After the Sky Fell Down (25 page)

“What’d he say?”

“He didn’t mean to offend me…I mean, he had no idea about me…or Ben, but he made a remark about someone at the snack bar being brain dead because they messed up the drink order.” She looked up at Luke and she could tell he understood why she’d gotten upset. “I know he didn’t mean anything by it, but just hearing it come out of his mouth brought everything to the surface again and all I could think about was Ben at the hospital and your grandpa telling me that Ben…that Ben was…brain dead.  I could still see his face and feel his skin on my fingertips,” she continued quietly as her mind drifted off again.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” she said quickly wiping her eyes that had begun to tear up again. “I knew it was stupid to even try to go out.  All I did was compare him to Ben all night and it made me realize he couldn’t even come close to Ben…and that there will never be another Ben.”

“Don’t say that.”

“You’re saying I can find someone exactly like Ben?  Someone who understands me like Ben, who loves me like Ben, who is perfect like Ben?” she asked softly with a hint of sarcasm.

Luke stared at her, seeing how much she missed his brother and how damaged she had become since he died.  He could still remember the way she looked when the life left her eyes that night in the hospital and looking into her blue eyes nearly two years later, they’d hardly changed.  She still looked just as vacant and lost and she was still completely in love with Ben.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I know you can’t replace Ben, but you won’t always feel like this.  You’ll find someone again,” he said quietly and then nervously reached over and took her hand in his.  She found him staring at her bare finger, having noticed she’d taken her ring off.  He didn’t say anything, but his thumb rubbed the spot it had once been.

“I don’t ever want to love anyone again.”

“You don’t mean that,” Luke sighed.

“I do mean it.  Why would I ever want to go through this again?  Why would I feel this pain again?  I already did that.  We loved each other.  He was part of me and now he’s just… gone,” Kathryn said her eyes becoming blurry with tears as she choked up and he put his arms around her. “I’m so sorry for falling apart like this,” Kathryn said pulling back and wiping her eyes. 

“Don’t apologize.  You’re fine.”

“You always seem to be here at the right moment.  When
ever I’m falling apart, you’re here to pick me up,” she laughed.

“That’s what I do,” he said and smiled at her again.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.”

“Let’s just watch some TV and forget about everything,” Kathryn said positively as she reached over and grabbed the remote control from her desk.  She flicked it on and stretched out on the bed, propping herself up against the pillows.  Luke kicked off his shoes and stretched out beside her.  She flipped through the channels and they soon realized there was nothing to watch. 

“I can never understand how there can be 200 channels but nothing on TV,” Luke laughed.

“I know,” she agreed, as she continued to search through the viewing guide. “How’s this?” Kathryn asked as the TV settled on
Back to the Future
, which was already half way over.

“You can never watch
Back to the Future
too many times,” Luke said turning to smile at her. 

And so they laid side by side on the bed watching and Kathryn couldn’t help but notice the comfort Luke’s presence brought to her.  The familiar weight of his body pressing down on the mattress, filling the spot next to her made things feel almost normal again.  If she didn’t think about it too long, it was almost as if Ben was b
eside her once more.  Luke was such a reminder of his brother.  His tall, lean body was almost identical to Ben’s.  Even his breathing, quick and shallow, was reminiscent of Ben’s, and as she looked over to Luke’s hands, which were folded on his stomach, she noticed his fingers were long, almost graceful, just like Ben’s and she found a part of her wanting to reach out and take his hands in hers, just to try and see what it would feel like…to see if it would be like holding Ben’s hand.

“Are you okay?” he asked turning his gaze from the TV and looking over to her.

“Yeah.  I’m fine,” she said honestly. “I’m just glad you’re here.  Hanging out with you kind of makes up for the rest of this crappy night.  That was awful.  I don’t want to even think about it anymore,” Kathryn said with a laugh and a shudder as she tried to put the awkwardness of the date with Trevor out of her mind.

“Then don’t think about it.  Pretend it never happened,” he laughed.

“I like that idea.  Tonight never happened.  Now, I’m just going to focus on Doc and Marty,” she said with a smile, as she reached over and flicked off the lamp beside her, and turned her eyes back to the screen.

****

When her eyes opened, the fluorescent lights of the TV were still dancing around the room, only instead of
Back to the Future
a rerun of
Friends
was playing.  She reached over to find the remote control when her arm brushed against something beside her.  She was confused for a moment and then she remembered it was Luke.  They must’ve fallen asleep watching the movie.  She felt a blanket draped across her body and she knew she hadn’t covered herself.  Luke must’ve done it.  She smiled and looked over at him.  His head was resting on the pillow next to hers and was turned slightly toward her.  His eyes were closed, but his mouth was opened a crack as deep breaths escaped it.  One hand was resting behind his head and the other was draped across his chest.  She reached over and touched his arm and felt it was ice cold.  She carefully got out of the bed and tiptoed to the linen closet where she grabbed another blanket.  She gently laid it across him, and then quietly climbed back under the covers, doing her best not to wake him, but he began to stir as she settled and his eyes twitched slowly before opening just enough so she could just see the hazel of his irises.

“What time is it?” he mumbled stretching and turning on his side.

“Three-thirty,” she answered looking over to the alarm clock.

“Really?  I should go to my room,” he said groggily beginning to pull back the blanket she had just covered him with.

“No.  Stay,” she said taking the blanket and folding it back over him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.  You’re tired…and I don’t want to be alone,” she said quietly. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Okay,” he agreed, obviously too exhausted to argue.  His voice was low and sleepy as his eyes shut and he pulled the blanket up closer to his neck.  She could tell he was asleep a few minutes later when the long, deep breaths returned.  She turned on her side and went back to sleep. 

