Zenith Fulfilled (22 page)

Everyone looked over as their mother came walking into the room. She looked from one daughter to the next. Finally,
she stopped on Joelle, then turned towards Trina.

“Joelle’s right. We never gave her a chance, and now years later, look w
here that got us! Now, if Rebecca says she’s writing a book, Trina, then she’s writing a book! And it will be a damn good one. So back off, and leave her alone. And you will, from now on, speak with a civil tongue in your head to your sisters and your sister-in-law. Understand me, young lady?”

Trina turned and stomped out of the room. Carrie and Sophie eased the situation when they both started laughing, although it took a few moments before Rebecca could. “Where did that come from, Mother?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t like her tone when she referred to your book.”

“But…”

“But I haven’t been any different. I know. But it doesn’t mean it was right,” she turned without another word and took Joelle’s hand. “Come, dear, and tell me Jody’s newest words.”

Joelle glanced back at Rebecca, her expression puzzled, but very pleased at the sudden turnabout of their mother. Rebecca didn’t know how or why it happened either.

****

Rebecca listened as conversations wound down, and all the kids ran off
into the woods, while their parents chatted, full of food and relaxed. The dishes were done, the gifts piled high in the house, and Rob finally came over and sat next to her. Nick was standing nearby, listening some, and talking less. Joelle was relating an anecdote about Jody, looking more animated and talkative than usual. Was it due to Rob’s presence? Or Debbie’s newfound support? Rebecca wasn’t sure, but she felt glad to see it.

“You should se
e her watching the cartoons. It’s like a magic box that hypnotizes her.”

“Kayla used to stop dead,
and drop whatever she was playing with while staring, as if transfixed. It always gave me at least a few moments of peace. Now Karlee, on the other hand, nothing stops her!”

“Jody even likes the adult shows I watch. I have to turn them off because I’m afraid she’ll be addicted to them.”

“Well, it’s no wonder, judging by the crap you like,” Nick said from behind her, his tone mild and joking.

“You always did watch the lamest TV. One reality show after another.”

The conversation stopped abruptly. Rob had finally spoken. He looked up at the sudden silence to see Nick, standing up straighter. Rob spoke without thinking. He had intimate knowledge of Joelle, and some familiarity. Rob dropped his legs where they were resting on the deck rails.

Rebecca knew she had to get used to that. She had to learn to ignore the stab in her gut of jealousy. She knew, damn well
of the long history Joelle and Rob shared. She chose to bring Rob into her life anyway, and her family’s life. And if it was going to happen, this was just a factor and a part of it. Still, she couldn’t say that she liked him knowing intimate details of Joelle. Or didn’t wish she could erase whatever they knew about each other.

Joelle finally laughed. “Right. Like you have such grown-up tastes. Does Sponge Bob ring a bell? Or The Simpsons? You know, the shows that are primarily targeted for fourteen-year-old boys?”

Rob finally smiled back. “We never could agree on what to watch.”

“Or what to listen to.”

“Or what to eat.”

“It’s a wonder we stayed together long enough for you to even become an alcoholic.”

His teeth flashed. “That was low, Joelle.”

“But well deserved. You were making fun of my taste in TV shows, and it’s bad enough I have to listen to it from my husband, let alone my ex-husband.”

He eyed Joelle wearily, and she stared back, smiling. “I thought we were trying to pretend you and I didn’t know each other.” Rebecca didn’t know what to make of their conversation. Nick, suddenly, was at attention. But before anyone else could react, Rob unexpectedly stood up.

“Look, before Nick kills me, I think I’ll hit the road.”

Rebecca glanced at her brother, who looked fully capable of it. Joelle got up too. And that quickly, with hardly a glance her way, Rob turned and was across her deck, down the steps, beyond her lawn and rounding the corner. She glared at her brother before running after Rob.

“Rob
, wait!”

He was almost to his bike by then, and grabbing the helmet.
He paused long enough to mumble, “I’ve caused enough trouble for one day. Let it go, Rebecca. Let your family enjoy the rest of Karlee’s birthday party.”

“You don’t need to leave.”

Anger and annoyance flashed in his eyes. Then the helmet was on, and the sunglasses covered his eyes, preventing her from reading his gaze. He got on the bike, and it roared to life, interrupting them as surely as he wanted it to.

“Rob,” she said louder, her hands on her hips. He couldn’t really leave her like this.

He shook his head, smirked at her, and yelled, “Sorry, can’t hear you.”

