Adam's List (4 page)

“What’s wrong?” Adam asks.

I twist at one of my curls, a nervous habit I developed after I grew my hair out to the middle of my back. “Maybe we should go back to the dorms. Kelly could’ve found her way home. She could be so passed out she can’t hear her phone. Besides, I don’t want to hang around this house of fun any longer than we have to.”

“Okay. My car’s down a block.” Adam rests his hand on my lower back again, steering me to a two-door car that looks pretty sleek in the moonlight. As we pull away from the curb, I text what I get the feeling will probably be the first of many lies to Levi.

Kel’s sleeping
.
Talk tomorrow
.

My dorm hall, a large brick building four stories high on the west side of campus that houses both guys and girls, is covered in darkness, save for a few who must be cramming in homework. It’s pretty typical this late on a Saturday to see lights out as everyone is either at a party, working, or in bed. All of campus looks cold and barren from a recent rainfall—the safety lights over the sidewalks are the only sign of life. While I’ve always regretted staying local instead of going to a bigger city, I have to admit there’s something about being in my hometown that gives me a touch of comfort. My senior year we went to a few parties on campus, so I vaguely knew my way around.

Adam stares at the building, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. “Want me to wait, in case she’s not in there?”

“It’s late,” I say, conferring with my phone to see it’s well after midnight. “If she isn’t here, I guess she’ll have to find her own way back.”

I feel like a failure as her friend. If I had been in the right state of mind, I would’ve known better than to let her wander off by herself in the first place. It certainly isn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened, and I know it won’t be the last. I’ve done everything short of threatening to get her one of those kid leashes.

“Okay.” Adam says, his voice tinged with disappointment.

Quite frankly, I don’t want him to leave either. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed talking with someone this much. But what other options do we have? He can’t come in the dorms, and I’m not going to sit out in this car with him all night.

“You didn’t tell me what you majored in before you dropped out,” I say, looking for a way to stall the inevitable goodbye.

“Give it your best guess.”

“Theatre arts?” I ask with a smirk.

Adam snickers quietly under his breath. “Philosophy. At one time I considered being a lawyer, but only because my dad was pushing it. It wasn’t for me. It’s totally my little brother’s kind of thing.” He rubs at his neck with a shy grin. “I’m not really sure what I’m cut out for. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

“Yeah, you don’t seem the lawyerly type,” I tease. “I would’ve put my money on acting.”

“You wouldn’t be totally off base. I could get behind the whole production of movies and television thing. My uncle directed a sitcom back in the 90s. It only ran one season before it was canceled and didn’t pay the best, but he loved his job. I just have a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea of reporting to the same place every single day.

I guess I need to look into something that has a bit more flexibility.”

“You never know until you try, right?” A moment of silence follows. I shift around in my seat. “How about I give you my number, you know, just in case you ever decide you want more help on that list of yours.”

His beautiful eyes glow in the dashboard light. “Is that the only reason I can call you?”

“No, unless you’re secretly some kind of stalker.”

With a deep chuckle, he pulls his iPhone from his pocket and hits the screen a few times before handing it to me. “Good. I was hoping we could hang out some time.”

Our fingers are electrified when they touch. There’s something happening between us whether I want to admit it or not. My throat pinches. “I—”

“Enough with the
seeing someone
thing,” he huffs, looking both pained and annoyed. “I just want to hang out. Guys and girls
can
be friends.”

“I was going to say I have to work tomorrow until five, and I have a few assignments I need to work on.” I giggle, typing my number in before handing his phone back. Our eyes catch. “But I’d love to
hang out
for a little bit after work if that’s cool with you.”

I don’t know where this offer to meet up came from. It’s like there’s a pull between us, and I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. Since I don’t really believe in all that soulmate crap,
especially
with Levi
,
there can’t be any harm in exploring my options.

A grin slowly makes its way across his face. “In that case, can I take you out for pizza? Say around five? I’ll pick you up here.”

“Hmmm. Sounds suspiciously like a
date
.”

