A Matter of Sin (14 page)

Seth flinched. “And why is that?”

Serena shook her head. “After all she sacrificed for us? She deserves nothing but happiness.”

As they made a turn around the floor, Seth finally found the person he had been seeking. Across the room by a doorway, Isabel stood with her good friend, the Duchess of Jameswood. Although the two women were talking, Seth could see Isabel occasionally looking his way, only her expression was utterly unreadable.

“Indeed,” he finally answered as Isabel turned away. “If your sister is all you tell me she is, it seems she would deserve everything you say and more.”

Only what Serena hoped for was one thing Seth could never give Isabel.

Chapter Fifteen

“On the other hand, a true confidante is never to be underestimated.”
—The Ladies Book of Pleasures

As the midnight hour approached, Isabel felt no more certain about her agreement to meet Seth than she had all day. Yet she continued to ready herself for their tryst.

“Foolish girl,” she admonished herself in the mirror as she smoothed her hair one final time. “To be so taken in that you cannot even maintain your dignity and stay away from the man when you sense his disinterest.”

She shook her head as she turned from her reflection and toward her chamber door. She hadn’t gone but one step forward when there was a knock.

Isabel tensed. The household had retired almost en masse over half an hour ago. There would be no reason for someone to come to her door now unless…

Unless it was an emissary from Seth telling her to remain in her chambers because he no longer required her company. But would he be so cruel as to dismiss her that way?

“What do you know of the man?” she murmured as she continued to stare at the door. “You may have noticed him in Society over the years, but you only just met him, after all.”

The knock came again, this time more strenuously. Isabel knew she should move, she simply couldn’t force herself to do it. Facing whoever stood on the other side of that barrier seemed like a momentous task.

“Isabel?” came a muffled female voice from the opposite side. “Are you already abed?”

Relief flooded Isabel. “Grace!” she said as she hurried to give her friend access to the chamber.

Grace drew back as Isabel threw the door open. “Goodness, you sound as though you were expecting something awful behind the door.”

Isabel blushed. “Of course not, please come in.”

Grace stepped into her chamber and quietly closed the door behind her. She stared at Isabel with blank confusion.

“I’m surprised to see you are still dressed and that your maid is not in attendance.”

Isabel looked down at the gown she’d worn to tonight’s ball.

“Er, yes,” she said as she smiled at Grace nervously. She never had an easy time lying to the duchess. Her friend was simply too observant not to see through her when she tried. “I simply hadn’t gotten that far yet.”

“And you seemed so tired when you refused my invitation to share a late drink in my chambers half an hour ago,” Grace said with a questioning tone. Her expression was rapidly brightening with suspicion. “So tired, in fact, that I worried about you and decided to check on you.”

Isabel swallowed. “Oh. I appreciate the concern, of course, but I’m quite well. Just moving slowly.”

Grace held her with a long, pointed stare for almost a full minute before she finally said, “Allow me to assist you, then.”

She stepped back and reached for the pull that would ring the bell for Isabel’s servant. Isabel jumped forward without thinking.

“No!” When Grace’s eyes widened and her hand hesitated at the bell, Isabel corrected her tone. “I-I only mean that I can call for myself after you go.”

Grace shook her head. “All right, Isabel, what is going on? You have not been yourself almost since the first moment I arrived at this gathering.”

Isabel shook her head. “I don’t know whatever you could mean.”

“I have known you too long to believe that.” Grace’s eyes narrowed. “Tell me, I might be able to help.”

Isabel squirmed and refused to meet her friend’s eyes. “Why, there is nothing for me to tell, I assure you—”

“Great God,” Grace interrupted on a whisper. “
You
are having sex.”

“What?”

Isabel’s mouth dropped open. She couldn’t even deny what Grace said, she was so shocked. How in the world had her friend reached that truth simply by talking to her for two minutes?

Grace folded her arms. “You heard me. Are you or are you not engaging in illicit activity?”

