Always and Forever (17 page)

She tightens her hold onto my waist and I desperately try
to control my temper. I’ve never been violent to her before but she’s seriously
pushing her luck. I can’t bear to even look at her. The fact that she even
thinks I would enter into a relationship with her again proves how insane she
really is.

“You’ve met someone else, haven’t you?”

Her blue eyes turn ice cold as she narrows at them at me
and her whole expression changes to one of contempt. There’s even more people
gathering around us now, I’d tell them to get lost and go home but a part of me
wants everyone here to understand that we’re over. I don’t want her to distort
the truth, I don’t want anybody to think that me and Sarah are still an item
and she also needs to hear the cold hard truth.

“That’s none of your damn business.” I don’t want to deny
Bethany’s existence but I know Sarah and she can be poisonous. If she finds out
about Bethany she’ll make it her personal mission to find out who she is and
then cause trouble for her. I’m determined not to involve Bethany in this
fucked up mess and that’s exactly what I’d be doing if I tell Sarah about her.

“If you’ve met someone else I swear to God I will kill her.
Who is it? Who is she? Is she here?” Her eyes start searching the crowd
surrounding us as though she’ll instantaneously know who she’s looking for.

“Just go!” I yell ferociously, finally managing to remove
her arms from around my waist.

The music’s been blaring throughout our entire argument,
increasing the volume of our voices so we could be heard over the music. I only
stop and pause when Chris Brown’s ‘Loyal’ starts to play over the speakers. I
remember listening to this track just a few weeks ago. I played it over and
over again after my breakup with Sarah, convinced that all women were no good
and only out for what they could get. I swore to myself that I would never be
fooled by one again and hearing this track now after all this time instantly
transports me back to the darkest place I’ve ever been. When I weigh up how
things were for me back then to how they are now… there’s no comparison. There
was only one person strong enough to pull me out from the shadows and that was
Bethany. 

 I was so caught up in being angry, I was full of rage
and bitterness after I found out what Sarah did. I despised all women and my
intention was to use them before they would even have a chance to use me. For
the longest time I was searching for the man I
wanted
to be, I didn’t
know where to start and my anger was making it impossible for me to begin the
journey I needed to take to become a better person.

 I suddenly realise how my life has changed over the
last couple of months. I
am
different. I’m a better person than I used to
be and I can only thank Bethany and my newfound feelings for her for my
miraculous change of character. She inexplicably managed to dispel all of the
negative, judgemental feelings I had towards women by showing me that they’re
not all like Sarah.

Regardless of how incensed I was with her, I don’t wish for
Sarah to experience what I did. I isolated myself and became more and more
resentful. I was consumed by bitterness and I wouldn’t wish that on anybody,
not even Sarah. I want her to move on, I want her to find peace but I can’t be
the one to help her. I need to say goodbye to her and in return she also has to
let me go. If only I could make her see how necessary this is for the both of
us if we want a better future for ourselves.

“If you take me back I promise you I’ll never hurt you
again.” She grabs a handful of my shirt in both hands, clinging to me in utter
desperation. Her tears have caused her mascara to run down her face and the
black rivers that remain make her look even more desolate and unhinged.

Feeling helpless, I look around for someone that can help
me with this fucked up situation. The friend of Sarah’s who I spoke to only a
few minutes ago is now nowhere to be seen and no one else seems to be willing
to help me out. They’re obviously enjoying the show far too much to try and
bring it to an end.

“I don’t want you, Sarah. I don’t know how else to say it.”

“You are with someone else! I knew it! I hate you, Jake. I
hate you so fucking much! How can you do this to me?” She falls to the ground,
sobbing and pulling on her hair, making her appear more deranged than ever.

“I haven’t done anything to you. I didn’t cheat on you.”

“So you
have
met someone?” She glares up at me, her
malevolent eyes burning with hatred and malice.

“I said it’s none of your business.”

 “I’ll find out who she is, Jake. You know I will.
That bitch needs to watch her back because when I find out who she is I’ll kill
her!”

I yank her up by her arm and close the gap between us so
our faces are only inches apart.

“You will never find out who she is and I will never allow
you to hurt her. You won’t ever get to touch a single hair on her head, I
promise you that.”

I’m rough when I release my firm grip on her arm. I give
her a final look of warning before I turn my back on her and walk towards the
house. I can hear her screaming my name behind me but I refuse to turn back. I
ignore her pleading and demand that everyone else leave before I make them.

Sarah’s friend must finally help her out by convincing her
to leave which I suppose is better late than never. Once the majority of people
have left I make my way over to Carla and Leanne who are still waiting for me
where I left them. They didn’t witness my confrontation with Sarah but I can
guess that they heard a lot of it from where they were stood.

 I try my best to reassure them but they both look
shaken up and I can’t help but feel guilty for not being able to rid them of
that fear. The three of us go back inside and when Carla tells me they’ve had
no luck in trying to contact mum I make my way upstairs to my bedroom. I really
need the peace and quiet and desperately want some time alone.

I’m deep in thought, trying to process everything that’s
happened tonight when I hear a timid little knock on my bedroom door. It can
only be Carla no one else would bother to knock; they’d just barge right in. I
call out for her to come in and she hesitantly opens the door.

