A Forbidden Rumspringa (Gay Amish Romance Book 1) (19 page)

“No, I suppose not.” David leaned back against the table. “Although sometimes I wonder about it all.” He picked up one of his discarded gloves and fiddled with it. “Seems to me that what constitutes sin changes a lot depending on who you’re talking to. Maybe it’s all just words on a page. The Ordnung changes from town to town, after all.”

“But the Bible says it’s wrong.” The nail dug into Isaac’s palm as he squeezed it.

David sighed. “I know. When I try to make sense of things, I always end up there. But isn’t the Bible only more words?”

“Holy words, though!” Isaac sputtered. “We know everything in the Bible is true.”

“Do we? It was written by men, wasn’t it? If it’s all true, then why don’t men sell their daughters into slavery anymore? It’s in the Bible. So is being able to buy slaves as long as they’re foreigners.”

Isaac blinked. “I never thought about it.”

“Neither did I. But lately I feel like…I don’t know.” He traced a groove in the table with his finger. “I have so many questions.” He snorted. “I wonder if I should ask the preachers the next time we go to the Obrote.”

The reminder that David would soon be baptized made Isaac’s gut tighten. “But you believe in God, don’t you?” It was something he would never have conceived to ask in the past. To think that someone might not believe seemed impossible. Yet now, as the questions stacked up, he wasn’t as sure.

“I do. Of course I do. Sometimes I’m just not sure I believe in men. But once I follow church…” He swallowed hard. “Once I give my vow, I’m sure it will all make sense.”

“You don’t sound sure.”

“I will be. It’s the way it has to be.” David’s smile had sharp edges. “We’re Amish. We have to believe.”

“What else did you see in the movie?”

David’s face brightened. “The gay couple was like all the others. Even when they held hands and kissed each other. The other people didn’t even look twice.”

“They
kissed
? You saw them?” Despite the temperature, Isaac was suddenly warm from the inside.

David nodded vigorously. “They were even in bed together without their shirts on,” he whispered. “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.”

“They showed that in the
movie
?” Isaac thought of the Sky-Vu’s enormous screen. “In front of all those people?”

“And no one seemed bothered at all! I could see into some of the other cars around me, and they were just watching like it was nothing. Meanwhile I was…” David flushed.

“What?” Isaac edged closer, dropping the nail on the table. Only a few inches separated them. “Did you like it?”

David licked his lips, his gaze flickering to Isaac’s mouth. “Yes. I’d seen men and women kissing, and more—you wouldn’t believe some of the things they show in movies. There was one where they were practically naked. It was shocking to see, and exciting, but when I saw two men together…” He smiled faintly. “First I wanted to cry. I couldn’t breathe. It was the first time I knew that there really were people like me out there. I’d thought there must be, but to see it like that…”

Isaac’s heart skipped. “I can’t imagine. It must have been amazing.”

“It was!” He grasped Isaac’s hand. “To know I wasn’t alone. And then to see them actually kissing.” He shivered.

Isaac bit his lip. “Did it make you hard?” He flushed as the bold words left his mouth.

Eyes dark, David nodded. “It was like…something snapped into place. The way a perfect drawer closes just right. I thought I would crawl right out of my skin. My jeans were so tight it was painful.”

Isaac’s spine tingled. “What did you do?” His gaze flicked down, and he gathered his courage. “Did you touch yourself?” He leaned in so his lips were at David’s ear. “Did you make yourself come right there?” Maybe if they were quick, they could go into one of the stalls, and--

“Daaavid! Isaaaac!”

They jerked apart as Anna’s singsong voice rang out distantly. Isaac grabbed the closest nail and hammered it into the wood as David dashed back to his table leg.

When Anna clomped into the barn with a bang on the partially open door, she smiled and went straight for the side table. “We thought you might want some more coffee to warm you up. I made zucchini bread to go along with it.”

David cleared his throat. “Thanks, Anna.”

Isaac kept his gaze on his work. “Thank you.”

“Sure,” Anna said. “Having a good day?”

When Isaac looked up, she was watching him with a little smile. “Um…uh-huh.”