“No!” Isabel said, perhaps a bit too loudly.

Add to that fact that she could feel a thin sheen of sweat begin to break out on her upper lip and she was fairly certain Grace wasn’t about to accept her denial.

She was correct. Grace stared incredulously.

“You
are
. I can see it on your face and my certainty only grows with each denial. You are flushed and although you seem to feel horror that I have unearthed your secret, I can see the affair gives you happiness.” Grace moved closer with a conspiratorial grin. “Who is he?”

“No one.” Isabel turned away and paced a few feet from her too accurate friend. “There is no one! Your wicked mind is only overly imaginative.”

“I
will
uncover the truth, my dear.” Grace moved on her, cornering her against the dressing table where she stared at her with intent focus. “You liked Lyndham. You were attracted to him. Is it him?”

Isabel bit her tongue. There was no way she could look Grace in the eye, say no and be believed, so instead she turned her face slightly and hoped Grace would move on.

It was a foolish hope. Her friend instead clapped her hands together wildly. “It
is
the marquis! Remarkable.”

Isabel’s shoulders slumped in surrender and she shook her head.

“Oh, do stop crowing,” she sighed as she sank down into a chair near the table she had been pinned against. “We weren’t supposed to tell anyone. It was even my own rule that we would not.”

“Oh, but I’m not
anyone
!” Grace said with a laugh. “I am your best friend, so I don’t count.”

Isabel smiled, but she felt little pleasure at telling her tale to Grace, who never seemed to doubt herself. And why would she? The duchess was a remarkable woman with vast experience and beauty to match. Often Isabel felt like an ugly duckling next to her friend’s swan.

Isabel sighed. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t think he wishes to continue an affair with me.”

“What?” Grace took her hands and looked down at her in worry. “Why in the world would you think such a thing?”

“He—he didn’t dance with me tonight. I think I was the only lady in the room who didn’t take a turn with him.”

Now that she said it out loud, the statement seemed needy and foolish, so she waited for Grace to comment on it. But instead, her friend gave her a knowing smile.

“Perhaps he didn’t dance with you, but you were the only lady in the room who he turned his eyes upon again and again.” Her friend shook her head. “Trust me, Isabel, he wants you. It isn’t very subtle.”

Isabel couldn’t control her blush of pleasure at her friend’s observation. Grace wouldn’t lie to her. She was blatantly honest, almost to a fault, so if she said Seth wanted her, it was because her friend believed that to be true.

Only if Grace could see his desire, Isabel realized that perhaps his attentions were obvious to the group as a whole. That would be disastrous for both of them.

“Oh no,” she breathed as she stared at Grace with wide eyes. “You don’t think the others know, do you?”

Grace tilted her head slightly, and a curious expression touched her face. “No,” she answered slowly. “I’m not sure anyone is observing the two of you so closely. And even if they were, I’m not sure they would assume—”

Her friend broke off her sentence suddenly and Isabel turned her face in embarrassment as she realized what Grace had been about to say.

“I suppose you mean that no one would think Lord Lyndham was interested in me because of my age and the fact that I could not provide heirs to Hartley.”

Grace hesitated, but her natural honesty kept her from cushioning her response and finally she nodded slowly.

Isabel pondered that truth for a moment and let the sting she felt in response work through her slowly. She swallowed hard before she straightened up in her seat and said, “I suppose it doesn’t matter in the end. I’m only a lover to Seth. They are correct that I shall never be a wife to him…nor probably to anyone else.”

She got up and paced to the window to look out over the dark garden below. She could make nothing out, but the action gave her some distance from Grace’s seeing stare and questions.

Only her friend didn’t allow her much of a respite.

“You seem troubled by what you say,” Grace whispered, her tone gentle.

Isabel turned to face her with a shake of her head. “Of course I’m not. You mistake my meaning. I’m only stating a fact that my future probably won’t contain another partnership that promises forever.”

