After the Sky Fell Down (21 page)

Somehow she and Luke
had managed to put their indiscretion behind them and just as she’d predicted, they never spoke of it again.  It was awkward at first though.  The apartment was quieter and they seemed to tread carefully around each other.  She would catch herself watching Luke when he wasn’t looking, remembering his kisses and touches and sometimes longing to feel it again.  If she wasn’t mistaken, she thought she caught him watching her at times too.  Despite this though, they’d moved on and nothing had changed significantly since that night.  Luke was still her best friend and he still doted on Sarah.  Sarah adored her uncle and every day Kathryn was grateful they had him in their lives. 

Her parents adored Sarah as well and to say Sharon and Scott loved Sarah would be an understatement.  Ben’s parents worshiped
her and spent as much time with Sarah as they could.  While Kathryn never liked to be apart from Sarah, she was happy to let her stay with them sometimes.  In fact, she was grateful for the time alone to work on assignments.  Adjusting to life as a full-time college student and mother had taken some getting used to, but she was finally getting the hang of it and there was no way she could do it without the support of her family and Ben’s. 

The new semester was going alright.  It was her second semester of being back to school after Sarah’s birth and her life now consisted of taking care of Sarah, going to class, doing schoolwork, and keeping to herself at home in the apartment, much to Lacey’s disapproval. 

Their relationship had changed drastically since Ben’s death and since she moved out of their apartment and moved in with Luke.  They hung out sometimes, but it was becoming less and less because Kathryn was so busy and even though Lacey wouldn’t admit it, she was busy too. 

Tonight was an exception though.  Sharon and Scott had taken Sarah for the weekend and Kathryn had planned to catch up on a research paper, but Lacey had popped over.  Kathryn couldn’t help but notice the apartment was too quiet with Sarah being at the Bradley’
s and Luke out with his friends, so Lacey’s visit was a welcome relief.

“Ther
e’s a party tonight at the beach,” Lacey commented finally as they both sat around the TV.

“Are you go
ing?” Kathryn asked her friend, still staring at the screen, but knowing what Lacey was going to say next.

“I was thinking about it,” and then Lacey hesitated. “I was thinking we could go.  That’s why I stopped by.”

Kathryn pulled her gaze from the TV and stared at Lacey, who was looking at her with hopeful eyes.

“You go ahead.  I think I’ll just stay here and hang out.”

“C’mon Kathryn.  Come with me.  It’ll be fun,” Lacey said trying to sound convincing, just like she always did.  This was not a new conversation.  She’d tried to get Kathryn out of the house before, but had yet to be successful.

“No.  I’m just going to stay here.  I’ve got some work to do.”

“No you don’t,” Lacey said staring at her disbelievingly. “You never go anywhere or do anything.  You’ve probably got all your assignments done for the entire semester, so I’m not buying that excuse anymore.”

“It’s not an excuse Lacey.  I really do have work to do and you’re forgetting one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m a mom now,” Kathryn replied eyeing her friend with a raised eyebrow.

“So?  You’re also a college student and you’re 21 years old.”

“Single moms don’t go to frat parties.”

“Who says?”

“I do,” she laughed. 

Lacey paused for a moment and stared into her friend’s eyes, wishing there was something she could do to bring the spark back to them that had once been so common.  Kathryn seemed happier now.  Lacey knew Sarah had helped bring some life back to her friend, but her eyes were still so vacant from the void left behind by Ben.

“Please come,” she said simply.

“Lacey…”

“I’m worried about you,” she said lowering her voice in concern. “You need to get out of this apartment to some place other than class and please don’t take this the wrong way, but you need to do something other than go to the park or the zoo.”

“Lacey,” she pleaded, but Lacey just stared at her and Kathryn knew she was right.  She loved hanging out with Sarah and taking her places, but she hardly did anything for herself anymore.

“Just give it a chance.”

Kathryn thought for a moment, expecting to reject the invitation like she always did, but before she knew what she was saying, she heard the words “Fine, I’ll go,” escape from her lips.

