Adam's List (10 page)

Adam has reminded me there can be so much more to a relationship than two good looking people hooking up and having hot sex. Levi and I have so little in common, and he almost never showed interest in me beyond the bedroom. I don’t want to end up stuck in La Crosse, spending nights alone as Levi puts in late hours at his shop. As much as I want him to have a relationship with his son, I don’t want to deal with his crazy baby momma, either. Levi’s a dead end. It was right to break things off with him.

Yet, I intertwine myself with him, my body aching for him to touch me the intimate way he does when we’re hot for each other. A low moan rumbles in his throat when my hands climb up underneath his shirt, exploring the ridges and smooth muscles I know by heart. He suddenly breaks the seal between our lips, lowering his mouth to my ear.

“Let’s go upstairs,” he whispers, trailing a line of hot kisses down my neck.

“Lee,” I protest, trying to separate my sensible thoughts from my raw desire. “It’s not a good idea.”

“We’ll just talk,” he promises, still nibbling at the skin on my collarbone. “I just want to hold you. Please, let me hold you.”

His promise of being together without sex seems genuine, yet is so unexpected that I nod, pulling him along to the entrance. One of my hall-mates holds the door open as she leaves the building, grinning at me and Levi knowingly.

Levi’s hands are all over me as we climb up to my room. After I flip on the light, he pushes me back up against the door, pinning my hands above my head. His kisses go from innocent and meaningful to hungry and wildly passionate. His tongue is relentless inside of my mouth, licking, probing, tasting.

My nagging doubts and building resistance are overtaken by my hormones as I get caught up in him, basking in the familiarity of it all. I push him off me to help peel his jacket from his arms and throw it to the floor, then his shirt. In return, he slips my shirt off so fast that my head spins. His fingers slip underneath my bra, unclasping it to massage my breasts with raw need. My body aches for him, wanting him to appease the sudden throbbing between my thighs. When his lips enclose around a nipple, sucking and tugging, a million shivers rip down my spine. He unzips my pants, playfully running a finger up and down my pelvic bone without going down to touch the part of me that wants him the most.

My panties grow wet as desire envelops me. I feel his full excitement push up against my thigh and reach into his pants for it, wanting to please him. He’s rock hard, shaking with the blood forcefully pumping through him. I wrap my hand around him and tug gently as our mouths return to eager kisses. He finally slips his fingers inside of me, and I cry out into his mouth, my body on fire.

The reality of what I’m doing doesn’t kick in until he whispers, “You like that? You want more?”

I twist from his hold, shocked by how easy it was to get carried away. “Wait.” He looks up, the hunger in his eyes pulsating. Normally, I would find it to be a major turn-on, but now it just reminds me of the one track his mind seems to be forever on. “I thought we were going to ‘just talk’.”

With a resigned sigh, he dips his head, taking a step back. “Right.” I collapse next to him on the bed. His hardness presses against the part of me that still pangs for him when he pulls me into his strong arms. “God, I’ve missed you this week.” A little grin transforms the light in his eyes, and he buries his face into my neck, breathing me in.

Licking my lips, tender from his wiry goatee, I try to decide how to tell him what I’m feeling. If I tell him I miss him, too, it would be a straight out lie. And I can’t tell him I love him, either. Because I’m 100% positive I don’t. I have no idea how I let myself get into this situation.

“I’m not taking you back. I’ve already decided to move on,” I finally say. I push on his chest, wishing I could just yell at him to let go. “Even if I
did
decide to give you another chance—”

“Move in with me.” He leans back, catching my gaze. His eyes are dull. “After you’re done with the semester.”

Heat rushes through me as my breathing becomes tight. I suddenly feel rooted in place, wanting to either scream or hit something until I collapse. “
What
?”

He shrugs. “I want to prove to you that I can do this, Jewels. I want this thing with us to work.” His fingers swipe away a strand of hair that falls in my face.

I scramble to my feet, feeling as if the walls have closed in with the bomb that came out of nowhere. I wrote Levi off, and he hasn’t crossed my mind in all the time I’ve spent with Adam. “I broke up with you for a reason. What makes you think I want to take this to another level? You’ve never even called me your
girlfriend
.”