Then the bike was in gear and he was heading down her gravel driveway. In no time, the gravel sputtered from under his tires as he took off and disappeared into the distance, until even the roar of his bike finally faded away.
Rebecca just stood there, staring at her empty driveway as if expecting him to reverse everything and come riding back. What was that all about?

Rob seemed okay all afternoon, perhaps not happy about her family, but okay nevertheless. Then,
after the conversation with Joelle, suddenly, his attitude came back, his hands-off armor right back in place. Why? Was it because of Joelle? Did she stir something inside him he couldn’t handle? Could he not bear to see Joelle with Nick? Rebecca, unfortunately, had no clue, which was what bugged her so much.

Furthermore, it made her instantly furious that he’d leave her because of Joelle.

“I see the appeal in him, but how did you manage to get him interested in you?”

Rebecca
’s shoulders sagged when she heard Trina’s voice behind her. She wasn’t ready to return to the world of her too close, too many family members. She was collecting herself in her front yard. Why did Trina have to come up and disturb her?

Today, doing what she did was hard for
her, but she was determined to do it, and come out about dating Rob Williams. She never intended for it to end with him speeding off without even a goodbye to her. She wasn’t ready for that, in a newly emerging relationship, just to become more fodder for the family gossip-mongers. And she certainly wasn’t ready for her younger sister’s vicious sarcasm.

“So
, how did you get him to come here? He doesn’t seem like the type to go after a little country mom with three kids.”

“I doubt he is,” Rebecca said acidly.

“That was quite a performance in there. With Joelle and all. Tell me, Rebecca, when did you decide that she was more important than me?”

Rebecca sighed
and wearily glanced at her little sister, whose pretty face was sneering, making her look so small and petty. So that’s what got Trina so pissed: Rebecca’s new and unexpected switch about liking Joelle. “Why are you so paranoid? My friendship with Joelle is no reflection on you. Why don’t you get that?”

“I just don’t get how you got that leather-clad, tattooed bad
-ass to even look your way. Or why that makes you now so much Joelle’s best friend.”

Rebecca stared at her sister and glanced at her house. She saw the quiet, summer beauty and heard the kids playing around the house with happy squeals, and laughter. She remembered a time when Doug was there, right there, helping her throw the party. A time when she wasn’t alone and hurting, or feeling so confused. She remembered a time when Doug would have definitely called his daughter on her birthday.

Then there was Rob. The man she didn’t know what to do with. And didn’t know what to think of. The man who left today without even a glance backwards at her. Was he worth it? Was Rob worth what he would surely end up costing her? Dating Rob was hurting the brother she adored, and the man she now relied on for everything that Doug didn’t provide. She knew she was lost without Nick, and yet, she impulsively invited the one man Nick couldn’t tolerate into her life.

Was all the conflict worth it? Did her mother and sisters think she was having a mental breakdown? Or a mid-life crisis? Or just a delayed reaction to Doug abandoning her? Was it worth that?

Maybe everything was true about Rob. Maybe Rob wasn’t really worth all the chaos and complications his presence in her life already brought and would, no doubt, continue to bring. If he could just leave like that, so cold, callous, and swiftly, what more could she hope for? That he would date her? And commit to her?

T
he worst thing was: she still thought it was possible. Despite the way Rob left. She thought there was still something there, something real, something that was starting to heal the bitterness she felt inside after Doug left her. All that she needed to see was her sister, standing in front of her, bitter, sarcastic, and miserable, to remind her she didn’t want to end up like Trina. 

“Go inside
, Trina, and find someone else to harass.”

Both Rebecca and Trina looked up at Joelle’s voice. She was standing on the porch steps, her arms crossed over her slight chest.

Trina turned and snarled, “Fuck you,” as she passed Joelle with a shoulder bump. Rebecca was shaken as she stared after her sister. She couldn’t believe Trina would just do and say that. What was causing it? And when did this paranoid, awful transformation take up residence in her little sister?

“Don’t worry about it. She says stuff like that to me all the time. Are you okay?”

Rebecca came closer to Joelle. “Am I okay? After that? No. I can’t believe what you’ve been living with.”

Joelle shrugged. “You’ve never been like that to me. Neither were Carrie and Sophie. You guys were just kind of absent, and looked past me.”

“That’s not much better.”

“Yeah
, it is. Trina’s outright hostility has gotten increasingly worse over the years, especially recently. I don’t tell Nick about it. He doesn’t know how bad she can be. He can’t fix it and that kills him. He’d cut off any association with her for my sake, and I don’t want that.”

Rebecca shook her head
, wondering how such things managed to happen in her own family, and right under her nose.

