A Family for Christmas (11 page)

“Relax,” Jack whispered so that only she could hear. “Everything will be okay.”

“Momma, are we going to live here or can we move in with Gran?” Sammy had clearly been considering all their options and it was easy to see which one was his favorite.

She closed her eyes. She didn’t want to have this discussion now. Not when she was sitting far too close to the man of her dreams. Jack smiled sympathetically before answering Sammy.

“I was thinking maybe you and your mom could come to live at my place in Austin. I have a big house that will be just perfect for the three of us. And it’s not that far from your grandmother or Uncle Mike. You can see them any time you want.”

“Yippee!”

“I take it Sammy likes the idea of living in Austin?” Jack tried to break the tension reverberating between them, but for Rachel, trusting Jack again didn’t come so easily.

Reluctantly, she nodded. “You could say that. It’s all he’s talked about for days. He didn’t want to leave—” She stopped when she remembered all the reasons why she’d left Austin in such a hurry.

“Then I think you should listen to our son. He’s pretty smart, I’d say.”

“Momma, should I call him Daddy?”

Sammy might be eager to accept Jack as his father, but he was still finding some things a little awkward.

Jack answered the question for her. “Do you want to call me Daddy?”

“
Um, y
es.”

“Then that’s what you should call me. It’s okay, son. I know this is
hard
. We’ll get used to each other soon enough. Now why don’t you tell me what you’ve asked Santa to bring you this year?”

For the rest of the trip, Sammy recited by heart the list of things he’d asked Santa for. Most of the stuff was small. She’d managed to pick them up along the way. There was only one thing on the list that she knew would be impossible for her to afford this year. Sammy had wanted this one particular remote controlled car ever since he’d seen it on T.V. and no matter how much she tried to tell him that Santa might not be able to find it for him his year, Sammy wasn’t daunted. He’d simply smile and tell her Santa could find anything.

Jack parked the truck outside of one of the few empty spaces at the mall, which was packed
for a
weekday.

“Okay, where to first?” Jack opened her door
and then
turned to look at her while she tried to remember the last time she’d actually been to this mall.

“I’m not really sure—”

Once inside,
Sammy spotted the mall Santa right away. “Look, Momma, Santa’s here
.
Can we ask him about the car?”

Jack waited until Sammy’s full attention was on the Santa and his elf helpers. “What car?”

“It’s a four wheel drive remote control car that he’s had his heart set on ever since he saw it on T.V. a few months back. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I can’t get it for him.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s very expensive. Too expensive for a toy he’ll be tired of in a few weeks.”

He touched her arm.
“Rachel, I know what you’re saying, and I know you mean well, but Sammy’s only four. He’s not going to be spoiled by a little overindulgence from time to time. Why don’t you let me get the car for him?”

“No. Jack, he’ll be happy with the gifts he’s getting. He’ll get over the car.”

He touched her arm and held her back when she would have followed Sammy. “Rachel, I have a lot to make up for.”

The expression in his eyes was hard to take. She looked away. She couldn’t think about what she’d done to Jack and to Sammy and not feel guilty.

Jack turned her to face him, reading her thoughts. “I’m not blaming you. I’ve got a lot to make up for with you as well. I want to, if you’ll let me.”

It would have been so easy to go into his arms and forget the past. But she wasn’t there yet. She couldn’t let go of the hurt just yet.

Rachel had stayed with Sammy while he waited to see Santa and Jack disappear to the toy store to buy Sammy his car.

When he returned he was loaded down with shopping bags.

They spent hours roaming the mall, and yet when it was time to go, they had to practically drag Sammy from the place.

It was a long time after they reached the farm again, before they were finally able to get Sammy to sleep. All the way back to the house, Sammy talked nonstop, just happy being a normal four-year-old.

Rachel’s thoughts went back over all the things that had happened in the last week. Her world had turned upside down in a matter of days and she was literally reeling from all the changes that had happened already. She knew there would be more to come.

She’d agreed to marry Jack. She couldn’t quite take that in just yet.

How many times as a young girl in love had she dreamed of this moment? When they’d married before she’d felt as if that dream had come true, and then Jack had broken her heart by telling her their marriage was a mistake.

Now, she couldn’t find a single good thing in their reuniting. There were things to discuss, details to sort through, but for the life of her, she couldn’t consider them right now.

“You’re awfully quiet.” Jack waited until they’d gotten Sammy to sleep and were back in the great room before asking the inevitable question. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired I guess.”

“You never were good at
not telling the truth
. You’re worried about us, aren’t you?”

She shook her head wearily.
“Yes. Of course
,
I’m worried. You should be worried as well. Jack this is crazy. We can’t just get married—there’s too much bad history between us to eve
n
be friends.”

“
There isn’t and s
it down
..
.
please.
” His tone forced her to stop midways through roaming around the great room. She dropped to the sofa. With a heavy sigh, Jack sat down next to her.

“I know this is difficult for you. It is for me as well, but Sammy needs a fulltime father. One that can show him the things only a man can. We can work through the rest of the feelings between us as we go along. I promise I won’t rush you. I’m not your enemy, Rachel.”

For so long she’d tried to hate him. She didn’t know how to let go of that anger. “So we just live together as friends?”