He reaches out to hook his finger in the loop of my jeans, pulling me back down to him. “I meant what I said. I want you around and think whatever this is, it could grow into love.” His lips brush softly against mine, filled with promise, and his hands get lost in the thick of my hair.

Then it happens. His words trigger something deep down. I lose all inhibitions, and get lost in the strong arms of Levi Travis. My brain screams out to
stop
, that I’m taking things too far and Levi isn’t the one I want, but my body refuses to obey its commands.

It’s been like this since we first got together. His touches stir something within me that’s been bruised and broken since I broke up with Jason. They make me feel alive, and remind me that I’m wanted. That I’m still worthy of being loved.

Our breaths become quick and labored as we toss our jeans to the floor. He flips me on my back, rocking above me as we devour each other. Everything about his hard body feels so familiar, from the warmness of his skin to the sharp ridges of his biceps and chest. As always, when his mouth falls down to my breasts and his warm hand travels down between my legs, I become insane with desire for him. I grip his jaw, pulling his mouth back up to mine. His hand drops to the side of the bed as he fishes around for his jeans and the condom he always keeps in his back pocket.

I’ve wiggled out of my panties before Levi’s finished rolling the rubber on. He pushes inside of me with one healthy thrust, his face alight with pleasure. I dig my fingernails into his back and whimper when I realize I’m letting this happen. I want to tell him to stop instead of pushing my hips against him, matching his rhythmic thrusts. His hands wrap around my bottom, squeezing, as his tongue barges halfway down my throat.

Tears spring to my eyes. I meant to break up with him, not have a last romp. I have no idea if I still feel anything for him, or if I’m just caught up in the hot sex so I
will
feel something. My stomach roils with regret.

I open my mouth to yell out “stop”, but there’s a sudden sharp rap on the door.

Relieved by the perfect timing, I begin to wiggle out from underneath him. “It’s probably Kel,” I whisper.

“She can wait,” he mutters in a throaty voice, drawing his mouth back to mine.

I push him with enough force that he glares back angrily. “It’s her room, too. We can’t just lock her out all night.” I throw on my jeans and shirt, braless. As I pad over to the door, I twist my hair off to the side, hoping it doesn’t look too wild after Levi messed it up. At least her melted candle masks the smell of sex. Glad for the interruption, I open the door, beaming. “Hey—”

Only all excitement plummets when I’m met with Adam’s dimples.

SIX

Deep within, I celebrate the pleasurable sight of a freshly shaved Adam in my doorway, wearing a cobalt zip-up sweatshirt, his steel blue eyes alive. His excitement dwindles, however, when he gets a good look at me. “Is this a bad time?”

I hear Levi slip into his jeans behind me and suddenly forget how to swallow. I squeeze the doorknob with such force that I half expect it to shatter into a million pieces.

“Who are
you
?” Levi asks, appearing shirtless at my side. His arm slips around my waist, as if making it clear that I belong to him. I swear I can feel my heart drop into my stomach. On one hand, this may be the first time I’ve seen Levi jealous. On the other, it really pisses me off. I already broke up with him, so he has no right to play alpha male.

Adam offers his hand to Levi. “Adam Murphy.”

I almost laugh when I realize I didn’t know his last name before now and had actually considered running off with him. Maybe I
do
need to slow everything down to get my head on straight. I can’t even properly dump Levi at this point.

Levi refuses Adam’s hand as he looks him over, lip curled. “It’s late. Why are you here?”

“He’s a friend,” I snap, wiggling away. “I told him to stop by so I could give him notes for Econ.” The lie falls from my lips so effortlessly, just as it had with Kelly.

“It can wait until tomorrow,” Adam retorts, his hard gaze unrelenting.

“No, it’s okay.” I touch Levi’s chest. “I left the notes in Kel’s car. I’ll be right back.”

As I reach for the keys on the desk, Levi spins me around, pulling me in for an embarrassingly long, deep kiss. I break away from him, my face red. He hits me on the ass, hard. “Don’t be too long. We need to finish where we left off.”

Adam stands in the hallway, his eyes drawn to the side. I slam the door behind me and lead him to the safety of the stairway. “I’m sorry. I
really
wish you hadn’t seen that.”

