Above His Station (24 page)

‘Yes, Arbitrator, sorry,’ said the rat, hopping over to retake its position. Its look of anxiety was quickly gone from its face, and it reminded me very much of Mike Yarwood, able to become a multitude of personalities at the drop of a hat. This particular one was very clinical, doing exactly as Bloch had said and concentrating on hard facts and evidence. ‘Prime Ambassador, it is widely acknowledged that Asclepians are a peaceful race. For the most part you live in harmony with your neighbouring star systems, with hardly any disputes or disagreements…and yet you chose to unleash a gratuitous attack on one particular planet that’s not even in your own galaxy. So I find myself wondering what it was about the Earth that ticked you off so much?’

‘We had no quarrel with the Earth,’ replied the Prime Ambassador. ‘Only the majority of its population.’

‘On what basis?’ asked the rat. ‘What exactly have human beings done to Asclepia to be regarded as such a threat?’

The Prime Ambassador ignored the rat’s question, and instead gave me such a look of contempt that I felt my bottom clench. I prayed that the court’s security guards were as reliable as the ones on the alien penguin programme.

‘Humans have done plenty, Advocate,’ said the Prime Ambassador. ‘To your species as well as mine. I would have thought you would have been jumping for joy now that the only real threat to your existence has been removed from the equation.’

The rat frowned. ‘It was never like that. It wasn’t a matter of humans versus rats. We did our thing and they did theirs, and most of the time they didn’t even know we were there. But this isn’t about me, Ambassador. You said “
to your species as well as mine
”, so how exactly have humans wronged yours? Or were you just bored one day so you thought, “
I know, why don’t we irrevocably change the entire balance of some random planet a billion miles away just for shits and giggles
”. Is that how it went down?’

‘Your lack of understanding is laughable, Advocate.’

‘I couldn’t agree more,’ said the rat. ‘I admit it. I do lack understanding. I’m clueless here, so that’s why I’m asking you to give me a little help. Exactly
why
did you attack the Earth?’

‘Because I have proof,’ said the snake. ‘From the highest possible source.’

‘Of what?’

‘Man’s guilt! Man’s crimes! His history as a cruel master! It’s in his nature to dominate any species he sees as below him…surely
you
must know that.’

‘You said something about proof?’ asked the rat. ‘Well, don’t be shy. Let’s hear it.’

That clenching feeling in my bottom was getting worse. It was as if my buttocks were chewing a Wine Gum. I decided that it must be some sort of a sixth sense - as peculiar as its point of origin might be. It was a sign that a revelation was about to come out of the Prime Ambassador’s mouth and it was going to turn this hearing completely on its head.

And my bottom was right.

‘We have no designated religions on the planet Asclepia,’ he said. ‘Consequently, we have no scriptures or sacred writings from the old days to teach us about the Universe and how it was formed. So instead of reading about our origins in dusty old books, we chose to search the stars for it.’ The snake paused, eyeing everyone in the room intensely (making me feel decidedly awkward as he lingered overly-long on yours truly). ‘We have discovered quite a bit over the centuries, yet there was so much more that we were missing; an understanding of what came before us.’

As I heard the Prime Ambassador’s words, I began to develop another sense other than my quivering bottom and it was one of déjà vu. It suddenly occurred to me that I had heard that speech before – the same style of delivery, the same amount of pride; a bold statement about origins and discoveries. I was on the verge of a fantastic discovery myself; a realisation that would allow me to throw cold water all over the Asclepians’ defence. But for the life of me, I just couldn’t remember why it was so important, other than knowing that it was.

‘I’m still waiting to hear this proof,’ said the rat, cocking its hip.

‘As am I,’ said Arbitrator Bloch. ‘Mrs Jenkins is going to get twitchy if she doesn’t eat something soon, so if you wouldn’t mind getting to your point, Ambassador…?’

One of the Prime Ambassador’s gang tapped him on the shoulder with its tail and levitated a thick stack of papers over to the stand. I think everyone was eager to know what it was (it was a couple of inches thick!) so I was glad when the snake explained – although not necessarily glad once I’d heard the explanation.

