Always and Forever (15 page)

He nibbles along my bottom lip and causes my stomach to
turn upside down. I can’t believe how compliant I’m being with him; I guess it
goes to show how much I trust him. I know that he would be the last person on
this earth to hurt me and in knowing this I’m more than happy to give myself
over to him, my pleasure is in his hands and in return I want to make him feel
what I do.

“I’ve never been kissed before.” I tell him, placing my
hand on his chest to separate us. I have no idea why I said it or why I
interrupted our kiss but it’s like I have no control over my words, I can’t
help myself from being honest.

He stops and stares down at me, his smouldering eyes wander
over my face, taking in every detail. I’m flustered, rosy cheeked and my lips
are still tingling. I wonder what I must look like and if he finds me
attractive. Does he like to see what he so clearly does to me?

“Wow, how did I get to be so lucky?” He whispers
incredulously.

“I’m the lucky one.” I reply truthfully.

“Bethany, if that was your first kiss then I take it you’ve
never…?” He doesn’t finish his sentence but I know what he’s referring to and
what he’s asking me.

“I’m a virgin. I’ve never met anybody who I’d want to go
that far with.” My virginity used to be something that I was embarrassed about
but right now it feels like its something honourable and something to be proud
of.

“That’s incredible; you have no idea how much that turns me
on.” His hand fists itself in my hair and he drags my lips back towards his.

I can’t believe the idea of me being a virgin is somehow a
turn on for him, I thought he would want somebody as experienced as he is but I
can’t deny that it’s a huge weight off my mind now that he knows the truth.

“Jake, I need more. Please.” I beg him, curling my fingers
in his hair, pulling him even closer into me.

“God, Bethany. I’m so… I… we have to stop.”

“Why?” I whine pathetically.

“Because I can only do this for so long before I’m going to
need more.” He answers me honestly, sending multiple shivers down my spine.

“We can do more.” I tease him, pressing my lips against his
neck and I’m thrilled when my touch causes him to moan loudly.

“Baby, I’m begging you to stop; you’re going to kill me. If
we carry on like this I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stop.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” I ask him seductively.  My
behaviour is shocking and careless but I feel as though I’ve just had my very
first taste of ecstasy and I’m reluctant to part with it.

“Yes. You deserve so much better than a quick fuck. I want
to do everything to you, I want to make you scream my name and beg me for more.
God, I really do want to fuck you, Bethany but you deserve more and I’m
determined to give it to you.”

His words render me speechless and I can’t help but gaze up
at him in astonishment.

“Wow.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shock you but my self-control
has its limits. I really won’t be able to stop if we continue. Have mercy on
me, please.” The agonising look on his face is enough to convince me of his
suffering. This really is killing him to stop this.

“Ok.” I finally concede, hating the fact that this has to
be over.

“Thank you.” He places a dry kiss on my forehead and
strokes his fingers through my tangled hair.

“I bet I look a right mess.” I grumble, trying to detangle
my hair with my fingers.

“You look incredible, as always.” He grins at me
mischievously.

“What?”

“Its just I love to see you looking like this, it makes me
start to picture what you’d look like after…” He doesn’t finish but by the
wicked gleam in his eyes I know exactly what he means. He continues to gaze
down at me and eventually lowers his forehead to mine; we’re standing so close
that we’re both breathing in one another’s air. His warm breath seeps into my
mouth and I inhale it greedily.

“I’ll have go get going soon.” I tell him, hating to ruin
our perfect moment but at the same time I know I need to prepare him seeing as
our evening will soon be over.

“I don’t want you to go.” His arms envelope my waist and
pull my body flush against his.

“I know. I wish I could stay a bit longer but it’s been so
great being able to talk with you this week. I love my phone, Jake. I’m so
grateful to you for buying it for me.”

“There’s really no need to thank me but I agree with you,
it’s been wonderful being able to contact you. I just wish I’d thought of it
sooner and that I could see you a bit more.”

“How would you be able to when you work?”

“I’d make time. I’ve actually just managed to convince my
boss to let me start work late on Friday’s from now. Up until now I’ve been
begging him to let me have every Friday night off so I can see you but I knew
he wouldn’t let me get away with it forever.”

I still hate the idea of Jake working in a bar but who am I
to pass judgement when I’ve never even had a proper job before and I’m
flattered that he would rearrange his schedule to accommodate seeing me.

“You’d rather be doing something else?” I ask.

“Of course, I’ve always been interested in architecture and
how buildings are assembled, right down to the foundations and structure of
them but I wasted so many opportunities that I had in school so I’ve got nobody
to blame but myself for the way my life has turned out.” He sighs
disappointedly and lowers his head. He looks so defeated, my heart aches for
him.

“It’s never too late to start doing what it is you really
love. You’re only twenty-two; you have your whole life ahead of you.” I tell
him, lifting his chin up to look up at me.

“A part of me feels like I deserve to be in this situation.
I ruined all of my chances when I was in education and I never valued myself or
my potential. It’s one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made and I have to live
with that.”

“Jake, you act like that’s it. There are plenty of
opportunities for people who want a second chance at education.”

He shrugs as though it doesn’t matter one way or another
but I can see how much this means to him. Jake usually appears to be so
confident and secure n himself but right now he looks lost.