Grace pursed her lips. “You know you
could
marry again if you wished to. Your earlier conversation tonight with Sir Gregory should have reconfirmed that fact to you without my having to state it.”

Isabel frowned.

“No,” she whispered. “I have lived in a union of arrangement and convenience. I shall not marry for those purposes again. I wouldn’t wish to be chosen by a man to marry simply because I have proven myself a good surrogate mother or a passable hostess.”

Grace pulled a face as if the very idea offended her sensibilities. “Yes, you deserve much more the next time you marry. You deserve frivolity and romance and lust.”

For a moment, Isabel tried to picture that kind of future, but found it difficult. She hadn’t ever experienced a marriage like that, not through observing her staid parents and certainly not through her own. The closest she had come to it was through observing her sister Marjorie and her new husband Graham. But their happiness seemed too intense to happen twice in one family.

She shook her head to clear the maudlin thoughts. “Either way, it is a moot point when it comes to Lord Lyndham. I’m certainly
not
appropriate as a bride for him. We both know it.”

Suddenly Grace was at her elbow, turning her gently to force Isabel to look at her. “Dearest, you aren’t damaged just because you didn’t bear a child for your husband. Hartley was wrong.”

Isabel shrugged from Grace’s touch. She didn’t like to think of the rare times she felt Hartley’s disappointment. Or to place judgment on a man who had given her so much.

“He never said that,” she protested.

“No,” Grace snapped with an angry expression. “I know he never
said
it. He only sighed extra loudly when he walked by the nursery within earshot of you.”

Isabel blinked at sudden tears. Yes, he had done that a few times, though she regretted sharing that painful reflection with Grace since her friend now used it against her.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” she murmured as she looked at her friend evenly. “And Grace, you must make me a promise.”

Grace hesitated, and Isabel could see that she wished to return to the painful subject of her marriage and her worth as a mate to some new person. However, her own expression must have silenced Grace, for she finally nodded slowly.

“I will try to promise you whatever you desire,” her friend whispered. “If I am able to do so.”

“Please, you must swear you shall never breathe a word of this affair to anyone.” Isabel shivered as the consequences of this clandestine relationship she and Seth were involved in played themselves out in her head for what seemed like the hundredth time. “It could be disastrous to all involved, especially my sister. Do you understand?”

“Well, of course!” Grace said with a touch of annoyance to her voice. “I would hope you know me well enough to know I wouldn’t betray you by telling your secret.”

Isabel grabbed her friend’s arm. “Oh, dearest, I
do
know you wouldn’t. I’m so sorry. It is only that this situation has me out of sorts.”

Grace’s expression softened. “I can see that. When do you next meet?”

Isabel shifted uncomfortably. “Er,
now
,” she admitted. “That is, if he even comes to our arranged meeting place.”

Grace shook her head. “He’ll come. I would bet a hundred pounds on it.”

Isabel smiled. Her friend had little idea how much her faith meant to Isabel. Right now she had little of her own because the voice of doubt in her mind was so loud and insistent.

“Why don’t you come and talk to me tomorrow morning?” Grace continued. “
If
you can rouse yourself to meet my schedule, that is. We shall break our fast together and you can talk to me more about this situation if it would help you.”

“You and your dawn breakfasts,” Isabel said with a laugh. “I shall never know what it is you find to do between the time when the sun rises and when the rest of the world drags itself awake.”

Grace shrugged a shoulder gently but didn’t answer Isabel’s query. “Will you come?”

Although she had never intended to tell her secret to another living soul, now that Grace knew, Isabel was relieved. She wasn’t experienced in this kind of clandestine meeting—having a friend to discuss her fears and reactions with was helpful indeed.

“I’ll be there.”

Grace nodded as she moved to the door. The women exchanged a quick hug there and Grace whispered, “Never forget, Seth is lucky to have you, even if this
does
turn out to be a temporary affair.”

Isabel smiled as she closed the door and stood alone in her room for a long moment. Her heart raced as she thought of meeting him…worse, as she pondered the possibility that he might not come to her at all.

