A KeyHolder's Handbook (9 page)

If your partner asked you to take charge, to put him in a chastity device, then you are one step ahead of the game. The men who have to be talked into wearing a chastity device have to learn how much fun it can be for them. Guys who ask to be locked up, already have an idea of how much fun they can have. But you have to be in charge.

You can't go around asking them to do things for you. You need to adopt a special attitude when dealing with them. Instead of saying, “Honey, Would you do the dishes for me tonight?” You might say, “Honey, do the dishes for me tonight.” You say it firmly, not as if you are a drill sergeant, but as though you expect to be obeyed. Some women have difficulty understanding the concept, but if you keep at it, you will soon understand. You can even throw in a “please” and “thank you” now and then, just as long as you make sure they do what you tell them to do.

What if they don't do it? Simple, you have to reinforce your position. You have a number of choices of how to handle them not doing what you ask. To me, it depends on how your partner handles the request (order?). Let's say he ignores you. Doesn't do the dishes, but doesn't say anything about it, either. You could simply wait until he asks you for something, and then ask if he has washed the dishes. When he says, “No,” then you tell him that when he has done what you asked him to do he may come back and ask you for something again. Or just give him a look that says all that. You know the one.

With some men, you may actually have to break out the paddle. You may not have to use it, but getting it out and letting him see it, may be enough incentive for him to comply. If it isn't, you can use the paddle on him, explaining why you are doing it, and that you still expect him to wash the dishes when you are done. But, if you actually have to use the paddle too often, the problem may be that he likes it too much. In that case, use the paddle for fun and find another way to punish him. You can always deny him the sexual teasing he craves. After all, isn't that what this is all about, teasing and denying him?

In an extreme case, you can tell him that either he obeys you or you can remove his chastity device and go back to the way things used to be. I'll bet he will start obeying you after that.

Part of this type of fantasy play may very well include a little humiliation. For example, you might try denigrating his equipment. Say something like, “Your penis is too small to satisfy a real women.” You can do this any time. It is often best to try this while you are physically teasing him. Later, you can ask him how that made him feel and if he liked you saying things like that. Some men love it, other's will find it too humiliating and hate it. Once you know if he likes it or not, then you can proceed accordingly.

Slapping is another form of humiliation that some men enjoy. I would suggest discussing it with him first, however. You don't want to start a physical fight simply to test how he feels about it. Humiliation and humiliating fantasies can both be used as mental, or psychological, teasing. Fantasies that involve him wearing women's clothing, as I have mentioned, bi-sexual activity, and cuckolding, are all common methods of psychological teasing. Discovering which ones will turn him on the most is all a part of the game. Remember, this is a game you are playing. Call it role play if you like. In fact, many women find it much easier to play the role of a “Mistress” than to actually think of themselves as one.

If you are going to be physically teasing him and you have blindfolded him, he will form the picture in his mind that you give him. If you “act” the part of a mistress, he will see you as that. If you act the part of some hooker showing him a good time, he will see you as that. You can be a cruel Mistress, or a very sweet, loving Mistress. You can even change from one to the other in the middle of a session if you want. It is all up to you and what you feel like doing at the time.

That brings me to another subject I like to call “Faux Reality.” His reality is what you make it. While he is blindfolded, you can be anyone or anything you want. You can create a fake (faux) reality for him while you tease him. Of course, all this is supposed to increase his arousal, and it will. When he cannot see you, you can be anyone you like. I can't emphasize that enough. You have no reason to feel embarrassed or shy when he is blind. After all, it is what his mind sees that you are after. So try to get into whatever role you have decided to play. I guarantee he will be more than happy to play along.

You can be a farmer's daughter having sex in the barn. Or a cowgirl, making love on the open range. You might be a princess, having a forbidden fling with the knight (or stable boy) of her choice. You can always be the Mistress he is afraid of, or in love with, or both. The important thing is to make it real for him. And just because you are teasing him doesn't mean you can't do it by making him please you.

