A Part of Me (4 page)

“Positive.”  I said, looking her in the eyes.

She nodded.  “Okay Talia, let me know if you need anything.”  I smiled and thanked her as I left her office.  That had gone better than I’d hoped.  I needed to make another stop before I left the hospital.

I knocked softly on the door of Dr. Conner’s office.  “Come in.”  He hollered.

“I’m sorry to bother you Dr. Conner, but I could really use some help.”  I said as I walked in.  Dr. Conner was one of the hospital psychologists. He was in his mid-thirties and very nice.  We worked with him several times during situations with patients in the ER.  I really needed to get some insight from him regarding Tom.  I was so out of my comfort level with all of this.

“Come in Talia.  What can I help with?”  He smiled and I instantly felt good about my decision to seek his counsel.

I sat down and told him all about Tom and the accident.  I left nothing out and was surprised to find myself wiping tears away by the time I was finished.  I don’t think I really realized how much it all had taken a toll on me until I laid it all out.

“Well Talia, I admire your decision to help in this situation.  You know the stages of the grieving process right?”  He asked.  I certainly knew them, both in my own life when I lost my brother, with what I had learned in nursing school and with my patients.  I told him just that.

“Well, people who have lost a limb, especially in a traumatic way, tend to go through the same type of stages of grief. This may manifest in denial, anger, depression and so on. In addition to that, it is not unusual to have phantom pain or sensation where the leg used to be.”  I nodded.  I wasn’t sure if that is what caused Tom to fall today or not, but it might explain it.  Dr. Conner told me to contact him if I needed to as I stood to leave.

I thanked Dr. Conner and headed back to my apartment to pick up some things before returning to Tom’s.

I walked through the door and dropped my bag. I was pleasantly surprised to see Tom sitting in the recliner. All eyes were on me as I made my way across the room.

“Everything okay?”  Ava asked raising her eyebrows.

“Yes.”  I smiled and took a seat next to her. 

“We were just talking with Tom about how we could be here to help him.”  Trevor offered, bringing me up to date with the conversation.

“I don’t think it will be a problem.  My schedule has opened up completely and I’m staying here.”  I said, giggling at the shocked looks before settling on Tom’s mad face.

Chapter 6

Tom

“The hell you are!”  I shouted louder than I meant to.  Everyone turned and looked at me with the same shocked expression and Talia recoiled, almost like she’d been hit. 
Shit.  I’m an ass!

“Wow, and the asshole award goes to…”  Nick said as he shook his head at me.

“Talia, I’m sorry.  That came out wrong.  I don’t want you to stop your life to stay here with me, that’s all.”  I closed my eyes, trying to get myself together.  The thought of having her here with me sent so many emotions through my head and my body.  I wanted her here, God knows I did, but I didn’t want to be a burden.  I couldn’t let her do this.

“Can I have a minute with Tom please?”  Talia asked everyone.  If the tension wasn’t so thick in the room, I would have laughed at how quickly they all jumped up, scattering like roaches when the light comes on. 

“We’ll go pick up a pizza.”  Trevor said as he ushered Ava and Nick out the door, leaving Talia and I alone.

I watched as she stood up and came over to me, kneeling next to my chair and leaning her arms on the arm of the chair. I couldn’t help but close my eyes and bathe my senses in her sweet smell—a cross between raspberries and vanilla.

“Tom, a couple of weeks ago I went to work just like every other day.  I ran a trauma like I do all the time, but my patient was in pretty bad shape.”  She paused, taking a deep breath.  “It didn’t look good, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if he didn’t make it.  We got him to the OR before I ever heard his name.  That man was you Tom.”  Her breathing was choppy and when I finally looked at her, I realized she was crying.

“Shit Talia, don’t cry.”  I pleaded, grabbing her hand.

“Tom, I thought I lost you.  I was so scared because in the short time that I’ve known you, you have become a very special to me.  I am taking the next three weeks off of work to be here for you because
I
want to.  If you really don’t want me here, I won’t stay, but just know that I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to.”  She tried to pull her hand out of my grip, but I wouldn’t let her go.