But she straightened her shoulders, smoothed her dress and snuck from the room. Because while she might regret what she had done if Seth wasn’t waiting for her in their secret hideaway…she would regret it more if she never went and only wondered.

Chapter Sixteen

“Outside the bedroom, a man is expected to claim control time after time. But behind closed doors, many like it when a woman exerts herself. And many a woman has discovered she likes it just as much.”
—The Ladies Book of Pleasures

Seth paced the short length of the main room of the gatehouse. Once again, he was waiting for Isabel, but this time she was over half an hour late to their tryst. He found himself nervous and anxious.

As a man of power and influence, these weren’t feelings which troubled him often. He was always in control, so he wasn’t certain how to properly react when faced with uncertainty.

Suddenly the door to the cottage opened a fraction and Isabel’s face appeared in the gap she had created. She looked around the room slowly and when her gaze fell on him, she drew back with a gasp of surprise.

“Y-you’re here,” she whispered as she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She didn’t advance into the chamber, but leaned back against the door as she continued to stare at him with an expression filled with nervousness equal to his own.

Seth was confused by her lateness, her surprise at his being there and her body language now that they were alone. She was pale and she clenched her fingers in and out of fists in front of her.

“We agreed this was our meeting time last night, didn’t we?” he asked, gentling his tone and respecting the distance she had placed between them, regardless of how much he wanted to close it and take her in his arms.

She nodded. “Yes, but after today, after tonight—”

She broke off with a blush, and her gaze slipped to the floor slowly.

He took one of the many steps to narrow the space between them, but forced himself to stop when she looked up at him a second time.

“What is it?” he encouraged gently.

She shifted her weight with great discomfort on her face. “I-I thought perhaps you had changed your mind about me…about us and this.”

Seth felt his eyes go wide and he stared at her. This was not simpering or fishing for a compliment. Isabel’s eyes were cast down to the ground and her cheeks filled with high pink color that spoke of true worry and upset.

“I don’t understand why you would believe that after what we shared last night,” he said softly.

She fiddled with a loose thread on her sleeve as she murmured, “You didn’t—you didn’t talk to me today. Or dance with me.”

With a gasp of breath, she paced from the door and walked across the room, effectively putting even more distance between them.

“God, when I say it to you it sounds so missish,” she continued. “I only mean that I thought perhaps you had bored of me already.”

Seth had maintained distance out of respect for her obvious discomfort, but he could do it no longer. With three long strides, he was across the sitting room and at her side. He reached out and took her hand, drawing her closer as he lifted her fingers to his chest. Her pulse quickened at the touch and it excited him.

“Do you know why I didn’t talk to you or dance with you?” he asked, able to speak softly now that they were so close.

She shook her head, just staring up at him. Her gaze held his, and the firelight flickered over her fine, high cheekbones, accentuated her porcelain skin, sparkled in the chocolaty depths of her stare, bounced off the fiery curls of her hair. She was uncommonly beautiful.

“I kept away because I feared my desire for you might be too obvious if I came near,” he explained. “I thought the others would see that I wanted nothing more than to peel your gown away and lay you down on the closest settee or bed or floor and have you then and there.”

Isabel blinked a few times and then swallowed, her throat working with the motion.

“Oh,” she squeaked out.

He nodded. “Yes.
Oh
. But I promise you, my interest in you has not waned in the slightest. In fact, I’m more fascinated than ever by you and I have no intention of ending this affair until we’ve both had our fill. Certainly I would
never
end it by simply refusing to show up to a meeting we planned.” He touched her face with a finger, marveling at how soft her skin was. “I respect you more than that.”

Isabel was silent and still for a moment, but then she smiled. Oh, he had seen her smile before, but this was different. Those had been smiles of politeness, smiles she might share with any friend or family member or even stranger who amused her.