“Glad to hear it.” Then she swept out of the barn, her heavy cape billowing behind her.

Exhaling loudly, Isaac unclenched the hammer handle. “I guess that’s enough talk for today. We should just…work.”

“Yes. Work.” David lowered his head and snatched up his measuring tape.

Isaac lined up another nail, wishing he could silence the questions tumbling through his mind. Yet with each swing of his hammer, a new word echoed.

Gay.

“They’re gone.” David hauled the barn door shut behind him, snow swirling by his boots.

Isaac had barely done a lick of work since Mrs. Lantz had mentioned at lunch that there was another baby being born, this time at one of the Hooley farms. Isaac couldn’t remember which one, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that he and David would have the farm to themselves for the first time in more than a month.

He opened his arms for David. “Come warm me up.”

David’s mouth was hot, and the slick slide of his tongue sent a fever through Isaac’s veins. Smiling between kisses, they shrugged out of their coats, tossing them on the worktable. Isaac sucked on David’s neck, loving how David shuddered when he found just the right spot.

“It’s been too long, my Isaac.” David moaned softly. “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too.”

“Mmm.” David licked Isaac’s neck. “I told you to come to June’s with me more often.”

Chuckling, Isaac squeezed his hand into the front of David’s pants and stroked him. “If I went with you every time you’d never get any furniture finished, and my parents would ask too many questions.”

Each day—acid gnawing on his stomach and his nails bitten to the quick—Isaac had waited for everyone to see right through him. Yet as the weeks passed, his family and the people of Zebulon went about their business, and Isaac’s secret life miraculously remained his own.

“I want you, Isaac.” David groaned, arching into Isaac’s touch.

“How?” he asked, barely more than a breath.

“Shower.” David tugged Isaac’s hand out of his pants and pulled him along. “I want you wet.”

Isaac dug in his heels. “It’s too cold!” He laughed as David reached out to tickle his stomach and get him moving again. “You’re crazy.”

“I lit the lantern in the loft to heat the water a little while ago.” By the shower stall, David pressed him up against the wall. It was dark in that corner of the barn, hidden from the world. “I’ve dreamed about this. Having you here. Properly, I mean.” He pressed a kiss to Isaac’s throat, then unhooked his shirt, punctuating each word with another kiss. “Naked. Wet. Begging.”

Isaac let himself moan as loud as he wanted. “Yes.
Yes.
” He tore at David’s clothes.

The floor was freezing, and they hopped around once they were naked. Isaac shoved at David playfully. “Hurry, hurry. Make it warm.”

And oh, as the water flowed down, it wasn’t just warm, but wonderfully hot. They stood beneath the barrel’s pipe in each other’s arms, and Isaac thought he could be happy just staying like that, kissing and soaping each other in the steam that rose around them. Now that the initial reservoir was gone, as more water melted above it streamed over them, sometimes a mere trickle. In that moment, how he envied anyone with indoor plumbing.
When I have a real shower again
I’ll stay in it for hours.

Isaac jolted, breaking their kiss. His pulse ran wild.

Frowning, David caressed his cheek. “What is it?”

“Nothing.” Isaac shook his head as if he could dislodge the traitorous thought. Despite everything he and David were doing, they wouldn’t leave Zebulon and their families. Isaac could never really leave.
Could I?
He kissed David hard, thrusting his tongue deeply.

With firm hands, David spun Isaac to face the side of the wooden stall. “Spread your arms and lean,” he commanded, stroking Isaac’s spine. “Yes. Like that.” His fingers dipped into the cleft of Isaac’s ass. “I want to kiss you all over,” he whispered, lips hot against Isaac’s neck. “Taste you everywhere.”

A thrill sang through Isaac, and before his brain could cut through the haze of lust to understand what was happening, David’s breath was much lower, whispering over his skin. His lips brushed the mole on the small of Isaac’s back. Then he moved down.

Isaac craned his neck for a glimpse of David on his knees behind him, shock and euphoria combining at what he thought David might dare to do.
He wasn’t going to…was he?
With infinite tenderness, David spread Isaac’s cheeks and kissed his hole, which quivered at the brush of lips. Gasping, Isaac could hardly believe it.

