Adam's List (5 page)

All at once I feel as if I’ll suffocate with him in my already small dorm room. I don’t want him here. He doesn’t fit into my life.

Wait, where is this coming from? Is it just because of Adam?

Just as Levi’s calloused fingers slip into my underwear and between my legs, I push him away, turning my head. “Dude, you need to shave.”

He rolls to his side, resting his hand against his head, giving me a full view of the complex mural of tattoos spiraling up his forearm. He rubs at his jaw, frowning. “Rough night last night? You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” I snap angrily.

“Why do you act like you don’t want me here?”

“I work in a couple of hours. You should’ve called.”

“It’s a nice day.” He flashes the mega-watt smile that reeled me in so many months ago. “I figured I’d take the bike out. I don’t have to stay long.”

“Just long enough for a quickie?” I ask, my eyebrows shooting up.

His brown eyes cloud over as he sits, reaching for his jacket. “Jesus, Jewels. You make it sound so cheap. What’s up your ass?”

I bring my fingers up to my temples, rubbing methodically. Am I really going to stop seeing Levi because I spent a couple hours with a guy I thought was hot and incredibly interesting? Adam said something about guys and girls just being friends. What if I’m reading too much into whatever it was that happened between us?

“It’s just...I didn’t get much sleep last night,” I say, stepping in front of him. “I’m sorry.

You were sweet enough to come see me, and I’m being a total bitch.”

He gently pulls me down to straddle his lap, and brushes my cheek with his thumb.

“Baby, I’ve missed you.”

His other hand slides up and down my thigh. Hunger flashes in his eyes, and he cranes his neck to kiss me. The familiarity of his mouth and warmness of his tongue distract me for a moment. I clutch at his face and lean into him, humming softly into his mouth when his hand climbs further up my thigh. Turning me onto my back, he pins me to the bed with his knee between my legs and devours my mouth like it’s some kind of all you can eat buffet. His impatient hands return to my breasts, none too gentle.

My thoughts randomly return to Adam, the sweet way he touched my back, how he opened the door, the sexy sparkle in his eyes when I made him laugh, the amazing way his hand felt around mine. There are so many other things I want to discover about him

—how his lips feel, the way he tastes...I imagine he’d be a gentle lover.

It occurs to me I’m fantasizing of another guy while my lips are attached to Levi’s. I quickly shove him away.

Levi gapes down on me like I punched him. “What the
fuck
?”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” I say, bolting from the bed and flying out the room.

It probably qualifies as a white lie, because it’s partially true. My insides are a mess.

I can’t stop thinking about Adam, and I really don’t want to.

I run to the row of sinks in the community bathroom and splash my face with cold water. As I’m patting my face dry with a paper towel, a couple of my hall-mates greet me with a “hey” before I’m all alone.

Swishing a handful of water through my mouth, I stare into the cracked mirror, taking a hard look at myself. What
am
I doing with Levi? My mom’s voice enters my head, ready to lecture on what I’ve done wrong this time.
You wanted this thing with Levi.

You’re the one who approached him that night.

I spit the mouthful of water at the mirror. “Get your shit together,” I tell my reflection, wrinkling my nose.

As I approach my room, a bout of high laughter seeps out. I walk in to find Kelly standing across from Levi, wearing the same low cut blouse and leggings from the night before. She looks ten times better than I do, her dark brown hair strategically pulled back into a sloppy bun, her makeup perfectly applied on her sharp cheek bones and pouty lips. It’s rather infuriating how she doesn’t look even the slightest bit hung over when I know she was doing jello shots half the night. And who
knows
where she slept.

This is my best friend.

We met the first day of Spanish class freshman year. When our professor said we were only allowed to speak to each other in Spanish, Kelly turned to me and asked if I wanted to drink tequila in the bathroom. It was supposed to be a joke, but I totally got her humor. She turned out to be borderline genius, and became my tutor for nearly any class I struggled in.

