Zombies and Shit (51 page)

As she walked down the street in the Red Zone, she moved with confident strides. She did not take a safe route, because she believed that would show a lack of faith. She went straight toward the goal. With all her heart, she believed Jesus would save her. With all her heart, she knew no zombie would lay a hand on her body.

Wendy didn’t have her bible on her, nor her crucifix. This worried her at first because her mother had always told her that carrying a holy symbol or being in the presence of the bible would increase her faith. These things would give her power, but she had none. This worried her greatly.

When she encountered the first zombie, her faith was put to the test. A zombie was standing in her way, growling, calling out for her brains. She paused for a moment. Without a holy symbol, she wasn’t sure if her faith would be strong enough. So she closed her eyes and put all of her soul into her faith. She visualized the beautiful magnificence of Jesus. She let him into her heart, filled herself with his love, and knew that he would let no harm come to her. She kept on her path, marching directly toward the living corpse.

Then something miraculous happened. As she approached the corpse, the creature got out of her way. It cowered before her, trembling at the might of the holy spirit filling her soul. She smiled as she moved on. For once in her life, her faith was strong enough to protect her. When she looked down at the lawn gnome, she discovered she did have a holy symbol in her possession. A blob of brown paint in the gnome’s coat looked exactly like a crucifix. She hugged the gnome close to her body. She knew that Jesus had come to her in the form of a lawn gnome.

Then she came across a large mob of zombies. They barreled through the street toward her. As she arrived to them, they moved aside, opening a path for her to go through.

“You were right, mother,” Wendy said to the heavens. “All I needed was faith.”

She walked all day with no incident. She didn’t run into any other contestant. Every zombie cowered before her faith. She knew she would be the winner of the contest, because she had Jesus on her side. At night, she bunked down in a hotel room, without even locking the door. She held her gnome tightly to her heart.

“You’ll save me, Jesus. I know you will.”

“Wait here,” says Mr. T. “The T-2000 will be right back.”

The others stay back as Mr. T goes down toward the zombie mob. A camera ball floats after him. He punches his way through the crowd until he enters the open circle. The zombies don’t follow him within. Junko, Scavy, and Rainbow come in for a closer look. Mr. T examines the girl’s body, digging through her pack. He tosses the pack aside and takes a lawn gnome lying by the girl’s side. He lifts it up, inspecting each side of it. When he moves it toward the zombies, they back away. He moves away from the dead girl, back toward the others. As he moves, the open circle moves with him.

“What is it?” Rainbow asks.

Junko squints her eyes. “I don’t know, but whatever it is the zombies won’t go near it.”

As Mr. T moves far enough away from Wendy’s body that the invisible perimeter no longer protects her, the zombie horde pounce on top of her. They screech with excitement, rolling over one another, as they tear apart her flesh to get to her brain.

When Mr. T arrives to them, they all stand within the protective barrier. Zombies quickly surround them. Scavy, Junko, and Rainbow Cat stand back-to-back, aiming their weapons at the shambling corpses. But the zombies keep their distance, they do not attack.

Mr. T holds up the lawn gnome.

“They did it…” he says.

“What?” Junko asks, looking back and forth between the gnome and the undead.

Mr. T explains, “The doctor who built the T-2000, he developed a technology that could keep zombies at bay. Mr. T guesses those scientists in Neo New York got it up and running.”

Junko takes the gnome from him. A camera ball overhead zooms in on it.

Mr. T continues, “Inside this little guy, there’s a device that emits a sonic wave that the zombies just can’t stand.” Mr. T takes back the device and bounces it in his metal hand. “This one’s emitting a pretty low frequency, so it only holds them back a dozen feet or so. But with a more powerful emission this thing could hold back at least a square mile, or even protect an entire city.”

“This technology could save the world,” Junko says.

“If those suckas bothered to use it,” he says. “Mr. T don’t think those fat cats in Platinum care about saving the world at the moment. They’re more interested in their own well-being. The only thing they care to use it for is as a mere toy on this vile television show.”

“So we can use this to get safely to the helicopter?” Rainbow asks. “And even if we don’t get to the helicopter, we can still use it to get out of the Red Zone, can’t we?”

“The T-2000 isn’t sure how long the power supply will last,” says Mr. T. “If it’s solar powered then it will last all the way to the coast, but that’s doubtful. It’ll likely only last for a few days. Maybe less.”

“Knowing Wayne,” Junko says. “It will likely be less.”

“So if this thing protected that girl from the undead…” Rainbow asks, looking back at the mound of corpses attacking Wendy’s body. “Then what killed her?”

Wendy had made it a third of the way to the evacuation zone. Mobs of zombies followed her, surrounded her, but they could not touch her. She believed her faith in Jesus was protecting her, but the power that held the zombies back was really a device hidden inside her lawn gnome.

Then Wendy came across a pack of mechjaws. They growled at her from a distance. When the girl saw these hellhounds, snarling and gnashing their teeth at her, she did not fear.

“Have faith,” her mother’s voice said in her head. “And Jesus will protect you.”

Wendy had faith. She marched forward, directly toward the mechjaws. Then the Gatling gun on one of their backs whirred in a circle. Bullets sprayed into her body. She looked down at the holes in her chest, blood dribbling down her blue dress. Then she fell back into a pool of her own blood.

As she lay dying, she looked up at the clouds. Tears drained from her eyes.

“I’m sorry, mother,” she said to the sky. “My faith wasn’t strong enough.”

The mechjaws growled at her from the distance.

Her last words were, “My faith was
never
strong enough.” Then the gnome rolled from her limp hands.

“Her body was riddled with bullet holes,” says Mr. T. “I think those cyborg zombie dogs got to her.”

“We have to be careful,” Junko says. “This thing might protect us from the zombies, but it doesn’t protect us from the mechjaws.”

Mr. T grunts in agreement. “And we should watch our backs. A pack of those things might still be in the area.”

The other three nod their heads at the cyborg.

Mr. T gives them a thumbs up.

Then he gets run over by a truck.

The SUV-sized zombie smart-car plows through the zombie horde, slams into Mr. T, taking his body across the field with it. The lawn gnome flies out of Mr. T’s hands, soaring through the air alongside severed zombie body parts. It lands several yards away, on the other side of the mob.

Junko, Scavy, and Rainbow Cat suddenly find themselves in the middle of the zombie horde without protection. The zombies fill the open space between them.

“Go for the gnome!” Junko yells.

The Japanese woman’s chainsaw arm roars into life. She slashes her way through the corpses, taking off limbs and heads. Behind her, Rainbow Cat swings her machete, chopping at the limbs coming in from the back. Scavy stays between them, using the butt of his rifle to push the corpses back.