A Healing Heart

“
A Healing Heart”

by:

Melissa A. Hanson

COPYRIGHT:

Copyright © 2012 by Melissa A. Hanson

All rights reserved.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:

DEDICATION:

For my husband Eric, the love of my life,

who gave me the inspiration to create this story.

For my two special boys, Cody & Cole.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

“
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.

It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” - Judy Garland

PROLOGUE

T
he
atmosphere in the Suburban was light and happy. We were on our way home after a New Year’s party, it was late, and I was exhausted. It was a cold night, as it often was in the mountains of northern Oregon, and a light dusting of snow covered the roads. My dad was driving, his right hand linked with my mom’s. They still seemed so much in love after seventeen years of marriage.

My younger brother Brandon, who had just turned nine a few days before Christmas, had begged to sit in my usual seat behind my dad, and this time I gave in and let him.

Brooke, my four-year-old sister, was sitting in her car seat behind my mom and, after five minutes, was already fast asleep, holding tightly to her pink satin blanket that she still couldn’t be without. I often teased her about it, trying to tell her she was a big girl now, but she loved that thing. I think this was her fourth replacement blanket after the many washings and adventures she had dragged them through.

Climbing into the third row in the back, behind my sister, I leaned my head against the back of the seat. My eyes were closed and I was thinking about the fun we’d just had with the Halseys. Getting to stay up late, shooting off firecrackers, and banging on pots and pans never got old. Our family and theirs had been friends forever, and we were always together, going camping, skiing, having BBQs. We were more like family than just friends.

I’d just dozed off when I heard my parents scream from the front seat and felt the Suburban slide sideways into the oncoming traffic. I could hear the terrible crunching of metal against metal. The noise was horrible, but my mind quickly blocked it out so all I could hear was silence as the truck began to tumble down the left embankment. Shoes, jackets, toys, and sippy cups were being tossed throughout the truck. There was a final loud thump, and blackness engulfed me.

I was not sure how much time went by before I could hear people talking around me. I was groggy, and my body felt heavy and sore. Trying to open my eyes was impossible; it was like they were sealed shut. But the fuzziness I’d felt was warm and reassuring, so I slipped back into its comfort and slept.

CHAPTER ONE

M
y
ear-piercing scream woke me, and I sat straight up in bed. My heart pounded in my chest and I couldn’t get it to slow down. I glanced at the clock next to the bed and realized it was only four a.m. I wasn’t surprised that no one had come to see why I’d screamed; it was a common occurrence these days. That night a little over two years before still haunted me. I sometimes wondered if I’d ever sleep through the night again without being tormented. So many times I questioned why I survived when no one else did, why I had escaped with such minor injuries when the rest of my family had been killed.

My parents had been pronounced dead at the scene. Brandon had made it to the hospital, but his internal injuries were just too much for his little body, and he was gone before the sun broke through the clouds the following morning. Brooke had lasted the longest. I actually thought she might pull through, but after a week of improvement, her damaged organs couldn’t fight anymore and she slipped away from me as well. I had sat by her bedside holding her hand, wishing for a miracle, but it was not meant to be. Those I loved the most were torn from me, and I was living now with my aunt and uncle in Southern California and a huge hole in my heart.

For the past two years, I had shared a room with my cousin Darcy. Darcy was two years older and had moved to Washington the previous fall to attend college. I’m sure, as much as she loved me, she was happy to get away. Maybe she could find peace sleeping again instead of being woken up almost every night with the nightmares that plagued me.

Tanner, my other cousin, was five years older and was already attending college when I moved into the house. He had been spared most of my night terrors, but during his visits home on vacations, he’d experienced them as well. I hated feeling like such a burden to my aunt and uncle and wished that the nightmares would stop.

My aunt had found a therapist for me to talk to after the accident, but even she was unable to help me chase away the nightmares. Her only advice to me after months of sessions was that time would help, and eventually they should lessen. Two years later, I was beginning to think they would torment me forever.

There was no sense in trying to go back to sleep; once I woke up, I was up. Slipping out of bed, the picture of my family on my nightstand caught my eye. It had been taken that last Christmas when my world was still right. I could see the sparkle in my brother’s eyes as he leaned over to tickle Brooke, her dimples as she laughed, my parents so happy and so proud of all of us. I turned away, wondering if the pain would ever fade, then grabbed my slippers and went downstairs.

