Adam's List (24 page)

Once I’ve jammed the box on a shelf and have grabbed another beer, I shut the door and head back to the hallway. I catch movement in the bedroom and turn to see a freshly showered Theo passing by.

Completely naked.

He stops dead center in the door frame, smirking. Pleased I caught him. “Oh, hey. I didn’t hear you come in.”

I give him credit for not acting embarrassed or surprised, though there isn’t a single reason for him to be anything other than proud. He’s every bit as muscular and
large
from head to...toe. Each individual stomach muscle can be counted, and ready to cut glass. The intricate tattoo covering his ripe shoulder continues down to his smooth pectoral muscles, dipping all the way down to his pelvic region where his deep tan continues on. As in, he tans in the nude.

I feel my jaw drop and hear myself inhale sharply, but I’m really not aware how intensely I’m staring at how hard he’s become as we stand drinking each other in.

Wow
. Just...
wow
.

His dark brows shoot up. “Can I get you...anything?”

“I’m...beer,” I sputter, holding the bottle up. “I have beer.”

He chuckles in a deep, hearty laugh. “So I see. I just have to get dressed and I’ll be out in a sec.”

“Clothes. Good call.” I spin around as my cheeks grow warm. I have to actively tell my feet to move toward the patio doors where Adam’s completely unaware of the not
completely
awkward encounter.

“Jewels?” he calls after me. When I look back he’s still smirking, still naked. “Just so we’re clear, you’re welcome to stop over
anytime
.”

Intentional peep show aside, Theo turns out to be a lot of fun. He plays a mix of hard rock over the speakers mounted underneath the roof as we work on depleting the beer supply. Adam and I both roll in laughter with his stories of the rather varied people of the neighborhood. And as he’s busy playing host, I see a Marine Corps tattoo on his calf muscle.

While Adam’s clueless to the exact level of comfort Theo has around me, I’m hyper aware of every sideways smirk or twinkle of his eye. It’s awesome to have someone so hot obviously wanting to be more than friendly neighbors, but I have my hands full the way it is with Adam. And I can’t stop staring at that damn tattoo.

Jason had one just like that.

The three of us are debating what flavor of pizza to order when a group of Theo’s buddies stop by with enough booze to knock out an entire football team. And I can’t help but wonder if that’s exactly what they do for a living as they’re all just as well built as our host.

“
Another
actress, or is this one a model?” one of the guys asks Theo, taking a swig of his mixed drink while wiggling his blond eyebrows at me. He’s taller than Theo, though not quite as built or all-American looking. A scar over his eyebrow has the curious feel of many fights gone bad.

Adam stands up too quickly, his hand held out. “She’s Jewels, I’m Adam.”

The guy shakes his hand. “James. You new to the neighborhood?”

“We’re renting the place next door for a couple weeks,” Adam answers. It’s great to see him being friendly with these guys, even if it is because he’s becoming all Alpha male. Still, I’m beginning to feel the burn of gnawing guilt for dragging him over here without asking what he wanted to do.

James cups Adam on the back. “Welcome to Murray Hill. My man, Theo, will take real nice care of you while you’re here. We’ve got a few house parties lined up this weekend. You’ll have to join us.” He tilts his head at me. “Where you from?”

“Wisconsin,” I answer, standing to join them. “You know, the land of milk and cheese, and shit.”

I waver on my feet, the five beers hitting me in a blanket of haze. Since hanging out with Adam I’ve hardly had any alcohol, and apparently it’s made me a lightweight. But seeing Theo’s tattoo had me pounding down more beers than I intended.

The three guys each move as if to catch me. Theo, being the closest, clutches my arm. “Whoa. Take it easy, beautiful.”

“Hey, I’m from Wisconsin,” I repeat, smiling brightly. “We drink beer for breakfast.”

James cackles brightly. “You guys sound like news people.”

I raise one eyebrow with an attempt of seduction. “You should hear me do the weather.”

Adam cuts past Theo to take my other arm, pulling me from our neighbor. “Time to call it a night.”

“She just needs something in her stomach,” Theo decides, pulling his phone from his jeans pocket. “I’ll order the pizzas.”

Theo’s buddies launch into a lively conversation on what flavors to order as Adam pulls me aside. “Enough with the beer. Let’s go back to our place.”