I don't know how many times women have complained to me that they get tired of physically teasing their man. But when I ask them if they have him give them oral sex or even a back massage as a means of teasing, they say, “No.” Why not? If he has to touch you, or do something sexual to you, especially when he is all locked up, he will derive pleasure without the possibility of orgasm. Isn't that teasing? It's the very crux of tease and denial. Even if he only watches you masturbate, he will become very aroused. So if you are getting bored or tired of physically teasing him, then it's time you changed your modus operandi.

Whether you are apart, or together you can mentally tease your partner. If he is at work, running errands, or at home with you, there are things you can say or do that will tease his mind and taunt him in ways that he never expected. The chaste male needs to be teased, one way or another, as much as you possibly can. The more teasing he gets, the more he will enjoy his chastity. If you enjoy denying him orgasms, then you, too, will derive as much pleasure from teasing him as he does from it.

~ ~ ~

Chapter 9 – Discipline & Rewards

“
Oh my! You didn't say anything
about keeping the key. I lost
it several weeks ago.”

As much as we may all hate it, there are times when your partner is going to need some serious discipline, or even punishment, for something he has, or hasn't done. By the same token, there will be times when he deserves a reward and we don't want to overlook those times either. In the world of chastity, and especially tease and denial, the lines between reward and punishment often get blurred. The problem is that, quite often, what we might do to someone as a punishment might actually be perceived as a reward, and vice-versa. This makes it very important that we, as KeyHolders, make sure that everything we do in the realm of reward and punishment is perceived in the correct way.

If you don't make it clear that the spanking you are about to give your partner is meant to be a punishment, he may actually enjoy being spanked. It might actually arouse him. The fact that you have taken the initiative to show him who is boss, might be enough of a turn on to get him excited to the point that the spanking itself becomes enjoyable. By the same token, a reward, perhaps an orgasm, might be perceived as a punishment because, although he seems to want it, that is precisely why he enjoys chastity. Failure to properly limit his orgasms, can cause him to think that you just don't care anymore. For example, you might think that threatening to leave him in chastity permanently would be the ultimate threat. The truth is, that would back fire on you. The ultimate threat would be to hand him his keys and tell him you are done. No more chastity. He can do what he wants with the key. Chances are, he worked very hard to get you to lock him up and play the game in the first place. Threatening to end it all and stop playing is the worst thing you could do.

So, now that you understand the dilemma, it is up to you to learn enough about your partner and what gets him aroused, to know what will work as an effective punishment, and what will serve nicely as a reward. Throughout the following descriptions of punishments and rewards, bear in mind, while a hand spanking might be a reward, a severe paddling will not.

Psychological Punishment:
I was tempted to call this section “Non-Corporal,” but there are many physical punishments other than corporal, so I broadened my description to include other forms of punishment. In this section I will describe some methods of punishment that you may find useful. This is by no means a complete list and I encourage you to experiment and find other ways of punishing your partner that will prove effect for him.

Scolding:
You can scold some guys until you are blue in the face and never accomplish a thing. If you are going to use a good tongue-lashing as a means of punishment, you MUST make him think you are legitimately angry with him. If you chuckle, snicker, or even smile while dressing him down, he will not believe it and he will perceive it as a reward. Whenever you want him to know you are truly upset about something he has done, you need to do it when you are truly angry. Don't wait until later. Do it now. Otherwise, you may only succeed in getting him more aroused. That will encourage him to repeat whatever it was that invoked your reaction. Don't let him feel like it is a part of the game.

The best way to handle a scolding is to find a neutral place, such as the living room, the kitchen, or the dining room. Anywhere but the bedroom. The bedroom is a place for play. Don't undress him or do this while he is naked. He should be fully dressed and so should you. You want nothing to remind him of the game.

Address him with respect. Be direct. Be angry if you want, just don't yell. Tell him what he did, or didn't do, that has earned him a scolding. Don't let him speak except to explain himself, and only then if you want him to. Tell him how much he upset you by what he did. Tell him that if he wants you to continue being his KeyHolder, whatever he did must stop.

