After the Sky Fell Down (27 page)

She put in her earphones and walk
ed out to the living room.  When she opened the front door, the cool air hit her, but it felt good.  It was another brisk day.  The leaves were a perfect combination of red, yellow, and orange, making the skyline look like a patchwork quilt, and she breathed in the fresh, fall air deeply as she pressed play on her iPod and started running, not quite sure where she was headed.  The wind washed over her face, bringing back memories of when she used to consider herself a runner.  She also remembered it not being as hard as it was now.  She was winded after only a few minutes and her leg muscles began to burn after what she guessed was a mile, but the stinging in her lungs felt good and it reminded her she was alive.  Her mind was clearer than it had been in a long time.  For a moment, she forgot about everything and just focused on the run, trying to force herself to keep going, but when she felt like her heart was about to burst, she slowed to a walk.  She was disappointed in herself.  She’d only gone about two miles, but it was a start.  She couldn’t expect herself to be able to do what she used to do the first time back, but she was still disappointed.  She kept a fast pace as she walked, catching her breath as her heart rate slowed.  Her mind that had been so clear only a few minutes before began to clog with the reality of her life now and she thought back to Ben and how he’d always given her a hard time about running for fun.  She’d only ever convinced him to try running with her one time shortly after they’d started college, and after that he swore off recreational running forever.  She laughed to herself as she thought back to him, hunched over with his hands on his knees and his head down as he tried to catch his breath after forcing her to stop.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” he’d said breathlessly after three miles. “This is insane!” And although he looked annoyed, she knew he wasn’t mad at her. “There are so many better things we could be doing with our time right now.”

“You’re such a baby,” she’d teased him.

“No, I’m just not a fan of self-induced torture.”

He’d finally caught his breath and they walked the rest of the way back to the dorms.  Ben had never understood her desire to run and she’d always wished it was something they could’ve shared together, but that wasn’t him and that was okay.

As she walked towards the park, replaying the memory of Ben in her mind, she was surprised that she was smiling.  She wasn’t crying.  Her eyes hadn’t even brimmed with tears as they so often did when she thought about him.  She was happy, even if it was just a momentary fluke and then her smile grew even bigger as she spotted Sarah and Luke.  He was pushing her in a swing and she was smiling from ear to ear, her laughter echoing through the air.  She was beaming and looked so much like her father.  Kathryn started running again until she was with her daughter and if she wasn’t mistaken, she thought Ben was with them too.

Chapter 28

The frigid air crept inside through the window causing a chill to run through Kathryn’s body.  She pulled the covers up to her neck and curled into a ball, but that didn’t do any good.  She rolled over and felt something next to her.  Groggily, her hand patted the figure and realized it was someone next to her.  The dark blonde hair peeking out of the covers was unmistakable.Ben was sleeping soundly beside her.  She scooted closer to him, molding herself to his body in a half-moon shape against his back to warm up.  He felt cold and stiff though.  She moved closer still, trying to get any sort of warmth from him, but he stayed still and the warmth was absent.  She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tighter and then his skin suddenly began to fold and grow soft beneath her touch.  She held on to him, relishing in the feeling of him next to her once again, but then she felt him slipping through her fingers.  She tried holding on tighter, but in a second, with a puff of air, he was gone.  The sheets fluttered slowly to the mattress, the imprint of where he’d been vanished and she was alone again.

When she opened her eyes after the dream, she felt a deeper sadness than she’d felt in a long time.  In her dreams, she was with him and in a moment he was gone.  She loved sleep because it took her away to a place where she could forget everything, but she hated sleep because it gave her a taste of being with Ben again before ripping him away from her. 

****

It was Sunday morning.  It’d been a week since the horrible date with Trevor and a week since she’d gone running for the first time.  She’d gone a few times since then and was slowly regaining her stamina.  Running cleared her head and Sarah enjoyed the wind blowing past her as she sat in the jogging stroller.

S
arah had spent the night at the Bradley’s and wouldn’t be home till the evening.  Kathryn spent the morning working on her research paper for English she was almost done with and reading, losing herself in another world, before beginning to work on a presentation that was due in a week for her public speaking class.  She sat at her desk, eyes glued to the computer screen, searching the internet for topics for her persuasive speech.  The phone rang and an unfamiliar number popped up.  She reluctantly answered.

“Hi.  Kathryn?”
a voice said through the receiver.

“Yeah.  Who’s this?”

“This is Jace…from the library and the party.”

She laughed quietly at his introduction as if she’d already forgotten about him.

“Hi Jace.”

“You remember me then?” he said with an amusement to his voice.

“Of course I remember the grilled cheese sandwich from last weekend.”

“So you’d rather tal
k to the grilled cheese then?” he joked as she laughed and he continued. “What’s going on?”

“Not much. I’m just doing some research.”

“Do you ever do anything but study?  You seem so serious.”

“Just trying to stay on top of things,” she said, not wanting to tell him that studying kept her mind off of her dead fiancé.

“So,” he continued. “I had fun the other day at lunch.  I’m sorry I haven’t called sooner, but I’ve been really busy with work, but I’m free today and I thought we could hang out again.”

“Uh-huh,” she said quietly.

“Okay,” he said and Kathryn sensed nervousness in his voice. “Yeah, so…I was wondering if you might want to hang out today.”

She didn’t know what to say.  She’d liked hanging out with him, but she had that feeling again that she would be cheating on Ben if she spent time with someone else, even if there was nothing romantic between her and Jace.  Perhaps he just wanted to be friends.  She was jumping to conclusions.

“Well?”

