Authors: Jennifer Ann
He flinches with wide eyes, reaching for my hand. I carefully push him away with my other hand. “Trust me,” I whisper. “You’re going to dig this.”
I unbutton his shorts and release him through the slit in his boxer shorts. Titling my head to the side, I allow my long hair to make a veil between us and the rest of the bus, taking my time to suck and pull at his bottom lip, letting my other hand stroke his growing excitement. He moans soft and low in my mouth, letting his hand nearest the window creep up the bottom of my dress to my bare butt. A thousand nerves burst at the touch of his fingers against my skin.
“Raise your hand if your buddy isn’t on the bus!” the woman at the front of the bus announces.
“My buddy’s
definitely
on the bus,” I whisper in Adam’s ear, tugging him carefully.
“And he’s a
big
guy.”
I kiss him again, stronger, more urgent as his fingers trail their way to the spot that’s already wet and pounding, begging him to enter. His thumb swipes up and down at the edge of my thong before pushing it aside to freely caress me.
“Okay, we’re off to our next stop!” the woman calls joyfully over the speaker system.
The bus crawls forward. The other couples on board shout and whistle excitedly. The aisle lights turn off, making it dark in the bus except for the bright lights from outside.
It’s the most intoxicating, sensual moment of my life. I’m in my favorite city, doing something that’s so wrong with someone who feels incredibly right.
Once I’m good and wet, his smooth fingers, soft and gentle against my tender skin, press up inside of me. I’ve been craving him for so long today that I already feel ready to climax. I bite down on his lip to keep from moaning loudly.
I gasp into his mouth instead, nearly forgetting to keep my own hand in motion. His breaths turn hot and heavy, becoming faster and faster with each of my carefully paced tugs. I feel his hips swaying ever so slightly with my strokes as he reaches the height of arousal.
My senses are electrified by his delightfully masculine smell, sounds of his raspy breaths, the delectable taste of his sweet tongue, the way his fingers brush and prod, the tender look on his face when I dare to open my eyes. I’ve never wanted anyone so badly.
“
Goddamn
,” he whispers, biting at my ear lobe. “I really want inside of you.”
I don’t have to be told twice. Moving quickly, I shift my hips and yank his hand away to make room for me before he can protest. I’m so wet and primed for action that he slips inside of me without any problem, though I do let out a soft squeal into his mouth from the sheer girth of him. Adam gasps deeply. Rocking my pelvis with slow, precise movements, I push my hips down until I can feel his large tip filling me. He groans into my mouth, his clutch on my butt cheeks tightening. He frees a hand to cradle one of my breasts, kneading the nipple between his fingers.
Amidst laughter, animated conversations, and the overwhelming stench of booze, Adam and I have sex for the first time. It’s so much better than in a hotel room or the back of the pickup where there’s time for reflection and moments of pause. There’s a hot kind of disconnection being out in public, and I love it. In this moment we are boundless, nothing more than lovers.
Adam Murphy has given me all there is to offer of himself, and it’s every bit as amazing as my deepest fantasies could imagine.
I limit my thrusts, trying not to make what we’re doing in the back of the bus so obvious. Our mouths sealed together dull the sounds of our enduring, passion-fueled cries. Adam’s grasp on me becomes so tight, I know he’s getting ready to explode.
He breaks the contact of our mouths to whisper with a gulp, “Damn it, I’m gonna come.”
“It’s good. I have an IUD.” I add a harder thrust of my hips, allowing him to go extra deep.
He sucks hard on my bottom lip and trembles in my arms, releasing into me with a quick, stuttered breath before burring his face in the curve of my neck, panting. I let out a satisfied sigh and tangle my fingers in his thick hair, cradling his sweaty head against my chest.
“You just had sex on a bus,” I whisper among a giggle. “How’s
that
for your list?”
For the rest of the short ride, I snuggle against Adam, locking my right hand with his.
He methodically rubs my arms, sometimes stopping to kiss the side of my head. The realization that I’m completely smitten with him washes over me. How can someone so beautiful and fun to be around be single, and all
mine
?
I wish there was a way to make time stop so this night would never have to end.