Then all tenderness was lost, and David licked and teased Isaac’s ass, spitting into it, his tongue following, pushing inside. The sparks that ricocheted through Isaac’s body stiffened his cock and had him trembling. It was so wrong—and he never wanted it to stop.

“David,” he gasped. “Oh God.” A voice flickered through his head, reminding him not to take the Lord’s name in vain, but he couldn’t stop. “God, that feels… I’m going to come so hard, David.”

He whimpered, closing his eyes as the world narrowed down completely to the sensation of David’s tongue licking and fucking him. Isaac’s cock leaked, and he hadn’t even touched it. He hung his head, arms spread wide as he moaned. Amid the dampness of the shower stall, the usual smells of the barn mingled—hay and sawdust, and horses and the earth.

Isaac felt like beneath it all—the veneer of church and family, community and the Ordnung—he was little more than an animal himself, rutting and sucking and being truly alive in his body with no regard for right or wrong.

As he came undone, his cries surely had to be heard for miles. Panting, Isaac watched as he spurted over the wet wood while David never let up, still working his ass until Isaac had to beg for mercy. Then David was standing behind him, breath harsh as he nudged Isaac’s legs closed and pushed between his thighs, grunting. David’s hips jerked haphazardly, his fingers dipping into Isaac’s hips.

“Isaac,” he muttered.

Isaac squeezed his legs around David’s shaft, and that was all it took for David to come. It dripped down Isaac’s thighs, and David was heavy against his back. He clumsily petted Isaac’s wet hair, and Isaac shifted around in his arms so they could kiss again.

He could taste what must have been himself on David’s tongue. Perhaps it should have disgusted him, but it only made him feel closer to David, who nuzzled Isaac’s cheeks softly.

“I love that you have freckles even in the winter,” he murmured. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Am I really?” Isaac knew it was wrong to care about how he looked and feel such pride and pleasure in David’s words, but his heart soared.

“Oh yes.” David traced the contours of Isaac’s face with his fingertips. “Your eyes are like nothing I’ve seen before. The color of amber—like something shiny and beautiful, but solid all the same. I wish you could see what I see, Eechel.” He kissed Isaac softly.

Blushing, Isaac ducked his head. “Your eyes are like the ocean. Or maybe not. I don’t know, paler I guess? But they’re what I imagine the ocean could be like.” He glanced up. “I love looking at you. When was the last time you saw yourself?”

A smile flitted across David’s mouth. “The other day. There’s a mirror in the toilet in my workshop at June’s. You can look too. You don’t have to be afraid.”

He hadn’t even dared to use the indoor toilet yet the few more times he’d accompanied David to June’s. “Next time.” It shouldn’t have sent a thrill up his spine, but it did. Another of the Ordnung’s rules to be broken.

They kissed again, but they were both shivering. David glanced up at the trickle of water. “Guess we should get dry and do some work. Hiring an apprentice was supposed to make me work faster, but I’m falling behind on everything.” He slapped Isaac’s hip playfully. “You’re a terrible influence, Isaac Byler. Corrupting me like this.”

Laughing, Isaac tickled David’s ribs. “Oh yes, I know. However will you forgive me?”

They were still laughing and giving each other little kisses when they made their way back to the main area of the barn. Isaac patted David’s backside. “Next time I get to—”

He inhaled sharply, frozen in his tracks as he blinked at Mervin by the worktable. Pale face flaming, his mouth a straight line, Mervin dropped his gaze to the floor.

“I heard noises, and I thought…I thought something was wrong.”

Isaac could see David in his peripheral vision, equally stunned, his eyes wide. He didn’t even seem to be breathing. “But the door was locked,” Isaac blurted. Of course it wasn’t now, standing partly open, snow drifting inside.

“It wasn’t.” Mervin’s voice was gruff.

As if being loosed from a spool of thread, the last however many minutes flowed throw Isaac’s mind. David closing the door—but not sliding across the long bolt, already kissing Isaac and tugging him to the shower. Not that it mattered now, since Mervin was standing in front of them, arms stiff at his sides. “I…” Isaac tried to think of a single thing to say to his best friend.