“Why not,” she replied, knowing she should probably have declined since she still had work to do.

“Don’t sound so excited,” he joked.

“I’m sorry,” she said sensing he had been taken aback by her response, but she couldn’t explain there was more to it.

“Hey, I was only kidding.  Don’t worry about it,” he said, his voice changing from humorous to sincere. “So…anyway…there’s this fall festival down at Lyman Orchards.  Hayrides, pies, stuff like that.  My cousin’s taking his girlfriend and I didn’t want to tag along as the third wheel, but it sounded like fun so I thought I’d see if you wanted to check it out with me.”

“Yeah.  That does sound like fun.”

“Alright then,” he said with an air of relief in his voice. “Can I pick you up in a couple of hours, around two o’clock?”

“I’ll be ready,” she told him.

“Just text me your address and I’ll see you then.”

“See you in a bit,” she said and hung up the phone.

She felt a pit growing in her stomach as she sat in her room, staring down at the phone. The festival did sound like fun.  She had always loved going to the seasonal events to help her get excited about autumn and the holidays to follow, and she really needed it this year.  Despite this though, part of her, like always, wanted to stay at home, blocking out the rest of the world.

Before she could talk herself out of it though, she got up and took a shower, taking her time as the hot water poured over her body, soothing her muscles that always seemed so tired.  But, when the water started to run cold, she turned it off and got out, climbing into her fuzzy pink robe to dry off.  She searched through her closet for something to wear.  It’d been so long since she actually put any
real effort into how she looked, and she wondered why she was even bothering today.  She did care though and she finally decided on a pair of dark jeans and a navy blue v-neck sweater that seemed to accentuate the silver crucifix Ben had given her.  She never took it off and every time she looked in the mirror it was there to remind her of him.

She returned to the bathroom and dried her hair, curli
ng it into loose waves that hung down her back.  After finishing her make-up, she sprayed herself with raspberry body spray and walked into the living room to wait.  Luke was gone. He’d gone somewhere with his friends and she didn’t know when he’d be back.  She sat on the couch to wait and when the doorbell finally rang it seemed to echo through the small apartment and Kathryn stood up nervously as she walked slowly to the door.  When she opened it, Jace stood in the doorway, wearing jeans and a black sweater and jacket which seemed to match his eyes. 

“Hey Kathryn,” he said with a smile that put her at ease.

“Hi Jace,” she said reaching over to grab her coat and purse and then Kathryn stepped out, closing the door behind her.  It was a cool fall day, with a crispness that only appeared this time of year, and the sky was blue with only a few clouds.  She followed Jace to the silver SUV and he held open the door for her.  As she got inside she couldn’t help but think how easy it was compared to the climb it took to get inside of Ben’s blue truck. 

“I thought your cousin was coming,” Kathryn said as they drove.

“He’s on his way. I didn’t think you’d want to be bombarded with my crazy Italian family when you hardly know me.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed you were Italian,” Kathryn stated looking at his pale skin.

“Well, I am.  My dad’s side is French and English and my mom comes from a big, loud Italian family,” he said with a smile.

“Sounds like your family get togethers must be fun.”

“They are.  My parents would bring us out here to visit sometimes, but I didn’t get to really experience them until I moved here.  My parents are practically the only ones who don’t live in New England, so I’ve learned a lot since getting closer to my family, especially how to eat.”

Kathryn tried imagining how her quiet, reserved family would compare to Jace’s. They’d probably mix together like oil and water from his description. 

“What about your family?” he asked almost as if he were reading her mind.

“My family?  We’re just your regular boring family.  Most of my family’s up in New Hampshire though.”

“Any brothers and sisters?”

“Nope.  I’m an only child.”

“So you’re a spoiled brat then?” he laughed.

“I am not,” she protested and she looked over to him, noticing a playful grin on his face.  She thought about Sarah and wondered if she should tell him about her daughter.  He’d probably go running for the hills and decided she’d wait to see what happened with Jace before telling him about Sarah or Ben.“What about you?  Any siblings?”

“Yep.  I’ve got a younger brother Victor and an older brother Will.”

“Are they both in Nebraska?”

“Vic is, but Will’s in the navy stationed in Japan.”

Kathryn nodded and it was quiet again.

A few minutes later, Jace was pulling into the parking lot at the orchard.  She could see the festival was already crowded and all kinds of booths surrounded the apple trees.  They got out of the car and began walking towards the crowd.

“I hope you don’t think this is lame,” he said as they walked.

“I don’t think this is lame.  I love this kind of stuff.”

This brought a smile to his face and he led her to the booths.

“Do you want something to eat?” he asked.

“Sure.”

They began strolling up and down the vendors, deciding what to eat, until a pie sampling booth caught their eye.

“I know it’s not real food, but what do you say?” he asked her.

“Who says pie’s not real food?” she argued.

“I guess that’s settled then,” he said as they approached the b
ooth.  He paid the vendor and they each got a plate and began piling it with various pies: pumpkin, pecan, apple, peach and cherry.  Once their plates were filled, they managed to find a spot under an apple tree since all of the tables were taken. 

“What do you think?” he asked her, nodding towards the pie.

“Really good,” she said, spooning in another bite of the pecan and looking up at Jace who was smiling at her.

“I meant to tell you earlier, you look nice.”

“Thanks,” she said, feeling her cheeks begin to blush.

“I like your crucifix,” he said pointing to the silver cross that hung from her neck.

“Thanks,” she said quietly as her hand reached up involuntarily and gently touched the necklace.

“Did you get it for your First Communion?”