“Look, Rebecca, don’t give what happened now much significance. Rob, I mean. He’ll cool down, and he’ll be back.”

“Was it because of you? Is that why he left? Do you think he still has feelings towards you?”

Joelle laughed and her head went back as her teeth flashed. “Oh God, no Rebecca! He doesn’t have romantic or sexual feelings towards me anymore; he has feelings
for you. And my guess is that he sees how screwed up it might be for him to be here, or even in your life. You probably intimidate the crap out of him. Just like Nick did to me. All the family and normalcy can be pretty scary, and it freaks people like us out. And then there’s Nick. And your kids. He won’t know how to deal with all that. Might think leaving is the best solution. I know I did.”

“What made you come back?”

“Nick made me. Then he gave me the time and space to deal with his life, and his family on my own terms.”

“So you really still think it’s me he’s here for? And why he left? Not you?”

Rebecca was half jealous and worried that her boyfriend still wanted Joelle, yet Joelle was the very one from whom she sought advice about her boyfriend. She saw the irony, and marveled at it.

“Exactly what I think. I have to say, you surprised me
, going after him, getting him, and inviting him here. I like it, there’s no hiding, and no games. I didn’t think you’d be someone to look past Rob’s exterior surface.”

“Do you wish I hadn’t?”

“You mean because of how awkward it might be? For me? For Nick? Or stirring Nick up? No, I’m glad you are. I want Rob to be happy. And it brought us together, which counts for something.”

Rebecca suddenly felt glad for Joelle. She stepped forward and hugged her. “It counts for a lot.”

Rebecca looked up and found Nick, who stopped at the top of her porch stairs, looking at them hugging.

“It’s nice to see you liking my wife,” he finally said.

“Nick, you, of all people, know what it’s like to have our family act unfriendly with someone you love. Why are you doing it to me? Just to get me back?”

Nick looked horrified. “You love Rob?”

Rebecca shook her head. “I’ve no idea. We’re not nearly that far yet. But yeah, we have something going on for sure.”

“I didn’t intend to. Maybe I took things too far.”

“You think? You’re almost as bad as Trina.”

Nick winced. “Okay, I see,” he said, coming closer. “I’ll work on improving it.”

Rebecca smiled, as she wandered back inside to finish the party that seemed suddenly so flat now that Rob was no longer there.

Rob’s phone rang. He glanced down at the number, and Rebecca Randall flashed over his cell screen.
Fuck!
Like he needed anymore of that. An afternoon spent being stared at and judged, like he was a piece of meat they considered contaminated. Like he needed to face three sisters and a brother who disliked him. Like he even cared. So he left her house without saying goodbye to Karlee or the other girls. So what? It became too much. He wasn’t supposed to know Joelle. He made a faux pas when he accidentally commented on something personal and trivial about Joelle. Something he shouldn’t have responded to, judging by the startled look on Rebecca’s face. And the sudden snarling of Nick toward him. Rob knew then that none of it would ever work. There was just way too much shit between them all.

And yet, here she was… calling. He felt bad. He stormed out of there and left her without second of hesitation. He must’ve hurt her. So why would she call now? Wasn’t that enough of a message to her?

Rebecca and all her baggage was not something he planned on, or ever conceived of dealing with in his life. There was a substantial difference from feeling mildly bored, and severely isolated, to a woman with three little kids and about fifty family members; it was too much for him. The woman had far too many responsibilities that he had nothing to do with, and could hardly understand, but certainly didn’t want.

Except, there was Rebecca, and her red hair that cascaded and scattered corkscrew curls over her shoulders as she moved all about. Busy and functioning, the perfect hostess to her family, and all just for her daughter. Being good and kind as he expected her to be. She was everything he wasn’t the least bit familiar with.

She wore khaki-colored capris with a soft pink shirt. In what universe could he belong to a woman who wore soft pink and dainty sandals? The freckles that dusted her face and arms, and her eyes that glowed softly and seemed so appealing, made her even more wholesome and sweet. She was the antithesis of him. He was hard and cold, preferring to wear black, flaunting his tattoos, and she seemed like a delicate flower against his leather.

But that’s what he freaking liked about her! And why he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was so pretty
when being a mother, happily bending down to talk to her kids and nieces. As she tucked their clothes in, and wiped their hands, and filled their drinks, while offering them plenty of food and hugs, she was everything he never knew. And it scared him to realize how easily she provided everything he wanted in his life.

And she liked him
. He didn’t know what to do about that. Or what to feel. Except it freaked him out. What was he supposed to do? Pretend he was normal? Pretend he knew how to interact with little girls? Pretend he could fit into society, when to date, he’d done just about everything not to fit in?

