Yours Unfaithfully (50 page)

“Mel, I’ve got an idea. I want to talk to you about, another of those legal seminars. Can we do lunch and a walk like we did yesterday?”

“No, Ratty, and you don’t really want my advice on a seminar, you just want to touch me again, that’s the truth isn’t it?”

“Whatever you say, Mel.” His voice sounded dejected. He waited for her to speak. It was her who rang him after all.

“Ratty, I’m having a party at my place next Saturday. Would you like to come?”

‘Of course I would, Mel. What time and what shall I bring?’

“Seven onwards and ... let me think, why don’t you bring a nice girl from your office. You know there are plenty there you could invite and it might just stop Tim from getting jealous. You know he still blames you for taking me off to Poland.”

“So he should. Yes, I made you go, but I don’t care Mel, let him be jealous if he wants.”

“Thanks, Ratty, and where does that leave me? In the middle... I’m worried he might be rude to you, especially once he’s had a few beers.”

“It’s going to be hard for me, Mel, being there at your party, so close to you and yet unable to talk to you.”

“Of course you can talk to me.”

“You know what I mean ... I’m sure Tim will be jealous if I hold you tightly and tell you how much I love you.”

“Yes, that would probably confirm his suspicions about you. Even he isn’t backward enough to miss a clue like that.”

“When we celebrate our getting together I’m going to give you the biggest party you’ve ever seen; we’ll hire the Hilton and we’ll invite everyone, and I mean everyone.”

“Ratty, I’ve told you... it wouldn’t work, behave yourself. I’ll see you at my place... bye until then.”

The next day, Rachel put the post on her desk as usual but on top was an envelope, not opened, addressed to Melanie Fisher and marked Private and Confidential.

“It looks like a greetings card so I decided you’d better open it yourself .”

Melanie tore the envelope open to reveal a card. The cover had a picture of a lake and alongside it stood two people, arms around each other, obviously in love.

She opened it and read the words inside:

The senses it’s said, are just five,

Seeing you is being alive,

To be with you is all I strive,

Needed most, it must be right,

or life would not be worth the fight.

To touch you is my greatest pleasure,

I hold you tight, and long once more,

For the thing I hold most dear in life,

to be your husband, and you my wife.

We share good food, and never in haste,

Wine from ships, syrup from hips,

but the finest treasure I’ve yet to taste,

the thing I long for, to taste your lips.

What use at all is a sense of smell,

if I can’t let your perfume dwell,

We walk in woods where wild garlic grows,

I’m lost without you, God only knows.

I need my touch, I need my ears,

I need to taste, to smell, all the things above,

I want so much to stop your tears,

With my gentle touch and with my love.

But those who claim there are senses five,

are missing out; trying hard to stay alive

I have another sense, with you to share,

The sense of love, any when and anywhere.

Melanie wiped away a tear and closed the card. She put it safely in her desk, where she could reach it later. Theirs was a very special friendship, did she deserve his love when she could give him so little in return?

Ratty had told her he wanted to share the rest of his life with her. He wanted to take care of her and in that he was including her children, but had he accepted that she couldn’t end her marriage simply because it wasn’t working? Could he find happiness in the few stolen hours they shared together?

In truth, she knew that Ratty enjoyed an hour of having her in his arms so much that he refused to contemplate a relationship with another woman, even though there were plenty willing to offer themselves.

His love for her was the most powerful display of affection she had ever experienced. When she was with him she was injected with moments of sheer ecstasy, feeling her entire body and mind fuse as one with his. They shared thoughts, desires and pleasures through simply holding one another close.

She would never reach this state of excitement, of longing, indeed of loving, with Tim. What then was to be her future? Was it fair to deny Ratty her body and in so doing deny herself moments of perfect inner peace? Could she survive her less than perfect marriage if she was denied these moments of escape with her friend and lover?

She looked again at the card and felt a small pain, a feeling of loss for something that she could only enjoy briefly in moments hidden from the view of her other friends, a dark secret she was unable to share with anyone. She uttered the word to herself, ‘lover’. Was it so very bad to have a lover, to
be
a lover?

She was trapped in a marriage love had left long ago, so was it right to abstain from letting Ratty touch her, releasing the pent up emotion that she wanted to share but had been brought up to believe was wrong. How could it be wrong to love someone who loved you more than anything in the world simply because you were tied into an agreement made long ago?

Ratty was a part of her life, she had confirmed that when she let him enter her body in Poland. He would forever be her lover, the only question remaining was should his love be in the past or in the future?

Tim’s phone call yesterday evening had made it clear that they would be home today come what may. ‘You should stay and try to find them,’ she’d said, but he’d sounded despondent and resigned to giving up on the search. No doubt she would hear the full story tonight when she got home.

She walked in the door to the sound of Amy talking above her brothers in a futile attempt to gain the exclusive attention of her father. She took her shoes off and went in, almost unnoticed, to the mêlée that was her lounge.

Mum, Dad’s back and he’s brought us a huge jar of sweets. There was no point in trying to ask him now about their failed search and so she returned to the kitchen, where Trudy was preparing the evening meal.

“How long has he been back?”

“Only ten minutes before you arrived. The kids leapt on him as soon as he came in. Nina has gone straight to her house, but Tim said she’d be round soon. I offered to cook extra for her, is that OK?”

“Of course, it’ll be good to hear all about their little adventure in the Lake District.”

With that, Nina opened the door carrying a huge bunch of flowers, which she thrust into Melanie’s hands. “These are to say thank you, for his helping me these past couple of days.”

“But he wasn’t much help, Neen, was he? He couldn’t find his best mate or your children.”

