A Flawed Heart (7 page)

I wait for a reply, but it doesn’t come.

After
our shift, Tony walks with me. We find that we have a lot in common, and it
feels nice to make another friend. He has a really sweet way about him. We say
goodbye, and through the front window of the café I see Lydia sitting with a
huge cup of coffee in front of her. She has a cute little white sweater on over
her blue dress. She’s also wearing clay-smudged Doc Martens.

“Hey,” I say.

She smiles, but it’s not with feeling. “Hey.”

“What’s up?”

“Claire, I got up this morning, and you weren’t on the
couch. Your things were there but you weren’t.”

“Lydia, I know. I—”

“Just let me finish what I want to say here, okay?” Her tone
is intense and she’s talking with her hands, so I sit back and try not to
interrupt.
“I was confused for a
minute, and then I was worried. You weren’t in the bathroom or the kitchen. I
went into my
brother’s
room and
there you were. All wrapped up with each other. I can
’t
tell you how shocked I was.”

“Lydia…”

“Was this the first time Claire? When were you going to tell
me?”

“Um…I kissed him at the show.
At Alexa’s.
It just happened. I don’t know what came over me.”

“I know what it was—it was
Jason the Hot Rock Star
.
You’re not his first victim you know, he’s been around the fucking block.”

“Listen, I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid you’d be
mad.”

“Well, I am. I am mad. I thought you were my friend. How
could you fuck my brother?”

“Jesus, we did
not
do that. I just…I don’t know what we’re doing. You’re really important to me.
You’re my only friend here, and I don’t want to do anything that will upset you.”

“I can’t tell you how many girls have pretended to be my
friend to get with my brother. It’s the story of my life. They’ve all turned
out to be evil, skanky bitches. I thought you were different. I was starting to
feel close to you, Claire.”
She puts
her head in her hands.

“I can assure you, I am not an evil skank.”

She lifts her head and laughs out loud.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“No. It’s fine. I get it. I’m happy to have met you and you’ve
been good to me. I would never want to do anything to violate that.”

“Okay. Good. I don’t think I could take it if my roommate
got involved with Jason. I’ve lost enough friends because of his womanizing. My
brother’s great…I mean, he’s amazing—he just can’t keep it in his pants.”

“We didn’t have sex. We just hooked up.”

“Okay, all right, please.
Too much
information.
Just promise me it won’t happen again?”

The prospect of that kills me, even though I barely know
him.
I feel as if I’ve been stabbed with
a syringe, and
it’s
shooting ice water into my veins.
How can I make this promise? How
can I stay away from him? I feel so much for him already. We’ve shared so much—it’s
physical, but it’s more than that, too.
Lydia’s eyes are pleading. I’m torn.

“Okay. I promise. It’s over.”

She finishes her coffee and seems satisfied with the conversation.
“I have to get back to the studio, but
thanks for being so understanding. I hope things aren’t
gonna
be weird now?”

“Of course not.”
I force a smile
onto my face.

“Good. So, there’s a party tonight on the roof of the Pen
building. You want to come?” she asks.

“Sure…what’s
the
Pen building
?”

“It’s an abandoned pen factory by the east river. Cops never
go out there, so sometimes people throw parties. It’ll be fun. We can pre-game
before we go over, okay?”

“Yeah, sounds great. I’ll see you at home later.”

Once she’s gone, I drop my head to the table.
My phone buzzes in my pocket with a
new text.

Where
are you?

It’s Jason.
I
stare at my phone.
Should I write
him back? Should I ignore him? Am I even capable of that?

I feel a tap on my shoulder.
“Hey, Claire.”
I look up, and towering over me is
Ben.

“Hi. What’s up?”

“Not much. I’m heading toward your place. Want to take a
walk with me?”
He looks concerned,
which may be due to my current pathetic posture.

“Sure.” I grab my stuff and he opens the door for me.

“I saw you
talkin
’ to Lydia. You
don’t have to tell me what’s going on if you don’t want to, but it looked like
she was upset about something.”

“Yeah, I think she was a little upset.”

