasn’t lying,
technically
, because I did hang out with Jenna after the meet
for a short time.

Here’s hoping she doesn’t call
Jenna’s parents to confirm this!

“Okay. You didn’t eat anything right?”

She followed me into the dining room where
everyone was already eating.

Hell yeah! No fish
tonight!
I looked at
their plates: chicken breasts with potatoes and mixed
vegetables.

That doesn’t look too
bad
,
I thought as I took my place at the
table.

*****

After a surprisingly delicious dinner, I lay
on my bed in my pajamas. It was time to reflect. But I didn’t know
where to start. So much happened in such a short period of time.
I’d gone from cold to hot in seconds, and all because of a
kiss.

A sweet, long, beautiful
kiss!

I smiled contently and crossed my arms behind
my head. I stared at the ceiling, envisioning James and I locked in
that heated embrace again.

I can’t believe that happened!

I took a deep breath before the fool’s smile
returned, stretching painfully across my face.

Still can’t believe that happened. My first
kiss, my first time doing tongue action, all while wrapped in his
strong arms. How did this all happen?!

After I’d answered Mom’s annoying text, James
and I separated and he offered to rush me home before I got into
any more trouble.

He was so sweet…after.

I had him drop me in front of a house three
doors from mine. I didn’t want Mom to see me being dropped off by
some stranger and grill me about my whereabouts.

That would have been bad…

“I’ll talk to you later?” The hesitation in
his voice caught me as I opened the passenger side door. I took a
moment before answering, unsure of what to say.

What do girls normally say
back? I can’t respond with a ‘Hell yeah!’ he’ll think I’m
weird
,
I contemplated as I slipped out
of the car. Turning to him from the pavement I decided the cool,
calm approach should work.

“You’ll text me?” I offered.

A huge grin spread across his face before he
turned to face the wheel again.

“Yeah, I’ll text,” he answered, green eyes
shining through the darkness as he shifted the car back into
drive.

Yay!
I was jumping up and down inside. I gave him back
a regular smile, nothing that betrayed how my body screamed with
crazy joy.

“Cool. Bye.”

“Bye,” he replied as I shut the car door. I
took a few steps towards a house that wasn’t mine and heard his car
pull away before I turned back and walked towards my house.

Wow! What a night!
I thought, pulling the blanket
over my body and turning to my side. I closed my eyes and prepared
for sleep without doing my ritual of staring at the ceiling while
it shot horrible things my way. I was unbelievably happy. There was
nothing anyone could ever say that could bring me down
again.

Not anymore.

August 22
^nd
, 2012

166… What?

No, that can’t be right!

I stepped off the scale and let it reset. I
tapped it again with my toe and waited until the digital display
read zero. I stepped back on; the screen blink random numbers on
and off until it finally settled on my weight.

166 pounds!

Shit!

There were days I could have gotten away
with not losing any weight as long as I didn’t gain any either. But
today was Wednesday, the one day each week where I was expected to
have lost at least
something
.

Damn it! She’s going to blow a
fuse when she finds out I didn’t lose anything!

I stepped off the scale and pushed the
horrible thought aside and tried to think about last night. With
James.

My first kiss!
I smiled widely, the thought
sent tingles up my spine. I kicked the mean scale back underneath
the sink and leaned over to grab my green toothbrush.

“ANNABELLE!”

Shit!

I could lie…

As I brushed my teeth, time ticked by,
bringing me closer to the event with Mom. I contemplated lying
about the weight; it was far more desirable than facing the wrath
of that woman. But if she insisted on checking for herself and saw
that I, in fact, didn’t lose weight, she’d never trust me again.
She’d probably make me weigh myself in front of her from then on. I
shook my head and pushed the idea away, not wanting to risk it.

“ANNABELLE!”

I began to feel panicked as I stared into the
hallway. I was running out of options. I couldn’t even bolt out of
the house claiming I’d be late for work; I was off today.

Damn it, stupid work schedule.

“ANNABELLE!” Mom shouted for the third time
from the foyer, sounding three times as impatient as the first time
she yelled for me.

Damn it, woman!

Happy thoughts…think happy
thoughts! Think about James, he equals happy now. Remember how he
said he’d text you,
I
thought while trying to dissipate the growing ball of anxiety in my
stomach. I took a deep breath and prepared to face the crazy woman.
I stopped halfway down the stairs when I saw Mom sitting on the
bottom step waiting for me.

I don’t even know where to begin…She’s plain
crazy, lost it!

I stared wide-eyed down the stairs; she
turned around at the sound of my footsteps.

“What are you doing up there, can’t you see
I’m waiting for you?” she complained, waving her little blue book
in the air.

One day, I’m going to throw
that stupid book into the fireplace
,
I
imagined. I stared down at the book for a moment, shook off the
image of its charred pages and continued my trek down the stairs to
join her sadistic weekly tradition.