Yet he had no problem picturing her naked on his bed, guileless, and so wet for him. She was hot and sexy in ways he couldn’t pick up on, until the moment he had her there. And he couldn’t stop thinking about doing it again either.

Now she was calling him. He meant to ignore it and let the call go to voicemail, but his finger insisted on pressing the button. He couldn’t ignore her, not now.

“Yeah,” he said into his phone, keeping his tone cool.

“Hi.” Her voice came over the line, audibly relieved when he answered. Her tone was soft, crisp, and feminine. “I’m glad you answered. I was afraid you might ignore me.”

How could she know he contemplated that? Why didn’t it make her angry that he’d do such a thing? Or leave her like he did today? Didn’t she know she deserved better? She wasn’t a wom
an lacking self-respect or self-esteem, so why would she put up with his shit?

“What do you want
, Rebecca?”

“I want you to come back here.”

“What? Tonight?” The horror of her suggestion came through loud and clear.

“Yes
, tonight.”

Glancing at the time, he saw it was already nine o’clock. “I’ve already been there and done that,
sweetheart. No, thanks.”

He heard her sigh. “Where are you, Rob?”

“At... a friend’s,” he said, deliberately drawing it out.

She was silent, but
finally asked, “Which friend, Rob?”

He debated. He could end this here and now. Like he should. Instead, he said, “Not really your concern
, sweetheart. Look, I’ll–”

“Where are you
, Rob? And don’t even think about hanging up on me.”

“I’m at Spencer’s,” he said, hearing her sigh of relief.

“Then you can come back here.”

“No
, I can’t.”

“Rob
, I need you to come back here. I can’t exactly load up three kids and chase after you in my mini-van. Just come back here. We need to talk.”

Wasn’t that half the problem between them? She was tied to three kids in the middle of nowhere. She came with a shitload of responsibilities, and trouble he didn’t sign up for. They weren’t his kids and he had no designs on them. Plus, she lived in middle of nowhere, which wasn’t even remotely convenient. In fact, nothing about Rebecca Randall was convenient.

“Why do you need me so bad? Feeling horny, baby? Look, I’ll get around to going there sometime.”

The line was silent and he wondered if she hung up. “Doug didn’t call the girls tonight. I’ve just spent the last hour with three girls sobbing as I tried to figure out what I could say to explain why their father doesn’t want them anymore. There is no reason; he just doesn’t want them. But I can’t tell them that. And Karlee, the youngest, who doesn’t really get upset when her father doesn’t call, because she hardly remembers him, wanted to know why her friend, Wob, left without saying goodbye to her on her birthday. The thing is
, I could answer that. Because he was being a complete wuss and jackass. He left without a word of goodbye and owed her mother and her an apology.”

Rob felt like he was physically punched by her cruel words. Now, after listening to her, he realized her tone wasn’t annoyed, mad or disgusted with him, she was just strained and upset. But not for the reasons he thought.

“Please, Rob. Just come back. My family is gone now. But I’m not. I’m still right here.”

I’m still right here.
He heard the concerned tone of her voice, as well as the exhaustion and pain for her kids. And it wasn’t lost on him that she thought, even after how carelessly he treated her, that he was the right answer for her distress.

“Al
l right,” he said finally. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Rob clicked off his cell and glanced up. Bethany was
listening to every word. His stomach churned as he realized what he nearly did. He drove around after leaving Rebecca’s, trying to ignore his bad, self-destructive thoughts, and the idea that a beer would have been awfully nice right about then. Warm day, cool bar, cold beer. It would be perfect. His kind of place, his kind of life. No Rebecca, no kids, no suburbanite lifestyle that he couldn’t fathom enduring from day to day.

Eventually, his urge took him to Bethany’s. She understood how it was.
She had urges like that too. Her apartment was cool and gloomy, with the shades shut. Dumpy. Noises from other neighbors provided muffled background noise to the TV news that was now discussing the local weather. He walked in and sat down on her couch without a word to her. She let him though, and didn’t demand anything, not even hello or a smile. She sat beside him. Finally, she unexpectedly leaned over, putting her hand on his lap, and started rubbing him. He wasn’t in the mood for that either, and pushed her hand away. Then his phone rang.

At long last, he met Bethany’s eyes, which were riveted on his, and hadn’t moved from his face for the entire conversation.

“Am I Spencer now?”

Rob realized what an ass that made him. Using Bethany to lie to Rebecca. And all because he couldn’t handle Rebecca. But damn! She still had a husband and three kids, and what could be more intimidating than all that?