“It’s
pizza
, Jewels.” He glances at my number before tossing his phone on the dashboard. “I had fun tonight.”

“Me too,” I say, reaching for the door handle. “Thanks for the ride.”

His warm smile makes me flush. “I’ll see you soon.”

From the sidewalk I watch his car take off down the road. I’m completely blindsided by this stranger who just waltzed into my life. Everything about him will stick with me for a long time: his deep voice, his steel gray eyes and the way they seem to bore right through me, the way I felt exhilarated
just sitting next to him. For longer than I care to admit, I’ve been bored by my mundane existence, numbing it with alcohol or drowning it out with movies on the couch in a ratty t-shirt and yoga pants. Maybe it’s just another sign that I shouldn’t be with Levi. If he was good for me, wouldn’t that void have been filled?

Tonight it was like I woke up long enough to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. I finally feel
alive
again.

After a restless night, I wake to the sound of voices shouting in the hallway. The sun shines brightly through the window overlooking Kelly’s empty bed. Our room is small, like the other doubles in the hall, but always orderly. Pictures of our adventures the past two years line a metal wire strung on the wall running along our two miniature sized desks that are hardly ever used for anything other than folded laundry. When we’re working on homework, we either take our laptops to our twin cots, or huddle on the couch at the end of my bed.

The white brick walls make for a sterile atmosphere, so we counter it with my collection of concert posters hung in cheap plastic frames of assorted colors. Kelly always has some kind of scent burning in the electric candle warmer, this week’s a combination of coconut and spring in anticipation of the upcoming summer break.

Freshman year was a different story. I was on a different floor where I roomed with one of the strangest people I had ever met. Sarah had shifty eyes and showed very little emotion. I’m pretty sure she didn’t have any friends as she was always around when not in classes. She wouldn’t let me put anything on the walls, or play music while she was studying. Kelly and I made it our mission to find ways to irritate Sarah so that she would retreat to the library, giving us free range to crank our favorite tunes and become the place where all our hall-mates wanted to hang out. After I hit the wall of depression, however, Sarah eventually resumed studying in our silent room. Kelly still came around, but it wasn’t the same.

I bolt upright, glad I didn’t drink enough the night before to have the usual brutal hangover. Finding Kelly will require a clear head. I could start at the party house, but what if that big guy who kicked us out of his room recognizes me? Would Adam come along if I asked? He has wheels, which would be a major bonus if Kelly’s too hung over for the long walk back, or if I need to get away from that big guy in a hurry.

I’ve been up all of two minutes and I’m already thinking of Adam. It’s not just that he’s incredibly good looking, but there was an invisible connection drawing me to him that
felt
so right. I could’ve talked to him all night long if it hadn’t been for my conscience dragging me down. While agreeing to meet him again may have been a mistake, I can hardly wait for the chance to talk to him again.

Meeting Levi was a completely different experience. There was so much alcohol involved that I only remember bits and pieces of the night. He was hot, I was horny.

What we probably both thought was going to be a one night stand suddenly became me wanting more of the great sex he delivered. It filled the empty void. The next time we got together it was awkward because we were virtual strangers who had barely said more than a few sentences to each other. We still don’t get into deep conversations beyond sex.

I untangle my sweaty limbs from the bed sheets and grab my phone before springing to my feet. The mirror next to the closet shows dark circles underneath my normally bright blue eyes. Without eyeliner and mascara, they seem deceivingly innocent, reflecting confusion and regret. My blond hair sits in a rat’s nest above my head where I must’ve pushed on my pillow in the night. Even my skin looks a pasty white.

Holy hell
. I look one step away from death. I fell asleep shortly after Adam brought me back, and the usual nightmares involving Jason followed. Sometimes the dreams will start out bittersweet, a replay of prom, or homecoming, or one of a thousand other things Jason and I did in our happier days. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, the dreams play out as if Jason and I got married and had a gaggle of kids while living in a suburb.