Having sex with Adam ignited all the senses that have been asleep inside of me for so long. Although it wasn’t sweet and tender, it’s something I’ve been wanting to do ever since we first met, and we’ve made the kind of ultimate connection that can’t be undone.
If anyone caught on to what the mysterious couple was doing in the back of the bus, they either don’t let on, or just really don’t care. Maybe they’ve seen it before. We exit among the other passengers without anyone gaping or stopping us, following the crowd into a low-lit Irish pub.
The raw, amped sounds of a live band are a total delight to my ears. The large pub, packed with patrons like sardines in a can, smells as if someone soaked old gym socks in whiskey. The line for the bar is at least three four in some places. Three redheaded waitresses dressed in tight blouses run back and forth beneath the flags of Ireland, taking money and passing out drinks with tight, stressed-out smiles.
I turn to Adam, as delighted as a school girl. “I do believe we’ve crashed a pub crawl!”
His eyes are missing their usual spark when he smiles back. “Can I get you a drink?”
“I’ll take whatever’s light on tap! I’m going to visit the bathroom! Meet you on the dance floor!” I kiss him and find my way to the restrooms at the back of the bar, behind where a dozen people dance to the three guitarists and a drummer playing an old David Bowie tune. After waiting for my turn to clean up in the girls’ room, I weasel in next to a few girls around my age to dance along, feeling as if the weight of the world has just been lifted off my shoulders.
I had sex with Adam!
And it was beyond amazing!
Instead of screaming happily, I throw my hands up in the air and shimmy around, giggling, allowing the middle aged woman at my side to press her fleshy butt into my bony hip. I can’t remember the last time I danced, or even the last time I felt this incredible. I left all my inhibitions and worries back in Wisconsin with my over-doting parents and ghosts of my dead boyfriend’s memories.
By the time the third song is over, I’ve made half a dozen dancing friends of all different ages, and I’m covered in sweat. The band starts into a slow song, breaking up our newly formed dance party.
I take cover in the corner to call Kelly, catching her on the second ring.
“You better be in an alley somewhere bleeding,” she tells me. “You didn’t call when you got to your hotel like you promised! I was ready to send search and rescue out for you guys!”
“Would you shut up a minute? Kel, he finally gave in! And it was so incredibly
hot
!”
“Hold on. You mean you
slept
with him? When? Where are you?”
“We’re in New York! We skipped the other stops. I wanted to hurry things up and get here because he was acting weird about us, getting too serious and shit!”
“
Too
serious?” I hear her moving around like she’s sitting up in bed. “But I thought you
wanted
things to happen with him.”
I scan the crowd for any sign that Adam could be listening in, but I can’t even see past the crowd to the bar in front. “I do. Or I mean, I did. I have a bad feeling about this secret of his. I don’t want to get serious if there’s some reason we can’t be together.”
“So you had
sex
with him? Jewels, are you taking your meds?”
“Hey, I gotta go! I’ll call you later!” I end the call before she can launch into another lecture on how important it is to keep up my mental health.
With still no sign of Adam, I make my way back to the bar. He’s not there either, so I send a quick text. He doesn’t answer. I decide to wait where I left him, thinking he must’ve snuck back to the bathroom.
“You here alone?” someone asks. I turn to face a stout man with a thick mustache and goatee. His glossy eyes perk up. “Hey, you’re on our bus tour!”
I nod reluctantly, hoping he doesn’t recognize me as the one “getting it on” in the back. “Have you seen the guy I was with?”
“I was out for a smoke a little bit ago and he was standing by the bus.”
“Thanks!” I say, touching his shoulder before springing to the door.
The cluster of smokers outside slowly part for me. I find Adam leaning against the bus, his head tipped back to watch the stars.
What the hell is he doing out here alone
?
Telling myself not to make a big deal of it, I go to him, calling his name. His head bows down and he stares at me, throwing on one of the most forced smiles I’ve ever witnessed. I’m sure there’s some kind of pain or maybe even fear behind it that demands to be heard, but he’s too stubborn to let surface. Again I’m torn between wanting to know the truth and continuing on as a blissfully ignorant participant.