“
Our place
?” I ask with a drunken snort, lessening my eyes to small little slits. “I don’t
think
so.
You
can go. I think I can manage to find my way back.”

He rolls his eyes before pinning me down with a look that makes me want to hide in a corner of shame. “These guys are just like my brother—willing to take a girl any way they can get her, even if she’s too plastered to know what she’s doing. You really don’t know me if you think I’d leave you here alone with them.”

The guilt-inducing stare, the bitter tone of his voice, they’re too much. The feelings I’ve been working so hard to keep at bay rise to the top like an army of Rottweilers. I lean in closer. “I once thought maybe I knew you, but I’ve decided I really don’t.” I stretch my arm from his reach. “You never talk about your family other than telling me your brother’s an asshole. You won’t explain why you quit school, or crash at your buddy’s shit-hole of a house even though you have all this money. Then there’s this big fucking secret you’re so intent on keeping. So the answer is
I don’t know
.
Would you
leave me here alone? You’ve had me, why not give some other poor bastard a chance?”

His eyes close for a long pause. They’re internally bruised when they look back down on me. “I know you don’t mean that. Let’s not do this here.”

“Yeah, I agree. I’m over it.”

The weight of stares from the others falls heavy on my conscience. I turn to them with the same artificial pep that kept me going through my days of cheerleading. “Who’s ready to do some shots?”

As the guys holler excitedly, I turn my back on Adam.

All plans to keep myself under control go out the door with the third shot of Patrón.

I’m usually a pro at holding my liquor, but anger, confusion, hurt, and every other crappy feeling that has swelled up inside make me a virtual mess. Rather than worrying about whether or not I’m crushing Adam’s ego by flirting with the guys, I’m busy dirty dancing to the loud music with Theo, trying to forget Adam’s only a few heartbeats away.

It isn’t long before Theo slows his pace, slipping his bulging arms around my waist and pushing his hips against me. I feel it against my belly—the understanding that Adam and I aren’t officially a thing, and his urgent desire to be with me. I hear it in his shallow breaths when he touches his rough jaw to my forehead. I can even smell it on him among the scent of expensive cologne and sweat pouring out in eager pheromones.

The promise of sex dangles in the air like forbidden fruit. The booze and provocative dancing have improved his appearance to a point that I’m incredibly turned on, clouding my usual impeccable judgment. I want to kiss him, even though I
don’t
want to kiss him.

It’s still Adam I want to kiss, and love, and spend the rest of forever with.

But it doesn’t seem like it will ever happen.

“So you and Adam...” Theo licks his full lips, fixing his green orbs with mine. Drinking me in. “Are you fair game?”

By dancing so intimately with Theo, letting him touch me in ways Adam has, I’ve wandered down a dangerous path, one that would forever destroy any chances of Adam and I being together. These are the kind of choices that define a person.

“No. I’m not. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”

Sucking in a deep breath, I back away, nearly colliding with Adam. He’s staring Theo down with a look that could land them both in the hospital.

“I’m taking her home,” Adam finally says, not breaking the stare. “Thanks for everything. We’ll let you know if we’re still up for the party tomorrow.”

Theo nods with a sexy, confident smirk. “Alright.”

“Thanks,” I add in a soft voice. “See you tomorrow.”

Theo slings his arms around my neck, burying me like a little child in his massive hold. “Something tells me these are going to be an interesting couple of weeks,” he whispers into my ear.

Adam takes my hand, pulling me away. I can feel anger rolling off him when he leans in to say, “Next time you can skip the shots.”

Though I’m still conscious as I leave the party, strung around Adam and throwing goodbyes to each of the guys on our way out, the drinks pull me under like a dark, heavy blanket.

Dull pounding of my head keeps me from sitting up. On the nightstand there’s a bottle of Advil and a glass of water dripping with perspiration. I roll over to wash down a few pills before swinging my feet off the bed, moaning. I’m still dressed in my outfit from the day before and smell the stench of tequila on my skin. After patting down my mangled hair, I realize Adam’s standing in the doorway. Fingers stuck in his pockets, hair and clothes fresh as the morning, his loving eyes make me feel like a complete dirt bag.