“What about you and school? How was it for you?” He asks,
tightening his hold around my waist. We’re still standing at the side of the
road, its cold outside and I should be freezing but being trapped in his arms
is enough to keep me warm forever.

“It was ok. I had a couple of close friends but they often
moved onto other people when they realised how controlling my life was at
home.”

“So… no boyfriends or anything?” I watch the muscle in his
jaw clench in anticipation and I know how much my answer matters to him.

“Never. I was really good friends with a guy in college
called Callum but when my father made me leave I lost touch with him. I
couldn’t even give him an explanation as to why I left because it all happened
to suddenly. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

“It sounds like you miss him.” He says angrily, fixing his
cold stare on me.

“I do but not in the way that you’re thinking, Callum and I
were just friends.”

“Is that the truth?” His stony expression is unflinching
and I can’t believe that he’s actually jealous.

“Of course it is. I’m not a liar, Jake.”

“I just don’t understand how any man could just be friends
with you and not want anything more.” He argues.

“You don’t think men and women can be friends?” I’ve never
really given it much thought before but I hate the idea of Jake thinking that
it’s impossible to be friends with girls. Does that mean he fancies every girl
he sees? The thought makes my stomach churn.

“I don’t believe that it’s possible for any bastard to want
a platonic relationship with you, Bethany. So, yeah, I think this Callum would
have wanted more from you and that makes me fucking crazy.”

“Don’t be silly. There’s no need for you to feel like that,
there was nothing between us.”

“Good, I want you all to myself. Thank God there hasn’t
been anyone before me.” He takes a strand of my hair in his fingers and starts
to play with it. Such an innocent gesture and yet it causes an indescribable
and overwhelming heat to overwhelm my body.

“Listen, I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks
but I just want you to know that I’m so happy that I met you, Jake.” I can’t
believe I just said that, I never meant to be so honest and forthright. I’ll be
lucky if he doesn’t run away screaming in the opposite direction.

“You mean that?” He asks me with a hint of uncertainty.

“Of course, you feel the same way, right?” Now it’s my turn
to be doubtful.

He sighs loudly and takes hold of my chin, forcing my face
up to look at his.

“Bethany, I don’t think you quite understand what meeting
you has done for me, you’ve completely and utterly floored me. The last couple
of years have been hard, I’ve wanted to change but I’ve never found the
incentive or the reason to encourage me to actually done it. What I’m trying to
say is that I’m so thankful I’ve finally found that reason. I’ve made mistakes,
some really terrible mistakes but I’ve finally found my second chance and
that’s you.”

“Wow that’s…” I’m at a loss for words; did he really just
say what I think he said?

“It’s really heavy, I know. I’m sorry if that frightens you
but I don’t want any secrets between us. I need you to know how much I care
about you. I’m not taking any of this lightly, what we have is special and I’ve
never felt anything like this before. Bethany, you’re the first.”

I gape up at him with my mouth slightly open in disbelief.
There’s such a remarkable absence of pretence with Jake. It amazes me how he
can bare his soul to me and still stand before me with such self-confidence and
ease.

“The first girl you’ve ever cared about?” I need some
clarification that we’re on the same page. I don’t want to get carried away
with myself only to learn that I misunderstood what he was saying all along.

“Yes. The guy who I used to be would never have been worthy
of you, I still don’t think that I really am but I’m working on it and besides,
I’m way too selfish to give you up.” He exhales loudly and turns away from me,
relinquishing his firm hold that he had on my waist. He runs his fingers
through his dark hair and I can see that he’s fighting some internal battle
with himself.

“Jake, the future is what’s important, not the past.”

He stills and I watch some of the tension he was carrying
in his stature dissipate.

 “That’s what I love about you, Bethany. You know
exactly what to say to me and I’m instantly calm again.” He closes the distance
between us and my heart starts to beat erratically inside my chest. His mere
presence ignites something inside of me which I still can’t explain.

“I really, really need to get going, Jake.” I hold my hands
up in front me, as though I’m somehow defending myself.

“I know, I’m sorry I’ve kept you out here for so long and
earlier I said we needed to stop otherwise I wouldn’t be able to but right now
I really need to kiss you again, is that ok?”

“It’s more than ok.” I moisten my lips and wait for him to
make his move.

He saunters over towards me and my breathing quickens in
preparation for what’s to follow.

“You are beyond amazing. You know that, right?” His thumb
strokes along the length of my lower lip and before I can control myself my
tongue flickers against the tip of his thumb, entranced by the taste of his
skin. He inhales sharply and the fierce intensity that I see burning in his
eyes for me only heightens my own desire for him, our lips our only millimetres
apart when we’re interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. We both pause
and I wait for Jake to answer his call.

“Go ahead, it might be important.” I encourage him.

“Damn it, I’m so sorry. I thought I’d turned it off.” He
grumbles as he reaches for his phone, an immense look of annoyance on his face.

Whilst he’s seeing to his phone I glance at my watch and can’t
believe what time it is, I really need to be making my way home soon. The next
time I look up Jake’s staring so intently at his phone and I notice that his
complexion has been drained from all colour.