His slow grin told her that was the last thing he was thinking. “I
wouldn’t
be
telling the truth if I said
that’s
all
I want. I care about you, Rachel. I never stopped loving you. I know how hard that is for you to believe after the way I treated you, but it’s still true.”

He gently touched her face. She turned to look at him. The sincerity in his eyes made her want to believe him. “Once upon a time, we were friends. Why don’t we start there and see where it takes us?”

Her gaze dropped from his. She couldn’t look at him and be strong. She needed to be strong. “I don’t know if I can, because I don’t
really
believe you. I’m sorry, but I don’t. I just can’t help but believe if you really cared about me you wouldn’t have treated me the way that you did. You would have fought for us. Stood up to your father. You didn’t do any of those things. You just let me go and you never came after me.”

She got to her feet and moved away. He was too close for comfort for someone still in love with the boy he’d been in the past. And she was too close to tears.

Jack didn’t follow her. He seemed to realize she needed space. “I do love you, Rachel. But I know you’ll need time. If you let me, I promise I’ll prove it to you. We can argue about the past forever but it isn’t getting us anywhere. And it won’t change a thing. I made so many mistakes that I’ll never be able to make up for. I don’t want to hurt you ever again. Let’s talk about the future and a new beginning for all of us.”

*****

She looked so fragile standing before him, desperately wanting to trust him. And she’d never looked more beautiful to him. As much as he needed to earn her trust, friendship was the last thing he wanted from her. He wanted her heart. Her love.

H
e’d settle for
her
friendship if it was all she could offer him at the moment.

Jack got to his feet and came to her. He could feel the tension inside of her. He had to believe it was proof positive that she felt
something for him
. It would take all of his patience to win her back.

“So, when would you like to get married?
In my opinion,
the sooner the better. Do you want to go home and have the ceremony there in front of your family? We kind of skipped that part the last time.”

“No, I don’t want a ceremony
, Jack
. I think it would be wrong. If we’re going to do this, then let’s just get it over with.”

Not exactly
,
the reaction he’d hoped for. But at least she wasn’t totally rejecting the idea. “
Okay, then w
hy don’t we do it
on
Christmas Eve, then? It will be something special to remember the day by.”

She glanced his way as if she wasn’t sure he was serious or making light. “All right, whatever you think.”

“Great. I’ll arrange it tomorrow.” He tried to keep
from showing his
frustration, but wasn’t quite successful. This was going to be harder than he thought.

“Have you told Liz or Michael yet?”

That she couldn’t look him in the eye told him she’d been avoiding having that conversation with her family.

“Rachel, we need to tell them. They’ll be thrilled for us. Why don’t we call them right now?”

He knew
Liz would be thrilled. He had little doubt of it. He wished that he could be certain of Michael’s reaction. Unfortunately, his friend still held a lot of animosity for him because of the way he’d treated his baby sister.

“Jack, wait.” She stopped him when he would have reached for the phone.

“What is it?”

“I need to talk to you about Sammy first. There’s something I haven’t told you yet and it’s hard to say.”

He felt his heart race at her words.
Dear God,
please not bad news.
He’d just discovered he had a son. He couldn’t bear the thought of something being wrong with the boy.
“What is it? Is he okay
?
”

“
That’s just it,
I don’t know,” she said at last, her answer even more unsettling.

“Rachel, what’s wrong with my son?” He dropped the phone and sank to the sofa, dreading her words.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Everyone tells me I’m worrying about nothing, but I know my son. There’s something wrong. That’s why I came back to Austin. Mom scheduled an appointment with one of the leading pediatric specialists in the country. Dr. Martinez.”

Now he understood the truth. Rachel hadn’t come back to Austin for the holidays. Or because she missed him. She’d come home for Sammy. Fear jolted through his body as he waited for her to say more.

“Dr. Martinez was the first doctor who took me seriously. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing but at least someone doesn’t think I’m just overreacting. Sammy’s been listless, he’s lost weight, and he’s easily fatigued. This isn’t my son’s normal behavior. There definitely is something wrong.”

A thousand different things ran through his mind. He couldn’t bear the thought of his son
being sick
.
He wanted to fix whatever was wrong.

Rachel misread his silence for anger. “I’m sorry. I know I should have said something before but—”

“No, Rachel, that’s not it. I’m not blaming you. I’m just worried. I’ve just found my son. I don’t want to lose him.”

Rachel sat
down
next to him. “Dr. Martinez is good. He’ll figure out what’s wrong with Sammy.”

“I hope so.”

She took his hand and squeezed it. For once, she wanted to be close to him. She wasn’t running away.

He closed his eyes and tried to regain his equilibrium. “I’ve heard of him. You’re right. He’s the best. Sammy is in excellent hands. Having a stable home environment will help
too
. We’re doing a good thing for our son, Rachel. Being close to your family will be even better for him. I want you and Sammy to move back to Austin to live at my house. As a family.”

As he watched, all of her old doubts returned. For the longest time she didn’t say a word.

“I know in my heart that you’re right, and I know you want what’s best for Sammy. You can provide things for him that I could never do alone, but I need you to understand something, Jack. For the first time in two years, I’m having to share my son with someone other than Mom and Michael and—”

“And it’s hard. I understand that.”

Something shifted in her eyes. For a moment, he thought he saw happiness or at least the hope of it in her eyes. And then it was gone and the walls were back in place.