This smile was so open, so real, so filled with relief and pleasure that he felt it was made especially for him. She had never looked like that for anyone else, and she would never do so again. He drank her expression in, loving the shy giddiness of it, the girlish quality that made her normally serene face so bright and filled with life.

“You are beautiful,” he whispered, unable to stop himself from sharing what he felt with her. “The most beautiful woman here.”

Isabel shook her head as she pulled her hand away from his. “Oh, my lord, now you flatter too excessively,” she said, and renewed tension filled her tone. “I know what you say is far from the truth. There are women ten years my junior here who shine like diamonds.”

He pursed his lips, displeased that her statement made him think of those other women during their time together. His “potential brides” only made him uneasy.

“None of them are to my taste, I assure you,” he said with a frown.

She tilted her head slightly and her eyes were filled with more of the surprise she had exhibited earlier. “No? Not a one pleases you?”

Seth glanced at her. Although they had agreed all they could ever share was a brief affair, it still seemed wrong and ungentlemanly of him to speak to her about his thoughts when it came to the other women in their company. As if he would be rubbing her nose in his intentions.

But her expression was open and friendly, inviting him to confide in her if he needed to do so. In truth, he had no one else to tell his problems to. His mother fretted when he prevaricated about his choices in brides and Jason cackled and encouraged him to walk away from the whole endeavor.

Slowly, he shrugged, gauging her reaction before he dared say any more.

To his surprise, she let out a light laugh that was like music in the quiet room.

“My lord, you are off to a poor start, indeed, on your search if no one
here
tempts you. I believe your mother only invited the most sought after young ladies of this and last Season for your pleasure.”

“Are they?” he asked, drawing back as he pictured his choices once again. Not a one was interesting to him, nor did he feel any kind of physical draw to any of them.

Well, that wasn’t true.
One
woman in the group provided both those elements.

Only that woman was Isabel, and she had not been brought here “for his pleasure”. When he looked at her, though, he longed to delve deeper into her character, as well as her body. He wanted to know her thoughts and her pursuits.

Her eyes softened with empathy. Not pity, but something with more warmth and understanding.

“You are under a great deal of pressure to wed,” she said softly. “Not just soon, but
this Season
.”

He stared. “Is it that obvious?”

She seemed to ponder the question. “I suppose in a way it is, at least to someone who is at all knowledgeable about your family. The fact that your elder brother passed away without providing an heir to the title and that you are the last in your line of the family who could do so are not secrets.”

Seth couldn’t help it. He winced when she spoke of his brother and hoped she wouldn’t see how deeply Kenneth’s death still touched him. How much he missed being able to turn to his brother, his
friend
for advice and laughter.

But it was clear from the tears that suddenly brightened her eyes that she did see it. He supposed that was because she understood grief as personally as he did. And because he was starting to recognize that Isabel was the kind of person who felt the emotions of others and wished to help them.

Help
him
, despite their odd arrangement.

“I’m sorry to bring up the subject, Seth,” she whispered. “It was insensitive of me.”

He shook his head. “No. It isn’t your fault. As you said, it is no secret and people are bound to bring it up from time to time.”

She reached out and suddenly her fingers curled around his bicep. Her touch, even in this highly emotional moment, sent a spark of awareness all the way through him.

“I know from personal experience that just because people bring it up, doesn’t mean that the feelings are any less painful. Especially since I have heard you two were close.”

He nodded. It had been so long since he spoke with any real depth about his brother. He never spoke of his own heart on the matter to his family, for he knew they suffered as cruelly as he did with the loss. And Jason was supportive, but he didn’t really understand Seth’s feelings. He wasn’t the kind of person to feel
anything
with real depth.

“Yes,” he whispered, hearing his words like they were coming from some other person’s lips. “We were close. We were born only a year apart, so we were the best of friends as much as brothers.”

She nodded, her fingers tightening around his arm as a silent encouragement to continue. He took it.