“Thank you.”  I managed to get out.  I was overwhelmed.  I hadn’t had anyone other than Trevor and Nick since my parents died.  It warmed my heart to know that she cared enough to put herself out there like this. 

I’m not going to lie.  Talia was someone I had spent a lot of time thinking about.  The girl was a walking wet dream.  The nights I’d spent dancing with her were both amazing and torture at the same time.  The feel of her warm skin—smoother than silk—pressing against me as we moved together to the music.  Trust me when I say that I have had many cold showers in the past month because of this woman.

I guess that was something of the past.  I couldn’t dance anymore missing my fucking leg.  Shit, I couldn’t even get my own ass to the bathroom.  I obviously needed some help, but it killed me to think that Talia was going to see me at my worst.

“So I can stay?”  She brought me back from my pity party of one.

“If you want to.”  I tried to act nonchalant.   She stood up looking a little hurt and shrugged.  “Good.” She grabbed her bag and headed down the hall to the spare bedroom without another word.

The guys and Ava returned with the pizza after a while and were thrilled that I agreed to let Talia stay and help.  I could see it took a major load off their minds.  I was going to have to just suck it up.

***

“Do you need anything Tom?”  Talia asked after everyone had left.  Trevor and Nick had gotten me to the bathroom and in bed.  I didn’t know what I was going to do the next time I needed to go to the bathroom.  The thought of Talia helping me get there was enough to send me into an anxiety attack.

“I’m good.”  I lied, watching as she walked out of the room.  Moments later, she came back in with a glass of water and my pain pills. 

“Here you go.”  She handed them to me and then the glass of water, watching me as I swallowed them.   When I was finished, she set the glass down on the nightstand and stood up, looking at me.  I couldn’t read her expression as she stared at me.  Her blue eyes bore right to my core sending a sense of sadness and vulnerability coursing though me, like a small child that lost their favorite toy, like she could see right into my soul.  Before I could think of anything to say, she leaned down and kissed me so softly on the lips.  It wasn’t a sensual kiss, but even so, the feel of her warm breath and the softness of her lips sent all sorts of erratic feelings racing through my body.

“Goodnight Tom.”  She whispered before turning and walking out the door. 
Holy Shit!
I was stuck in this bed where I sure as hell couldn’t relieve the sudden pressure growing in my pants, and I couldn’t make it by myself to the bathroom for a cold shower.  How in the hell could a small feathery kiss have such an effect on me?  It seemed to even overpower the nagging pain in my leg. “Oh Tom, you’re in so much trouble.” I groaned.

I woke with a start.  Sweat gathered along my forehead and upper lip.  I tried to sit up, making a conscious effort to breathe through the pain from the cramp in my leg.  It ached all the way down my foot—the foot that was no longer there.  I finally managed to sit up, groaning from the soreness of my abdomen.  “Fuck!”  I sighed loudly.  This shit hurt. 

“Tom?”  The hallway light turned on and I could see Talia standing in the doorway. 
My angel.
  Her hair was illuminated by the light as it cascaded over her shoulders.  She was wearing a white tank top that hugged her curves like a glove, and striped boxer shorts.  Her legs seemed to go on forever.  Her skin looked soft and pail in the light. She was, in every way, my angel.

I reached for her and she moved quickly toward me.  “My leg hurts.”  I croaked, not even feeling bad for how weak I sounded.

“Where?”  She asked pulling the sheet down to see.

“I’m losing it Talia.”  I shook my head. She was going to think I’d lost my mind.

“Where does it hurt Tom?”  She looked at me, waiting patiently for my answer.

“My foot.”  I whispered.  “The fucking foot that isn’t even there anymore!”  I watched her face, waiting to see her reaction to my crazy admission.  She just nodded and began to rub my leg, slowly moving down toward my knee.

“Close your eyes Tom.  I want you to listen to me and visualize everything I’m doing.”  I laid my head back and closed my eyes.

“I’m going to rub over your knee and down.  I want you to visualize your healthy leg, as it was before, and me massaging it.  I’m moving down your calf now, just like on the right side.”  I felt her other hand, warm and soft, on my right leg rubbing the same motions over my knee and down.  She continued to move her hands down until she was at my ankle, still talking about both of my legs.  It was so weird, but somewhere in my mind I could almost feel her rubbing both of them.  She moved to my foot and slowly I started to feel better.  The pain felt like it was gradually going away. 