“Rebecca, you said, is that her name? The girl? Who you’ve been busy with lately? Who put you in such a mood when you came in? I’m not stupid, Rob, I know you didn’t want me.”

Finally, he nodded. “She has three kids and lives in the middle of nowhere in a pretty house on some acreage. She’s a member of her daughters’ PTA, and she drives a mini-van for God’s sake! What does that tell you about her and me? Or how well things can go with us?”

Bethany sat back, hugging her arms over her ample breasts, and looked at the TV. Rob saw the same loneliness in her as he felt. Her face was etched with the same hopelessness he often experienced. And for the first time, instead of comforting him that she understood, it scared the piss out of him.
This was it
. This was all he’d have in life. This is how his life would stay forever if he chose someone else who understood life as he did. Someone who was as hopeless, as lost, and had all but given up on life, just as he did. Until Rebecca reminded him there was more out there. There was a whole different kind of life. If he stayed with Bethany, he knew that was all he’d ever have in life. If he left, and went to Rebecca, it might all crash, burn and hurt like hell, but at least, there was a chance for something more. Something real. There was hope.

“I think that phone call finally told me why you’re here. And why you don’t want to have sex with me. And all that crap you say comes between you is really what you like about her, and everything that is different from you and me. She needs you now, so you’re going. Whatever freaked you out today had nothing to do with me, or her. It is all about you being too scared to reach for anything that could signify something to you. And make you happy. You’ve gotten so used to punishing yourself for drinking, you forgot how to live. Like singing. And this Rebecca.”

“Beth…”

She shook her head, her brown hair flipping in the ponytail at her neck. “Don’t explain. We’re not like you and this, Rebecca. Go to her, if that’s what you want. I always said you were destined for more in life. Now go get it.”

Rob got up, but felt bad, as he looked down at Bethany’s pale, tired face. She was a good woman and deserved much more than she got, much more than the brown shaggy carpet under her bare feet, or the dirty, stained couch she sat on. She deserved something kind and nice in this life. Something he couldn’t offer her.

“I won’t be coming back. Not like before.”

“I know. I knew it the minute I became Spencer.”

“I’m sorry. You’ve been a good friend.”

“So have you; don’t be sorry for that.”

He nodded
as he left her dingy apartment, shutting the door on the stale scent as he inhaled the cool night air. He was suddenly glad to be leaving and escaping this. He was going to Rebecca’s pretty, clean house, and what that meant, he didn’t know. He only knew the knot of terror it churned in his gut was better than the hopeless depression he felt ten minutes before while sitting on Bethany’s couch.

****

The house lights shone brightly through the windows, arcing out onto the lawn like a sanctuary against the cool, dark night. The frogs somewhere beyond her house croaked and the crickets chirped. Homey night sounds were everywhere, but this time, instead of isolating him, they all seemed pleasant. He didn’t know what he felt as he took her porch steps two at a time except that it made him happy to be coming back there.

Rebecca opened the door before he knocked. She was changed from her former attire and wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back off her face and she looked about twenty
, except for her eyes, which were red and puffy.

“You’ve been crying.”

She shook her head, and motioned him in. Standing behind her were Kayla, Kathy and Karlee, all dressed in their nightclothes of pinks and purples along with Karlee’s rainbow of colors. They were lounging all over the couch, while watching a movie with animated mermaids moving around.

Karlee spotted him. “Wob
! You came back!”

She hugged his legs
openly and without a word of reprimand as to why he left the party so abruptly. Karlee was just glad to see him without any grudge or questions. Kathy got up too, smiling, and said shyly, “Hi, Rob, wanna watch
Mermaidia
with us?”

Mermaidia
? What the hell was that? Rebecca leaned towards him and said into his ear, “Barbie turns into a mermaid; just go with it.”

He finally smiled and nodded, taking the hands offered by Kathy and Karlee and letting them drag him over to the couch. They each sat on one side of him. Rob’s eyes met Kayla’s over Kathy
’s head, but she didn’t reveal as much as her sisters. Her eyes were also red-rimmed. What happened this afternoon? He glanced at Rebecca, who stood there, her hands on her hips, watching him get settled.

Finally, she mouthed,
“Thank you.”

For what?
Coming back for her? For the girls? What? Serving as Rebecca’s instrument in trying to teach her children that not all men leave? He was pretty sure that was the real reason why he was there. Rebecca needed to prove something to her kids, perhaps most of all, to Kayla, judging by her stony face. Rebecca had to be pissed off about how he left her earlier in the day.