Adam's List (9 page)

Adam runs a hand across the back of his neck, smirking. “I definitely don’t know anything about
those
classes except maybe English Lit, but is there any way I can help you study?”

Parked in a grassy lot on the edge of town, we alternate between Adam quizzing me on the relevant chapters, and me reading my latest assignment while he listens to Nirvana. At first I feared there’d be too much pressure parked together in a deserted place in the dark, but the time flies by. Before I know it, it’s nearly midnight and we’ve completed the final album.

“Well?” I ask, unplugging my phone. “What’s the verdict?”

Adam rubs at his chin. “The guy has a really interesting voice, and I can see why you think the drummer is so amazing.” He beams back at me against the dashboard’s glow. “Do I get to wear this shirt again?”

“Not so fast. Which song was your favorite?”

He taps his fingers on the steering wheel for a moment. “The one where he sang about having a new complaint, I guess. It had a wicked melody.”

I sigh, pretending it pains me to grant him the permission. “Okay, you’re allowed to wear the shirt now. Just don’t let me catch you again buying one from a band you know nothing about. Next time I won’t be quite as lenient.”

Over the next week, we fall into a familiar routine. Adam picks me up either at my dorm or the library. Most nights we grab supper on campus before going somewhere quiet where he helps me cram for finals. By our fourth night out, I ditch Kelly’s fashionable clothes for my comfy band t-shirts with hole-covered capris, cuff bracelets and favorite Vans. Adam’s eyes turn bright when he first sees me in my natural state, making my heart flutter even faster.

From our deep conversations between studying, I’m finally able to get a better overall sense of Adam. He tells me he was never overly athletic, though he does love a good game of ping pong or bowling. He knows movies the way I know music, and can quote a line from just about any one when challenged. He’s read as many books as I probably have over the years, preferring horror to any other genre. He sometimes volunteers at the Make a Wish Foundation in memory of his friend Zach, and he donates blood when Red Cross sponsors drives. He has a gaggle of little cousins he loves to watch play sports, though they live four hours away so it’s hard for him to catch their games. He’s always felt like he’s living in his brother’s shadow, even though he’s the oldest. He thinks his mom is incredibly shallow, and his dad is a big pushover.

By the time Friday rolls around, I’m either doodling Adam’s name like a love-struck high school girl, or secretly planning out places we could hit on our epic trip across the country. That afternoon I’m so lost in daydreams as I walk across campus to my last class that I hardly notice when my phone vibrates in my hand. I look down to find my first text from Adam.

Hate to do this, but have to take a raincheck for tonight. I’ll call u tomorrow.

We had reservations for a comedy club in Rochester as a way to reward ourselves for all the studying we’ve crammed in. My heart sinks as the voice of self-doubt immediately takes over, storming in like an uninvited guest. He didn’t give any explanation for why he’s canceling. Although things have been going so well between us, what if he changed his mind about me altogether, and this is the official blow-off?

For the rest of the day, it’s as if a storm cloud hangs over every move I make, dark and cold, sucking every bit of joy from me that’s built up in the time I spent with Adam.

Since I asked for the night off from the library, there’s nothing to stop me from obsessing over our canceled plans. I waste a couple hours completing assignments, flipping through the boring channels on TV, and even trying to read a book before getting incredibly frustrated. Even my favorite playlist of songs fails to calm me down.

I resort to pacing the room, my irrational fears nearly crippling. Why would he cancel without giving any kind of reason? What if he randomly tells me the trip is off, and just disappears from my life as quickly as he came in?

This is exactly why I can’t let myself get involved with someone again. I’ve become emotionally unhinged.

When Kelly comes breezing in from work, I heave in great relief. “Thank god. We need to go somewhere. Do something. Get me the
hell
out of here.”

She peels her sweatshirt off, giving me a wild look. “What’s with you? You out of crack or something?”

“No. I just...I don’t know. I’m on edge, I guess.” I take a long, slow breath, gathering my hair into a ponytail behind my head. “Adam and I had plans tonight, and he just randomly canceled. No excuse, nothing.”

“Ah.” As she quickly strips out of her uniform on the way to our shared closet, she’s giggling. “It’s only been a week since you dumped the anchor, and you’re all hyped up over this new guy. Codependent much?”