“Really?” Lacey asked surprised.

“I said fine,” she repeated, still shocked with herself that she had agreed. “Now don’t ask me again or I may change my mind.”

“I won’t say another word then.”

Kathryn stood up and went to her room, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling brewing in her stomach.  She knew Lacey was right.  She did need to get out and start living again, although the thought of stepping out of the bubble she’d built around herself over the past two years frightened her, but she thought she should try.

She changed into a clean pair of jeans and a white sweater and pulled her hair up.  She grabbed her tan suede jacket and went back into the living room where Lacey was waiting for her on the couch. 

“So when do we head out?” Kathryn asked reluctantly.

“The sun’s already setting, so let’s go before you change your mind.”

Kathryn cracked a smile, but knew she was right.  They’d better leave before her second thoughts got the best of her.

The night was going to be a chilly one, but not unbearable.  Early October used to be her favorite time of year.  She thought of times before Ben’s death when the leaves started to change and the smell of pumpkin and spice lingered in the air.  It had always excited her, knowing the holidays would soon be coming, but not anymore.  The year Ben had died, the holidays were a complete blur to her, having b
locked them out, and last year she’d been so busy with Sarah, she hadn’t had time to mope, although Ben’s absence wasn’t any easier.  In fact, it was more pronounced since he’d missed his daughter’s first Christmas.  To be honest, she wasn’t particularly looking forward to this year’s holidays either.  It was just another reminder that Ben wasn’t around to share them with her or their daughter.

“So where’d you hear about this party?” Kathryn asked as Lacey drove her Jeep towards the park

“Carly told me about it.  Steve’s fraternity is bringing everything,” Lacey said referring to Carly’s boyfriend.  Just the mention of Carly made her cringe and immediately regret her decision, but decided she’d suck it up for Lacey’s sake.

She could see the moonlight dancing in silver waves on the small cove when Lacey pulled into the parking lot.  There were already a ton of cars and Kathryn considered asking Lacey to turn around and take her home, but she didn’t. Instead, she nervously got out of the car and followed her down to the bonfire that was blazing in the distance. 

She glanced around the large group, trying to see if she recognized anyone.  She wanted to run back to the car and hide herself away until Lacey decided to go home.  She didn’t want to be here.  This scene had never been her…or Ben.  They’d never really gone to parties, finding most people to be too drunk and too obnoxious to want to hang out with.  She preferred hanging out at home with friends.  This, she thought as she looked around, was definitely not her, but she reluctantly kept walking though, until they found Carly and Steve. 

“Kathryn!” she exclaimed, leaning in and giving her hug. “I’m so glad to see you.”  Kathryn knew she was just trying to be nice, but she was already annoyed with Carly.

“You guys want something to drink?”

“Sure,” Lacey said making her way over to a cooler, but Kathryn shook her head.

“How are you doing?” Carly asked in her fake voice once they were alone.  It had been nearly two years and people were still walking on egg shells around her, as if she were a bowl in a China shop and the slightest mishandling might cause her to shatter into a thousand pieces.  She wished people would just start treating her normally again, instead of as the dead guy’s girlfriend who’d been left behind alone and pregnant.

“I’m okay,” she replied.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Carly said, resting her hand on Kathryn’s arm, and for a second, she forgot all of Carly’s idiosyncrasies that drove her crazy and only heard her kind words.  This only lasted a moment though, until Carly continued talking. “I can’t believe it’s been almost two years, ya know?  It really makes you think.  Life just goes on.  And your little girl is so adorable too.  It’s just so sad that Ben never got to meet her.”

Kathryn felt her eyes stinging with hurt and shock.  She should’ve expected this from Carly.  She had always been an airhead and completely unaware of how she came across to others.  She knew Carly hadn’t meant to be rude or insensitive.  She knew she probably wasn’t even conscious she had been.  It didn’t matter though.  It still hurt.

“Yeah… I’ll be right back,” Kathryn said, turning to walk away.