We became inseparable almost immediately. She was always around, driving my assigned invert of a roommate insane. Kelly may, at times, be a bit wild, and I can’t always count on her to be there—like when she disappears from parties—but she was there to pick up the pieces after the depression nearly crippled me, when none of my

“friends” from high school stepped up. She spent countless hours at my side when I didn’t want to talk, brought me food when I didn’t care if I ate. It would’ve been easy to completely give up on everything if she hadn’t been there.

Her big brown eyes flash wide when I clear my throat. “Jewels, holy shit! What
happened
to you?”

I scoff. “I held up a bakery downtown. Didn’t you see it in the news?” When Kelly puts on her pouty face, I sigh. “I don’t know for sure. I hardly drank anything last night.

Maybe that seafood sub I had for lunch was bad,” I say, not wanting her to think I’m contagious. Because unless she’s seeing someone who she’s thinking of breaking it off with, she won’t.

“You’re
puking
sick?” Levi asks, backing away like I just told him I have the Ebola virus. “I have to man the shop by myself this week.”

“You know, I’m not really sure. I guess it could be the stomach flu.” For an added dramatic effect, I even touch my forehead. “I do feel a bit flushed. There’s something really nasty going around campus. Kids are dropping like flies.”

“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” It’s almost comical how fast Levi skitters to the door. “Babe, I want to hang out, but I can’t afford to close the shop for even a day.

You know how it is.”

“Don’t worry, I
totally
understand.”

After a quick glance he’s out the door, no goodbye or kisses. He wouldn’t want to risk the chance of catching my
disease
.

“
Bye
,” Kelly sings after the closed door. “I take it he spent the night?”

I reel on her, reminding myself that literally strangling someone is considered
assault
. “Where in the
hell
did you go last night? We looked all over for you!”

In typical Kelly style, she rolls her eyes, snorting. “Would you relax? I lost my phone right after I sent you that last text. I couldn’t find you so I went over to Krista Slaytor’s place for an after-party, figuring you’d end up there. I passed out on her floor. And you said
we.
Are you saying Levi
did
come here last night, or do you have a little friend in your pocket?”

“Damn it, Kel!” I yell in her face. “One of these times you’re going to hook up with the wrong guy and end up behind some dumpster! If for some
idiotic
reason I ever agree to hit a party with you again, I’m not letting you out of my sight! You’re like a freaking toddler!”

“Alright, alright!” she concedes, dropping her shoulders. “I’m sorry. Now, will you tell me what just happened between you and loverboy? I don’t believe that you were actually throwing up. I’ve only ever seen you do that when hung over, and I know you weren’t
that
drunk last night.”

Laughing a hallow sound, I saunter over to my bed. “For all you know, I was pole dancing all night.”

Kelly reaches for our little fridge with her long arm, pulling out a bottle of water. “The old Jewels would’ve drunk everyone else under the table, but the new and yet-to-be-determined,
improved
Jewels is worried she’ll get too drunk and cheat on her steady fuck buddy.”

My face burns hot. Even though I was on the sober side, Levi was constantly on my mind while I was flirting with Adam. And now I’ve done everything I can to turn him down and push him away. My head’s a mess.

“Is that it?” Kelly asks with wide eyes. “Did you cheat on him last night? I won’t judge. Seriously. It’s not like you two are an official thing anyway.” She crosses the room to sit on the mattress beside me, taking a long pull of water while still watching me like I’m one of her stupid reality shows.

“No,
god
.” I steal the water from her for a swig. “It wasn’t like that.”

She pulls in a sharp breath. “Wasn’t like
what
? What happened?
Spill
.”

My lips grow tight. Kelly’s the best friend I’ve had in a long time. Yet somehow the thought of telling her about Adam makes it feel like I’m validating the fact that I actually see myself having a
relationship
with the guy, and that shit is forbidden as long as I’m with Levi. I made the mistake of cheating on someone once before, and I’m still dealing with the consequences.

“It was nothing.” I look down at my hands, folded in my lap. “I met someone at the party. We’re going out for pizza tonight.” I tell her all the details of my night with Adam, except for the part where we watched other couples getting it on because in hindsight it seems incredibly voyeuristic.