Irritated, I rub at my face. “Can we just forget it and go out? I need to go...somewhere. I can’t stay in this stupid room any longer.”

“Whatever you say.” She emerges from the closet, already wearing skinny jeans and my favorite turquoise blouse. “Get dressed. We’re going to Matt’s.”

Going to a frat house wasn’t what I had in mind when I told Kelly I wanted to get out, especially after nearly losing her last time we went out together. But a much smaller crowd gathers at the old two-story house our friend shares with twelve others. Most of the brothers have some level of a girlfriend, and I get along with most of them. Nights like this I feel awkward, however, like the proverbial third wheel on a big rig. Still, I’m thankful for the distraction, and glad that Kelly is willing to humor me.

Kelly and Matt have a hot and cold relationship that I quit trying to understand long ago. She sits on his lap while sipping on her drink, his long fingers comfortably resting at the top of her thighs. He’s a decent guy with boyish looks and bedroom eyes that sometimes make me flush, plus, he always makes the Dean’s List. I guess he’s just not interested in dating anyone at this point in life, and Kelly’s okay with the occasional hook up.

The guys mostly talk about sports, so I find myself playing with my phone half the night, pinning cute outfits and trolling on irritating videos. I nearly jump out of my seat when my phone suddenly rings, a selfie of Levi and I from one drunken night filling the screen. I pull in a long, stuttering breath. Even if Adam doesn’t ever call me again after today, it was still a wise decision to cut loose from Levi.

“I’ll be right back,” I tell Kelly, slipping into the hallway. The smell of old house mixed in with what I think to be stale beer and sweaty feet about makes me gag. My heartbeat rakes my chest when I accept the call, bracing myself for the sound of Levi’s sexy voice.

“Jewels?” his speech is drawn out, although not quite slurred. “Baby, where are you?

I want to see you.”

I let out a low laugh under my breath. There’s nothing about these drunken booty calls from him that I could ever possibly miss. Since I couldn’t get into the bars, most nights he was out I’d stay home to watch movies. He’d come looking for me after closing to have sex before passing out.

My hand tightens around the phone. “I’m at school. And you’re drunk.”

“I’m standing outside your room. Your light’s not on.”

“You’re at my house?” When I picture my dad finding Levi in our yard, drunk, my pulse quickens. They’ve never even met him, and my dad owns several guns. I haven’t bothered to tell my parents that we’re over. If Levi tells them in this state of mind, it would give my dad an excuse to call the cops without worrying about how it would affect me. Just because I don’t want to be with Levi anymore doesn’t mean I want to see him thrown in jail.

“No. I’m outside your dorm.”

“
What
? Levi, tell me you’re joking.” I picture him driving his Harley across town, swerving over lines and cutting off traffic.

“Why did you leave me?” There’s an angry nip to his words. “We had a good thing going, baby. Come down. I wanna see you.”

Different scenarios race through my mind. I could bring Kelly and Matt with me, but they’re having a good time, and I don’t want to ruin her night, too. Plus, I’m sure she’d try to talk me into leaving Levi to pass out on the campus lawn, but I can’t do that to him. I could bring him back here to crash for the night, but he’d be livid to wake up surrounded by the type of guys he loathes. Maybe it’d be best to tuck him in my bed and take the couch at Matt’s.

For a sliver of a second, I consider asking for Adam’s help. But I don’t want to get him involved in this, and I don’t want him to see Levi pawing me in his drunken stupor.

And I don’t want to have to explain to him that Levi’s upset because I dumped him in anticipation of something happening between us. Besides, it’s not the
sole
reason I rid myself of him.

“
Stay there
,” I command, as if he’s a puppy. When he gets this loaded, there isn’t much of a difference. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

I shove my phone back into my pocket and run into the other room. Kelly’s completely entangled in Matt’s arms now, her head resting on his shoulder. A crooked smile passes her lips as he tells a story that has everyone rolling in laughter.

“Kel, can I borrow your car?” I ask, hoping she won’t see the anxiety in my eyes. “I told Sierra I’d give her the notes from class today before she leaves for the weekend.”