He looks down the stairway, as if looking for someone to interrupt us, saving him from the torture. “You don’t have to apologize.” He tilts his head up to look at me, his plastic smile saying everything I need to know. The artificial nicety feels like a personal blow. Adam’s one of the most sincere guys I’ve ever known, and I’ve already forced him to fake it. “I knew you were seeing someone when we first met.”

“But I’m not.” With my heart racing in my chest, I shake my head. “I mean, I was, but I broke it off with him. It’s like I told you, it wasn’t anything serious.”

“Then who was that?”

“That was him, the guy I broke it off with. I didn’t know he was coming over tonight.

It’s complicated.” I rub at my face. “Can we meet up tomorrow so I can explain everything? I don’t want to leave things like this.”

He shuffles a small distance away from me, his palms held up. He’s difficult to read as if he’s deliberately shutting down. “It’s okay. Really. I didn’t expect this to become anything more than a friendship.”

His words bring my world crashing down in a heaping blaze. I’m such an idiot to assume he wanted to be anything beyond friends. I look down at my fingers, picking at a stubborn hangnail.

“I’ll still meet you tomorrow, but you don’t have to explain yourself,” he tells me in a soft voice. “I don’t want things to be weird between us. I don’t want to ruin what we started this week.”

Looking up to catch his gaze, desperation fills me. I don’t want to just be
friends
. I want us to fulfill his list, exploring new places and trying new things, and end the day settled in each other’s arms. “I have to work tomorrow. Can you meet me for breakfast, or does that mess with your busy schedule?”

The hint of a smirk graces his lips. “I can probably pencil you in. I’ll pick you up.

Does seven work?”

“That’s awfully early for a slacker.”

The dimples pop back into his cheeks. “I’m a people pleaser.”

I try to play it cool, but my pulse races. “So I’ve noticed.”

“See you tomorrow.” He starts down the stairway, one hand in his pocket and the other on the railing. I have to stop myself from following after him and telling him how I really feel, and that I don’t want to see him go. But a small, unsure voice reminds me once again that I may not be capable of pulling off a meaningful relationship with Adam.

Or with anyone.

“This is bullshit,” Levi hisses, collecting his jacket from the floor. “I drove over here to tell you I have these feelings for you, and you’re kicking me out? What the fuck?”

With my hands on my hips, I sigh. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t ask for this. In fact
I broke
up with you
. Nothing about that gives you an open invitation to randomly show up and expect to spend the night with me. You still haven’t done anything to prove that you’re in this for anything more than sex. Telling me you
may
love me just sounded like another way to get me to fuck you.”

His cold, hard eyes lock with mine, making a trail of dread blaze down to my gut.

“Does this have something to do with that guy who was just here? Is that why you said you wanted to see other people? Are you
fucking him
?”

He stands rigid, waiting for me to answer, veins straining against his neck, anger radiating from him in waves. Although I’ve seen him get in a few fights—one resulting in the other guy walking away with a broken nose—none of them have ever been over me.

He’s pushed me around a few times when he was drinking and upset, but he never meant it, and I’ve never been fearful that he would hit me. Until now.

Shying away, I shake my head vigorously. “No. Adam has nothing to do with this,” I say gently, hoping I can talk him down. “It’s about you and me, Levi. And we’re done.”

The tension in his neck falters, but anger still clouds his vision. “We’re
done
? You just decided this
now
?” Spittle flies with his words. “You want something serious, I asked you to move in with me! Now you’re telling me I can’t even spend the night in your dorm? What’s this all about?”

“Maybe I’m finally growing up.” When my words seem to anger him even more, I step forward to touch his arm, my eyes gentle. “Hey, you tried. It might just be too late for us. We don’t have that much in common. I don’t think there’s anything left here that we can save.”

Jerking his arm from my hold, he stares down on me with what looks like total hatred. “If I find out all of this is because of that asshole, he’s dead.” With that he storms from the room, slamming the door so hard a bunch of our pictures jump off the wall, crashing to the floor.

When the black Challenger comes into view, I pull out my compact one more time to check on the braid Kelly insisted on giving me. This time she wove my blond hair across the side of my head and pinned it in a sloppy bun at my neck. Adam seemed to like the last braid I wore, so I hope he approves of this as well. Despite her expert makeup job, my eyes are still a bit puffy from nightmares filled with Jason and Levi, each of them angry, each of them yelling at me for being such a bitch and overall disappointment.