Aligned: Volume 4 (10 page)

I shake my head. “My career is going to be fine. In fact, we will probably see a spike in sales after all of this.”

“I’m not talking about your career, asshole. Your career will be fucking fine. I just don’t know what family you will have left.”
 

I grab a beer out of the fridge before slumping in the chair in the kitchen. Drew grabs the beer out of my hand before I have a chance to drink it.
 

“She kicked you out, didn’t she?”

I nod.
 

“You’ll get her back. You always do,” he says sarcastically.
 

I shake my head. “I don’t think so. Not this time. This time, it felt final. This time, I feel more lost than I did the last time.”
 

“Just don’t get drunk like you did last time. You have more concerts this weekend, and we don’t need any more mistakes.”
 

“How is Caroline?”
 

“She’s good, no thanks to you.”
 

“She is the one who told the media.”
 

“Yes,” Drew says even though it wasn’t a question. “Don’t blame her, Landon. This isn’t her fault.”
 

“Stop protecting her, Drew. She is just as much at fault in all of this as I am.”
 

“Maybe, but after you have hurt her, she doesn’t deserve any of the blame.”
 

“She’s hurt me too. Time and time again.”
 

He just shakes his head. “She doesn’t deserve you. Neither of them do. They both deserve better.”
 

I grab an empty vase that is usually filled with flowers but isn’t because more important things have been going on around here lately and throw it at Drew. It misses and shatters on the floor.
 

I hate him, but he’s right. Neither of them deserves the monster I have become.
 

I can’t control myself when I’m with her. I have control of everything in my life except her. I grab her dress and rip it in half until I can see every inch of her body taunting me, begging me for more.
 

I hear the glass shatter on the floor as I walk from the kitchen to my bedroom. I slam the door shut as my anger overwhelms me. I have always lived in Landon’s shadow. I’m used to it. I’ve never wanted to be in the spotlight. I never wanted to have every detail of my boring life on display and critiqued by every person in the world. I’ve never wanted Landon’s life. I’ve never been jealous of his fame.
 

The only thing I’ve ever been jealous of is how Caroline looks at him. Just once, I wish she would look at me that way. But I’ve ruined any chance of that. And Landon finished it off by getting her pregnant.
 

“Dammit!” I scream as my phone goes off again. I take it from my pocket and stare at the number. Another member of the press. I throw the phone on my bed. I’m done covering for him. I’m done protecting him. He’s on his own. Not that he needs protection from this. His latest single is climbing fast to the number one spot. His sales grow higher every time the media talks about him.
 

How did I end up here? How the hell did I end up alone with no friends and no relationship?
 

Landon. I’ve spent my whole life trying to protect him. I’ve been trying to look out for him. I’ve been living his dreams. But that didn’t work out. I’ve failed two times now at protecting him. Two times now, he’s ruined his life.
 

I can’t protect him. I should just quit. I should follow my own dreams. I should move away, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can when I feel responsible for his mistakes. I don’t know if I can leave when there is a chance I can be in Caroline’s life, if only as the uncle to her unborn child.
 

27. The number of nights I went to bed without food.
 

I feel so lost, so broken. I never realized what I wanted until I couldn’t have it. I stare out at the tire swing hanging from the tree in the backyard. I never realized I wanted kids, not until I realized it wasn’t a possibility.
 

I wipe a stray tear from my face. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of crying over Landon. I’m tired of crying over children I will never have with him. I’m tired of crying over the loss of my body and mind. I’m tired of crying over the fear I have that at any second Ethan could come storming through that door and kill me without a second thought.
 

I thought I needed help to defend myself. I thought I needed Landon’s help. I realize now that Landon can’t help me. He is going to be a father. I can’t have him risk his life for me.

I could still hire a bodyguard, though. I could still hire protection.
 

I shake my head. This is too personal. I don’t trust anyone. I don’t trust even hiring someone. Not after Ethan found out I was talking to Nick. I would have no idea who to trust and who Ethan was paying. I thought I could trust Landon, but I was wrong. I can only trust myself.
 

I walk back to the living room and take my laptop in my lap as I sit down on the couch. A couch Landon and I fucked on only a few days earlier.
 

I reach into my pocket and pull out the two flash drives. I place the one that I have already looked at back in my pocket. It’s the only ammunition I have against Ethan.
 

I take the other one in my hand and stare at it intently. I have to know. I have to know what Ethan has against Landon. I have to know what he is framing him for. I have to protect him. Just like I have to protect James and Daniel.
 

I put the flash drive into the computer. A video pops up. I push play without hesitation. I have to know.
 

It’s a surveillance tape of a bar. It’s crowded, but I can make out Landon and Drew immediately. They are both drunk, that much is obvious. They both seem to be celebrating as they knock down shot after shot.
 

I take a deep breath before I bite my lip as the video continues. I know Landon doesn’t drink, and Drew has insinuated that when Landon does drink, it doesn’t end well.
 

This video isn’t going to end well. As happy as both men seem now, something happens. I just have no idea what could happen that is so horrible. What could happen that Ethan feels he could use as blackmail to get me back?
 

I continue watching for ten more minutes as Landon and Drew drink shot after shot after shot. I watch as they do shot after shot off women’s stomachs. I watch as he lets women slobber over his neck as he grabs their asses.

I watch as Caroline and a man approach them. The man is tall and skinny with blond hair the same shade as Caroline’s. He’s older than she is, though. Much older, but if I had to guess, I would guess that they are related.
 