Now, if you feel that the scolding was enough to make your point. Then dismiss him. If not, explain to him what other punishment you feel is appropriate and that you expect him to take his punishment without complaint. You will be surprised how well that works. Since you made it clear to him that you were not happy with his behavior and that he will be risking the entire chastity game if he does it again, if he enjoys the punishment you have planned for him, that's okay. Believe me, when done properly, a good scolding is far more effective than anything else you could do.

Writing:
We so seldom use pen and paper in these days of text messaging, cloud computing, and email, that we forget what a chore it is to write things out in longhand. But what a wonderful way to punish a chastity boy when he disobeys. If I only had a wall of chalkboard. I remember kids having to write what they promise never to do again when the teacher caught them doing something they shouldn't. But writing lines is still an excellent method of discipline. Even if you don't mind him using the computer to write you an email explaining exactly what he did wrong, why it was wrong, and why he will never do it again, writing still works.

Of course, making your partner sit down at a desk (or table) and hand write, one-hundred times, “I will never play with myself again.” can be very rewarding. Yes, writing lines is an effective punishment or discipline. Just don't let him write repetitive lines on his computer. I mean what with the old copy and paste buttons, what fun would that be except to make one finger very tired? Hand written lines are much more painful and they drive home the fact that they are being punished for their behavior. If he complains of writer's cramp, remind him why he is writing those lines.

If he has offended someone else, a friend, a relative, whomever, a handwritten apology letter to the offended person would be an excellent way of punishing your partner. As his KeyHolder, it is your duty to make sure that he does exactly what you order him to do. If he refuses to write an apology letter, then you have other means at your disposal to encourage him to comply with your “request.”

Corners:
How many times, as a child, were you told to go stand in the corner? Maybe none. But you should try it. Believe me, it is not fun. Because of that fact, it makes an excellent means of punishment (or discipline). You can make your guy stand facing the wall, or a corner, while you scold him for refusing to drop his pants in front of your best friend (for example) or simply for failing to sweep the floor as ordered. You can make him stand there all by himself, as long as you are there enough to ensure he does not leave his post.

You can make him stand barefooted (or naked) if you like. If that's not enough, you can drop a few grains of rice on the floor and make him stand on those. Better yet, make him kneel on them. Put a penny on the wall make him hold it there with his nose. If he drops it, he must start his time again.

Doing nothing, even if tied to a chair and forced to sit in the corner like Dennis the Menace for an hour, is something no one likes to do. So make him do it. If he is naked, he will enjoy it more, unless, of course, you invite the neighbors over to witness his shame.

Chastity:
I know, he is already locked up in chastity. But what if you add time to it? Or maybe take time off of it? One or the other will be a punishment. I don't normally try to use his time in chastity as a means of punishment unless it is part of the game. That is, if I truly want to punish him for something, I will not lengthen or shorten his time in chastity. However, if I am playing with him, that is wanting to tease him about something or for something, I may threaten to change the date of his eventual release. But, if changing the time he has left in chastity works for you (and on him) then, by all means, go right ahead and use it.

No Teasing:
I know that I often refer to having someone else witness your partner in chastity, or join you in teasing sessions, or something else of that nature. There is a reason. It may not be something you really want to do, and you don't have to, but talking about doing something like that, can be a great way to tease him. I just thought that deserved a little explanation.

As a form of punishment or discipline, no teasing of any kind works very well. You can even remove his cage and tell him that you are not going to play the game if he can't behave himself. When he begs you not to do that, you can leave the cage in place with the understanding that he will not repeat the offense.

You can refrain from giving him any form of physical or verbal teasing for a time. That means, no touching, no talking about things that might turn him on, and definitely no sex for you. If he were to tend to your sexual needs, he would definitely become aroused. That would defeat the purpose of withholding your teasing of him. So be careful when using the withdrawal of teasing as a punishment.