Chapter 26

When they woke up, it wasn’t awkward or strange and she’d liked having Luke next to her all night.  She lay awake staring at the ceiling when he stretched and yawned.  She knew any minute Sarah would be waking up and she wanted to enjoy the quiet for as long as possible.  She turned to look at him as he sat up, running his hand through his dusty hair, trying to tame it. 

“Good morning,” he said smiling at her.

“Good morn
ing,” she replied sitting up.

“Sorry about that.  I guess I was just really tired.”

“Yeah, me too.  I slept like a log,” she said standing up.

“I’m glad you got some good sleep,” he said standing up as well. 

“I needed it after last night,” she sighed, thinking back to the horrible date and deciding the only redeeming factor about the night was hanging out with Luke when she’d gotten home.

“Hey, I thought we
were pretending like last night never happened.”

“You’re right.  I’ll never speak of it again,” she said zipping her lips with her fingers and then locking it, throwing the imaginary key over her shoulder. “I’m going to go check on Sarah.”

She walked into Sarah’s room.  She was just sitting in her crib, looking around, waiting for her mother to get her.

“Good morning my baby,” she cooed at her daughter, scooping her up and kissing her.  “Ooh, you need your diaper changed.”

Kathryn put Sarah on the changing table and heard Luke head back to bed in his room this time.  She didn’t blame him.  Sarah wasn’t his daughter.  He was entitled to sleeping in on a Saturday morning, especially after babysitting last night.

After breakfast, she played with Sarah for a while.  They watched cartoons and played with some blocks before she knew she had to try and buckle down and get some work done on her research paper.  Sarah was having none of that though.  She kept walking over and banging on the laptop and laughing.

“That’s not funny Sarah,” Kathryn said, moving her daughter’s hands from the keyboard. “Mommy needs to work.  Please Sarah,” she pleaded, but Sarah just kept laughing and Kathryn threw up her hands in defeat.

“Are you giving your mother a hard time?” Luke asked, emerging from his room.

“She’s being a terror and I’ve got to get some work done on this stupid paper,” Kathryn groaned, but Sarah continued to giggle as she finally walked away from the computer and toddling over to her uncle.

“Luuuuke
,” Sarah said in the little voice she always used, elongating the oo in the middle of his name.  She held her hands up to Luke and he scooped her up.

“Morning Sare Beah,” he said kissing her on the cheek. “You need to give mama a break,” he said poking her in the stomach, but she just laughed wickedly and playfully hit Luke.

“Ya know, she gets this attitude from her father’s side of the family,” Kathryn said rolling her eyes and grinning at Luke who smiled proudly.

“Of course she does,” he said tossing Sarah in the air, causing her to burst into hysterics. 

“What am I gonna do with you, you little pip,” she said smiling at her daughter, who’d just landed safely in Luke’s arms.  “Not get any work done today, that’s for sure.”

“Hey, why don’t you head to the library for a little while and do some work there?  I’ll stay with Sarah,” Luke suggested.

“I can’t ask you to do that. You just watched her last night.”

“I don’t mind Kate.  I really don’t.  You need to get your paper done.”

“Didn’t you have any plans today?” she asked.

“Yeah, but I can do them when you get back.”

“Luke,” she pleaded, feeling guilty.

“Just go.  Please,” he said looking over to her. “When I suggested we move in together it was so I could help you.  You need help today, so please just let me help you.”

She stared up at him, feeling as if she might cry, but not from sadness like usual, but from overwhelming gratefulness.  Luke had been an angel and she didn’t know how she was ever going to repay him for everything he’d done for her and Sarah.

“You sure you don’t mind?” she asked again.

“No, I don’t mind. Now would you get your butt outta here?” he said shooing her away playfully. 

“Let me just take a quick shower and I’ll be on my way,” she said quickly, shutting her laptop, rushing over to Luke and kissing both him and Sarah on the cheek before jumping in the shower.

****

She walked over to her small red hatch back and climbed inside.  The library was only a few minutes away and she would’ve walked if not for the armful of books and her computer.  When she got there, she found a parking spot close to the front and made her way inside.  The doors opened and it was instantaneous peace and calm.  There were people sprinkled throughout the library, some sitting at tables working while others browsed up and down the rows of books.  She glanced around for an open table and finally settled on one near the back.  She set her things down and got situated.  She opened her book and tried to start reading again.  She found herself reading and rereading the same paragraph, but not comprehending.  She started thinking of the times she’d spent with Ben in this building.  Their freshman year, they’d spent a lot of time in the library together, goofing around more than working on their assignments.  She glanced up, searching the aisles of books for any traces of him.  She imagined him searching through the books, running his hands through his hair and turning to smile at her.  For a moment, she thought she saw him, but then knew better and returned her eyes to the words on the page in front of her.  She felt her eyes begin to brim with tears, but willed them to stay back.  Crying would do nothing.  It certainly wouldn’t bring Ben back and it did nothing but remind her of that.  She blinked, keeping her eyelids closed slightly longer than usual and when she reopened them, she focused on the page she’d tried getting through earlier and finally began to read.

“Kathryn?” a strange, yet familiar voice said a while later, drawing her attention away from her reading.  She brought her head up and was startled to see the boy with the dark eyes from the party looking down at her.  He was clutching a spiral notebook in his arm.

“Jace…hi,” she said quietly.

“How’s it going?”

“Fine.  Just working on a research paper for English…the pros and cons of capital punishment.”