Adam's List (20 page)

“Half a bottle isn’t going to turn you into a raging alcoholic.”

A high school girl with dopey glasses and a crooked smile approaches our table, setting large menus in front of us. Her brown eyes fall down to where Adam and I have become precariously intertwined, and her face flushes red. “Hi, I’m Cassandra. I’ll be your server tonight. Can I get you started with something to drink?”

“Champagne. The cheapest stuff you have.” I answer. Adam turns to me, opening his mouth. I press my finger to his lips. “
My
treat.”

“Sure,” the girl says, eyeing each of us like she’s already too embarrassed to ask if we’re old enough.

Once she turns her back, I nestle closer to Adam, tracing my index finger up and down his spine. “Wanna see what kind of bathrooms are in this place? I’ll bet ten bucks they have one of those velvet couches.”

“You’re making it impossible to keep my hands off you,” he whispers, shifting in his seat. I imagine my touches are bringing him back to life once again. I reach down to confirm it. He jumps with my touch, hitting the table with his knees. “
Jewels, c’mon.
Let’s take a breather and eat something.”

“I’m happy enough devouring you,” I say in my sexiest voice, dragging my finger from his spine up to circle around his ear. I drag my nose across his neck, savoring the smell of his fragrant aftershave. “And I could do it right here, if you prefer.”

Glancing around the restaurant, he pulls in a deep sigh and tugs on my hand.

“C’mon.”

We slide from the bench and half skip back to the entrance, hands locked together.

Being with Adam this way is more of a thrill than I imagined. I’ve never felt so
freed.
As long as we continue to alleviate the sexual tension between us, I can protect my heart from harm. I can be his this way, regardless of his seemingly complicated life.

The single-stall women’s bathroom is locked, and there’s no way I’m messing around in a bathroom where there’s more than likely pee on the floor. I drag Adam toward a hallway around the corner.

“Where are we going?” he asks in a throaty voice.

There’s a doorway at the end of the hallway, leading to a dark and ominous alley surrounded by dumpsters. Adam begins to fall back the minute we step outside into the warm night air.

“
Jewels
.” His tone is meant to scold, but I can hear the passion still twisted in his throat. “We’re not messing around back here.”

“Who said anything about messing around?” Shaking my head, I tilt his face down to meet mine for a sultry kiss. He’s quick to answer my sudden zeal, hoisting me up by my thighs to perch against his hips. I wrap my legs around his waist and deepen the kiss, holding onto his face with a longing so deep and powerful I feel as if I could cry. His warm tongue matches the soft touch of his wandering hands.

We drift across the alley to the other side until my back’s against a brick wall. Adam’s warm hands lift my billowing tank top, drifting up to cradle my breasts over my bra. I rock against him, caressing the top of his mouth with my tongue. He hums his approval, pushing back against me. I feel him harden against my leg and meet his low hums. He breaks the connection of our mouths to taste the light sweat of my neck and shoulders while his fingers reach for my underwear through the bottom of my shorts.

I close my eyes and lean my head against the brick wall as his fingers do their magic, stroking, petting, entering me, soft and slow. Throbbing so hard for him it’s almost painful, I dig my fingernails into his back, and allow myself a satisfied groan. His mouth covers mine, swallowing up my eager cries.

After another long set of kisses, I open my eyes to find Adam watching me with an intensity that takes my breath away. He’s so unbelievably gorgeous that I don’t care if our first time is among the sour-smell of the dumpsters and steam of some kind coming from underneath the street. I’ve never been this uncontrollably hot for anyone. Unable to take the building anticipation anymore, I start for the button of his shorts.

Adam stops, panting. Small, glistening lines of sweat cover his hairline, and his face looks red under the street light. “Wait. We’re
not
doing this here.”

I move my lips to his neck, nipping at the skin underneath his jaw. “I’m going to explode all over this alley like a geyser if you stop now.”

He carefully lowers me to the ground. “I don’t want this thing between us to be cheap.”

