After the Sky Fell Down (28 page)

“Uh no.  It was a gift,” she hesitated not wanting to share the fact that her fiancé who’d passed away had given the necklace to her. “Where’s your cousin?” she asked quietly, changing the subject.

“I don’t know,” Jace said looking around.  He pulled out h
is phone and texted his cousin.  The phone beeped a few moments later and Jace looked down and read the text with a sigh. “They bailed.  Probably better anyway,” he said and then looked over to her and asked, “Do you want to go on the hayride next?”

“Sure,” she replied, and then silence settled between them.

She suddenly felt self-conscious of how quiet she was being.  It felt like Jace was the only one making conversation. She wanted to jump in, but really didn’t know what to do or say.  It had been so long since she had been in this situation.  She wasn’t sure if they were on a date, her stomach turning a little at the word, but she was pretty sure of it.  She began to feel uncomfortable with the scenario, even though she was having a good time.  She didn’t want to admit she was having a good time with Jace, but she was. 

They finished eating their pie, talking about their classes and what they planned to do after graduation.  Jace mentioned moving back to the Midwest and Kathryn told of possibly jumping right into graduate school.

Once they were done, they got into the short line for the hayride.  Kathryn noticed the family in front of them, a young couple not much older than herself with a toddler at their feet and a new baby in his mother’s arms.  She instantly felt a pain in her heart knowing if everything had gone as she’d hoped, she would still have Ben and that could be their little family waiting in line for the hayride.  It would’ve been that way if life had worked out the way it was supposed to.  She closed her eyes for a moment, imagining what it would be like to be together as a family.  She would give anything for that, even if it was just one time.               

“Are you okay?” Jace asked having noticed her withdrawal.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she lied.

“You sure?  You look like you might be sick or something,” he said staring at her with his dark eyes.

“I said I was fine,” she said shortly.  He seemed to jump a little at her response, but didn’t say anything else.

To Kathryn’s relief, the tractor pulled up at that moment and the line began to move.  When it was their turn to climb on, Jace grabbed her hand and helped her up the stairs.  She smiled to herself, remembering times when Ben helped her like this.  The only difference was that Ben would tease her about it.  She missed that. 

They sat down on bales of hay near the front of the trailer.  People continued to pile on, the tractor driver trying to fit as many people on as possible.  Jace was forced to inch closer to Kathryn, and she became instantly aware of their close proximity.  Their thighs were touching and Jace stretched his arm out, resting it on the railing behind her, the closeness causing her heart to speed up with nerves.  He smelled nice, a masculine fresh scent like the mountains. 

The tractor roared to life, the motor drowning out the sound of everything else and began driving around the orchard.  Sprinkled throughout the apple trees were different fall scenes made with large rag dolls.  There were scarecrows in cornstalks and leaf piles and a mock turkey dinner.  For a second, Kathryn felt the familiar excitement of autumn growing inside her and then was startled to feel Jace’s arm move from the railing where it had been resting and land on her shoulder causing her to tense up.  It had been a long time since she’d had someone’s arm around her like this and it felt unfamiliar and made her nervous, causing her to slowly inch away and she felt Jace’s arm retract back to the railing.

The tractor finished its loop a few minutes later and everyone began to pile off.  Jace and Kathryn were the last ones off and just as he had when they boarded, he held out his hand to help her.  She took it and quickly hopped off.

“What’d you think?” he asked as they walked away from the tractor and back to the booths.  She could sense a change in his voice though.  She couldn’t decide if it was annoyance or frustration, but there was something definitely different in his demeanor
once they were off the hayride and she knew her reaction to him putting his arm around her was to blame.

“It was cute,” Kathryn said. “Did you like it?”

“It was a hayride,” he said nonchalantly. “Sorry this place is boring,” he apologized.

“I don’t think it’s boring.”

“You just don’t seem that into it.”

With those words, she knew he was both frustrated and annoyed, maybe at himself as well as her.  She really was having a good time.  It felt good to be out and she liked Jace. He was nice and sweet and she was happy she’d agreed to come with him to the festival.  After Ben, she thought she’d never have fun again, but she was enjoying herself with Jace, but she wasn’t making that known.  Trouble was, she didn’t know if she could make it known or even if she wanted to.

“I am having a good time,” she said trying to reassure him.

“It doesn’t seem like it.  You seem distracted or something.”

“I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” she said, not wanting to go into details. “But I’m having a good time, I promise.”

“If you say so,” he said with a soft laugh, but she could tell he didn’t believe her.

They browsed the different booths without much talking.  They ended up at a vendor who was selling homemade candles.  Kathryn took the various jars and held them to her nose smelling the different fall fragrances.  Jace didn’t seem incredibly enthused to be hanging out amongst candles, but he was a good sport about it, going around smelling different scents.  Kathryn laughed as she saw his nose curl up a few times.

“You could get a headache in this place,” he laughed as he put down a honeysuckle candle.

“It’s not that bad,” she chuckled. “Smell this one,” she said holding a pumpkin and cinnamon candle to his nose for him to smell.  His eyebrows seemed to rise in approval.

“Not bad.  You like this one?” he asked.

“Yeah.  It’s quintessential fall.”

“Wow, big word,” he laughed.

“I try,” she grinned.

“Let me buy it for you,” he said taking it from her hand.

“You don’t need to do that,” she protested.

“I know that.  But I want to.”

“It’s okay Jace, really.”

“Just let me,” he said and turned to go pay for it before she could object again.  He returned a few moments later with a paper bag tied with a red and beige plaid ribbon and handed the candle to her. “Now whenever you burn it, you can think of me.”

She felt herself blush and took the bag from him.

