Adam's List (16 page)

“That’s okay. I have plans tonight anyway,” I lie. I already told Kelly I wouldn’t go to the house party she’s planning to hit, but maybe Adam’s free. All I know is I won’t be hanging out in this big place by myself, surrounded by the ghosts of my last two years with Jason.

“We’ll take you out for a late lunch,” Dad offers, reaching for his cell phone in his pocket. “I’ll make reservations downtown.”

I shake my head. “Actually, I was kind of hoping we could stay home. I have to talk to you guys about something.”

“You’re pregnant,” Mom assumes, her eyes as large as saucers. Dad sets his phone on the counter, his expression first turning shocked then livid.

“
What
?” I press at the bridge of my nose, realizing how difficult this is going to be.

“Jesus! No! I told you I broke up with Levi.
Seriously
. Give me some credit!”

Mom crosses her arms, pressing her lips together. “What about that Adam boy?”

“Mom, he’s a friend.”

My dad sits taller, his shoulders terse. “Should we be concerned?”

“No!” I say, holding my hands out. “God, you guys always assume the worst!”

“So this
doesn’t
have anything to do with a boy?” Mom asks, raising her eyebrows.

They’re both watching me closely, waiting for a nervous tick or guilty expression to give me away. And just like that, I know there’s no way they’ll agree to this trip with someone my dad hasn’t even met. Not after my breakdown. Not after my mom found me the other day at my worst, and discovered that I hadn’t been taking my pills. I’m just lucky they’re letting me continue living on the other side of town and not locking me away like I’m too fragile to share with the world.

A heavy stone drops into my stomach.

My parents have been overprotective for as long as I can remember, walking me down the block to meet the bus up until I was twelve, calling the parents of kids who bullied me in middle school, refusing to buy me a car because I didn’t get a perfect score on my driver’s test, making me wear a helmet in my early teens whenever I rode my mountain bike. I was surprised when they dropped their guard to let me date Jason for so long. The chance of them agreeing to let me go on a trip with a total stranger is non-existent.

I slump into the empty chair next to my dad, feeling like I’m ten years old. “I just want to talk to you guys about this summer. Mom, I know you already have a job waiting for me, but Kelly offered me a job working at her family’s camp up north. My advisor said it would be an excellent addition to my resume if I decide to go into childhood education.”

The lie summons a million pins and needles of guilt, but it’s the only way.

NINE

As I first battled my depression, I had the emotional equivalency of a melted M&M. I was hard on the outside, and a gooey mess underneath. I crawled into bed with no intention of getting back out. My mom worked the first couple of days, thinking I had the flu and calling to check on me every couple of hours. When I stopped answering her calls and refused to get out of bed, or eat, or do virtually
anything
, she took off from work and put all her energy into making me function again. But it didn’t work. By the fourth day, she called Dr. Klein and he recommended an emergency commitment.

Things happened during my stay in the hospital that I wasn’t prepared for. I don’t know that anyone could prepare for their sanity to quite suddenly fall under constant scrutiny. I had to strip down in front of a female nurse and let her search me for hidden weapons. I was placed in a locked ward with people who ranged from psychotic to completely withdrawn. An old man who looked perfectly sane snapped during lunch and lunged at me with a plastic butter knife. A young woman with shifty eyes ran around during group time screaming, “
Give me back my baby
!
Who took my goddamned
baby
?” My assigned roommate, a middle aged woman who tried to overdose on aspirin, constantly stared at me in my sleep. I nearly had a heart attack the first morning when I flipped my eyes open to find her two feet away, crouched beside my bed.

The reality that I was being treated as one of those crazy people I was surrounded by was enough for me to snap out of my funk and prove to the hospital’s psychiatrist that I was functioning enough to be back on my own. By the end of the third day, I was released back to my parents.

My mom insisted that I commute to school from home for two solid months after I returned. Word must’ve gotten out that I was committed as people I knew at school seemed to go out of their way to avoid interacting with me. Kelly and my roommate Sarah were the only two who treated me the same, as if nothing had happened. Kelly’s the only one who never asked how I was feeling, or if I was okay. She knew I wasn’t, and she knew I had to deal with it on my own terms.