Rejected and angry, I step back, folding my arms with a glare. “It doesn’t have to be
expensive
. It’s just a sex thing, remember? That way we don’t have to worry about feelings getting hurt, egos getting bruised, etcetera and so forth.”

His sexy eyes search mine like he’s looking for someone else. “That’s what this is to you? Just a
sex thing
?”

“Ugh. Are we going to do this here?
Now
? We’ve got this crazy-hot attraction thing going. I’m sure four out of five doctors would recommend not fighting against it.” I glance down the alley, wishing for someone to step in and interrupt this inevitable conversation. “If you tell me you’re going back on the no touching rule, I swear to god I’ll hijack that damn pickup back to Wisconsin and leave your ass here.”

He takes my hands in his with a caring gaze that makes me breathless. His fingers wrap around mine, feeling as if there’s nowhere else his hands belong. “I’m not saying I don’t want to
touch
you. Because I do...as much as possible.”

He nudges me up against the wall, brushing his lips over mine again and again. I wrap my arms around his neck and answer his playful kisses with my own, ready to pick up where we left off. His teeth graze across my bottom lip before he stops, resting his head against mine. The intensity of his eyes burn a hole right through me. “I just want to slow things down. You’re so amazing...I don’t want this to just be some kind of fling between us. I want it to mean something.”

I flex my jaw. The words
I love you
twist through my head with the force of a surprise hurricane, unwanted and utterly out of control. Panic consumes me. Even if I did tell him now, he’d just think it’s a ploy so he’ll agree to have sex with me. With his big secret looming over our heads, it’s best to keep things casual. I can’t do the long-term boyfriend thing. I can’t go through the torture of losing him.

I snort and roll my eyes. “What, you mean like boyfriend-girlfriend crap? We’re adults. Don’t you think we can skip past that? Keep this on the down-low?”

He leans in for another kiss, this one soft and extra gentle. It leaves me secretly struggling for my next breath, imagining the way he would kiss me if we actually made love instead of fucking just for fun. And I’m starting to realize if we let things go all the way, there’s a slim chance it wouldn’t mean anything to either of us.

“I think we should talk about it first.” he tells me. “I don’t want to screw this up.”

“Then
don’t
,” I warn, pressing my thumbs to the back of his neck. “Don’t make this more complicated than it has to be. I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since the first time you kissed me in my dorm room. The only way you can screw this up is if you keep turning me down and go back to that load of crap about wanting to be nothing more than friends. I want this, Adam.” I lick my lips and attempt to swallow. “I want
you
.
All
of you.”

He continues to watch me, his sexy baby blues unblinking. They spark back to life just before he smiles. It’s not one of his most genuine smiles, although the dimples do appear. “Let’s get that bottle of champagne and blow out of here.”

Once we’ve settled for the night in a reclusive spot in back end of a grassy field, the mood between us quickly fizzles with all the effect of a cold shower. Adam’s words from the alley stir though my thoughts, threatening to latch onto the delusional part of me that still believes I could allow myself to be in love with him.
I don’t want this thing between
us to be cheap
.

As if we have any other option. Knowing there’s a dark unknown he’s holding back that will destroy everything, I can’t afford to give him my already damaged heart. I don’t
want
to feel a pang for him in places other than down below. I’ve been broken once before and can’t afford to go through it again. Keeping this strictly about sex is the only option, considering I’m too far gone to turn back now.

We lay side by side on the air mattress in the back of the pickup bed, only our thighs touching as we finish up the last of the champagne. I wedge one arm beneath my sprawled out hair to get a better view of the stars twinkling above us. They shimmer and dance through the sky like something out of a fantasy-fueled flick.

“This trip has already been totally worth it,” I say dreamily. “I mean the concert, the rooftop dancing, the Ferris wheel, the whole Navy Pier, now sleeping under this sky...everything about Chicago was a thousand times better with you instead of my parents.”

“Sometimes it’s still hard to believe you agreed to come along.”

I slap his arm, but don’t take my eyes off the stars. “Don’t flatter yourself. You had good timing is all. This trip will be a good chance for me to sort things out. Decide what’s important in my life. Maybe give me some kind of direction. You know, the kind of things
you’re
supposed to be doing.”