He’s quiet for a moment, as if he’s thinking of what to say
next.
“I’ve known Lydia and Jason
for a long time. They’re really close and very protective of each other. But
sometimes their protective instincts can cloud their judgment.”

I stop walking. “What do you mean?”

Ben turns to face me. “I think you know
exactly
what
I mean.”

My shoes have suddenly become very interesting. I stare at
my feet.

“I think I’m breaking
guy
code
by talking to you about this or whatever, but Alana and I
stopped by Alexa’s last night after the movie. Jason’s no stranger to brooding,
but he was in overdrive. I didn’t press him to talk, but I think he really
likes you. I’ve never seen him like this. I think it’s complicated for him, and
for Lydia…and for you.”

“I really like him. I can’t explain how this happened, but
it’s
happening. Lydia has been a good friend to me, and I
think I’m breaking
girl code,
or whatever, by getting involved with her
brother.”

“See, this is what I mean about her judgment being clouded.
I think it’s pretty obvious that there’s something between you two, and Lydia
should see it, too.”

“I don’t know how to explain how I feel to her.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t tell her what you feel. Maybe you
and Jason should
show
her. No one can resist seeing two people who
belong together actually
being
together. That shit doesn’t happen every
day, you know.” He puts his hand on my shoulder.

Ben has totally blown me away with his ability to not only
understand my situation, but to talk to me about it, the way my daddy would
when I was little. On an impulse I stand up on my tiptoes and hug him.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, no doubt.”

We go our separate ways in front of my place and I light a
cigarette. I feel better after talking to Ben, but I still don’t know how I’m
going to make this work. Not to mention that Lydia has probably given Jason the
same talk she gave to me. He may not want to pursue this after she tells him
she knows and doesn’t approve. I feel someone watching me, and turn to see Tony
approaching.

“Hey, long time no see,” he says.

“Hey Tony, where you
headin
’?”

“I live here.
You?”

“You live in this building?
Me too.
Second floor.”

“First.”

“That’s crazy. We’re neighbors! Hey, I got invited to a
party tonight, if you’re not doing anything.”

“At the Pen building?” he asks.

“Yeah, are you going?”

“Yeah,
me
and my friend Kai were
planning on it.”

“Well, Lydia and I were
gonna
drink in our apartment before we go over. Do you want to join us?”

“Definitely.
What time?”

“Uh, I guess around…”

I halt my speech when I see Jason walking toward us. He
walks up to me, takes my hand and pulls me next to him. He looks at Tony and
back to me.

“Claire, can I talk to you for a minute please?”

“Yeah.
Tony, I’ll see you later.
Around nine?”

“Okay…bye.” He walks into our building, looking as if he’s a
little scared of Jason and, frankly, so
am
I.

“You didn’t text me back.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I was with Lydia.”

“It looks to me like you were with that guy. Who was that?”
He’s jealous
. His overreaction
flattering, even though it shouldn’t be
.

“That’s my neighbor. You need to let go of me and calm down.
I’m sorry I didn’t text you. Come upstairs with me and we can talk.”

The sea green fire in his eyes dies down and he lets go of
my arm. “I’m sorry. I just…I didn’t hear from you.” He runs his fingers through
his hair and shakes his head. He flashes me a smile and walks beside me up to
my apartment. When we get inside, he sits on my bed. I sit at the desk.

He looks confused. “Come sit with me.”

“No. Listen, I had coffee with Lydia. She’s upset. She saw
us together. She thinks I’m using her to be with you.”

“Well, that’s not true. You’re her roommate. You were
friends with her before you even met me.”

“I know, but she said it’s happened before. She looked
really hurt. I don’t want to make her feel like that.”

“Claire, Lydia is sensitive. She’s fiercely protective and
fiercely loyal. I love my sister, but she can’t tell us what to do.” He walks
over to me, takes my hand, and lifts me from my seat. “I’m sorry for being a
dick outside.”