“His life was cut short,” he said, thinking of the day he had heard the news of Kenneth’s accident. He shut his eyes against the intense pain that greeted him with the memory. “And parts of his life were granted to me. So, I feel I must do the things that would make him happy…
proud
.”

“That is a very noble endeavor,” Isabel whispered as she looked up at with another of those gentle smiles that were like a balm on his broken heart.

“Chief of those duties is to marry and produce an heir and perhaps a spare or two. That will ensure that the title of Lyndham will continue in our family. And it follows that Kenneth carries on in some way when that happens as well.” He shook his head. “But I feel little pleasure in it, I admit. Perhaps because none of the women who have been paraded before me hold my interest for more than five minutes. I fear I will fail my family.”

Isabel shook him gently. “No, that isn’t true! You put too much pressure on yourself. Great God, Seth, you have only just begun your search. And you are a young man—you could still marry and produce children for many years to come.”

“Unless something happened to me as well,” he said with a frown.

She recoiled. “It won’t.”

“That is what my brother thought,” he whispered.

She hesitated for a long moment. “Seth, you are on the road to fulfilling your duties. But perhaps you need someone to be a guide. Someone less involved than your mother is. I-I could help you if you thought it might make this easier.”

Seth stared at her. It was clear from her trembling bottom lip and troubled eyes that her offer gave her no pleasure. Yet she made it regardless.

“Isabel,” he murmured. “I do not think I could bear it if you tried to play matchmaker for me.”

Relief filled her face and for a moment she held tighter to him, but this time it seemed to be to support herself. She nodded. “Good. Good.”

He couldn’t help but smile at her. He gently touched her chin so that her gaze met his and held there. “Moreover, you are already helping me.”

“Oh?” she whispered, her voice trembling, this time with an increasing desire. “How?”

He dipped his mouth to hers and gently claimed her lips. They parted instantly and he tasted her, stroking his tongue across hers, his excitement mounting when she answered his seeking touch with the delicate movement of her own tongue.

He drew back, panting as he tried to catch his breath and slow his desire. “You help me just by being here with me.”

Her expression remained filled with desire, but it was softened by something else, too. Something with more emotion. Slowly she lifted her arms to wrap them around his neck and stared up at him, her brown eyes holding his evenly.

“Then I will be here as long as you need me,” she whispered.

For a brief, yet powerful moment one word flashed through Seth’s mind.

Forever
.

He started, for he knew that momentary flash wasn’t possible. He brought his mouth back to hers, partly to take her up on her offer and partly to force himself to clear his mind of such foolish, foolish thoughts.

They stood in the middle of the front room for what seemed like an eternity, kissing. Seth didn’t think he had ever just stood with a woman like this, not advancing the pleasure, but losing himself in kiss after kiss after kiss. One melted into another, just as they melted together.

Slowly, he forgot everything else. His worries, his future, the women who had been brought here for him… All that was left was Isabel. The sweetness of her breath and the increasing intensity of his touch as she slipped her fingers into his hair and arched against him with soft moans of pleasure.

In the end, it was she who drew back, breaking the kiss and smiling up at him. He stared at her, suddenly wicked as she took his hand and backed toward the bedroom behind her, drawing him forward.

“Now, you promised me tonight
you
would pick some wicked, wicked experience from
The Ladies Book of Pleasures
that we could share. Have you done so?”

Seth blinked. He had been so wrapped up in this, in her, he had all but forgotten the book that had somehow brought them together.

She laughed at his expression. “You didn’t choose—I can see it from your face.” She turned and grasped the book from the side table where it remained. Holding it out, she whispered, “Choose, please, and tell me what awaits me.”

Isabel tried to control her trembling as Seth took the book from her. After the intimacy of their conversation, she didn’t want him to see that she remained nervous about making love to him, pleasing him. Tonight he needed her to be bold and sure.

He flipped through the book to the chapter listing in the front, and a brief, heated smile tilted his lips immediately. She swallowed as she watched him stop at a page and skim the words there.