‘In his opening statement, the Advocate wished to educate the court about his client’s character,’ he began. ‘Telling us how he was – and I quote – “
a human being of unparalleled dignity and compassion
”. This may well be true for this one individual, but for the most part mankind has not always been so. As his own religions dictate, man has his own keeper…and He holds even more sway over the beasts of Earth than man.’

‘Proof,’ said the rat, tapping its foot impatiently. ‘Anytime today.’

‘I was just getting to it,’ snapped the Prime Ambassador, using his mind to flick through the stack of pages upon the stand in front of him. ‘Many decades ago, our Asclepian astronomers intercepted a transmission beamed through space from another galaxy, and what they heard caused our planet to concentrate on forging an interplanetary space program so that we could learn more about what we had intercepted. It was some years later when we finally launched the
Viper Explorer
: an historic trans-galactic operation to discover the origins of the transmission, and perhaps far more besides. However, their task took on new relevance once they had drifted off-course and unexpectedly came across an unmanned spacecraft drifting in space.’

And then it hit me where I’d heard this story before.

It was the same one that Astrid had told me back at the zoo when we’d first met, the one about stumbling across
Apollo 8
’s Christmas Eve message to Earth. But why did the Prime Ambassador think that it proved that man was guilty of a crime against his planet?  

And why did it make my bottom so nervous?

‘You asked for proof, Advocate, and I shall give it to you,’ said the Prime Ambassador, boldly. ‘Sadly, due to unforeseen difficulties,
Viper Explorer 1
was lost to us, but before its destruction, her crew managed to send a long-range data transmission back to Asclepia. It was terribly degraded in quality, and even our greatest cryptographers were unable to decipher the content. We’ve spent years working on it, and it was just six weeks ago that we finally managed to decode the transmission in its entirety and it was this that caused us to act against the Earth.’ he looked up at Bloch. ‘If it pleases the court, I would like to read the transcript of the
Explorer
’s transmission?’

Arbitrator Bloch nodded. ‘Please proceed.’

‘As I said, Asclepians place no value on the concept of religion…yet this is not true of Earth, where religion is the foundation of life as well as death,’ continued the Prime Ambassador, knowing exactly what accent to put on which syllable to create dramatic tension. He was working up to something. I didn’t need my bottom to tell me that. ‘According to the
Viper Explorer
’s final report, the transmission that I am about to read comes directly from an item found within the capsule, an item that we have since confirmed remains the Earth’s most widely-subscribed religious viewpoint. Humans refer to it as ‘The Bible’, whereas I shall simply refer to it as Exhibit A.’

The Prime Ambassador traced his long tail across the page as he read aloud:

“
Adam, Eve and the serpent stood in Eden’s garden and were awed by its splendour. Before taking his leave, the LORD God said unto them, Eat what fruit you will, yet not of this here tree in the midst of the garden. T’was darkness when the man said, I feel a bit peckish. I too, said the woman, let us sustain ourselves with fruit from this here tree.  But, said the serpent, of this here tree in the midst of the garden, God hath said Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. And the woman said unto the serpent, We shall eat of any tree we choose, and our eyes shall be opened.”

The Prime Ambassador paused, allowing his words to sink in. ‘And so you see, esteemed members of the jury, Chief Arbitrator, the woman called Eve and the man called Adam sought to elevate themselves above all of the Earth’s creatures from the outset – even at the risk of betraying their god!’

‘You’re talking about stuff in a book written thousands of years ago, and no one actually takes it literally!’ said the rat. ‘
That’s
your proof?’

‘That is
man!
’ spat the Prime Ambassador. ‘That is
mankind
…and that is why we sought to remove its blight from the Universe.’ The snake looked accusingly first at me and then at the rat,  which I thought was a bit rich seeing as we were the ones who were supposed to be doing the accusing bit. ‘There is more of the transmission…if you will permit me, Arbitrator?’

‘Is it relevant to the hearing?’ asked Bloch. ‘My stomach’s starting to grumble.’

‘Extremely,’ replied the Prime Ambassador. ‘By the time that I have concluded, this court will understand why Asclepia acted in the best interests of Earth.’