“Kathryn, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to upset you,” Carly called to her, but she just ignored her and kept walking.  She found a spot at the edge of the water and stared out onto it.  What was she doing here?  Pretending everything was okay?  Nothing was okay.  It had been almost two years since she’d last seen Ben and she missed him as much now as she did a week after it happened.  Although she was getting used to him not being around…getting used to the fact that no matter how many times she stared at her phone willing it to ring, he was not going to call her…getting used to the fact that he wa
sn’t just going to pop over to see how she was doing, her heart still ached for him as much as it ever had.  She was beginning to wonder if she would ever feel normal again, or if it was even possible.  She was starting to think it wasn’t, and she needed it be, for her daughter.

She turned and looked towards the crowd by the bonfire.  The sky was dark now, but there was a full moon overhead and that, along with the flames, provided enough light for her to investigate the faces of the strangers.  Most of them had a beer in their hand and were laughing carefree, as they should be.  None of them looked like they had a care in the world as they laughed and joked and she wished she could experience those kinds of feelings again.

Then she noticed someone staring at her.  He smiled and started walking towards her.  She felt uncomfortable as he made his way through the crowd and before she could walk away, he was standing in front of her.  He was tall with reddish-blonde hair and a scruffy goatee and he smelled of alcohol.

“Hey,” he said with a smile that she could only describe as sleazy, but she didn’t say anything in return. “I’m Ricky.” Kathryn just stared at him. “And you are?”

“Leaving,” she said turning to walk away.

“Ah, c’mon.  Don’t be like that,” he laughed as he grabbed her arm to stop her.  She yanked it back and glared at him. “Want some?” He held out his beer-filled plastic cup to her.

“No.”

“Why not?  It’s a party.”  He held out the cup again and she continued to stare at him and realized how much she missed Ben at this moment.  With him, she didn’t have to worry about obnoxious guys hitting on her. She looked around quickly, wishing he would step out of the crowd to rescue her from this creep, but she knew he wouldn’t.

“That’s okay,” he said with a cocky smirk when she didn’t respond. “I’ve never seen you around here before.”

“Um…yeah...like I said earlier, I’m leaving.”  She turned to walk away, but he grabbed her arm again. 

“Where’re you going so soon?”

“Let me go,” she said trying to yank her arm from his grasp, but his grip was too tight.

“C’mon, don’t go,” Ricky said again, his words slurring.

She yanked her arm away from him finally and shoved her hands in her pockets as she began stomping away, hearing Ric
ky’s laughter from behind her.  She sat down at a picnic table, noticing that Ricky had rejoined the crowd, probably already searching for his next target.  She shook her head, knowing she needed to get out of here.  She should never have agreed to come here with Lacey, wherever she was.  She should be home studying or with her daughter.  She wanted to rush over to the Bradley’s and pick up Sarah and hug her and never let her go.  This whole party was a ridiculous idea. 

“Are you okay?” an unfamiliar voice said interrupting her thoughts.  She looked up and saw another stranger standing above her, his pale skin illuminated by the firelight. 

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“I asked if you were okay.  I saw that guy giving you a hard time and I was going to come over and say something but you seemed to handle it well enough,” he said with a smile. 

Kathryn smiled too. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“Mind if I sit down?” he asked gesturing to t
he spot next to her on the bench. She nodded and the stranger sat down beside her.

“Do you know that guy?”

“No.  He’s just some creep who’s had too much to drink.”

“I figured as much, but don’t worry, I haven’t had anything to drink, so I’m safe,” he laughed. “I’m Jace by the way.”

“I’m Kathryn,” she said as she turned to meet his eyes and noticed how incredibly dark they were, some of the darkest eyes she’d ever seen.  His hair was nearly as dark as his eyes and cut short on the sides and just slightly longer on top.  The contrast of his dark hair and eyes against his pale skin was intriguing.  He was wearing jeans and a black jacket and she could smell the faint scent of fresh cologne on him.