Lying to my best friend feels like I’ve reached a new low, but I don’t want her to worry.

Levi isn’t her problem. “I’ll come get you whenever you’re ready.”

She tosses me the keys without any question.

“I’ll give you a ride when you’re ready,” Matt offers, rubbing his hand slowly up and down her arm. His brown eyes, two shades lighter than Kelly’s but still giving off the same warmth, twinkle with mischief.

“Thanks,” I say, flashing him a nervous smile. The way things are going between them, Kelly won’t be coming home tonight. And that means I’ll be stuck all alone with Levi. A ball of dread stirs in my chest.

Once I’ve wound my way through the far end of visitor parking, the headlights finally stumble across Levi’s Harley parked in the section reserved for motorcycles, his helmet resting on the handlebars.
Shit.
Guilty pangs hit me like a punch to the gut. He never drives his Harley when he’s been drinking. He cares more about his bike than he does about his own life. Is it possible that I somehow broke him?

I continue on to student parking and hurry across the road to the dorms. Levi sits alone on a bench underneath the yard light in the grassy knoll, head bent with his hair falling around his face, elbows resting on his knees, hands folded in front of him. For a fleeting moment I’m reminded of the day he was told his mom had breast cancer. He was so devastated, and it was the only time I ever saw him cry.

“Lee?” I call out softly, surprised to hear my pet name for him resurface.

His head slowly tilts up and he pushes his hair behind his ear to meet my gaze. The glowing whites of his eyes penetrate the darkness, igniting something deep inside me.

“Jewels. I figured you wouldn’t come.”

Suppressed affection pushes at my chest, pulls at my heartstrings. He may not have his shit together, but there was a short time I was falling head over heels for this beautiful man. Or maybe it was just the idea of him. “Did you drive your bike like this?”

He stands, running a nervous hand through his dirty blond hair. A fire burns inside me as his muscular torso twists underneath his snug shirt and Harley jacket. No matter how much I want to despise what he’s done to me, a part of me will always be attracted to him. “I only had one drink. I came to apologize.”

Resolving to hold my ground, I cross my arms, frowning. “For what?”

“Being an ass.” He lifts his hands out at his sides before shoving them in his jeans pockets. “I mean, look at you. Any guy would kill for a chance to be yours, and I threw it down the shitter. You deserve better. I don’t want to lose you, Jewels. I shouldn’t have been such a dick when you called.”

Still not convinced, I shake my head. He was the first guy I wanted to date in a long time. I couldn’t believe it when he wanted to be with
me
and thought I was
so
lucky when he agreed to go out a second time. But it just goes to show how naive I’ve been. “I was never yours, Levi. I was just there to fulfill your sexual needs. I don’t need that kind of a codependent relationship. It isn’t healthy.”

He bursts forward, stopping just a foot away. I recoil a bit when the scent of leather and Axe deodorant appease my senses, reminding me of all our past intimate encounters. Reminding me of the way his hard body feels pressed against mine.

“You’re wrong,” he says in a low voice. His eyes are rimmed with a puffy redness, as if he’s actually been crying. “I mean, yeah, at first I was amped at the thought of having sex with you. Who wouldn’t be? But I never should’ve said those things about not wanting anything serious with you. My head was a mess all day when I realized I may never see you again. I know I can be a real asshole sometimes, but I’m begging you to give me another chance.”

He reaches out suddenly, pulling me up against him. My body vibrates with the familiar feel of his hands against the small of my back, the way our hips fit together. “I think I might love you, Jewels.”

I balk. All thoughts of Levi being crude, immature, and heartless fade away with the three little words I thought he wasn’t capable of feeling. My lips part with a small gasp.

Levi misunderstands the act, seeing it as an opportunity to kiss me. His mouth feels uncharacteristically gentle against mine as his warm tongue nudges its way inside, filling my taste buds with a hint of mouthwash. One of his hands reaches up to cradle my face as the kiss intensifies.

I stand with my arms stiff at my sides, still engaged in an internal battle, even though my mouth and the rest of my body respond to him on their own. A few weeks ago, this would’ve been exactly what I wanted, for Levi to actually
want
to be with me. But in just a couple of days, it feels like everything has changed.