“Hole. E.
Shit
!” she squeals, jumping to her feet and doing her crazy little excited dance. “You’re totally going to end up with someone your own age who doesn’t already have a kid with someone else, and who doesn’t just use you for sex because you’re hot!”

“Feel free to tell me how you
really
feel about Levi.”

She reaches down to slap my leg. “Like you don’t already know?”

“I just
met
a guy. Doesn’t mean it’s time to start a wedding board on Pinterest.”

“Think about this, Jewels. You and Levi have been going out for
months
, and he’s made it crystal clear that he’s never going to get serious with you.” She grabs me by my shoulders. “Would you stop and look at yourself? You’re young, and funny, and sweet, and drop dead gorgeous. There’s no reason you need to stay with Levi. I mean, I get it.

He’s incredibly hot, and you say the sex is great, but is it really worth it?”

“Are my parents funding this conversation?”

She laughs joyously, stopping to lay a wet kiss on my cheek. “Damn it, I love you, but sometimes you’re pretty dense. If you’re attracted to another guy, give it a chance, woman! No one is saying you have to stop seeing Levi just because you’re going to meet with this guy. Besides, you’ve been all mopey and shit for way too long. And look at you now, you’re actually excited about something!”

“It’s possible I’m just really attracted to this Adam guy, and the feelings aren’t’

mutual. Maybe he’s looking for a friend.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” She pats my back real condescendingly-like.

“Wait, is that why you look like Lady Gaga? Did you have another nightmare?”

A knot lodges in my throat. I nod.

“Oh, hon.” Her arms wrap around me. Underneath a ton of cheap perfume, I can smell the pungent odor of vodka seeping from her pores. “Maybe you should go back on the sleeping pills.”

“No way. And do
not
tell my mom I’m still having them next time she stops by,” I threaten, pulling away from her. “She’ll just make me go back to that shrink.”

Smiling devilishly, she says, “If you let me do your hair for this date, I won’t say a word.”

I raise my eyebrows. “This is what our friendship has come to? Blackmail?” I throw my hands in the air and stand. “And here I considered asking you to be one of my bridesmaids.”

“See? You’re totally back to your old self. Hop in the shower and let Momma Kelly fix you up. This Adam guy is going to see you for the first time by the light of day. You don’t want him to think you’re a vampire.”

I gather my shower supplies in my arms. “You know
exactly
what to say to make a girl feel better.”

She slaps me on the ass, making me squawk. “Just
go
already. We’ve got major work to do. Your eyebrows are a mess and I think I see the start of a zit under your chin.

It’s going to take nothing short of sacrificing a virgin to save you.”

“At least we know your life won’t be at risk!” I yell over my shoulder.

My co-workers throw me funny glances during my shift at the library. Kelly went a little overboard on the shimmering eyeshadow and revealing outfit. When she left our room, I grabbed a bright chevron scarf to wear over her low-cut shirt. I feel more at home in one of my favorite concert t-shirts, a pair of worn jeans, and my Vans. At least I was able to talk her into braiding my hair off to the side so I feel somewhat normal.

It’s nearly five when my gut goes wild. I have no idea how much Adam had to drink when we met. Maybe he’s actually one of those who can be loaded and hide it really well. Maybe he’ll change his mind and decide he’s not interested in seeing me again.

My supervisor, Felicia, watches me from behind the front desk as I sort through returned books. She rests her chin on her hand, pointing a pencil my way. “You’re awfully chipper for once, and you’re dressed like one of those preppy assholes. Should I be researching signs of alien abductions?”

“Can’t a girl just be filled with unbridled bliss by her thankless job?”

“No. Either you’re fearful that you’re going to turn into a fairy with all that junk on your eyes, or you’re just incredibly eager for
something
.” She lowers her dark framed glasses to the bridge of her crooked nose like an old librarian, even though she’s just a year older than me. “Which is it?”

“I’m just
meeting
someone,” I say, feeling a wide grin creep across my lips. “It’s no big deal.” I grab a tissue from the counter and blot lightly at my eyes, hoping to lessen the look without completely ruining it. Kelly’s skilled at using makeup, but sometimes she likes a little too much flash for anything that doesn’t involve a Broadway production.