Preparing to go somewhere without my bestie at my side really begins to sink in as I organize for the trip. Our dorm room resembles the aftermath of a tornado since we’ve started packing. It takes hours of swearing and tossing things aside to pick my things out from the remains. It’s a relief to box my textbooks up, knowing finals are behind me and that I did fairly well after studying with Adam. I assured my parents that I did well enough to warrant a nice-sized bonus check for what they called my “summer adventures.” If they only knew.

Minutes before Adam is scheduled to arrive, Kelly helps me drag my stuff down to the curb. The smell of freshly cut grass mixed with the warm sun outside makes me giddy with promises of what’s to come. Campus has become a flurry of students ready to get the hell out of town and start summer. If I weren’t going on this trip, I’d most likely be avoiding all the madness with Kelly somewhere far off campus. We weave our way through disgruntled parents obviously helping their freshmen move back home for the first time.

Kelly whines as she plops my bright pink duffle bag on the sidewalk outside, tossing my pillow on top with a grunt, as if they were
that
heavy. Dressed in her favorite yoga capris and a bright PINK t-shirt, her hair piled in a sloppy bun on top of her head, she looks nearly identical to the Kelly I met last year. Our friendship has changed tremendously in that time, practically solidifying her as the sister I always wanted.

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her, and she obviously feels the same since she’s covering for me, feeding into the lie that I’m spending my summer working alongside her and all her sisters at her grandparents’ summer camp. I realize with a pang of sadness that I’m not going to see her in person for
weeks
.

“You’re
sure
you have everything?” she asks for what I’m sure must be the fifth time.

“I’m not going to drive across the country to bring you your toothbrush unless you
really
beg. I’m talking down on your knees, real tears flowing.”

I wheel my carry-on suitcase over to the duffle bag, setting my cross body purse and computer bag next to them. “Everything I could fit into these bags. I don’t need a new outfit for every single day like
you
. I plan to use a washing machine at least once a week.”

“Make sure Adam doesn’t make you wash his clothes.” Her face scrunches up. “If you start doing his laundry, it will definitely violate the friendship line he’s so adamant on drawing. Friends don’t wash other friends’ underwear.”

“You’ve washed mine.”

Crossing her arms, she shrugs. “That’s different. I don’t secretly want
in
your underwear.”

“Seriously?” I click my tongue, pretending to be offended. “But you’re always telling me I’m so
hot
.”

“Sorry, Peterson. You just don’t have the necessary parts to rock my world.”

A bright blue pickup, shiny despite looking at least a decade old, pulls up to the curb.

Stickers of various bands decorate the back window. Adam honks wildly, pumping his fist into the air and grinning at us before hopping out the door.

“God, he’s weird, but still crazy ass hot,” Kelly says with a small smirk. “Are you sure you want to be alone with this guy the new few months? How are you going to keep your hands off him?”

“No talking her out of it now, Kel,” Adam cuts in, appearing beside me. “She’s mine.”

Once I realize there’s no way he heard what Kelly just said, I internally relish the sight of him in a faded Badgers t-shirt and cargo shorts. His brown hair has grown out since we met, curling ever so slightly around his ears.

I nudge him gently in the side. “Besides, we made a blood pact.”

Kelly gapes at us, eyes wide, mouth making a near perfect “O.”

“What?” Adam asks, playing into the lie. “It’s not like we shared dirty needles.”

Kelly rolls her eyes and squirms like she’s grossed out. “You two freaks of nature deserve each other. I mean,
really
.”

With a deep chuckle, Adam grabs my duffle bag, throwing it in the backseat of the crew cab where there seems to be ample room for all our luggage. A large, black duffle bag rests in a heaping pile beside two sleeping bags and a blow-up mattress—all still brand new and in their packages.

I eye the back-end of the pickup. The bed’s a bit wider than I pictured, although still small enough to make our planned sleeping arrangements make me flush with anticipation. It will be nearly impossible to be that close to Adam if he expects us to stick to his plans for a platonic friendship.