“What’s up?” I make a point of smiling at her, trying to
put her at ease. Carla has no need to be afraid of me and I never want her to
be.

When she was younger she would often come into my bedroom
if she was feeling afraid. This was quite often because we all were forced to
overhear our dad beating up our mum when we were children. I remember placing
my hands over her ears so she wouldn’t have to hear it. There was no one to
cover my ears and even though I was still a child myself I would force myself
to listen and I promised myself that one day I’d get him back for all of the
misery he continued to inflict upon all of us. I was determined that one day I
would be strong enough to take him on and make him sorry for every single time
he would raise his fist to my mum. That was why I finally threw a chair at him
on my sixteenth birthday, I had reached the age when I could fight back and I
don’t regret that day for a single moment, the day I stood up for me and my
family. The day he left and the violence went away with him.

I think that’s why I still feel so protective over Carla.
Yes, I’d murder anyone who hurt Leanne or Katie but they’re older and much more
capable of sticking up for themselves than Carla. She’s never really fit in
with our family, she deserves so much more than us, she deserves so much better
than the parents she was born to.

“I came to see if you’re ok?” She says quietly.

Her dark hair is black like mine and she wears it down so
it covers the majority of her face. It reminds of Bethany; they both use their
hair like a curtain and hide behind it when they’re feeling uncomfortable or
uneasy. That’s where the similarities end, Bethany is really fair skinned,
unlike me and my sisters who all share the same olive skin tone which we
inherited from our dad.

“I’m ok. I’m sorry if I frightened you tonight, I don’t
know if you saw or heard anything that went on between me and Sarah but I never
meant for you to see anything like that.” I’m sitting on my bed and wonder why
she’s still over by the doorway, it’s as though she’s scared she might have to
make a quick exit and I’m sickened by the fact that she’s now hesitant to be
around me.

“You didn’t frighten me, Jake. I admit that it was a little
scary back there for a second but it wasn’t because of you.”

“Then why are you all the way over there? Why are you
hiding out near the door?” I challenge her, raising my eyebrows up at her in
question.

“Ok, I guess I was a little nervous about checking on you.
I’ve never seen you like that before, Jake.”

“I’m sorry. You’ll never see me like that again, I promise
you.”

“It wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I’m the one who called
you and I shouldn’t have.”

“What are you talking about? How many times have I made you
promise to call me if you need any help? You did the right thing and only did
what I’ve always asked you to do.”

Over the last few weeks my family have become really
curious when it comes to where I keep disappearing to on a Friday night. I’ve
refused to tell them anything about Bethany because she’s now the best part of
my life and I want to keep how I feel about her private. It’s kind of pathetic
to admit but I like the idea of having something of my own, something secret
and personal that no one else can intrude upon.

“You’re sure I made the right choice in phoning you? My
call probably ruined your evening.” She says doubtfully.

“There’s no doubt about it. I still want you to promise me
that I’ll always be the first person you call when you’re in a crisis. Promise
me, Carla.”

I really want her to know that I’ll never be too far away.
I don’t want her to lose her faith in mankind, I’m the only person she can
truly rely on, I can’t take that away from her and I refuse to.

“I promise.”

She continues to hover around the doorway and I know she’s
dying to ask me something.

“What is it? I know you want to say something, Carla.”

“It’s none of my business but I’m just wondering about what
Sarah said, have you met somebody else?”

“Yes.” I don’t even think about my reply, it’s the truth
and I’m sick of lying about it. I won’t deny Bethany’s existence for a moment
longer.

“Wow, that’s… great. How did you meet her?”

“That’s not really important. All that matters is I have
met someone, someone I really want to be with but we’ve not quite reached that
stage yet. I don’t know if she’s ready and I don’t want to risk scaring her
away.”

Carla nods her head in understanding, even though I’m
pretty sure she still has something she wants to ask me.

“What’s she like?”

I’m completely taken aback by her question; it’s a peculiar
feeling talking about Bethany with a member of my family, especially when I’ve
kept the two of them separate up until now.

“I’m not sure if I can sum her up in a couple of sentences,
it wouldn’t do her justice.” I pause, wondering where I could even start when
trying to describe Bethany.

“You must be able to come up with something.” Carla
encourages me.

“Ok, erm… at first she appears to be kind of shy but at the
same time she’s really feisty. She won’t take any bullshit, you know? She’s
beautiful and I mean really beautiful. She’s tiny, she looks like this fragile
and petite girl but her strength is astonishing. Aw, Carla, she’s amazing and
I’d spend every single moment with her if I could.” I grin, remembering the
first time I met Bethany. I tried my very best to charm her that night but she
wasn’t having any of it. It’s almost like I instinctively knew she was going to
be incredibly important to me and I truly believe that the transition I’ve made
lately to become a better person has been in preparation for her, to be worthy
of someone so remarkable.

“She sounds like a keeper.”

“She is.
Believe me
when I say that I have
no
intention
of messing this up.” I’ve never been so determined to make something work in my
entire life.

“I’m glad because I’ve missed you, Jake. You haven’t been
yourself for the last couple of months, you’ve been so dark and angry but I’ve
seen a change in you over the last couple of weeks. You seem happier and more
at peace with yourself, now I know the reason why.”