“I have direction.”

I glance at him. “Oh, really? Let’s hear it.”

“The list
is
my direction. I’m doing all the things Zach asked.”

“Even if we keep on doing...
whatever it is
we’re doing together, you still need some kind of plan for when we get back home.” I turn my head to my side, staring him down.

“I get that you want to explore your options and whatever, but if you’re not going to go to school, then maybe you need to get a job. You plan on crashing at Calvin’s for the rest of your life?”

Adam snatches my phone off my stomach.

“Hey!” I protest, reaching for it.

He holds it over his head, out of my range. “It’s not like I’m going to look through your texts. Give me some credit.”

I rest my other hand behind my head and huff. He holds the phone out, snapping my picture. I fumble to cover my eyes just as the flash flares in my face. “
Stop
,” I whine.

“Why can’t I take your picture? You know you’re beautiful.” He fumbles with my phone, warding off my grabby hands.

“
Now
what are you doing?”

“Sending myself this picture in case you delete it. And...” he concentrates a bit longer before Coldplay’s “Yellow” begins to play, “...getting some appropriate music going.”

Chris Martin launches into his old line about stars shining “just for you.” I grab my phone, desperate for him to stop. This thing
can’t
be about romance. Doesn’t he understand by now he can destroy me with just one of his sexy looks?

I flip through my playlist until I come across Nine Inch Nails’s “Closer.”

“Hey. Go back.” Adam eyes me with suspicion. “New favorite band, remember?”

“Trust me, this song is more fitting.” I flip over to lay above him with one hand holding me up and the other trailing down his stomach, headed for his pants. I dance around on top of him, mouthing the words to the song. Adam’s eyes grow wider when the song breaks into the chorus.

“Whoa!” he yells, nearly shoving me over. “I thought we agreed to take this
slow
.” He springs for my phone, eagerly stopping the song like it’s making his ears bleed. After a few clicks, the members of Typhoon are crooning into the night, discussing the perils of
love
of all goddamned things.

I brush off the relevant fact that he chose to play the mix I named “romance,” and frown. “
I
thought we agreed we were coming back to drink champagne and get it on.

You’re becoming the reversed version of a cock block.”

“Come here.” He pulls on my hips, his expression suddenly serious.

And,
holy shit,
now they’re singing about
strangers in the dark...and stars..
.I should stop this right now. The music, the relationship, whatever game we’re playing. But one look into Adam’s eyes, and I’m a total goner.

I dip my head down, reluctant and cautious. He kisses me with a fire unmatched by anything, hints of champagne and the cheese balls we broke out for our makeshift dinner on his tongue. I breathe deeply through my nose, catching his musky scent mixed in with the outdoors. His lips, both benevolent and eager, stroke and brush around mine, giving room for his tongue to press its way in.

When I reach down to tug at his shirt, wanting to finally feel the muscles of his stomach without fabric getting in the way, his hand wraps around my fingers. He looks up, his eyes filled with so much emotion, it’s as if he’s about to cry. “Just kiss me, Jewels,” he whispers. “Nothing else.”

I fall back into him, wrapping my lips with his, not dwelling on reasons why he’d be upset, not caring that I promised myself I wouldn’t get emotionally attached. I take his probing tongue between my lips and suck hard, rubbing my body against his in sync with our kisses. Adam backs down, pulling away just enough to reclaim his tongue and lightly suck on my bottom lip. Every time I try to kick it up a notch, he’s quick to slow it back down.

I finally give in to his sweet gestures and marginal PG rated intentions. We continue kissing forever and ever under the bright stars, burning through the playlist I created with high hopes for such an occasion. The only stroking and touching of any kind involves heads and faces, and it’s filled with compassion, tenderness. Although I’m still burning for him from head to toe, there’s an intense need to match his pace and prove to him I
want
this. I want
him
.

Every time we stop to catch our breaths, Adam studies me closely, as if waiting for me to profess my love for him. As if wanting to tell
me
he’s in love and doesn’t ever want to let me go.