“But he tried, he was a great help to me. In the end, Mel, we had to give up. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack and once I was there I began to wonder if I had imagined that Ben could really run off with them. I think I was confused, frightened perhaps, not thinking straight. Tim helped me to put things into perspective. He helped me get a grip on reality and then I found myself thinking we should come home and wait for Ben to bring them back. I really think now that he will.’

“Good ... I’m pleased that Tim was so helpful, he obviously has hidden depths of persuasive power. Power that I haven’t seen in a long time.” She tried not to let her anger show in her voice.

‘It was beginning to sound as if they’d gone all that way to have a cosy little chat, one which had, after two whole days, brought her round to thinking there was actually no reason to be concerned in the first place.’

Trudy’s Lasagne was a feast and once she served it up conversation dwindled to a halt until every last morsel had been dispatched.

True to form, the kids disappeared upstairs as soon as they had given Trudy the required help in the kitchen. Melanie intended the four adults to relax over a glass of Chardonnay, giving her the opportunity to prise more information from her husband and her best friend on their trip north.

“So, tell me all about the trip, was the weather as good as here?”

Nina needed no encouragement to talk about the excursion, which had Tim worried. One mistake and their secret would be out; the whole charade would be exposed, the balloon would go up and the shit would hit the fan. He silently prayed that she would not leave questions in Mel’s mind for later, questions he would have to answer when she had him alone. Mel would mentally record every detail and if his version differed slightly she would push him to explain until he broke down.

If he tried to change the subject it would be obvious, so he had to go along with Nina’s version of events and try to remember every detail for later. This was something he wasn’t good at.

Nina was at her best when relating a story to an attentive audience. She wallowed in being the centre of attention, so much so that she left no detail from her account of their trip uncovered, or so it seemed. There was nothing more, it seemed to Tim, that Mel could possibly need to know.

When the second bottle was drained, Trudy announced that she was off to bed and Nina made her excuses. Hugh had been great, letting her take time off, but she wasn’t about to take advantage by getting in late.

Tim hastily cleared the glasses and made his escape to the bathroom, leaving Melanie to see Nina out with a final few words on the way.

He dreaded her coming upstairs, but he couldn’t feign sleep. That would be like screaming ‘guilty’ at the top of his voice to her. In his effort to play it cool, he brushed his teeth and messed about in the bathroom, waiting to hear her come up. At last the bedroom door closed and he came out, suitably ready for bed and yawning to emphasis his unwillingness to enter into more conversation.

Melanie was in the bathroom for an age, which meant that he was in a state of near genuine sleep when she climbed in alongside of him and settled herself down. She switched off the light and it was peaceful at last.

Three minutes passed before she spoke, “So why
did
you give up on finding Ben so easily?”

Tim felt his throat go dry and his brain go numb. He had roughly five seconds before she would shake him from his supposed sleep to answer her.

“Like Nina said, we looked around but there are just too many places that he could have been, it was hopeless.”

“Tim, while you two were busy searching, I typed, ‘Camping in the Lake District’ into my search engine ... do you know how many campsites I was able to find?”

“Hundreds I expect.”

“I found forty two and that included some outside of the immediate area. You could have got to at least twenty each day and you would have found them.”

“But we didn’t have access to the internet.”

“Tim, how many campsites
did
you visit?”

“I can’t remember, probably twenty or thirty.”

“Tell me the names of some of the ones you called at.”

“I don’t know, Mel, I just drove. Nina took care of the names and talking to the campsite people.”

“Well, I visited a few campsites myself. I sent a simple E-mail saying I was trying to find my friend and his girlfriend and children because I wanted to meet up with them. Do you know how many sites I visited?”

“No, of course I don’t.”

“Five, Tim, and I found out which site he was on in under an hour. Then I called the site and asked them to get a message to him. I asked if he could call me back, which he did in less than ten minutes.”

“You’ve spoken to Ben?”

“Yes, Tim, I asked him how he was doing and how the kids were. I made some excuse about Nina being worried about the kids not putting their sun cream on. I told him she had asked me to phone because she didn’t want to speak to him. He was absolutely fine. Obviously he hadn’t seen you or he would have said, and I didn’t let on that he was about to get a visit from you, but then he wasn’t, was he?”

“So why didn’t you say all this before we went? You could have saved me a long drive and from having to listen to Nina going on about Ben for two days.’

“Are you sure you would have wanted me to save you the journey Tim?”

“Just what is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, Tim, absolutely nothing. I’m just tired, fed up and confused. I’m sorry. Goodnight, Tim, and thanks for coming back.”

“Of course I was coming back. I couldn’t wait to get back, and that’s honest.”

He put his arm around her and met with no resistance. The matter was closed. He knew she wouldn’t mention it again. He could relax ... for now.

Nina had to explain to Hugh Ballantyne the background to her sudden expedition in search of her children. She’d sent him a text to say she needed a few days off urgently but he really had no idea what he had agreed to.

“Are you sure that he’d run off, abroad even, with three children? You told me before that he wasn’t that good a father, seems a bit unlikely to me.”

“Hugh, let’s just say it was a mother’s instinct, but then once I got up to the Lake District I got a different feeling, one that told me I was barking up the wrong tree, so after a brief search we high-tailed it back home.”

“We... who went with you?”

“Oh, Tim, Mel’s husband. He drove.”

“You went away for two nights with your friend’s husband? She must be a very understanding friend.”

“She is, Hugh, she knows she can trust me ... and anyway I’m sure she trusts her husband. After all why wouldn’t she?”

“Because… maybe because of what she did in Poland. She became very close to Rattani you know.”

“I know ... she told me, but she didn’t tell me that you knew what had happened.”

“I didn’t until now... although of course I knew what his intentions were. He made it clear he was out to win her, and it seems he succeeded.”

“Hugh, don’t you dare tell anyone else. You tricked me into that but it goes no further, OK?”