Adam closes the back door, then opens mine, waiting as I slide in before shutting it. I rest my arms over the open window frame as Kelly steps over.

“Always the freaking gentleman, isn’t he?” She rolls her eyes as if she thinks he’s gross, but I know she’s crazy about him, too. “You seriously need to send me pictures every single day, lady. In fact, you better send some that look like you’re camping out in the woods so you can show your parents what ‘camp’ looks like.” She sighs dramatically. “This is going to be like the
longest
summer
ever
without getting to hang out with my bestie.”

Adam leans over my seat, grinning at Kelly. “There’s always FaceTime. We’ll take you up to the Empire State Building and shit.”

Kelly huffs. “It may be as close as I ever get to going anywhere awesome. She leans in to kiss my cheek. “Love ya, girl. I’m so glad you’ve done away with your old self and decided to take this trip. Have a fabulous time for the both of us.”

With my back to Adam, I bite my lip and widen my eyes in a silent, nervous plea.

She knows holding back my feelings for Adam has been difficult. ”Love you, too.
Don’t
get too crazy this summer without me there to keep you in line.”

“I’ll be a perfect angel.” She holds up her crossed fingers with a devilish grin as Adam pulls away from the curb.

I wave back at her through the window until she turns to leave. Then I slump into my seat. “I seriously worry about her.”

“You said she has sisters who are counselors at the same camp, right? I’m sure they’ll keep a close eye on her.”

“You haven’t met her sisters. They’re just as bad.”

We’re still on campus when I pull out my phone and the auxiliary cable. My only request in whatever vehicle we used was that it had a place for me to plug in my tunes.

“I have like five
thousand
songs on here. Are you ready for this, mister?”

Adam looks over at me, freaking
gleaming
. My heart takes a major dive before fluttering like a chimpanzee on crack. Face stern, I hold up my hand. “Okay, stop right there. We haven’t even been on the road for ten minutes and already you’re beaming at me. Seriously, Adam. If we’re going to do this as
friends
, there will be no affectionate gazes, no hand-holding, none of this opening my fucking door business.
Friends
don’t do that crap. If you don’t plan on sticking to those rules, we’ll just have to turn this truck right around so I can actually be the lousy camp counselor I claimed to be for my parents. Are we clear?”

The light turns red. We stop. Adam turns back to me, unsmiling. “Crystal.”

“Okay, good. Now let’s get this road trip off to a proper start. I spent
days
on this playlist. The songs are perfectly timed with our location.”

Lucky for me, it’s unusually warm for mid-May. I peel off my one-sleeved shirt to reveal the bikini top Kelly and I decided would be perfect for catching Adam’s attention.

White with black and gray leopard print, it dips low between my breasts with enough padding to make my perfect C cups look to be at least DD.

Adam looks between me and the traffic light, his eyes wide. It’s exactly the kind of reaction I had been hoping for. “What in the
hell
are you doing?”

“Relax, it’s just a swimsuit. I need to fix my ghost-like appearance before we make it to California. Those people are always beautifully tanned.”

As soon as the light turns green, Adam pushes on the accelerator a bit harder than necessary. I start the song “Have Love Will Travel” by The Sonics. Leaning out the window, holding my hands in the air and yelling as the wind whips my hair into the sky, I’m confident that Adam won’t be able to keep things platonic for too long.

In fact, I’m counting on it.

A mere hour into our trip I find myself crossing and uncrossing my legs, tapping against the dashboard to the wicked beat of In This Moment. Adam hasn’t said much of anything since I revealed my sexy swim top, and his eyes haven’t left the road once. It definitely
was not
the effect I was aiming for. I slip my shirt back on before turning to face him.

“Okay, time to start some road games. Truth or Dare.”

Adam finally glances over at me, his eyebrows drawn down. “Something else.”

“O-kaaay...how about ‘hot seat’? One of us sits in the hot seat and the other gets to ask five questions. You
have
to answer, but you get one veto.”

Letting out a loud breath, Adam ruffles his hair. “Jewels, I get it. Do you want me to tell you the reason we can’t be together so we can just forget this awkward business?”