“Hey.” He drags me to him and plants a kiss on my forehead. “I just had to catch my breath. That place is way too crowded.”
“So everything’s
okay
?” I ask, delivering a bite to my question, knowing he won’t answer, or even address the fact that I’m irritated.
“It’s been a long day. We still need to find a place to stay.”
I rest my hands on his chest. “But it’s early, and the band is crazy good. Plus, we’re like a dozen blocks from the truck, and these cute little wedges aren’t meant for actual use. If we don’t take the bus, we’ll have to grab a taxi. And I don’t think messing around in front of a taxi driver will be nearly as fun.”
He collects my fingers in his hands, looking irritated. “We can always go out another night. If it’s always like this even on the weekdays, we’ll have lots of time. I’m sure there will be more bands.” His eyes drift to the traffic whizzing by. “Maybe we can even sign up for one of these pub crawls and actually
pay
our way on.”
I squeeze his hand. “Hey, look at me.”
Reluctantly, his eyes roll back my way, void of the compassion and endearment they held earlier.
“Are you mad because of what we did in the bus?”
“You mean
fuck
?” His bitter tone takes me by surprise.
“Was there something
else
we did that I’m not aware of?” I huff and pull away from him. “What’s your deal?”
His hard gaze chills me down to my bones. “I told you I wanted to take things slow, remember? You made it cheap. Having sex on a bus is something sleazy that my brother would do, not me.”
“Because you didn’t have a good time?
Seriously
?” I gather my hair over one shoulder, suddenly feeling overheated from dancing with it down. That and my emotions are about to come to a boil. What’s with his sudden Jekyll and Hyde bit? “What do you
want
from me, Adam? What is this
thing
between us? I thought we were on this trip to have a good time!”
“It’s gotten too complicated.” He twists the hair at the crown of his head. His shoulders fall. “C’mon. I don’t want to do this with you. Let’s go before we get into a fight.” He leaves my side, disappearing to the street in front of the bus to hail a cab.
I stand on the sidewalk staring after him, feeling completely blindsided. I knew sex with Adam would be crazy hot. I just wasn’t expecting the chill that would follow.
I wake up on the back bench of the pickup with my muscles cramped from sleeping in the limited space. Adam’s still in the passenger’s seat, the back tilted as far as it would go, his beautiful lashes resting over his cheeks, mouth slightly parted. Staring at his peaceful face, uneasy swells fill my stomach. Sleeping in different places felt so horribly wrong, as if we’re getting ready to part ways.
By the time we got back to the pickup, I was so angry by his rejection that I didn’t want to walk around with him any longer in search of a hotel. He was reluctant to stay in a big city parking lot, but didn’t seem eager to argue and caved in.
Looking down at my pretty pink dress all crumpled from turning on the bench in the night, I want to cry. Sure, the sexual chemistry between us is off the hook, but I shouldn’t have let things get out of control on the bus. I should’ve waited like he wanted so our first time together could’ve been more like making love and not downright dirty.
But I can’t let myself feel those kinds of things for Adam. Not when I know there’s something horribly wrong with his life. Not when I know he could destroy me.
I’ve made so many mistakes in my short lifetime that I don’t have room for any more.
Confused and ashamed, I quickly slip from the pickup with my purse and cell phone in hand.
TWELVE
I run my finger over Adam’s cheek. “Wake up, pansy ass.”
He makes a low, throaty hum. The same kind he made when we were having sex.
He flinches when seeing me sitting in the driver’s seat, and quickly tilts the seat back upright. “Where are we?”
“Home sweet home. At least for a couple weeks.”
I point at the brownstone we’d seen pictures of online. In person it’s ten times more charming, nestled in a picturesque neighborhood off 30th Street. The narrow buildings are painted a subtly contrasting hue, differently shaped windows and styles of doors making each of them unique. The street is mostly barren, some of the parked cars lined along it looking like they’ve been left indefinitely with numerous parking tickets on the windshield. A line of identical bikes for rent locked to a bar stand a ways down from our place. It’s like something you’d see in a movie, or an episode of
Sex and the City
. The minute I first saw it, my heart took on a light, delightful beat.