But I can always count on the dreams turning dark and terrifying. Too many times Jason will appear distorted, yelling at me in a voice that doesn’t sound human. I can never understand the words he’s saying.

For a time I was on sleeping pills that would quiet the dreams, but they really messed me up in the mornings, making me too groggy for early classes, so I convinced my doctor I was past needing them. Only I wasn’t, and the nightmares resumed. My mental health has waged a delicate battle this past year between what I can handle, and what makes me appear sane. If it weren’t for the pills, I doubt I’d be functioning in a way that’s acceptable to my parents.

Then again, if it weren’t for the pills, maybe I’d be able to cry again. Maybe I’d be able to feel some kind of emotion instead of this dull static that I mask with humor and feigned happiness.

Sometimes I hardly recognize myself anymore. My mom tells me that when I was a baby and toddler, people always stopped her because I had the biggest smile they had ever seen on a child. In elementary and middle school, I was always getting into trouble because I was unable to be quiet or sit still. I was voted “most likely to go places” in high school because I was always so full of energy and positive vibes. When I first signed up for college, I was determined to find a career filled with the most amount of interaction because I loved being around people.

I’m still studying my disheveled reflection in the mirror when there’s a knock at the door. Hopeful that Kelly forgot her key again, I bound toward the door and swing it open.

Levi’s smoldering gaze waits for me on the other side.

“Hey, gorgeous. Miss me?”

THREE

Meet Levi Travis.

Twenty-five, never been married, estranged father of one toddler. Thin leather coat, black button down, dark jeans, black boots. Dirty blond hair hanging loosely around his chiseled jaw in slight waves from his helmet. Intense brown eyes that pierce right through you, straight nose, full lips. He oozes sex appeal. No,
seriously
. I have this theory that he bathes in pheromones.

Sometimes it feels more like a physical thing between us. It’s not like we’ve ever sent each other love notes or read sonnets, and he’s never called me his girlfriend. And the two of us really don’t have anything in common other than sex. There are times when I’m hanging with him and his buddies that I even wonder if my role in the

“relationship” is to look pretty so he can brag.

For the record, bikers have never really been “my type,” but somehow I fell hard and fast for Levi. Maybe it was the “older” guy thing, or maybe it was because he’s just so damn good looking. Or it could’ve been the three shots of Patrón that gave me the courage to approach him in the first place.

While anyone who watches
Sons of Anarchy
would melt in his presence, my heart does a series of flips for different reasons. Why in the hell is he here?

“It’s after
noon,
Jewels. Did you just wake up?” When I don’t move, he tips his head back, irritated. “So you going to let me in, or what?”

I finally snap from my stupor and rise to my tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the lips before opening the door all the way. “Yeah, sorry! What are you doing here?”

He breezes past me, slipping out of his jacket before flopping down on my bed with a shallow laugh. “I can leave if you want.” Throwing his jacket on the couch, he gives me an annoyed stare.

I roll my eyes, sitting on the edge of the bed at his side. “Shit, Levi, you surprised me is all. Give me a minute. I just got out of bed.”

“Well, get your ass back
in
.”

He grabs my arm, yanking me down on my back next to him, making it clear he’s here for a booty call. Flipping over to linger above me, he brushes his dry, wind-burned lips over mine repeatedly, with urgency. His hands trail up underneath my night shirt, immediately cupping my breasts, rubbing rough circles around my nipples with his thumbs until they’re hard. His tongue darts around in my mouth, tasting like old copper and Mountain Dew. I try to kiss him back, but my heart isn’t in it.

Before today I would totally be into him at times like this. He’s a skilled lover, making the sex pretty hot, even though I’ve never had an orgasm with him. Or
any
guy. Still, my body would pang in a delightful way, and I’d help him strip off his jeans so we could get down to business. Now, however, his wiry facial hair is annoying, his favorite cheap cologne mixed with the lingering scent of leather suffocating. Amid his low moans, I feel him growing hard against my leg. He’s like an animal in heat, ready to ram anything that moves.