“How did you do that?”  I asked, slowing my breathing down.

“I don’t know.  I just did it in hopes that it would work.  Today I went to talk to one of the doctors I work with about everything, and he mentioned that it wasn’t unusual to have some sort of sensation like you are, especially when the last thing you felt in that leg was pain.”  She shrugged.  “I just hoped it might work.  It seems to be something the brain does.  You aren’t going crazy Tom.  It happens.  This is new to me too.  We just need to find what works.”  She stood up and got me another pain pill.  “Do you need to go to the bathroom?”  She raised an eyebrow at me.

“No, I’m good.”  I shook my head.  I probably could have gone, but not bad enough to deal with more humiliation.

“Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?”  She asked softly. 
Hell no!
If she stayed, I could guarantee that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep.  I could smell her and it was doing weird things to my senses.

“Really, I’m better now.  Thank you so much.”  I squeezed her hand.  She smiled as she stood.

“Holler if you need me.”  I watched her walk out of the room, finally exhaling when the hall light turned off. 
She was going to be the death of me!

Chapter 7

Talia

I was so far out of my element here.  I was in the middle of a struggle between Talia the nurse and Talia the woman.  Here Tom was lying in a bed trying to recover from a horrific accident and all I could think about was kissing him.

I did just that last night.  Thank god I managed to pull myself back before freaking him out.  The man was beautiful.  Even after spending two weeks in bed, he still had retained the strong muscular planes of his chest.  His stomach now bore a long scar down the middle, above his bellybutton, but nonetheless still had the corrugated leanness of his flat abdomen.  His legs were a beautiful sight all on their own.  Even after the amputation, he had long powerful legs, thighs as hard and muscled as any professional athlete.  I’m sure it was all the years of playing soccer.

I was in so much trouble!

I needed to get out of bed and check on Tom.  Last night after he had gone to sleep, my friend Sheila brought by a few things that I’d asked for.  One was a shower seat.  I was going to have to convince Tom to allow me to help him shower.  Was it so wrong of me to get a little bit of a thrill at the idea?

The other thing was going to be very helpful. I had asked for a knee walker that Tom could rest his left knee on and use his right leg to get around.  It was too hard for him to maneuver with crutches because of the cast on his left arm, so this was all I could think of to help him gain some mobility.  He hadn’t said anything yet, but I knew it was killing him to depend on me, even though I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to.  I couldn’t imagine anywhere I’d rather be.

I opened the bedroom door and was startled to see him awake and sitting up in the bed. “Hey, good morning.”  I smiled his dark hair was messy and he looked disheveled, but damn if he wasn’t still hot.

“I got something for you.”  I held up my finger and went back to the living room to get the walker.  I giggled at his surprise when I came back in.

“Where did you get that?”  He asked as he looked it over.

“I have connections, remember?”  It made me so happy to see a hint of excitement.  “Ready to try it out?  It may hurt a bit with the weight on your leg, so let me know if it’s too much.”

I parked it in front of him and put the brake on, helping him stand on his good leg.  I watched him as he carefully placed his left knee on the padded, testing it out by placing weight on it.

“It hurts a bit, but I think it will work.”  He smiled.  “First stop…Bathroom.” 

“I’ll wait here.  Please ask if you need help Tom.”  I urged.  He nodded and scooted slowly to the bathroom. 

When the door finally opened with a smiling Tom, I asked if he was ready for a shower.  The look on his face made me giggle. “Come on Tom.  I’m a nurse.  I’ve seen it all before”  I raised my eyebrows at him, knowing full well that I was planning on putting us both in bathing suits, but it was fun to watch his discomfort for a minute.

“Honey, don’t worry.  We’re going to wear swimsuits.  Point me in the direction of yours and I’ll bring it to you.”  I winked and I could see the instant relief flood his face.  After I brought him his swim trunks, I headed down the hall to put on my own swimsuit.  I grabbed the shower seat and a plastic bag to tape over his stump to keep the soft dressing dry. I grabbed another one for his arm.