A Wealth of Unsaid Words (2 page)

A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

darkly. But he knew his own mind, knew which pitfalls to

look out for, and he saw none of them now, only an

understandable anxiety at reaching his self-imposed

deadline.

One year, it had been one year since the last Christmas,

since the last time he"d visited with everyone and sat in this

kitchen and listened to Everett"s parents scold Everett for

putting his life on hold and not dating enough, and watched

Everett get irritable and defensive and look in all directions

but his.

One year since realizing exactly how tired he was of not

getting the same lectures from them, only sidelong glances

and carefully phrased questions about his work, and for the

first time in his life, thinking that he could do something

about it. He wasn"t perfect, but he was better, and that just

might be enough.

It had been no easy thing. It was hard enough to admit

his therapist might have had a point all along in telling him

his fears weren"t as insurmountable as he was thinking. He

had sat, almost in this very spot, and become aware,

suddenly, shockingly, that he could possibly get what he"d

always wanted if only he was willing to risk losing it.

Alex put a hand to his stomach and then resolutely

shook his head and kept on eating. He picked at the bread,

eating that first and thinking of tomorrow when the bread

would be fresh and Everett would smell like warm dough and

butter, and Alex would fall over himself to help him however

he could.

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A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

Ty"s eyes were intent on Alex when he looked up. It

wasn"t the bright interest or heated stares he usually

received, or even the admiration of his writing students,

though it had some of that about it too. Ty had a slight frown

on his face, and it gave Alex the feeling that he"d been

recognized or was about to be. He had no idea what Molly

had told her roommate about him before they"d arrived here,

but he was guessing she"d been unusually discreet.

“So you aren"t a blood relative?” It was a lot like the way

the people in town usually asked about Alex, in roundabouts

and vague inquiries. Those nice, oh-so-decent folk no doubt

wondering just what the hell a good family like the Faradays

was doing with a crazy McAllister. Sometimes they"d add

something about how kind it had been of them to take him

in, he assumed in an attempt to guilt him into being more

grateful—something truly impossible. His heart swelled with

love for this family, and his gratitude for what they"d done

for him was immeasurable.

There were a few who tried to soften their prying, or

their guilt, by asking how his father was doing. In a town

this small, they had undoubtedly known about his father"s

condition, so Alex usually answered with the truth; his

father was dead from what had been ruled an overdose that

had in all likelihood been a suicide. But he did always thank

them politely for asking, because he"d learned manners with

Ally Faraday"s fingers pinching his ear, and he wasn"t about

to forget them.

“He"s more than that.” Ally was back with a jar of

mayonnaise and some mustard. Alex glanced up at her, then

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A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

back at his turkey on wheat. Her fierce stare said she wasn"t

having any nonsense. There was some Everett in her as well,

or some Ally in Everett to be more accurate. Her hazel eyes

were hidden behind oversized glasses right now, but when

he"d first looked into them, they had seemed the kindest eyes

he had ever seen. Over the years, he"d seen her furious and

frightened, had seen her cry while holding her youngest son,

but that initial impression of unearthly kindness had never

left him.

“Oh right, he"s mister big-time poet now, isn"t he…
a

mystery but mine / in unrepentant thoughts / in held breath

and wounded cries / never the slippery lines of you…
.” Molly

was happy to play along. Alex tried to slouch back again, but

there were too many bodies in his way. They pressed in, too

hot, too close, and he looked toward the side door. He should

have removed his sweater. It was out of place inside the

warm kitchen, and black, as he always wore, lacked the

proper Christmas spirit. He pulled up his sleeves, but

stopped at the sight of the thick silver bracelets. He was the

only man in the room wearing jewelry, if he didn"t count Ty"s

earring, and with the longest hair, though it didn"t reach his

shoulders. Black clothes or jewelry wouldn"t matter to these

people, but they were the only people who mattered, so he

pushed his hair behind his ears and sat up.

Ty straightened with a jerky nod and pointed, as if he

had finally tagged Alex"s name to his reputation. Alex didn"t

look at him, trying to minimize the damage by appealing to

Ally when he saw her excited flutter.

“Ally, I beg of you, not the clippings.”

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A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

“I"ve saved all of them.” Ally was a juggernaut of smiles

and scrapbooks, but with her hands full of condiments and

sandwiches, at least she couldn"t sweep into the other room

to collect her albums. “Don"t be silly, Alex. The book just

keeps getting bigger. There"s so much more these days,

reviews, essays. I"ve run through so much ink printing them

out, even the negative ones. And you still haven"t signed the

copies you sent me. I"m keeping a copy from every edition of

everything, you know.”

The crowd was starting to spill into the living room now

that they"d been offered food, but the noise didn"t diminish.

Alex made himself take a moment to process every laugh,

every smile and tiny, grubby hand closing over a sandwich,

until it sank in that these external sounds were of

happiness. Then he realized there were eyes on him. He met

them, but it was not without effort.

One of the most painful things about finally being in his

own mind was realizing just how much these people loved

him and how much he had doubted that even into

adulthood. He must have hurt them in ways he didn"t want

to imagine, not that that had ever stopped his mind from

trying to imagine it anyway. Nothing had ever stopped his

mind but pills.

“I thought you looked familiar! I have your first book,

and your picture was on the jacket. You looked different

then.” Ty couldn"t contain himself. Alex had met fans before,

but never in the Faraday kitchen. He glanced away and

licked breadcrumbs from his lips.

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A Wealth of Unsaid Words • R. Cooper

“Yes, I was about your age then.” Ty was probably in his

mid or late twenties; Alex didn"t really feel like asking which.

“And I wore my hair shorter.” He would rather talk about his

hair all day than anymore of his writing while in this kitchen

under these sharp eyes, but Molly and her roommate weren"t

having it.

“Now you"re
such
an old man?” Molly made a rude

sound. “I guess there"s nothing for it but for you to quit the

wild poet thing and settle down.” Her eyebrows went up. Alex

had known her since she"d had braces, but he wasn"t above

the urge to strangle her. There were hints in her eyes of

things she was too young, even at almost twenty-seven, to

know about.

“I"m not actually a poet.” Alex looked away. Molly could

snort all she wanted, but it was true. Alex didn"t consider

himself a poet at all. Most of his writing had been prose,

often frantic or dense based on his state of mind at the time,

it was true, but prose. The poems had been a distraction, a

challenge to himself to release a wealth of unsaid words, and

their popularity in a world that seemed to never read

anymore remained a surprise to him.

“I
loved
that book.” Ty"s gaze grew hotter, his voice

lower. “Then after the second one came out…. What did they

call you in that really snarky interview at that one blog

again, after you"d stopped answering all their questions

about your sex life?”

“Nosy jerks.” From across the kitchen, Rachel stood

firmly on his side, but her voice seemed distant. Alex

dropped his gaze to the table. Without any more details, he

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