I have found that if you are going to withdraw teasing, it is best to keep it short. One or two days (maybe three) work well. But any longer than that and you are liable to be punishing yourself as well. And that just won't do.

Physical Punishment:
The following punishments can be used whenever you want to inflict a little pain. You can control the amount of pain so that you can make the punishment fit the crime, so to speak. I have separated spanking and paddling because I feel they are two separate things. Spanking is normally done with the hand and is much more often considered a reward than than using a paddle.

Physical punishments are often used as rewards and are often used during teasing sessions. I know how contradictory that may sound, but if you sit down and have a long, serious talk with your partner, you may find that I am telling the truth. I strongly suggest that you do just that. It may help you when it comes time to administer a real punishment.

Spanking:
Your hand will feel every single blow to his bottom if you spank him. That is why I don't think most people spank nearly as hard as they might paddle. Bearing that in mind, there are ways to make your spanking more enjoyable. If you bend him over your knee (called an OTK spanking) both of you may get more enjoyment out it than if you strap him to the bed face down and do it that way.

Smacking his bottom when you are out in public is another way to make spanking pleasurable for the both of you. It is called “erotic play” when you do it that way. Even if you have him bound facing a door or wall, a little smack or two on the bottom can add to his arousal. So be aware, unless you follow it with some really stern words, he will just think you are playing with him.

Paddling:
Using a wooden paddle of some sort can be a little more severe and, therefore, be more effective as a punishment. I recommend starting with the back of a hairbrush. You probably already have one that will work just fine. All it needs is a relatively flat back to be effective. Again, over the knee is the best way to administer a hairbrush paddling. It is almost a spanking unless you do it really hard.

My favorite paddle, believe it or not, is a wooden stir stick made for stirring the paint in a five gallon bucket. You can get them at your favorite paint store, hardware store, or even variety stores have them. If you actually buy a bucket of paint or two, they will most likely give you one. If not, you may have to pay a couple of dollars for one, but it is well worth it. They are not the most sturdy paddle you can use, but I have never actually broken one. You can soak it in varnish to give it a nice shine and strengthen it. Or you can simply paint it.

Whatever you choose to use, the paddle can be kept out as a reminder of what happens if he disobeys, or you can make him fetch it from its storage place when you think you might need it. It makes a very nice deterrent to any misbehavior that he might be contemplating.

Heavy wooden or metal paddles are often too heavy to swing properly, unless you use two hands. But they are very effective as deterrents when hung in plain sight with the threat that it will be used if he gets out of line. I have one such paddle hanging in my closet where only my husband can see it. I have never used it, but it is there and he is very careful not to make me angry enough to use it. When he is being a bit difficult, I will have him fetch it for me. That is usually enough to make him behave.

Clips & Clamps:
Another implement that can be used for teasing, pleasure, and punishment. If you have clothespins, you can put them anywhere that you can pinch enough skin to get them on. I like the nipples, the cheeks of his butt, and, of course, his scrotum. You can put them up and down the underside of his penis as well, if you like.

If used during play, and only left in place for a few minutes, they make wonderful rewards while you are teasing him. If you leave them on for ten minutes or more, they become implements of punishment, especially when you remove them. Remember the section on standing him in the corner? Complete that punishment with a pair of clothespins on his nipples and you may find him much more obedient.

CBT:
CBT, or “Cock and Ball Torture” is another way to play and punish. You can do quite a lot to his genitals without causing harm to them. You can also do too much very easily. The key to CBT is “not too tight, and not very long.” As long as you don't make anything too tight, such that it will cut off circulation, you can play with CBT for quite awhile. It can be rewarding for the guy who enjoys it, and there are many.

We have already mentioned the use of clothespins on his private parts. Now add some twine or a round boot lace, and you have the makings of a fun afternoon of CBT. You can tie a weight to one end of a bootlace and the other around his scrotum just below where it attaches to his body. This will stretch his scrotum (and balls) downward. The heavier the weight the more it will stretch his scrotum. But be careful, there are limits. Most people start with only a few onces.