“Get ready. I’ll be waiting downstairs.”

The mouth-watering aroma of cinnamon drifts toward me when I head down to the kitchen, feeling like a new person after a long, hot shower. On the countertop there’s a large slice of coffee cake and a Styrofoam cup with steam rising from its lid, my name scribbled on the side. Stomach rumbling, I reach for the goodies but freeze when I see Adam leaning on the balcony, overlooking the neighborhood with a quiet calm.

Ragged beats of my heart shake my entire body. I was a total ass to him last night. It all started because I didn’t want to let myself feel this raking urge to be with Adam, not just for the sex, but because of who he is and who he makes me become when we’re together. But I screwed up when I made the sex become a cheap thing. I screwed up when I let my hormones overrule my heart.

Only one of two things can happen at this point. We’ll continue on as lovers, embracing our feelings that could possibly grow into something serious that will probably eventually destroy me, or we’ll break apart and ruin the beauty our once friendly relationship created. The middle ground has disappeared among meaningful kisses and exhibition sex. Either way, it seems our relationship will end in disaster. It’s an ultimatum I’d do damn near anything to avoid.

Why couldn’t this be happening later on the trip, after we’ve visited Hawaii and enjoyed endless nights of wild sex and carefree moments? I’m not ready for this.

Adam whirls around, as if sensing my withdrawal, and tips his head.

My feet move toward him, though my heart cries for me to stop. We meet in the middle, my shins pressed against the couch. Adam reaches down for my hands, the intensity in his eyes stopping my breath.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, fat tears blurring my vision. “I don’t...it’s just...I didn’t mean to hurt you. What you saw last night...that was me confused and afraid.”

He looks ready to say something, ready to damn me or tell me everything’s somehow miraculously okay, but he suddenly drops my hands to cradle my face, rushing in to cover my mouth with a long, sultry kiss.

I whimper against his mouth, bringing my arms around him and squeezing tight, resolving never to push him away ever again. Promising myself that I’ll open my heart to him from this point on, allowing him to become my everything despite my fears, despite the fact I still don’t know what’s wrong with him or why he’s reluctant to let me in.

The force of his lips about bring me to my knees as they suck and bend, his tongue eager and unyielding in between. I answer him with languid passion, wanting the moment to last forever, wanting the hard words I know are sure to come to stay deep down inside where they won’t change us. The taste of my tears mix in with the sweet flavor of cinnamon and the familiarity of Adam.

His hands find their usual place underneath the sides of my shirt, caressing the skin above my hips, driving me mad for more. I pounce into his arms, propelling us back into the big squishy couch. As I straddle him, his kisses trail down my neck. I run my lips along the spot behind his ear, holding back my cries of angst and words of destruction. I break past his hold, reaching for his shirt, ready to jerk it over his arms.

“Wait!” he yells, trying to fight against me.

But it’s too late.

I discover the reason he never removes his shirt, the reason he avoids letting me touch him.

Pink, puckering scars circle around his navel. A larger one starts near his breast bone, stretching all the way down beneath his boxers. Some of the scars have faded, some are darker red as if from more recent times. Numerous procedures mar his beautiful belly, although hardened and defined from obvious dedication to the gym. It looks as if he’s been to the butcher shop. When I run my fingertips along the ugly scars, he winces.

“Is
this
your secret?” I ask in a mere whisper. “Is this what you don’t want me to know? What happened?”

There’s shame in Adam’s eyes when he nudges me from his lap and turns away, running his hands through his hair. “This trip was supposed to be fun, without all these complications,” he mutters, as if talking to himself and not me. His hands are still locked behind his head as he stares at the floor. “You were so hot, and funny, and full of this unbridled energy. I wanted to be around you as much as I could. You made me forget all the shitty things in my life. I didn’t know I’d fall so hard for you. I never should’ve let this happen.”

He sniffs, his shoulders trembling.

Is he
crying
?

I debate whether or not to stroke his back, and tell him whatever it is, everything’s going to be okay. Because it obviously won’t be, not ever again. Still, my heart stutters wildly in my chest. He
“fell hard”
for me. It wasn’t all imagined on my part. Half disturbed by whatever is still bothering him, and half thrilled that we may have a chance after all, I fight off a confused smile.