I’m trying to resist him, but it’s pointless. He leans in
and kisses me. I’m filled with his scent, his soft mouth; the short whiskers on
his face softly prickle my skin. I kiss him back and feel my heart beat faster.

“Jason, wait a minute…”

He kisses my neck. “What?”

“Lydia made me promise not to see you anymore.”

He steps back. “And what did you tell her?”

“I promised I wouldn’t.”

His face falls and anger creeps into his face. “Is that what
you want? You don’t want to see me?”

“No. That’s not what I want. I’m confused. I don’t want to
cause a problem in your family. I don’t want to lose her as a friend. I didn’t
know what else to say.”

“Well, I know what I’m going to say to her.” He stalks
toward the door and I grab his hand to stop him.

“Wait.”

“Claire, I feel like I’ve been very clear here, but perhaps
not. I often think others know what I’m feeling when they don’t. Let me clarify
things for you.
I want you.
”
He steps toward me again and places his hands on my face. “And I thought that
you wanted me, too. Tell me now if you don’t, and I’ll go.”

It takes me a moment to compose myself after his
declaration. “No, Jason, don’t go. It’s crazy for me to feel like this, but I
do. I want you too.” I feel myself choke on the last syllable because it is
so
true. I want him. I’ve never felt this way about a guy. Not in high school or
college. I’ve had boyfriends, but I’ve never felt anything like this.

He kisses me again and I feel my legs become weak. I want
him to take me to the bed. I want him to take my clothes off and touch me
everywhere. He reads my mind and pushes my hips, moving me backward toward the
bed. His lips never leave mine. The back of my calves hit the frame of my bed
and Jason guides me as I relax back onto it. It squeaks a bit when he places
his weight on it and I let out a giggle.

He smiles. “That’s a beautiful sound.” He rests against me
and kisses my neck. I feel his hardness pressing into me, right between my
legs. The bulge in his jeans feels huge. I slide my hands to his sculpted ass
and squeeze it. He stops kissing my neck and looks up at me. “Do you like the
way that feels?”

“Yes, I do.” As the words leave my mouth he presses his hips
into me, sending a wave of pleasure through my body. He kisses me hard. I hear
a knock and my door opens.

“Oops. Sorry.”

I look over Jason’s shoulder, and see Kat standing in the
doorway with an apologetic look on her face.

“
It’s
okay, Kat.” He sits up on the
bed, clears his throat, then stands up and looks down at me. Our eyes lock and
a current courses
between us. He touches his fingers to my
hair. “I’m
gonna
go have a talk with Lydia. I’ll find
you later.”

“Okay,” I say. I’m helpless to stop him, or to try to be rational
anymore.

* * * *

~Jason~

I push through the front door and walk out into the sun. The
crotch of my pants is tight on my now blue balls. I want to run back into her
room but the same time, I can’t wait to deal with Lydia. I don’t know who she thinks
she is getting involved in my shit. I take a deep breath and blow it out in a
vain attempt to calm down. My mind is swimming. I’m totally perplexed as to why
Claire is affecting me this way. I mean, her body is tight, but it’s more than
that. My mind swims with images of her. The first time I saw her standing in my
doorway I wanted her.
Her big, almond eyes under wispy
lashes, gazing up at me.
She was so fidgety and nervous, her awkward
behavior mismatched with her sexy personality.

When we walked to the bar and I caught her as she almost
fell, I felt a jolt shoot through me. I have
never
felt anything like
that, and I’ve touched my fair share of girls. At my show, she took the shot I
bought for her like a champ. When she found me out in the alley, she didn’t run
screaming, she fucking
kissed
me and
she tasted so good—like honey
and cinnamon
.
This gorgeous creature understood my pain, without
even speaking.

I wanted to talk to her so badly when I picked her up after
she ran away from me in the gym. I wanted to tell her that I’ve thought of
nothing but her since I saw her, but I was too nervous—a new experience for me.
I’m usually in total control.

When I came home and found her on
my
couch, saying
my
name, that’s what pushed me over the edge. The way my name sounded coming out
of her sleeping mouth, it took all of my restraint to not rip her clothes off
right there.