When I reached the kitchen, I made myself some hot chocolate and then sat down on the family room couch to flip through the channels. Of course, at four a.m., there wasn’t anything interesting on, but it was too early to start getting ready for school and I had nothing better to do.

After a couple of hours, I heard my aunt and uncle stirring upstairs, starting to get ready for work. I flipped off the TV and went back upstairs to get ready for school.

I was in my junior year of high school, with spring break just around the corner and my seventeenth birthday shortly after. I had no plans for spring break besides baby-sitting. My best friend, Mia Kinney, had invited me to come skiing with her family in Mammoth, but I just wasn’t up for skiing. It still held such bittersweet memories for me. My family had always gone on ski trips it was one of the activities we all enjoyed. I loved the snow and the cold, but ever since the night of the accident, snow made me anxious. I knew the fear of the snow itself was irrational, that it hadn’t caused the accident, but it still made me uneasy.

Stepping into the shower, the hot water cascading over me felt good and helped ease the tension out of my shoulders. When I felt the water cooling, I figured I’d better get out before I used up all the hot water. I grabbed a towel and padded silently across my room to pull clothes out of my closet. The weather was still cool in Riverview, so I grabbed my favorite pair of jeans and a pink sweater. Back in the bathroom I finished drying my long brown hair and applied my makeup, trying to conceal the dark shadows that were so prominent now under my eyes. Today, my eye color appeared bluer. Some days they were more green; it seemed to depend on what color I was wearing or sometimes my mood. The paleness of my skin accented the deep shadows under my eyes. Tanning was not an option for me; if I was in the sun too long, I turned into a red, crispy mess.

I pulled my hair back in a ponytail, grabbed a pair of silver hoop earrings, and went back downstairs for some breakfast. By the time I reached the kitchen, I could smell the coffee that my aunt Rachelle was brewing. She turned as I came into the kitchen and smiled. She was my mom’s twin sister, and it was still hard to look at her features, so like my mom’s, but not.

“
Morning, Bailey. Can I make you anything for breakfast?”

“
No, thanks. I’ll just have some cereal.”

“
Okay, help yourself. Do you have any plans tonight?”

I opened the cupboard, grabbed a bowl and spoon, and then rummaged through the pantry for the cereal. “Umm...not sure. Mia and I may go out for coffee or something. We haven’t decided yet.” I poured the cereal and milk and walked over to the table.

“
That sounds like fun. You need to get out more. Your uncle and I are going out for a while tonight. We’ll be out late.”

That surprised me. My uncle Eli was a CPA, and he was in full swing for tax season. But I nodded and finished eating my breakfast in silence. My aunt poured more coffee in her car mug, grabbed her purse, and was out the door. She worked in an office as an administrative assistant.

“
Bye, Bailey, have a good day at school.”

“
Bye,” I quietly replied as I loaded my dirty dishes in the dishwasher. Just as I was shutting the dishwasher, I heard my uncle coming down the stairs at a rapid pace. He was always running late.

“
Morning, Bailey, I’m in a hurry. Did Rachelle leave any coffee for me?”

“
Yeah, I think you might get at least a small cup.” I smiled at him. My aunt loved her coffee, and leaving any in the pot was rare for her.

“
Good, I don’t think I’d have had time to run through Starbucks this morning! I still don’t know why your aunt doesn’t make more coffee in the morning,” he complained.

I watched him trying to get the last few drops out of the coffeepot, with not much success. Grabbing my car keys and backpack, I went out the door and walked to my white Chevy Cobalt in the driveway.

It was still cold in the mornings, and I could see my breath in the air. It was going to be a clear day, a nice spring day. I opened the door, tossed my stuff on the passenger seat, and slid into the driver’s seat. Starting the engine, I locked my seat belt in place, like I always did, and backed quietly out of the driveway. On the way to school, I took in the surrounding scenery. It was a view I enjoyed; the contrast of the palm trees against the snowcapped mountains in the distance was beautiful. There was something to be said for Riverview: it seemed to be in the center of everything with the mountains, desert, and beaches all so close.