‘Oh, I can’t wait to hear this,’ said the rat, somehow managing to keep its composure, whilst I was fidgeting in my seat (and not just because my sixth sense was still acting up).

The snake cleared his throat and picked up where he’d left off:

“
The LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shalt not eat?  The serpent told us to do it, spoke the man falsely. And the LORD God turned to the woman and said, Is this true? Every word of it, said she. The LORD God was angered and said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life.”

The Prime Ambassador drank the silence in the courtroom, the look on his face even more sly, the tone to his voice even more devious…

‘And so now you see that according to their own religious scriptures, human beings were ultimately responsible for the poor treatment of all animal-kind since the birth of their species, setting themselves up as rulers over all others…and furthermore, were it not for man’s lies, the snake would not have been forever painted as evil.’

‘Conjecture!’ said the rat.

‘Perhaps,’ nodded the Prime Ambassador. ‘But it is not conjecture to say that man is a plague - sorry,
was
a plague - that cruelly dominated those species that he deemed lower than himself.’

‘So by your own admission, your justification for using the
S-Triple-R
is that you were…what? Doing all the animals of the Earth a favour?’ said the rat, reclaiming the floor. ‘Since when is that
your
call to make?’

‘Since mankind went to war with my species,’ replied the Prime Ambassador. ‘You are far more familiar with Earth’s history, Advocate, so perhaps you can enlighten me. At any point whatsoever, has the snake ever been portrayed as anything other than duplicitous?’

‘
Duplicitous?
’ the rat whispered to me out of the corner of its mouth.

‘Two-faced,’ I said. ‘Untrustworthy, deceitful, or sly. As in “
He’s as sly as a snake
”.’

‘I don’t think that particular example’s going to be much help on this occasion, do you?’

‘Possibly not,’ I said.

‘Using your own Bible against you was a pretty low blow, and no doubt it’s got the jury thinking. I’m going to try to stall things until lunch and then with any luck, it’ll give the jury time to think about something else. Okay…wish me luck,’ said the rat, stepping back into the fray. ‘I fail to see your point, Ambassador. What has Earth’s historical treatment of snakes got to do with this hearing?’

The Prime Ambassador narrowed his yellow eyes. ‘Everything.’

‘I’m all ears,’ said the rat (as indeed it was).

‘The Bible has given man a licence to mistreat snakes and this has had a detrimental affect on my species ever since,’ said the Prime Ambassador. ‘We are treated as untrustworthy,
spiteful
even, and man goes out of his way to hunt us, imprison us…even
eat
us! He has been conditioned to fear all snakes from birth, and that is why my ancestors sought to find refuge on Asclepia generations ago…so they didn’t get stamped on by man’s boot!’

There was a bit of a commotion over on the Arbitrator’s bench as one of his clerks muttered something into Bloch’s ear that made him strike his gavel on the podium several times in quick succession.

‘Okay, people, that’s lunch!’ he said. ‘Court will now adjourn to reconvene at 14:76hrs. Oh, and a friendly word of warning; the cafeteria has got Chef’s speciality chilli con carne is on the menu, so for anyone with an aversion to spending the next six hours glued to the toilet, I recommend the tagliatelle.’

Lots of shuffling feet/ tentacles/ scales were heard as the Arbitrator and his clerks, the Prime Ambassador and his team, and then finally the members of the jury headed off to the cafeteria, leaving just the rat and I in the courtroom…alone apart from an uncomfortable silence.

‘So…’ I said, starting things off.

‘So,’ said the rat, effectively finishing them.

‘Lunch?’ I offered.

‘Think I’ll skip it.’

‘Not much of an appetite?’ I asked.

‘Not really, no.’

‘Soon be time to hear the verdict then,’ I ventured, courageously. ‘How do you think things will pan out for us?’

‘Second thoughts maybe I will have lunch,’ said the rat. ‘With any luck I’ll be glued to the bog so I’ll get to miss the car crash that happens next.’

‘Oh,’ I said. ‘That bad, eh?’

19

‘Court in session, resuming at precisely 14:76hrs,’ proclaimed Arbitrator Bloch as the congregation took their original seats back in the courtroom.