Neither of them looks happy as they approach the men. I watch as Caroline whispers something in Landon’s ear that makes him frown. The man with Caroline says something as well, and that’s when Landon punches the man.
 

He doesn’t stop at one punch. He punches the man over and over until the man’s face is covered in blood. The man tries to protect himself but is no match for Landon.
 

Drew tries to tackle Landon to get him to stop, but the crowd around them has gone wild. Other people have started fighting while others just try to run out of the bar. Drew is pushed back with the crowd and unable to get to Landon.
 

I watch as Landon throws another punch to the man’s jaw that sends the man tumbling to the floor. Landon doesn’t stop, though, when the man falls to the floor. He kicks the man over and over. He kicks the man until the tape eventually runs black.
 

It takes me a long time to be able to breathe again after the tape ends. I don’t understand what happened or what made Landon so angry. I know he and Caroline have a past. I know he hasn’t always liked Caroline, but it doesn’t excuse what he did.
 

That man might have deserved to be punched, but he didn’t deserve to be knocked out. I’m not even sure if the man survived that attack.
 

I pull the flash drive out of my computer and stare at it. Ethan didn’t frame Landon for this attack like he did James or Daniel. This video proves what Landon did. There is no way to manipulate this video. There is no way someone else attacked that man and then Ethan just simply put Landon’s face on the image.
 

Landon did this. He attacked a man. He might have even killed the man. And I know from Ethan that Landon was never prosecuted for this crime. I know this video disappeared that night. I just don’t know why.
 

God, are all the men I date monsters? Are they all evil, awful creatures that live off the destruction of others?
 

I don’t know. The only problem is I still love one of them. Despite how my heart hurts again for being lied to. For falling for a man with demons in his past. Demons too great for me to forgive. I still love Landon.
 

I just can’t
be
with Landon. I can’t forgive him for lying. I can’t forgive him for beating up that man and destroying both of their lives. I can’t forgive him for sleeping with Caroline when he was still in love with me. I can’t forgive him. I just can’t convince my heart to stop loving him.

I was right all along. I knew I shouldn’t have fallen in love again. I knew love wasn’t worth the pain. I won’t survive the pain of love this time.
 

I pick up my phone and find Ethan’s number. I hesitate for just a second before I press send on the number. He picks up the second ring.
 

“Don’t send the video to the police. I’m coming home ...”
 

You saved me from the darkness.
 

You saved me from my worst self.
 

I knock on the door to the house Alex and I bought together. A house I never imagined I would be knocking on the door of. I should be able to just walk into my own home. I should be able to walk in and give Alex a hug and kiss like lovers do.
 

I can’t, though. I have to wait for her to answer the door and welcome me in because it is no longer our home. It’s hers. I hate myself for everything that I have done. I hate myself for hurting her and Caroline. I hate myself.
 

The door creeps open as Alex stands stoically in the doorway. She doesn’t look angry, or sad, or destroyed. I have no idea how she feels by looking at her. Maybe I didn’t destroy her; maybe she’s stronger than that. Strong enough not to let a man destroy her. She’s survived a lot worse.
 

“Your stuff is in the living room,” she says as she turns from the door leaving it open for me to follow.
 

I walk slowly behind her taking in her body as I do. She’s beautiful, but her strength at this moment is what draws me to her. Her strength is amazing.
 

We reach the living room much too fast. I don’t have time to remember every curve of her body or how my heart beats fast around her. I don’t have time to remember how she pushes me. I don’t have time to remember every detail I’m afraid I will forget if this is the last time I will ever see her. I don’t have time.
 

She already has a suitcase with my stuff packed leaning against the couch that we made love on. My guitar is next to it as well. This is it. All of my stuff. The last excuse I have to come back here, but I need to come back here. I need to see her again and set things right. This is not how we are supposed to end. I can’t let our pasts ruin this.
 

I turn to Alex. “I’m sorry,” I say although I’ve said it too many times again.
 

She just shakes her head and backs away from just enough to hurt me. “Don’t do this,” she says, and I see the sting of tears burning in her eyes. “This would never work. Our pasts are too messy. We both lie to each other too much. You just need to leave.”
 

I take a step forward to her, just needing to close the distance. If I could only close the distance, then I could make her remember why we are supposed to be together. Our love has defied so many odds and obstacles from her past. It can defy the obstacles in my past. It has to.
 

This time, when I take a step forward, she doesn’t move. She doesn’t have the strength to move. She still loves me. I know that much; she’s just mad at me for lying to her. For being such an idiot.
 

I take another step forward until our bodies press together. Our breaths synchronize as my lips hover over hers.
 

“God, I need you,” I say before I grab her neck and pull her lips the last inches to mine. I feel whole when my lips touch hers. Desire at the touch of her lips drives me wild.
 

I lose all control and all thoughts as her tongue slips into my mouth. I run my hands over her body as I forget everything but how her body feels pressed against mine. She moans as her hands travel over the muscles in my back.
 

We stumble backward together, desperate to find a couch or anywhere that we can fall together. Instead of finding the couch, though, I trip over something hard, and we both tumble to the floor. Alex lands on me breaking her fall, but I land on a hard box.
 

The fall is enough. It was all it took to end the moment. Alex looks at me solemnly and then stands up. “That was a mistake.”
 

I grab her hand to pull her back to me. If I can just get my lips back on hers, she will forget that this is a mistake.
 

Except she pulls her hand away from me and my plan is no longer attainable. I stand up slowly, shaking out my sore muscles as I do. That’s when I see what I tripped over. A box. I glance around the room and see more boxes and suitcases that don’t belong to me. They belong to her.