“Thank you,” s
he said quietly.

They browsed for a little while longer and stopped to eat some kettle corn and mulled cider.  The sun began to set early like it always did in the fall and the crowd began to dwindle.

“You want to head back?” Jace suggested.

“Yeah.  We probably should.”

She held the bag with the candle inside on her lap as they drove home and glanced over at Jace as he concentrated on the road.  He looked so different than Ben, but he seemed to share so many of the good qualities that Ben had possessed.  She’d only known him a few days, but she had a good feeling when she was with him, until the sinking feeling crept back into her stomach that told her spending time with Jace was wrong.

He pulled into an open stall in front of her apartment building and turned off the ignition.  She gathered her purse and candle and got out of the car, and noticed Jace getting out too.  She looked at him with surprise.

“What?” he asked with a smile. “I can’t walk you to the door?”

“Of course you can,” she told him, getting in synch with his stride as they walked towards her apartment.  They stopped at the door and faced each other. 

“I hope you weren’t too bored today.”

“No, I had a good time.  I’m glad you called.”

“Yeah, me too,” he said and then the awkward moment that was inevitable at the end of all dates settled in.  Jace’s hands were in his pockets and he rocked gently back and forth.  She wondered if he would try and kiss her.  She prayed he wouldn’t.

“Well, I’ll see you later then,” Kathryn said quietly.

“Yeah.  I’ll see you later.”

“Thanks again for the candle.”

“You’re welcome,” he said with a smile and then turned and walked back to his car. 

She opened the door slowly, keeping her eyes on Jace as he got into the car.  Once he was in, she shut the door behind her and entered the apartment. 

“Luke?” she called out to no answer. “Luke?” she called again and then looked around the apartment.  He was still gone and the apartment was too quiet.  She glanced at the clock.  Sharon would be bringing Sarah back within the hour. 

She walked to her room and carefully took the candle out of the paper bag, setting it on her nightstand.  She reached into her desk where she kept a book of matches and struck one, lighting the new candle.  The air smelled of sulfur for a moment, a black trail climbing into the air once the wick was lit.  She sat down on the edge of her bed and a moment later the warm smell of pumpkin and cinnamon began to permeate the air.  She stared at the flame as it danced, and she thought of Jace, but then her eyes drifted over to the picture of Ben she kept next to her bed and she started to cry.

Chapter 29

Despite the internal struggle Kathryn had going on inside her, she was happy when Jace called the next day to see how she was doing.  They didn’t talk long, but when he called again the following day she found herself getting a little more excited to talk to him.  He fina
lly asked her to go out again for Saturday night, which she agreed to, ignoring the nagging feeling that always seemed to find its way inside her whenever she thought of Ben. 

She had nearly forgotten about Trevor, realizing what a mistake it had been.  Something seemed different about Jace though.  He was real and she liked that.  He didn’t seem to pretend to be something he wasn’t and he was confident and kind and she found herself thinking about him. 

Saturday night came and Sarah was at her parents’ house.  She hadn’t told them why she needed them to babysit, but they were more than happy to do so.  She was getting ready for her date, deciding to wear jeans and a pink sweater and she left her thick blonde hair straight and sleek down her back, when her phone rang.  It was Lacey.

“Hey!” her voice sang into the receiver. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight.  Ya know, watch movies or something?”

“Uh, I can’t.”

“Why not?  I’m totally bored,” Lacey whined.

“Um…I’m going out,” she said quietly.

“What?  What do you mean you’re going out?” Lacey asked hesitantly, not sure what Kathryn meant by that.

“I’m going to the movies.”

“With who?  I’ll join you.”

“You can’t Lacey.”

“Why not?” she complained again.

“Because.  I’m going out…with a guy,” she said quietly, practically whispering it.

“What?” Lacey shrieked.

“Calm down!”

“Sorry,” she said breathlessly. “Who’re you going out with?”

“Um, Jace…the guy you saw me talking to at that party.”

“When did
this happen?” Lacey squealed and Kathryn could almost see Lacey’s face scrunching up in confusion.

“We’ve been talking and hanging out a little,” she replied nervously.

“Really?  That’s great!” Lacey exclaimed.

She hadn’t told Lacey about Jace because even though her friend had encouraged her to get out and start living again, even set her up on a date, Kathryn was afraid of what Lacey would think of her spending time with someone other than Ben.

“Well, that’s why I can’t hang out tonight,” Kathryn said trying to tame Lacey’s enthusiasm. 

“Well, duh.  I figured that out, but you have to call me soon so we can talk about this guy.”

“Okay, I will.  Bye Lacey,” Kathryn said and hung up the phone.  She dreaded that future talk because she knew Lacey would hound her relentlessly for details and Kathryn knew she’d want to meet Jace so she could check him out and offer her opinion.

She looked in the mirror one last time and wondered when she should tell Jace about Sarah.  She wasn’t trying to hide Sarah, but she was afraid.  She knew the fact she had a child would be a shock to him and she worried how he’d react.  For now, she figured it was safest to keep Sarah out of the conversation until, if and when it
became necessary.  She didn’t want to expose Sarah to someone she hardly knew herself. 

One thing she couldn’t keep to herself though was tel
ling Luke about her date.  She’d told him nothing about Jace and as she walked into the living room where he was buried in a pile of papers, she was nervous to tell him.

“Hey,” she said sitting down at the opposite end of the couch. 

He looked up from his papers and smiled at her.

“You look nice.”

“Thanks,” she said taking a deep breath before continuing. “I’m going out.”

She’d blurted the words out so quickly she
could tell Luke wasn’t sure if he’d heard her correctly.